“Have you spoken with Dad since you returned from your cruise?” Erik asked his mother as they sat in the living room of her condo. The television hummed in the background, but neither paid it any attention.
“We spoke today. He took Danielle home a few days ago.”
Erik leaned back in the recliner and eyed her through half-closed lids. He loved his parents, all three of them, but he would forever remain in a state of bafflement over their unorthodox relationship and the circumstances surrounding his birth. It had caused him much pain and ridicule throughout his childhood.
“When was the last time you saw her?” his mother asked.
“I drove up last week when she was hospitalized. I can’t believe how much she’d deteriorated in such a short time. She used to be so vibrant.”
“It’s difficult for your father to watch her on a daily basis. He says there are days when she’s lucid and others when she doesn’t even know her own name. At least she’s home, in a place that’s familiar to her.”
Erik pushed out of the chair, strolled across the room and stared thoughtfully at a picture of his and Cassie’s wedding sitting on a grand piano. He pressed his fingertips into his temples as their last moments together surfaced in his mind. “I don’t know which is worse, Mother, having someone you love die tragically in your arms, or watching them fade away slowly and painfully and not being able to do a darn thing about it.”
“Cancer is a brutal disease, Erik,” his mother said, coming to stand beside him. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Especially when it attacks the brain. But it doesn’t matter how you lose someone you love, the pain is the same, I believe.”
Erik knew his mother was still in love with his father. She’d never stopped loving him even after he chose Danielle over her. As far as he knew, she’d never become seriously involved with anyone else, which was a real pity, since she was such a beautiful, loving woman.
He placed a hand over hers. “Precious hasn’t been to Granite Falls for a while. Do you think it’s a bad idea for her to see Danielle in that condition?” he asked, recalling the last time he’d taken Precious to see Cassie’s mother, who was institutionalized. It had been an upsetting experience for his little girl. Erik had never taken her back to that institution.
“Not at all,” Felicia said. “It would be good for Precious to see Danielle one last time—say goodbye, especially since she didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to Cassie.”
“I guess you’re right. I’ll take her up to spend some time with Dad and Mom as soon as I get the chance.”
“Don’t wait too long. Danielle isn’t going to last much longer. Are you taking Michelle?” she asked after a short pause.
Erik tensed. Michelle was the last person he wanted to discuss with his mother. He knew they would have to meet sooner or later, and later was working out just great for him. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, you used to take Holly with you.”
“Then why ask the obvious?”
Felicia chuckled. “Oh, it’s very obvious.”
“What are you getting at, Mother?”
“Just that I’ve met Michelle and—”
“You met Michelle? When?”
“Just before I left for my cruise. I ran into her and Precious at the supermarket the day after you hired her. She’s beautiful and spirited. She told me she’d ignored Precious’ schedule that day and taken her to a park in Manchester, instead. I told her you’d be stone mad, but to stand up to you.”
Erik chuckled, remembering the fire in Michelle’s eyes as she stood up to him. “And she did. She accused me of being a neglectful parent,” he said with a wry twist of his lips. “She told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and pay more attention to Precious. Best advice I’ve had in two years.” A smile lit his face. “Precious adores her. Michelle had her giggling from the moment they met. I’m beginning to know my daughter in a way I never knew her before, not even when Cassie was alive.” He sighed. “Cassie really hogged her. I’ve never admitted this to anyone, but I was jealous of their close relationship. I felt left out at times.”
He saw no point in recounting the story Michelle had told him about Precious and Cassie’s last day together. He was still wrestling with the painful knowledge that Cassie died, conscious of the fact that her child and her husband were both upset with her.
Erik watched as his mother picked up the photograph of him and Cassie. A frown marred her forehead as she stared at it. She set it back on the piano, looked up at him and said, “Cassie had her reasons for hogging Precious.”
His eyes narrowed in question.
She walked back to the sofa. “Come sit down, son.” She patted the seat next to her.
“What do you mean Cassie had her reasons for hogging Precious?” He sat beside her.
Felicia placed a hand on his arm. “Erik, just before the wedding, Cassie went to see a psychic?”
“A psychic? Whatever for?”
“I guess she was uncertain about the future, about the two of you.”
“How could she doubt our love? We were together since high school. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“She just wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing, I guess.”
“Okay, so what did this psychic tell her and what does it have to do with Precious?”
“She told her she would die young.”
Erik scuffed. “You know I don’t believe that garbage, Mom. Psychics are frauds who prey on the innocent and the insecure and take their money. I’m in the medical field. I believe in science, in the practical and the proven, not the phenomena of the spiritual world.”
“You believe in God, in heaven, I hope.”
“Yes, I do, Mother, but that’s different. We’re talking about someone who claims to have a heads up on other people’s futures.”
Felicia sighed, probably in relief that he still retained the religious teachings she’d instilled in him. “Yes, there are some fakes out there, but there are some who do have the gift of foresight. And,” she added quite pointedly, “Cassie did die young, Erik.”
As the words registered in his brain, Erik dropped his head in his hands. Yes, Cassie did die young, but it wasn’t a natural death. She didn’t fall ill with some incurable disease. He raised his head in desperation. “Did this psychic tell her how she was going to die, that she would get run down by a drunk?”
“I don’t know, son.”
“Why didn’t she tell me about this… this premonition?”
“She didn’t want you worrying every time she left the house or caught a cold. As you pointed out just a moment ago, you’re a doctor, and you would have subjected her to every possible test out there to find out if she had some terminal disease. Even if she’d told you, what would you have done? You could not have stopped the inevitable.”
A new anguish seared Erik’s heart as he thought of his and Cassie’s last moments together—the argument that began in Clayton’s kitchen and continued in the car. God, if he’d only known. No wonder she never argued with him. She didn’t want to waste precious time fighting over nonsense. Tears burned his eyes. “I could have been a better husband.”
“Better in what way? You were the best husband this side of heaven. You gave Cassie everything. You gave yourself, your love. You were committed and faithful. Tell me, what would you have done differently if you’d known?”
I would have trusted her. Erik pushed to his feet and peered out a window into the moonlit night as a host of unpleasant thoughts popped into his head.
Had Cassie told Clayton about the psychic? Was the conversation he thought to be about an affair, really about death? Had he hastened her death when he demanded the truth that night? If that were the case, he was just as guilty as that drunk driver who ran her down. It was his persistence that had driven her from the car. If he’d only left it alone, his wife might still be here with him now. To make matters worse, he’d insulted Clayton with his accusations, so much that his friend couldn’t bear to be around him. He’d lost his best friend and his wife in the same night. He should have known Cassie well enough to know she would never break her marriage vows. He should have known.
“Cassie was happy, Erik,” his mother said behind him. “She thanked me for giving life to you so that you could make her journey here on earth a joyful one. She also expressed her hope that you find someone else to love and marry again, someone who would love Precious as if she were her own child.”
Erik blocked out his mother’s voice as he fought the demons in his head. He didn’t want to hear any more, didn’t want to face the fact that he had found that someone. All he could think about was how unkind he’d been to Cassie in the last few moments of her life. Yet, as she’d bled to death, she’d told him how much she loved him. She’d pleaded with him to live for himself and for Precious.
Precious. He needed to go home—to hold his daughter in his arms.
She was all he had left of his beautiful, sweet Cassie.
***
Half an hour later, Erik climbed the staircase in his home and walked down the hall in the direction of Precious’ room. He opened the door and tiptoed toward her bed. But he stopped in his tracks when he saw Michelle, fast asleep in his daughter’s bed. She was on her back, one arm above her head on the pillow and the other wrapped about Precious whose head rested on her bosom, her long brown hair spread out across Michelle’s white nightshirt. The comforter lay in a pile at the foot of the bed.
As he stared at the moon-kissed faces, Erik fought to control the haze of feelings and desires swirling through him. He was reminded of the nights he’d come home late to find Cassie and Precious in this very position with the covers kicked to the foot of the bed. Sometimes he’d lie down next to them, throw his arms about them, and go right off to sleep. How he missed those intimate family moments.
His gaze wandered to the picture of Cassie on the nightstand, to Michelle, and back to Cassie again.
She also expressed her hope that you find someone else to love and marry again, someone who would love Precious as if she were her own child. His mother’s words rang in his ears.
“I’ve found her, and I hope you approve,” he whispered, as his gaze once again shifted to the live woman in the bed.
His heart thumped heavily against his chest as his eyes drank in the provocative sight of Michelle’s dark lashes fanning her honey-colored cheeks, her slightly parted lips, awesomely amplified from sleep, and her toned thighs and long legs tangled with his daughter’s shorter wiry limbs. The smell of Moonlight wafted up his nostrils, and images of Michelle chin-deep in a bubbly tub floated across his vision.
He swallowed the passion that rose to his throat as his gaze traveled along her slender form to where the shirt had ridden above her hips to expose her black panties beneath. How he longed to touch her in that most intimate part of her body, explore her moist heat, her soft delicacy.
He groaned inwardly with sweet longing as his gaze settled on Michelle’s face again. Reaching out, he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. Heat sizzled in his fingertips as he trailed them lower to the soft skin of her throat. He drew back when she stirred and stretched, arching her back like a lazy cat rising from a deep sleep. Her pink tongue darted out to lick at her fleshy lips before disappearing back into the warm cavern of her mouth. She sighed softly and settled down again. It was the most sensual act Erik had ever witnessed. He was so hard, he felt he might cause some serious damage to his manhood if he didn’t immediately get out of his restrictive jeans.
He tiptoed back across the floor, closed the door quietly, and charged down the hall to the master suite. He slammed the door to his bedroom and clawed at his belt and zipper. He pulled his jeans and briefs off his hips and leaned back against the door trying desperately to catch his breath.
Some time later, Erik stood naked under the cold sharp sprays of the showerhead, and when he was numbed beyond all feelings, he turned off the water and gave his body a vigorous rubbing with an oversize towel. That should take care of his physical cravings, he thought, tossing the towel over a rack. Now, what should he do about his emotional dilemma?
***
Just around dawn, Michelle opened her eyes and tried to stretch, but found she couldn’t move. A warm bundle lay on her chest, and a pair of wiry legs was wrapped about her thighs. She blinked in confusion and reached out her hand to touch the bundle.
“Precious,” she whispered as the past night’s drama with the fish came back to her. She hadn’t intended to stay the entire night. She was supposed to go back to her own bed after Precious fell asleep. Oh well.
As carefully as she could, Michelle eased her body from beneath the sleeping form and planted her feet on the rug. She picked up the cover from the floor and spread it over Precious, tucking the corners under her chin. Precious burrowed more deeply into the mattress, hugged her pillow, and went back to sleep.
Michelle rubbed her temples as she walked to the window. The sun was trying to peek through layers of ominous clouds. The weatherman had forecasted rain and heavy humidity all day. Precious had swimming lessons and she had aerobics at the country club, but Mother Nature had her own plans, so it seemed they would probably be spending the day indoors.
She sighed. Thank God it was Friday, so Erik would be…
Erik. Michelle ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to connect the pieces of her fragmented dream. She had dreamt about Erik. It was true that she’d dreamt about him most nights since she’d met him, but last night had seemed significantly different. Real.
She had been lying naked on a bed somewhere and he’d been sitting on the edge, smiling at her with dreamy eyes. He’d told her how beautiful she was and how much he wanted her. Then he’d reached out and very slowly trailed his hand down her body. She’d spoken his name and raised her hips to his touch when he suddenly vanished into empty space.
Just more wishful dreaming. It seemed the only place she could have Erik LaCrosse was in her dreams. The sad news was that he didn’t even want her there.
She turned her head and gazed at a picture of Cassie, Erik, and Precious that was on the bureau near the window. They were in a boat on a lake. It must have been taken shortly before she died because Precious looked around four years old.
“I’m really sorry about what happened to you,” Michelle whispered, staring into Cassie’s eyes. “But you had your time with Erik. He’s alive and he needs a live woman. I love him, and I love your daughter, and I swear to you, I would never do anything to hurt them. I just want them to be happy. I know you want that, too. So please, just let him go. Let him live.”
Certain that she was losing her mind for talking to the picture of a dead woman, Michelle headed for the bathroom between her and Precious’ rooms. The door was locked. Darn it. She’d spoken to the kid about messing with the lock.
She walked to the door leading out into the hallway, and took the few steps to her bedroom. She was about to close her door, when she spied Erik, dressed in his running garb, coming from the direction of his bedroom.
Their eyes locked across the semi-darkened hallway. Time stood still for one breathtaking second as unspoken passion electrified the space between them.
Michelle knew she’d had no dream. Erik had been in Precious’ room last night. He’d stood gazing down at Michelle as she slept. And, he’d touched her.
A smile of feminine power spread across her lips as she closed her door in his face.
***
From his bedroom window, Erik watched Michelle bend her tall frame in order to get into Precious’ dollhouse. It used to be a breeze for Cassie who’d been a mere five feet, two inches tall, he noted with mild amusement.
Judging from the chaos in the family room, he guessed Michelle and Precious had been cooped up in the house for most of the rainy day. His daughter could be a handful, and he was sure Michelle was relieved the sun had finally come out.
His house was starting to feel like a home again, he thought, loosening his tie and pulling it from around his neck. It felt good to have a family to come home to, even if it wasn’t a real one. It was nice to have an adult to talk with at dinner, someone with whom to share his day, whether it was good or bad. And when it was bad, Michelle’s tantalizing smile soothed away his cares. She was bringing him back to life, making him feel again, even if she didn’t know it.
What he appreciated most though was what she was doing for his daughter. She loved Precious. He heard it in her voice and saw it in her eyes each time she interacted with her. What man wouldn’t be drawn to a woman who was that devoted his child?
Erik turned from the window and walked into the direction of the bathroom. He knew full well that it was much more than Michelle’s devotion to his daughter that endeared her to him.
Each time he delivered a baby, he imagined it was his child he’d taken from Michelle’s womb. He wanted to make lots of babies with her. He wanted to watch them suckle at her breasts and hear them call her Mommy. He wanted to see the love in her eyes as she tucked them into bed and kissed them good night. But he was a long way from bringing those fantasies to life.
He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, last night’s conversation with his mother fueling his thoughts. Cassie wanted him to fall in love and marry again. That knowledge should relieve his guilt, but sadly it produced the opposite affect. If he’d known Cassie believed some psychic’s premonition that she would die young, he would not have fought with her so often, and especially not that night. He would have waited until morning as she’d asked.
But morning never came. He was stuck in that night, that moment when he heard the unforgettable thud of the car colliding with her body. He would give anything to take back the last unkind words he’d thrown at her, but he couldn’t. Ever.
He would carry that load of guilt and stupidity for the rest of his life.
Knowing that, how could he ever expect to be happily in love again?
