Beatrice’s room was identical to mine, except she had more amenities for Claire. They had a TV so she could watch cartoons and other kid programs, boxes of snacks, and other toys for her to play with. It was strange…that demons could be so hospitable.
I sat on the bed with Beatrice, Claire on the floor in front of the TV, playing with plastic horses.
Beatrice always possessed a lifelessness to her, the way Laura did, as if it grew on the walls like mold and infected the lungs. It took down one woman and then the next…filling them all with hopelessness.
I wanted to put up a façade for Claire, pretend everything was just fine, but she was almost always in the room, and I couldn’t wait around for her to doze off or take a bath every time. “I’ve been talking to Laura about finding a way out of here. I need to do some research, but…I’ll find something.”
Beatrice stared ahead blankly, as if she didn’t hear me at all.
“What are you going to do when we get out of here?”
She slowly turned to me, looking at me like I was a gnat in her face.
I needed to instill hope in the women if we had any chance of getting out of here. Talking about their hopes and dreams might help.
Not her, obviously.
“Okay, what would you do if you were out of here?”
“I’d be at the ballet, I suppose. I’m pretty sure today is Saturday.”
I’d lost track of time long ago.
“Do you enjoy ballet?”
“I used to. I’m getting a little old for it now.”
“You aren’t old. What are you talking about?”
“Say that to my feet. They look mangled, even after being here for a couple weeks.”
“I guess that’s one nice thing about being here…no toe shoes.”
The doors to my room opened, and footsteps sounded.
All three of us stopped what we were doing and looked.
Rebecca emerged into my view, her hands behind her back, displeased that the two of us were socializing. “Forneus calls for you.”
You mean, the Freak.
She raised her hand and gestured to the closet. “Your wings.”
I wanted to shove those wings up her ass. But I didn’t put up a fight and left the bed. “See you later.”
Claire watched me go, afraid that I’d end up incapacitated like last time.
I crossed into the other room, and Rebecca immediately shut the barrier between us.
I donned the white gown and wings, imagining what Forneus had in store for me tonight. If he offered that pill again, I’d refuse. It’d only been a week since the last time I took it, and I’d been so high out of my mind that I could have drowned myself without being aware of it happening.
Rebecca watched me, the constant look of displeasure on her face. Her lips were pressed tightly together, and her eyes were cloaked daggers. She wanted to stab me in the back the second I turned around.
I followed her out of the room and onto the grounds.
It was almost sunset, so the torches were lit, the light reflecting off the stone statues placed among the cabins. I looked at the surroundings differently now, gleaning as much information as possible.
Up the hill we went, moving farther into the settlement, past the cabins that had lights on in the windows, past the statues that grew more grotesque as we moved. The one on my left nearly made me stop.
A demon had an angel in its clutches, and his sharp teeth were bloody from the bite he’d taken out of her shoulder. Like a vampire…but worse. I halted and stared for a few seconds before I continued to my fate.
We reached the dark church where I always met Forneus, the building without windows.
“Is this where the Malevolent worship?”
Rebecca turned to me, her hands held together at her waist in a pose.
“You aren’t going to answer, are you?”
“Your demon awaits.”
“Yeah, whatever.” I opened the door and entered the darkness, my eyes needing thirty seconds before they could adjust to the low light from the sea of candles that were everywhere.
What would happen if I knocked a bunch of them over?
It would catch fire, and he might burn to death.
But so would I.
He sat in his high-backed dark throne, arms gripping the armrests that supported his hands. He didn’t look at me, his eyes focused on the chair where my destiny waited.
I moved down the aisle, my dress dragging across the floor, the tips of my wings doing the same.
He turned to watch me, his eyes narrowing as he took me in. His eyes showed their intensity, the way my appearance provoked him emotionally, made his mind race. Slowly, that smile spread on his face, that exaggerated grin that could make anyone run for the hills.
I thought I would be used to it by now.
Nope.
I lowered myself into the chair, a slow breath filling my lungs, exhaling the dread on the way out. I’d punched a couple jerks in bars, I’d dismissed some men who didn’t deserve the time of day, but I’d never met anyone who was legitimately crazy, someone who lived in an alternate reality.
If he weren’t built like a brick house, I’d try some hand-to-hand combat, but I had no chance of success. The way he filled out his clothes suggested just how strong he was, that he had a gym somewhere on the grounds…unless he picked up tree trunks in the forest.
The thoughts made me wonder if he ever left.
He must, right?
His stare was infinite, and despite the stretch of his face, the smile was too. He had unlimited energy to be able to do that, to put himself through that discomfort, to make every muscle of his face scream in pain.
I wanted to be fearless and hold his gaze, but it was too hard. Too disturbing. I was a tough bitch who didn’t quit, but this demon…this place…made me realize my skin wasn’t as thick as I thought.
And I didn’t judge myself for it.
Physical scars healed. But mental ones didn’t.
Even if I got out of here, I would be fucked up for the rest of my life.
He stared for minutes, that smile plastered on his face.
I wanted to launch question after question, but you couldn’t have a reasonable conversation with an unreasonable person. You had to play their games—and win. “Confess.”
In slow motion, his smile faded, like the sun fading from the sky.
“I’m your angel—and you should confess.” If I played the part well, it would keep me alive and perhaps allow me to manipulate him. “I want to forgive you, Forneus. I want you to ascend.”
He seemed to take the bait, because he shifted his body, leaned forward, his hands moving to his knees, his eyes on the stone below us. “I confess that you’re the most beautiful angel I’ve ever seen. That the other ang-el-s don’t glow the way you do.”
A warning filled my heart.
He lifted his chin and looked at me, studying me. “Your divinity is undeniable. You’ve brought a glow to this ordinarily dark place, cast a light in the shadows, have given me the sight to see…”
“That’s not me. That’s Him. Where He walks, I walk. And you need to confess if you want to walk with Him too.” I was making this shit up as I went along, but he seemed to go along with it every step of the way.
He rubbed his hands together and gave a nod. “I killed a man. An innocent man.”
“Why?”
“Because he saw something he wasn’t supposed to see.” He lifted his chin and looked me in the eye. “But the dead don’t tell s-s-se-cret-s.”
I hated it when he spoke that way. Never got used to it. It was like he had a stutter, but a purposeful one, and it was freaky.
“I repent for what I’ve done—and ask for your forgiveness.”
He deserved none, but I gave it anyway.
He suddenly rose to his feet.
Were we already done?
He extended his hand to me.
I never wanted to touch that hand, the hand that claimed the lives of innocents, that plucked me from my life like feathers on a goose. But I forced myself to extend my fingers forward and rest them on his palm.
His fingers wrapped around mine tightly, like bars to a cage, and he stared at our hands.
So fucking creepy.
Then he gave me a gentle tug. “Come with me.”
In the back of my mind, I always had the fear, the fear that he would take me into a dark bedroom, rip off my dress, and force himself on me against my will. The other angels hadn’t mentioned such horrors, but this man—or demon—was unpredictable.
With my hand in his, we walked together away from his house of worship.
Like a bride and groom walking down the aisle.
My dress dragged along the ground, and my feet were numb from the frozen crystals in the earth. When it snowed, would I still be denied shoes, forced to have frostbite in my extremities?
I wanted to ask questions, but he seemed to like me more because I didn’t ask questions. If I gave him what he wanted, perhaps he would share information with me, tell me some minute detail that would get me the hell out of there.
We moved farther back, going deeper into the settlement than I’d ever been before. We crested a hill, then I saw the gathering below.
I halted against my will, seeing a sea of Malevolent gathered there, all sitting on the stone slabs that circled the dais in the center, where a large bonfire burned.
Forneus turned to me.
What in the fucking hell?
As one, the Malevolent turned to stare, their cattle horns turning with the movement.
All my bravery went out the window.
I was scared. Fucking scared.
Forneus moved down the stone steps, guiding me forward, oblivious to the panic that had taken up residence in every part of me. My lungs couldn’t expand fully anymore, stunted in their movements. My heart pounded against my rib cage like a speaker with the volume too loud. It was a freezing night, but I felt our joined palms become slick with my sweat.
We reached the bottom and moved through the sea of Malevolent to the dais.
I stared straight ahead, seeing the large cross erected there, the leather ties in the places where wrists and feet would go.
Ohhhh fuck.
He left me on one side of the fire and moved to the other.
Was I about to be crucified right now?
Did he know I was conspiring to escape?
I subtly searched for a rock or a branch, something to use to knock him into the fire so he could burn to ash.
There was nothing.
Just the sea of dark eyes in dead skulls.
Forneus moved across the fire and stared at me through the flames.
The flames felt like an inferno, made my skin slick with sweat, made my body overheat with this ridiculously bulky gown on top of me.
I’d never been so scared in my life.
He held out his palm and withdrew a dagger. “Angel and demon, we are one.” He held the blade to his palm and sliced himself.
Batshit crazy, man.
He held out his palm, the blood dripping into the fire, making it spit when it hit the grates. He held out the dagger next—as if he expected me to do the same.
I should take it and stab it right into his heart.
But a single dagger wouldn’t protect me from the hundred Malevolent sitting there.
Yes, a hundred.
How did he get a hundred men to go along with this insanity?
I took a breath and grabbed the dagger, feeling the heat underneath, and pulled it close.
My fingers loosened and revealed my palm, the untarnished flesh about to be scarred.
He watched across the fire, his dark eyes demonic, his energy terrifying.
I had no choice, so I did it.
I didn’t wince in pain. I didn’t react at all. Out of pure stubbornness.
I extended my palm over the fire and let the drops hit the flames.
The cruel smile returned as he moved his palm over the blaze to grab mine.
I tucked the dagger under the sleeve of my dress and wiped it against the material so the blood would stain underneath and not give away its presence. Hopefully, Forneus was so absorbed in this moment that the weapon was forgotten.
My palm fit into his.
He squeezed our hands together, our blood dripping together into the fire, the flames dimming before coming back stronger than before. The heat burned my hand, but he kept it there, his eyes drilling into my face, our blood mixing together, his soul devouring mine.
My hand was bandaged, and we left the gathering of Malevolent and returned over the hill. I hoped that would be the end of it, that I could go back to my cabin and suffer the nightmares that were bound to come tonight, but of course, it wasn’t.
He stayed at my side, walking with me to my cabin like a boy walking a girl home after a first date.
The dagger was still in my sleeve.
Hopefully he’d forgotten.
We approached my door, the nighttime air eerily silent. Winter was coming, so the crickets that would provide the backdrop to a summer night were absent. It was just cold, really cold, the fog descending from the clouds.
I wanted to ask what that ceremony meant, but it didn’t matter. He would give some bullshit explanation that was based nowhere in reality. He was a freak, and I shouldn’t hold my breath expecting anything less than a freak’s answer.
I stopped outside the door, expecting to hear a goodnight, which was ridiculous.
He continued inside.
I stayed outside, preferring the cold on my lungs, not just because it tempered my inflamed hand, but because it was better than being alone with that monster…no pun intended.
“An-gel. Join me.”
The dagger was tucked under my dress. There were no Malevolent around.
I could take my shot.
But what would his death accomplish? Dead men could tell no secrets…like the way out of here.
But if he tried to force himself on top of me, I was aiming for the jugular.
I stepped inside the cabin, the white Christmas lights on above my bed.
He was seated in the chair at the bedside, in the same position as when he sat in his high-backed throne.
I’d been alone with him before, but it was a lot more unnerving when it was in my bedroom. The doors were closed, blocking Beatrice and Claire from sight, not that they could help me if it came to that anyway.
I shut the door behind me and approached the bed, unsure what to do.
He moved the chair right up next to my bed, like a therapist that expected a patient to lie down and share their pain.
I was frozen in place, afraid to lie down, afraid to put myself in a compromising position.
He watched me, the lights reflecting on the surface of his eyes as if there were a Christmas tree in the room.
“What do you want from me?” I pierced the silence with the question, afraid of the answer.
“Sleep.”
Sleep? He expected me to lie there and just doze off while he sat there? This guy really was psycho.
“I want to watch my an-gel sleep.”
Not gonna happen.
He gestured to the bed.
I was sick of playing along with this ridiculous game. I wanted to say no, to have my rights, to say that he was a freak that deserved to burn in hell. But I had to placate him, give in over and over, because my life was always on the line.
So, I sucked it up and lay there on my side, my wings behind me, my face toward him.
He settled comfortably in the chair and stared.
Even if I closed my eyes, I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t sleep until he was out of the room—and far away from me.
