My mind is still hazy from last night. I remember nothing. It feels as if last night never existed. It has been wiped away from my memory.
But I have this nagging feeling that something bad happened last night. Surprisingly, the bruises on my ass no longer hurt. They are beyond terrible and as if a miracle happened, the pain is somewhat less.
The prayers are done and Agnes barks out the instructions to everyone for today’s chores. It’s the same as usual. I don’t know why she even bothers to announce it every day. I follow everyone to the laundry room, and in a few minutes the place starts to bustle with us working.
I use the detergent, rinsing away the dirt on the blanket, while my mind runs wild with thoughts regarding last night.
Did someone come to my room? What exactly happened?
Shaking my head, I twist the blanket, rinsing off the excess water. I’m putting it away when I notice something dropping on the water. Frowning, I lean slightly closer and another drop falls. It’s something red like… blood.
I instantly touch my face and nose, assuming I must be bleeding from somewhere, but there is nothing.
I look up at the ceiling but there is nothing dropping from there. My gaze returns to the tub which has now suddenly turned bloody red. I gasp back and look around with nobody reacting to this. I realize their bathtubs are filled with soap water unlike mine.
What in the world…
What the fuck is happening?
This can’t be real. I shake my head, rubbing my eyes. But nothing changes. My heart hammers against my chest; my pulse starts to speed up. With my hands trembling, I rest them on the tub handle and lean closer.
Suddenly, blood covered hands rise up and grab my head before sinking me into the tub.
“Ah!” I let out a muffled scream with the bubbles roaming around me.
My throat starts to clog with fear and blood in mere seconds as my lungs begin to burn for air. But I can’t do anything.
The hands keep me beneath as I struggle, unable to feel the rest of my body. I can feel some of the blood running down my throat, making me want to throw up at the same time.
Everything is dark and red around me; I can’t even see properly who is drowning me…torturing me to death. Even though I give it all to calm down and think through this, my mind is still in the haze from fear of dying by unknown hands. My windpipe starts to constrict, making it even more difficult to breathe.
God. Please, please. No.
I feel nearly on the peak of losing my consciousness and my life. My pulse starts to slow down with every inch of my body turning slack…preparing to embrace death.
But another hand comes up, but this time from behind holding my neck and pulling me back. Light and air comes alive as I cough heavily.
My hair and half of my dress is wet. I can hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears as I give every ounce of my energy to try to return to normalcy. I feel a hand around my shoulders, and another cupping my cheek.
I blink rapidly to focus on the vision in front of me.
It’s Eryx.
“Agatha, can you hear me?” he asks. His eyes wide with concern and seriousness.
I simply nod, unable to speak at the moment. Remembering the blood entering my body, nauseousness hits me like a train wreck as I push away from his hold and rush towards the nearest corner to throw up.
Eryx comes by my side, gently moving his hand up and down my back, holding my hair for me. Few moments later, when I feel half of my stomach is empty, I lean back with my tears blurry from tears as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, helping me stand up and taking me back to my room. My body is still trembling from shock and weakness. Opening the door, he wraps his arms around me and gently lies me down on bed.
“I need to shower…I’m covered in blood…” I rasp, feeling fearful of seeing my hands and face coated in blood.
He frowns like he can’t process what I mean. “You would need a shower for sure but what are you talking about?”
“I’m covered in blood.” My tone is shaky from fear. “Blood…everywhere.”
He caresses my wet hair and I flinch away. “No, please. Don’t touch me.”
“Hey…it’s okay. It’s okay.” His thumb lightly brushes my cheek. “And there is no blood. It’s just tub water.”
“No, no, no. You are lying.”
He cups both my cheeks and leans his hands back for proof, revealing there was nothing but water droplets and soap foam. “See? There is no blood, Agatha.”
My brows furrow together and I instantly sit up, touching my face and looking down at my dress and hands. Eryx is not lying.
There isn’t even a drop of blood. My breathing turns ragged, my lungs begging for air. “But…I swear I was drowned in blood.” I hold onto his arms.
“Hush, take deep breaths.” His tone is gentle and light as a feather for the first time. One hand holds my cheek and the other covers my hands. I follow as he says, inhaling and exhaling deeply and he copies me like he understands that I need guidance. He even leans closer, pressing his forehead against mine, leaving a comforting feeling that I didn’t know I’m yearning for.
His hand snakes up, digging into my hair. “You are safe now. You are safe.”
I exhale a shaky breath before I open my eyes and look at him, begging him to believe my words. “Please…”
He swallows, licking his lips that I can’t help but stare at his lips that has made me feel the most pleasurable sensations.
“Tell me from the beginning. What happened?”
And I reveal it all. “I first saw that woman in the hallway. I don’t know what happened but I woke up and I heard sounds coming from somewhere. I followed it and she was there. When I got closer to her she tried to kill me by choking me and pressing me harshly against the wall. And last night I had these fragments from a dream…I was on the balcony maybe and I heard a group of people whispering to me that I’m a murderer. Then someone came to attack me from behind and after that I don’t remember anything.”
I lick my lips before continuing. “And today…I was just washing the clothes and saw the tub being full of blood. And I leaned closer to see what it was when a pair of bloody hands came out and pulled me inside the tub. It was dark…and blood was everywhere.”
The whole time he keeps his gaze fixated on my eyes as if looking for a sign of confirmation for my truth. His face is emotionless but I can feel his mind running a mile with question after question to the events I’m spilling.
I don’t hesitate to share how those moments made me feel, how lost and scared I felt in those times of horror. I’ve never been this vulnerable to anyone and yet with him a part of me feels safe…a part of me that trusts him, hoping deep down that he might help me.
When I’m done, complete silence fills the room with the crashing waves echoing from outside.I wait for his response but the longer he delays it the more I feel that hope crashing into those waves and disappearing forever.
He opens his mouth, kindling my expectations but no words leave those lips. He is speechless and is unaware of how to answer my worries.
He doesn’t believe my words.
“Agatha…I-”
“Stop. Don’t do it.” I shake my head. “Don’t you dare pretend and feed me with lies.”
He frowns. “I wasn’t-”
“You don’t believe me. I can see it in your eyes.” I back away. “Get out and leave me alone.”
He approaches me but I slap away his hands. “I said get out.”
Instant fury inks my heart and soul. “It’s clear as daylight that you don’t trust my words. So, save your lies and fake consolations and leave,” I warn him.
He still remains quiet with an emotionless look. The longer he stays the more rage infuriates me. He comes closer again and I don’t hesitate to slap him with a viper speed, his face turning sideways.
“Fucking leave-” My words are left incomplete when his hand instantly wraps around my neck with his fingers digging into my skin. He pushes me down onto the bed as he hovers over me with a cold, heartless look that makes my blood turn ice cold.
“I let that act slide yesterday, but don’t make this a habit,” he seethes through his clenched teeth, leaning my head back with his other hand fisting my hair tightly.
“Ah!” I groan in pain but that doesn’t affect him.
“I don’t know what is going on with you or if it’s just hallucination from your mental breakdown caused by guilt.”
He reads the confusion in my face and grins darkly. “What? You thought your brother-in-law wouldn’t tell us everything? Guess what? I know how you tried to hurt yourself when you saw your sister’s dead body. Your guilt is controlling you to your very core.”
My heart is thundering against my chest at his words as I feel my throat clogging with emotions.
“You kept blaming yourself for her death. I don’t know what happened to her but now that I see it, I too agree with you. Maybe your sister did die because of you.”
His words poison my soul as I feel guilt and heartache swallowing me into a black hole. There is no regret glimmering in his eyes as he continues to lash at me with his words. “You could have saved her; she was your sister after all but I guess you were too busy being fucked by college boys. Am I right or am I right?”
Tears prick my eyes making my vision blurry, but I give it all to not let myself break down in front of him. I won’t.
“You are brought here to be punished for that.” He shakes my head by my throat, tightening his grip.
“I thought maybe you, just maybe, you deserve some kindness, but I was a fool to let myself even ponder about it. You are just like every patient here. Lost. Broken. And most of all, weak.”
The tears I have been holding back course down despite my attempts as his harsh words stab me right through my heart with no scope for it to be healed. If he planned to cut right through my soul with his harshness then he has succeeded with flying colors.
With his jaw clenched, he pushes back and lets go of his grasp. But I stay immobile, gathering my broken pieces.
“I had enough of your acts and bitchiness. If it’s some sort of plan you are pulling off to escape from here then stop wasting your time. You are not leaving until I state it legally that you are sane and cured. Get that through your mind or keep suffering.”
I remain silent.
“Understood?” he asks but my lips don’t move.
“Speak!” his voice roars through the silence making me jolt.
“Yes. I understand,” I barely whisper.
“I will send Agnes to get you fresh clothes and then you are coming for the checkup.”
My head snaps up to meet his cold gaze. “I-”
“It wasn’t a question, little girl. You will be there even if I have to drag you there by your hair.”
Before I can protest any further, he leaves.
I bring my knees to my chest and start sobbing as memories of losing my sisters hits me like a wrecking ball. It feels like a thunderstorm destroying every bit of my soul.
Eryx isn’t lying and that is a fact I’ve been trying to avoid for so long, just to allow myself to keep moving in life. But such guilt will always follow me like a shadow till I take my last breath, because losing my sister was a grief, but being responsible for her death is a never-ending sin I’ve committed.
She died because of me.
A few days have passed by since that tub incident…since the day Eryx whipped me with his harshness.
Today I’m at the front yard, picking up a few dead plants. The clouds are gloomy and dark as always with the ground slightly muddy from the rain last night.
I reach towards the iron gate where several dead roses lay on the ground. Bringing the basket closer which is already pretty full from the dead plants, I stuff it more with the roses.
The thorn vines wrap around the gate rods, as I carefully pick out the deceased roses. I hear scrunching footsteps coming from behind, looking over my shoulder I see Eryx arriving and standing beside Agnes to talk with her about something in a hushed tone.
She nods and walks inside, leaving Eryx to watch over me and four other women who are doing the same task as me. His eyes meet mine which carries the same emptiness as it did the day he left my room. Looking away I return to my so-called work, accidentally prickling myself with the thorn as I hiss in pain.
I suck on my cut, trying to soothe down the pain. I look back, expecting for Eryx to come to help me like he usually does but instead he remains fixated in his spot, surveying others. I get up and walk to pour some water on my cut, but as I pass by Eryx, he grabs me by my elbow and pulls me back.
“Where do you think you are going?” he asks in a neutral tone.
“My finger got slightly cut by the thorns-”
“That’s not enough of an excuse to leave your work.” He pushes me back nodding towards the gate where I was working. “Get back to work.”
“But it will get infected-”
“In case you have forgotten, let me remind you.” He stands close to me and holds my jaw, pressing his fingers against my cheeks and demanding with his motion to look at him. “I’m the doctor here, and that little cut won’t infect your baby soft skin. So, stop acting like a brat and get back to work, otherwise you know well what the consequences will be.”
He pushes me away again without any reflection of remorse in his face. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walk back and return to my task. For some unknown reason, his cold and heartless demeanor feels like a slap across my face.
I think of the time he was gentle with me at the checkup room. How it didn’t matter to him that he broke a rule just to comfort me. How he touched me that day…making me feel alive like I’ve never felt before. But now?
All of those are gone in thin air. Like it never existed in the first place. But I’m not going to let him control my emotions like that. I have to keep reminding myself that he is one of the villains in my story.
Geryon joins him and gives one quick look at us before he starts talking with Eryx. “The supplies will arrive soon. The ship should arrive here in a week or two.”
A ship?
I pretend to be focused on my work while I listen to their conversation.
“I will go and get them. And I have to go Vailburg for a few days,” Eryx says.
“But the day hasn’t arrived yet.”
“I know but I have some important work to finish.”
There is silence for a few seconds. “Alright. But be back in a week. No more than that.”
“Alright,” he agrees and with that Geryon leaves.
I can’t help but feel a ray of hope blooming in my heart, finding out there is a way of escape. A ship is coming here and I can get there, sneak in there and be free. But I know I just can’t run there as I have no clue which direction leads toward the exact shore area where the ship will stop by.
Only person to know it seems to be Eryx.
I have to figure out a way to get to know the location through him. I know he isn’t going to tell me the direction, that is an impossible thought but I have to try another way.
By the time I’m done with my work, my hands are sore and prickling with more cuts from the rose. The clouds start to growl with thunder, signing for an approaching storm.
“Everyone, inside right now,” Eryx orders with a gruff, loud tone and we all do as told.
I pick up my basket and head in, peeking a glance at Eryx over my shoulder, surprisingly finding him already staring at me before he looks away. He is my key to freedom and I will do anything to search for a way to get to him.
