Before I opened my eyes, I felt the cool cloth on my forehead. Drops of water dripped down the sides of my head and into my hair. The coldness became more apparent, reminding me of the cold water from the river, the numbness it brought to my fingertips.
My eyes opened, and I looked at the face above mine.
Beautiful blue eyes stared down at me, long strands of blond hair falling into my face. “Mom, she’s awake.” She dabbed the cold rag on my forehead, her lips pressed tightly together in concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…I think so.” It was a nice way to wake up, to see this sweet little girl taking care of me. It was a welcome reprieve from the demons and monsters that plagued me the night before. It was like pure sunshine on my face. “Thanks for the rag. That feels nice.”
“My dad does it to me when I don’t feel good.”
The thought of him made me sad, knowing he was carrying a level of heartbreak no one else would understand unless they’d experienced the same kind of pain—and no one should ever know that kind of pain. “He sounds like a good dad.”
“He’s the best.”
“What happened?” Beatrice’s voice came next, her body making the mattress dip when she sat down. “They carried you in here and dropped you on the bed, and you’ve been asleep…for a day now.”
“That explains the migraine…and the stomach pains.” I slowly sat up, letting the rag fall off my forehead.
Claire grabbed the rag then crossed the room to where the food tray sat. She carried it over and placed it in front of me. “It’s been sitting there a while, so it’s probably not very good…”
“I don’t care.” I took the tray from her and set it in my lap before I started to inhale the food.
Beatrice placed two pills on the tray. “Should help with the headache.”
I grabbed the bottle of water and swallowed them without hesitation, even though I was reminded of the last pill I’d taken. The experience had been so much worse than I’d ever imagined it would be. I’d completely lost my mind. “Thanks.”
Claire continued to stand in front of me and watch me eat. “Do you feel better?”
“Yes.” It didn’t matter how terrible I felt. I could always feel a smile on my lips when I looked at her. She was so thoughtful and kind, thinking about others instead of herself. “The food is helping.”
“Good. I have some cookies,” she said. “Do you want some?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “Thanks, Claire.”
She returned to their quarters on the opposite side.
Beatrice watched her go before she turned back to me. “What happened?”
I stopped eating so I could get everything out before Claire returned. “Forneus forced me to take something, and I hallucinated. I’m not sure what happened after that. I somehow made it into the woods…and saw some things.”
“Did he do anything to you?” she whispered.
“No, I don’t think so.” I felt my cheeks, still feeling the sting of the branches. When I looked at my feet, I could see the cuts from my trek into the middle of the forest. “Everything is self-inflicted.”
“Geez…what did he make you take?”
“I don’t know. But whatever it was, it was serious shit. The capsule was small, and I was totally out of it for a long time.”
“Must be LSD or something…”
“Yeah.” I stared down at my food because I didn’t even realize what I was eating. I’d just started to stuff my face because I was malnourished and dehydrated. “But I saw something in the forest. I saw a way out.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, lowering her voice as her eyebrows furrowed. “A way out?”
“A river.” I remembered the way the moonlight gleamed on the surface, remembered the way the smooth water felt against my skin. It became clearer and clearer, until the sound of the passing water was audible in my mind once again. “It was wide and deep…fast.”
Beatrice’s confused expression deepened. “What does that mean?”
“All rivers lead to the ocean. We take the river out of here.”
“Like swim?” she asked incredulously.
“No. We build boats.”
She studied me harder, giving me that look that indicated she thought I was crazy. “Eat up. You’ll feel better when those pills kick in—”
“I’m serious. We build boats and take the river. We’ll be moving so fast, they won’t be able to catch up with us on foot. All they can do is shoot us, which is fine. I’d rather die trying to escape than have to go through that again.”
She placed her hand on my arm and rubbed me gently. “Where are we going to build boats?”
“The church. They can’t see what we’re doing in there.”
“But I don’t think any of us know how to build a boat.”
“It just needs to float. We can figure the details out later.”
Beatrice still looked incredulous.
“It’s a great plan.”
“And how are we going to carry these boats to the river? When we’re surrounded?”
“I don’t know…” I hadn’t thought that far ahead just yet. “We’ll create a distraction or something. They have torches, so we can set a building on fire. We have options. We can figure this out.”
Her expression didn’t change, regardless of what I said.
“You’ll see.” That experience was divine, the first moment of spirituality I’d experienced in this place. I knew it was real. I knew it was a sign. I knew it was the universe’s way of trying to get us out of there…and be free.
Even days later, I wasn’t quite the same.
My body felt different. Weak. Fatigued. It had nothing to do with sprinting through the forest and cutting my skin on everything in my way. It was internal, like my muscles and cells didn’t work properly.
And my mind…wasn’t the same either.
Static. Fuzz. A hint of confusion.
My first experience with drugs had been a profound one, and the last thing I wanted was to repeat it.
Why would anyone do that voluntarily?
The experience was so intense, I was surprised I’d survived.
Would I survive it again?
I donned my white gown with the wings, my back immediately aching from carrying the twenty pounds behind me, and left the cabin to head to the church. My feet were callused over in a million different layers because I hadn’t had shoes since I arrived here. My feet were practically made of asphalt at this point.
Without knowing the date, I could only mark the passage of time by the change in temperature. With every passing day, it was getting colder, my breath coming out as a distinct cloud of vapor regardless of the time of day. I moved down the path then up the hill, walking to the small chapel.
Stones of different sizes marked the path, and there were stone sculptures in places, angels with an arm missing, demons with a broken-off tail. They were scattered in the area, feeling like a graveyard in every single spot.
Fucking nightmarish.
And, of course, the Malevolent.
Everywhere.
They emerged silently from behind the other cabins and buildings, peering at me through the large skulls that sat atop their heads. Their eyes were open and unblinking, watching me as I were really an angel that fell from heaven.
I stopped and stared.
Stared at them the way they stared at me.
I had to remind myself who they really were underneath the skulls and clothes, unde\rneath their stillness.
They were men.
But what kind of men would do this?
Were they all on the same shit Forneus forced me to take?
If they were, they controlled it a lot better.
I moved farther up the hill, passed the graveyard, and approached the double doors that led to the inside of the church.
They followed.
Others were already at the blocked windows, like seeing our shadows move was enough entertainment for them.
I let myself inside, the daylight that reflected off the clouds overhead disappearing and releasing the strain from my eyes. Now it was dark, the candles lighting the room. Angels were there, two at the front, on their knees praying for forgiveness for their demons.
I looked down the row and found Laura there. Her wings were crumpled behind her, the bottoms marked with stains from the dirt because she didn’t care in the least.
My kind of girl.
I took the seat beside her, looking at the outlines of the Malevolent’s heads in the window behind her. I stared for a while before I looked at Laura. “Has Raum forced you to take anything?”
She slowly turned to me, her lips sunk in a permanent frown, her eyes forever indifferent. She was beautiful like the other women here, but her somberness dulled the beauty of her features. Forneus and the other demons ruined our bodies, our minds, and our souls. “A couple times.”
“Do you get used to it?”
She dropped her gaze for a moment before she looked straight ahead. “Yes. But that doesn’t matter.”
“Why?”
“Because they just give you more.”
Geez.
“Why do they make us do it?”
“They believe that’s how we connect to God to pardon their sins.”
“Okay, there’s no way they actually believe any of that shit, right?”
“Sure seems like it.”
“It must just be a power trip—getting off on imprisoning us, putting us through this bullshit.”
“Maybe.” Laura continued to feign indifference, like none of this mattered, like she didn’t even matter.
“It’s been a couple days, and I still…don’t feel like myself.”
“I want to say you get used to it, but you never do. I’m sure we’ll all have heart attacks at young ages…if we live that long.”
I wasn’t a lab rat. I wouldn’t take their drugs and run on their stupid hamster wheel. I wouldn’t play their games and fulfill their fantasies. I was getting the fuck out of here. “I have an idea how we can get out of here.”
She turned back to me, her eyes empty of any sign of life. My words didn’t give her hope. Barely gave her amusement.
“When I was…whatever I was, I ran into the forest and found a river. Wasn’t sure if it was real or not, but the water was so cold. I memorized the stars so I can find it again.” I looked around at the long rows, seeing tons of wood to work with. “We build boats and ride the river…to wherever it goes.”
She gave me a blank stare, as if she expected me to say more.
“Well…what do you think?”
“What do I think?” she asked incredulously. “I think it’s a suicide mission. The water is freezing. We won’t make it that far. And we have to build boats? I don’t even know how to change the oil in a car, let alone build something.”
“It just needs to float.”
“But if we get wet, we’ll die from hypothermia—”
“I get you’ve been here a long time and you’re totally demoralized. Don’t blame you. But we’re never going to get out of here with that attitude. We need to try. And when that fails, we try again. Because sitting around and waiting to have heart attacks or be murdered is not an option. It can’t be an option for you either.”
She stared for a while, releasing a slow breath, her features tightening. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I used to be like you. Just gave up at some point. I’d search for exits but never found any. I realized it was easier to stop caring…”
Not once did I think she was weak. Just heartbroken. “I understand.”
She faced forward again. “But I don’t think your plan is a good one.”
“Why?”
“How far away is the river?”
“I…I’m not sure. I can’t remember.”
“How are we going to get there in the first place? Running as we carry boats to a river that we might not find? I’ve never left my cabin and seen a blanket of darkness. The Malevolent are always there. Always watching.”
“Then we set a building on fire and distract them.”
“Then that means someone will have to make that sacrifice so the rest of us can get away. They won’t survive, and the demons will skin her alive for her betrayal. And then they’ll do the same to us…if we don’t make it.”
Someone would have to stay behind—and I couldn’t ask anyone to do that.
“If this doesn’t work, we’ll all be compromised.”
My mind worked furiously to find a solution, to solve the puzzle with pieces that didn’t fit.
She continued to stare, her eyes shifting back and forth to regard me, to show a hint of hope that I might say something she wanted to hear.
“Do you know where all the demons sleep?”
“Yes, I think so. Why?”
“Couldn’t we just set them all on fire and hope they burn alive? The Malevolent are a bunch of stupid cattle, so…” Maybe that was more practical than the boats. “We barricade the front door…and they won’t be able to get out.”
“The Malevolent will stop us long before we make it that far. There’re so many of them…”
“Unless we make them follow us somewhere…and trap them.”
“Where?”
“I…I don’t know yet.” My mind started to rev like a race car, my thoughts moving at the speed of the vehicles on the autobahn. “But I’ll figure it out. We take out the demons, trap the Malevolent, and then we get the hell out of here.”
