My cheek is aching from her hit and takes everything within me to stop myself from punishing her again. Her tears…those fucking tears hold me back.
I breathe in and out to calm down my nerves. My blood is racing faster with every passing second.
It’s been a few minutes since she left but I don’t leave the chamber. But when the door opens again, I know it isn’t Agatha.
Geryon comes in my view with a frown on his face. “What happened to your cheek?”
“Doesn’t matter. I punished her,” I state it like a fact.
He simply nods. “And did she tell the truth?” he asks.
She didn’t. She is the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met. Way too adamant beyond her own limit. I saw how badly her skin was bruising and turning red from my hits. With every strike I landed, I kept telling myself she will tell the truth, she will cave in. But she didn’t surrender for a second.
But I can’t tell Geryon about it, when I’m well aware he will punish her way worse than me. He hates it when something doesn’t happen the way he wants. It’s probably best to never test his anger.
“She wasn’t lying.” He frowns like he isn’t expecting that response.
But I keep a stoic face to not let him see through my lie. “What happened to Bethany was caused by a reaction from a pill she missed yesterday.”
“What do you mean she missed a pill?” he asks, his tone growing serious.
“The delivery for her medicines got delayed yesterday so she missed one and it affected her today.”
He glares at me, closing his eyes and pressing his middle finger and thumb between his forehead. I remain silent, waiting for him to burst out in rage. But he breathes in and out, trying to calm himself, which he rarely does in such situations.
“How many times do I have to tell you to make sure we get the deliveries on time, otherwise we don’t pay them a cent?”
I shrug. “They had some issues-”
“I don’t care what issues they had. It was your job and you failed. As always,” he taunts me. “Now she is your responsibility until her hand is fully cured. Make sure to check on her rather than sticking your cock inside that new girl.”
“Keep her out of this,” I say in a warning tone.
He snickers darkly, placing his hands on his hips. “What? Her disobedience and adamant demeanor turn you on? Your cock gets hard in her presence because she is a challenge to you?”
He spews out offensive words knowing well it’s triggering me bit by bit. But I remain quiet, trying to be as calm as possible. Acting upon his words with a fight will worsen the situation.
He points a finger at me with a threatening look. “I don’t care if you fuck her or punish her, as long as you don’t fuck up her treatment. Don’t forget her brother-in-law gave us shit ton of money for her.”
“I remember because you remind me every fucking day.”
He grabs my jaw in a tight grip, urging me to meet his eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare act like a smartass. A woman like her only uses men like us to find her goal which is freedom. She won’t hesitate to dispose of you the minute she is out of here.”
I breathe heavily, gritting my teeth.
“You know how I know that, Eryx?” he asks. “Because you don’t have a heart. God didn’t give you one unfortunately to make you feel loved. You have nothing but a dark and rotten soul like the devil. A woman like Agatha ends up with men who are wrapped around the fingers of their wives, while she takes away his wealth.”
He lets go of his grip and moves back. “Treat her like your patient, help her get cured so she can get the fuck out of here.”
He heads towards his desk, taking a seat to work on some paperwork.
“You know about her state, right?” I ask, straining my gaze on his face that he is trying to hide.
“You also know why she is here-”
“Get back to work Father Eryx. Leave.” He only calls me by that name either to dismiss or to remind me of my place here.
I simply nod, knowing well it’s pointless to talk with him about it. I head out of the chamber and take the stairs to check on Bethany, but instead my feet guide me towards Agatha’s room. I stand at her door, raising my hand to unlock the knob, when I hear her muffled crying echoing through the door making me halt. I have heard several women crying at the Magdalene.
Some cried in pain, some cried in humiliation, while others cried in hopelessness. But none of them ever affected me like Agatha does. Since the day I brought her here, I saw a spark within her.
A determination and strength that I rarely see in women. But she carried those attributes like a crown and it made her look so…beautiful.
But hearing her cry feels like a dagger stabbing against my soulless, dark heart again and again. An agony that I never allowed myself to feel. But she is starting to make me feel emotions that have vanished from my soul ages ago.
I know she must be in pain and I’m the only one responsible for it. But I have no other choice. At the chamber when I saw Geryon leaving me with her, without further questions, I knew he would be standing at the doorway to listen to her confess to me while I punished her. But she is too stubborn.
I can only guess that she was talking something personal to Bethany which triggered her today. Since day one, Agatha has been looking for a path to freedom, but despite her failure she isn’t willing to quit.
Not so soon.
But little does she know, once one comes to the Magdalene then even God can’t help that person to escape from this living hell.
She isn’t realizing it now, but when she will acknowledge it, I know hopelessness and loss will engulf her in a dark path, just like the rest of the patients.
The only thing I can do at this point is warn her. But a part of me keeps telling me to help her way beyond my ability, to save her…even though it’s impossible.
I shake my head to bury those thoughts deep in the graveyards of misery. Geryon is right, I should treat her like a patient and nothing more. I can’t let her tears and sorrow affect me like this when I don’t even have the heart to feel something for her. It’s futile.
With my gaze fixated on the door while my ears ring with the sound of her sobbing, I take a few steps before turning away and heading to do my job.
It is nearly midnight. Rubbing my eyelids with my index finger and thumb, I try to ease down the tiredness a little. Opening my eyes, I focus back on the sheet that has the list of the deliveries that will be coming this week.
My chamber is illuminated by the candles, the only source of light used during the night times here.
I take a sip of the bourbon from the silver glass, before setting it down. I write down the medicine and painkillers that will soon be out of stock.
Suddenly, I hear the creaking sounds of the stairs, making me frown in confusion. Geryon usually retires for the night before midnight, and the other nuns have a different chamber at the back of the building.
Putting away the papers, I get up from the chair and head out, walking upstairs. The halls are vacant and dimly illuminated by the moonlight coming through the windows. I hear the screeching sound again and this time it is coming from the top floor.
I quickly go upstairs when a figure catches my sight. Frowning I stalk towards her and see her standing at the balcony. Her hair is waving with the wind, along with the ends of her dress. She is muttering something as if someone is in front of her, even though she is the only person. As I get closer, I identify the voice.
Agatha.
I stand at the doorway, feeling the cold air against my skin, passing through my t-shirt as well. I’m about to call her when she suddenly turns around with her eyes wide open. Her skin looks suddenly pale like she has seen a ghost.
“Agatha, what happened?” I ask, approaching her but all of a sudden, she lets out a screech and aims to hit me with the candelabra against my forehead. I instantly move back, blocking her another attack by catching her wrist.
“Agatha! Stop!” I order her but she keeps writhing against my grasp. But when I put pressure on her delicate hand, she lets the candelabra fall on the ground with a loud thud.
Her eyes are wild like a lunatic, as she looks everywhere, as if she isn’t aware where my face is. There is a terror lurking in her gaze that makes me more worried for her.
“Who are you? What do you want?” she keeps asking.
What is happening to her?
Gripping both her hands in one grasp, I bring her closer to me, holding her jaw with my other hand to urge her to look at me.
Is she sleep walking?
“Agatha, look at me. Hey, follow my voice,” I mutter. But she keeps looking everywhere except at me.
“Follow my voice. Listen to me. I’m here. I’m here for you,” I whisper calmly, noticing her body is starting to relax a bit.
“Eryx?” she whispers.
“Yes. It’s me. Follow my voice, Agatha. I’m here for you. Do not fear anything.”
I’m here. I’ll always be here.
Finally, her gaze meets mine like she found me and lets out a deep breath of relief, leaning her forehead against my chest. “Oh my god,” she rasps.
“Shh. Breathe. Take deep breaths,” I guide her, caressing her hair. She does as told, but her body still keeps shivering as if ice cold water has been poured over her. Her arms wrap around me tightly like she doesn’t want to let me go even for a second. Putting my arms around her and I pick her up.
Her door is already open as I step in and set her down gently on her bed. She is still shivering.
I touch her forehead with the back of my hand to check for temperature but it’s normal.
“Stay here, don’t move,” I mutter before rushing out of the room and towards the checkup room. I have had patients before who would face such scenarios, so I always have drugs ready for such emergencies. I quickly take the injection and the small bottle with cotton swabs and dashing back to her room.
I kneel beside her, taking her arm to find her pulse point. I fill the injection and disinfect her skin before inserting the needle and pressing on the syringe. Few minutes pass by when Agatha’s body finally relaxes with her muscles loosening from the drugs affecting her nerves.
Her eyes are closed as she sleeps peacefully. But the dark circles underneath her eyes don’t go unnoticed from my sight. Lack of sleep.
I know I can leave her room now as she has calmed down, but deep down I want to stay with her. I will wait for a few more minutes in case something happens.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
I notice her face constricting like she is wincing in pain. Then I remember how her bruises haven’t been treated. I return back and retrieve some ointment.
I sit beside her and turn her to her side slowly. I pick up the hem of her dress, pulling down her panties and the sight that I witness sends dread coursing through my entire body. Her skin isn’t flawless and smooth, dark and deep cuts are painted all over like a horrific vision.
You caused it. You hurt her.
But I had no choice. It was either me or Geryon. And I won’t let him place even a finger at her. Putting the ointment between my thumb and forefinger, I gently rub it to warm it up. I carefully apply around her scars, noticing she lightly winces in her sleep. Thankfully, the drug will let her sleep peacefully for hours.
She looks really tired.
Few minutes later, I’m done applying the ointment before I pull down her dress and put a blanket over her. I’m done here, I should leave now and pretend this night never happened but the minute I get closer to the door, my heart starts to pound.
What if the drug has an effect on her? What if she needs something?
Question after question makes my steps indecisive. Although, I can’t stay here. If I do either Agnes or Geryon will know and I can’t risk that. With a heavy heart, I let out a deep sigh. I glance over my shoulder, watching her asleep in her bed with her body relaxing, her chest rising up and down with steady breathing.
She is safe now. She is alright.
You helped her when she needed it.
That’s the only consolation I can give to myself before I open the door and walk away before I end up doing something that would put both of us at risk.
