ALL THREE OF the men now staring at me and Blaze had seen me in some state of undress before. I probably would only have felt a little awkward at them walking in not expecting the provocative sight if those gazes hadn’t looked not just startled but also, on at least two of them, angry.
“What the fuck is this?” Garrison snapped, taking a couple of steps closer and then stopping with a grimace. His face had flushed red.
I grabbed my shirt and pulled it on, not bothering with my bra for the moment. Blaze scrambled for his boxers and slacks.
“I’d think it’s pretty obvious,” I said to Garrison, a little irritation creeping into my tone at the tone he’d taken with me. “We didn’t know you’d be back so soon, or we’d have taken this somewhere more private.” I wriggled into my sweatpants as quickly as I could, feeling more composed once all my own private bits were no longer on display.
Garrison’s furious gaze whipped from me to Blaze and back again. “And that would have made it better—if you’d hidden it and pretended nothing was going on?”
I opened my mouth and closed it again, not just irritated but confused now. Why the hell was he so angry anyway? It definitely didn’t seem to be just about getting unexpectedly flashed.
And Julius looked pissed too, in his own way. His stance was as cool and commanding as always, but his jaw had clenched and something in his deep blue eyes had hardened in a way I wasn’t used to, at least not when they were aimed at me.
“What were you trying to accomplish with this?” he demanded, looming over me.
I stared at him, now utterly bewildered. “The usual things someone wants to accomplish when they hook up with someone? Was there a rule no one told me about that Blaze is off-limits or something?”
If so, he definitely didn’t seem to know about it. He was standing there a few feet away from me, just in his slacks, looking tense but uncertain. I didn’t think he was totally sure what was going on here either.
“I think you know that’s not the point,” Julius said, his voice unshakably firm, and I started to get pissed off too.
“I obviously don’t,” I shot back, folding my arms over my chest. “You didn’t seem to have any problem with me sleeping with you and Talon, so I have no idea why getting it on with someone else in the crew would be such a big deal.”
Somehow his jaw clenched even tighter, but he held himself with his typical restraint. I couldn’t say the same for Garrison.
The younger man’s eyes flickered from furious to absolutely enraged. “You fucked the two of them too?” he snarled. “And you don’t think you have any explaining to do here?”
Blaze made a sweeping motion with his hands. “Let’s all chill out for a second and have a reasonable conversation. There’s obviously been some miscommunication somewhere.”
“No fucking kidding,” Garrison retorted.
Julius appeared to simmer down just slightly, but his voice was still taut. “I realize you haven’t had a whole lot of experience outside of your missions, Decima, but I would have thought you had some concept of the fact that people generally inform their partners if they’re seeing other people.”
I blinked at the bunch of them, the pieces slowly connecting in my head. Was that all they were pissed off about? I frowned.
“I mean… I thought we were all already partners. Isn’t that what you’ve been saying, about me being part of the crew? I’m attracted to all of you. You seem to be attracted to me. I didn’t think hooking up would be that big a deal. It’s not like we made any epic commitments—it’s not like we were even going on dates or whatever. It was just sex.”
“Just sex,” Garrison repeated, rolling his eyes skyward.
“Yes,” I shot back. “Just sex. Simple physical gratification. If any of you wanted more than that from me, none of you bothered to mention it. I’m not sure why I’m the only one at fault here when it seems like I’m the only one who actually was clear about what I wanted instead of keeping it a secret that I expected more.”
I searched all their faces, even Talon’s, who’d stayed silent through the conversation so far. I couldn’t read his impassive expression at all, but that was pretty normal. He simply watched the conversation with a slightly stiffened stance as if he’d rather not have been there at all. Wonderful.
Blaze glanced at me. “I didn’t realize—I figured if anything had happened with the other guys, you’d have talked about the fact that it wasn’t just them. I’m not blaming you, but lack of exclusivity is usually the kind of thing people assume will come up.”
“We’re not usual people, are we?” I demanded.
Julius cleared his throat. “Are you really trying to say that you had no idea this would be an issue?”
“Yes! You’re all so close with each other—you share so many things—I didn’t think you’d suddenly get all possessive and decide you owned me just because we got off together.” I scowled, my frustration growing. “It’s not like I’ve been going around picking up random guys off the street.”
Garrison snorted. “Thank God for that.”
I glowered at him. “I wouldn’t want to do that. For fuck’s sake. Did you go around announcing that we’d slept together to the rest of the guys?” My gaze jerked to Julius. “Did you?” And then Talon. “Or you? Seems like no. Apparently it wasn’t important enough for you to bring it up, so it doesn’t make any sense to me that I should have known I had to.”
Blaze reached over to give my arm a quick reassuring squeeze. “She does have a point. She didn’t hide this from any of us. It just… never came up.”
A rush of renewed affection for him washed through me. I’d have kissed him if I hadn’t suspected that’d cause even more explosions around here.
Julius rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache. “We didn’t know we needed to bring it up.”
“And you did hide it,” Garrison added. “Lying by omission is still lying.”
“I never once lied,” I spat, poking a finger at his chest. “You never asked if I was with anyone else, and if you had—if any of you had—I would have told you. By that same logic, you lied to your friends by not telling them that we had sex. I don’t know what you’re all so offended about. Is it so horrible that I was with other people you supposedly like and respect?”
For a second, none of them spoke. It appeared they couldn’t fully put into words what their problem with the situation was.
I wanted to feel bad for whatever hurt I’d caused them, and in a way, I did. But I hadn’t done anything in which they hadn’t actively participated. I’d never broken my word with any of them, and I didn’t understand why they were blowing up about this. I wasn’t going to stand here and let myself be lambasted for doing nothing wrong.
“If we knew—if I knew—that this wasn’t exclusive, I may have handled the situation differently,” Garrison said finally.
I looked at Julius. “What about you?” Then I moved my eyes to Talon. “Or you?”
Neither answered outwardly, and I knew it was a different story for them. They’d taken me together, and it had never been exclusive for Julius. I’d never given the impression that it was. He should have been the least surprised out of all of them, but he still reacted as if I’d done something completely shocking.
“I don’t know,” Julius replied. “But that’s why it’d have been good to have the information.”
Talon only shook his head, refusing to verbally respond. Maybe he needed to gather his thoughts first, or maybe it simply wouldn’t have mattered to him at all.
I sighed. “Fine. Whatever. You all know now. I find you all appealing, and I’d happily hook up with any of you again, and I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I’m sure as hell not going to let you force me into a box where someone else is telling me what I’m allowed to think and feel like my whole life before. I don’t belong to any of you. I don’t belong to anyone. I choose who I’m with and when. If you’re up for it or not, that’s the only part that’s up to you. Period.”
That was all I had left to say. I grabbed my bra off the couch and pulled it on without totally removing my shirt in a few hasty movements. Meanwhile, the men all eyed each other.
“I think we should discuss this amongst ourselves,” Julius said in a definitive tone. “Just the four of us.”
He motioned to the others, and they fell in line with him as he stalked to the stairs that led to the rooftop deck. I watched the door shut behind them with a horrible sinking sensation in my gut.
I still didn’t see what crime I’d supposedly committed, but if they decided I’d misled them anyway… What if I’d screwed up the good thing I’d found here? The only good thing I’d had in my entire life? The way Julius had talked, it was like I wasn’t even a member of the crew, only a bystander who’d thrown them off course.
I sucked my lower lip under my teeth and worried at it for a moment before I caught myself and stopped. Instead, I flopped down on the couch and pushed my hands back over my hair.
What were they talking about up there? What were they saying about me?
Would they even want me around after this, let alone want to keep helping me?
I hadn’t done this out of spite or any intention to hurt them. I’d wanted to be closer to them. Because I trusted them. Because I enjoyed their company. Why couldn’t they see it that way?
A loud ping filled the room, and I sat up straighter. It’d come from Blaze’s laptop, still standing open on the coffee table from when he’d gotten it to stream Spy Times. The screen had woken up, now showing a red alert box.
I leaned closer and saw it’d brought up a photograph. The alert contained the words EXACT MATCH.
And it was. The photograph showed a dimpled white wall with the bisected teardrop symbol etched into it, exactly as it’d looked when we’d encountered it before. My hand rose to scratch at the back of my neck instinctively.
Where was this picture from? I tapped on the window it’d appeared in and spotted a geolocation at the bottom. My mind absorbed the coordinates in an instant. That was nearby—right here in this city.
A cab could take me there in less than an hour. Julius had shown me how to surreptitiously leave the apartment building a couple of days ago, so I could handle that on my own. I could check out this lead and maybe even get back before the men even finished their conversation.
Or should I interrupt that conversation and fill them in?
I wavered for several seconds, my stomach twisting, and then strode to the door. I didn’t even know if they’d want to continue this quest that was really for my benefit. I could handle this one part of the investigation on my own. It was probably better if they had more time to simmer down anyway.
I slipped out the door and hurried down the hall, my heart starting to thump harder. In less than an hour, I might have more answers about who I actually was—or at least who had stolen me from the life I’d been meant to have.
