Michelle was trying not to grin too widely as she descended the stairs. Anybody looking at her might think she’d hit the jackpot and was trying hard to keep it a secret. In her opinion, the joy that flooded her heart at the moment far outweighed the value of any million-dollar jackpot.
Last night, while she and Precious were watching Ratatouille in the family room, Erik had surprisingly walked in, plodded down on the sectional, planted his bare feet on the ottoman and dove into the bowl of popcorn she and Precious were sharing.
Except for the initial “Hi, Daddy,” from Precious, who immediately snuggled up next to him, nobody said anything, yet it felt like a thousand conversations were going on around them. Michelle had never seen Ratatouille before and had honestly been enjoying the movie. After Erik joined them, she found her gaze wandering off to his masculine physique silhouetted against the sofa and wondering what it would feel like to snuggle up to his other side, lay her cheek against his chest, and listen to the beating of his heart beneath her ears.
It was at one of those precarious moments that he turned his head and gazed at her, sending a spark of eroticism bursting through the air. From then on, Michelle had kept her eyes on the television even though she’d lost her ability to follow the story line.
When the movie ended, they’d gone to the kitchen for lemonade and some homemade bread pudding. Afterwards, Precious had demanded that they both tuck her into bed. Michelle had gently declined as the situation had begun to feel too much like a family affair. Her love for the little girl and her strong feelings for her employer were getting way out of control. She had to pull back on her reins. But it was not easy saying no to Precious, and the little girl’s persistence finally won out.
Except for one little glitch in the form of a phone call while they were putting away the dishes, she had to say that spending quality time with Erik and Precious last night was the most amazing experience she’d ever had. It was the kind of family she wanted one day.
By the time she and Erik left Precious’ room, an intense sexual tension had developed between them. Neither said a word as they stood in the hallway outside her bedroom. She remembered the smoldering flame in Erik’s eyes and the unsteady rise and fall of his chest as his gaze roved hungrily up and down her scantily clad body.
She’d never been more conscious of his virile appeal, and had hoped he’d drag her down the hall to his bed and make sweet, slow love to her all night long. But he didn’t.
He’d groaned, raked his fingers through his brown curls and said, “Go to bed, Michelle. Just go to bed,” before strolling down the hall in the direction of the master suite.
Their little arrangement had become complicated beyond reason, Michelle thought as she walked through the dining room. Something had to give. It was unrealistic to think that either one of them could resist this kind of temptation for five years while living under the same roof.
“Good morning, Mrs. Hayes,” Michelle said as she sauntered into the kitchen. “Wait, a minute.” She frowned as her eyes took in the slices of bread, turkey, cheese, tomatoes, and lettuce on the counter. “What are you doing here? This is your day off. Don’t tell me you’re getting senile in your old age,” she added with a ripple of mirth.
“Senile? Me? That would be the day.” Mrs. Hayes chuckled as she spread mayo and mustard on two slices of bread. “The doctor asked me to prepare a picnic basket.”
“Picnic?” Michelle’s happy bubble erupted. Erik hadn’t mentioned a picnic last night. Her mind began to reel as she recalled the unwelcome phone call while she, Erik, and Precious were cleaning up after their snacks. She’d taken a quick glance at the LCD and felt a pang in her heart when she’d seen Dr. Ashley’s name flashing in front of her. She’d been certain Erik would ignore it, but he’d picked it up, excused himself, and taken the call in his study.
Michelle wondered now if his chat with Dr. Ashley was the reason he’d sent her to bed instead of giving in to the desires that were so evident in his eyes. If that were the case, she was grateful for his remarkable power of restraint. She would have felt like a bigger fool if she’d allowed him to make love to her last night when he was clearly in a relationship with another woman. She could kick herself for opening up her heart, for allowing it to engage in silly hopeless fantasies.
Her mind flashed back to the day in his office when she’d told him that Dr. Ashley wasn’t his type and that he needed a real woman. He’d neither confirmed nor denied it. Real woman or not, Michelle wasn’t Erik’s type either. He’d made that clear the first time he laid eyes on her. Even though he’d kissed her with a hunger and passion that superseded anything she’d ever experienced, she had to remember that men like Erik LaCrosse did not fall in love with women like her. They got curious about them, and depending on the level of interest, they either satisfied it or backed away from it. His level of his curiosity about her was obviously low.
She was the nanny, not the mother, the wife, nor the girlfriend, and she needed to remember her place in his house.
Michelle watched Mrs. Hayes wrap up the sandwiches and place them, along with three servings of homemade brownies, into a wicker basket. She got bottles of apple juice and lemonade from the refrigerator and put them in a small cooler. Fruit followed—grapes, apples, strawberries…
Feeling the tears about to burst, Michelle spun out of the kitchen. As she turned the corner from the dining room, she collided with the cause of her frustrations. “Excuse me,” she said, earnestly avoiding his eyes as she shrugged his steadying hands from her shoulders.
“I was looking for you,” Erik said, smiling down at her.
“You found me. What can I do for you, Dr. LaCrosse? Would you like me to get Precious up and dressed?”
Erik frowned at her wooden tone, confused at her cold behavior, especially after last night—the movie, the snack, the fun, putting Precious to bed—the way it used to be when Cassie was alive. The only difference was that he and Cassie would end the night making love before falling asleep in each other’s arms. He’d been so close last night, so close to scooping skinny Michelle up and taking her to his bed. He’d had to call on everything decent inside him to resist the sweet temptation in her sexy black eyes, to control his ferocious craving for her.
“Did I do something to upset you, Michelle?” He tried to read her face, but she turned and hurried away from him. Lost in a sea of confusion, Erik threw his hands in the air and continued in the opposite direction.
“The basket’s ready, Doctor,” Mrs. Hayes said as he entered the kitchen.
Erik picked up the basket and cooler from the counter. A rueful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Did you tell Michelle about the trip, Mrs. Hayes?”
“No, Sir. But she seemed a little nettled when I mentioned the picnic. Guess you didn’t tell her she was invited.”
So that’s what it was, Erik thought, grinning as he left the kitchen. She cared. She really did care for him. He placed the basket and cooler on the dining table and hurried after Michelle who was halfway up the stairs by now. “Wait, Michelle.” He grabbed her upper arm and felt her tense under his palm.
She was livid. And he was hard.
“What do you want?” she muttered.
“To talk with you.” He spun her around and felt an instant squeezing in his chest when he saw the tears shimmering in her eyes.
“So talk.” She narrowed her eyes in the same way Precious did when she was angry with him.
Females, Erik thought with fascination. Just when a man thought he’d figured one out, she proved him a fool. And yes, he was on a one-way street to Fooldom for this particular female, so tough and streetwise on the outside, but a delicate little wildflower on the inside. He liked that about her. He liked it a lot. She needed protection, a large dose of TLC, and he felt honored to be the man to provide it, even if she was totally unaware of his self-appointed post to be her knight in shining armor. “What’s the matter with you? You on your period or something?”
She shook her arm free. “Erik LaCrosse, I have a life outside this house, you know. If you intend to spend the day with some woman and your daughter, you could have at least told me in advance so I could make my own plans.”
“So you’re jealous.”
“No.”
“Then why the tears?”
She swiped at them with the back of her hand. “It’s the onions.”
A rich chortling sound escaped Erik’s throat and his body shook with laughter.
His humor just seemed to incense her more, and she sent him a contemptuous glare before turning and charging up the stairs. He caught her again, around the waist this time. She tried to twist free. He lost his balance and slumped against the wall. She landed on top of him, their bodies meshing in perfect alignment.
Bold grey eyes met compelling black ones as heat ignited within and around them. Erik’s arms slowly inched their way around Michelle’s lithe body, drawing her closer to him. One hand clasped the back of her neck holding her still. He lowered his head, aiming for her inviting lips, but at the last moment, he groaned and buried his mouth into the scented hollow of her neck. He bit into her flesh until she moaned.
“Michelle… Michelle…” God, she smelled so good, felt so perfect in his arms.
Michelle remained quite still, her arms locked around his neck. The warmth of his arms was so male, so bracing, it made her heart beat erratically and noisily in her ears. Or was it his heart? Her body quivered where their sexes were pressed together. She had no desire to back away. She wished he would hold her like this, forever.
Erik reluctantly untangled their limbs. Still weak from the fiery contact, he sat on the steps and pulled her down next to him. He searched her face and looked deep into her questioning eyes. There was so much passion there and he longed to liberate those desires, just so he could fill his soul with them.
The time wasn’t right. He had no intentions of becoming involved with any woman until Cassie’s killer was found and brought to justice. He was working overtime to bring that to fruition. Several nights, he’d walked the streets of Manchester with the private investigator he’d hired, asking questions to which no one knew the answers. But he’d missed being home with Michelle and Precious, and had finally left the case in the hands of the P.I. and the police. His decision had brought him home last night to find Michelle and Precious watching a movie. It had felt like old times when he’d joined them in the family room.
“Michelle, there’s no need to be jealous of any other woman,” Erik said. “I’m taking you and Precious away for the weekend.”
“You could have told me. Asking would have been nicer. I could have had other plans, you know.” She stuck her chin out at him.
“Yes, I know. I meant to mention it last night, but I got sidetracked. I’m telling you… I mean, asking now. Do you have other plans for the weekend?” Impatience edged his voice. He would like nothing more than to take her upstairs and spread her out on his big, lonely bed. Clear up all her doubts about his feelings for her once and for all.
“No,” she answered grudgingly. “Where are we going?”
Erik rubbed his palms together then wiped them along his thighs. “To Granite Falls. My mother is ill.”
“Your mother? Felicia?” She looked utterly dismayed.
“No, my other mother, Danielle. My father’s wife.”
She looked understandably confused since she knew nothing about his atypical family. Now was a good time to clue her in, he supposed. “My biological parents were never married, Michelle—not to each other, that is. Danielle and Felicia were best friends since childhood. They both, unfortunately, fell in love with the same man, my father. He apparently was in love with both of them, but he chose and married Danielle over my mother.”
“But your mother was already pregnant with you?” Michelle asked.
“Nope. Danielle could not have children. So my mother volunteered to be a surrogate for them.”
“You mean your mother maintained her friendship with them after your father left her?”
“Yep. She and Danielle had some kind of special bond, and they refused to let a man come between them.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. I don’t think I could do that after a man jilted me.”
“That’s my mother. She conceived me through artificial insemination. Well, that’s what they’ve told everyone.”
“You don’t believe it?”
He chuckled. “I don’t know what to believe. Come on, they were in love. And I know my mother still loves my father. It’s just twisted.” He shook his head in frustration. “Anyway, the deal was that Felicia would let them adopt me, but she’d maintain a strong presence in my life. By the way,” he added, after a short pause. “She told me you two have met.”
Michelle grinned. “Yeah, the day I canceled Precious’ lessons. She told me to stand up to you. I like her.”
“She seems to like you, too.”
“She must have a big heart to forgive your father for choosing another woman over her then giving them her own child to raise,” Michelle said.
“When you truly love someone, you could probably forgive them just about anything.” If Cassie had lived, he was almost certain he would’ve forgiven whatever secret she was hiding from him. He did love her, still did. And God, he missed her, even more now with Michelle’s delightful presence in his home reminding him how much he enjoyed being a father, a husband, a lover.
“I hope I find someone to love me that much, one day,” Michelle murmured, interrupting his nostalgic moment.
He smiled at her, his heart racing at the thought of loving her. “I’m sure you will.”
“So what’s wrong with your other mother, Danielle?” she asked quickly as if regretting she’d voiced her hopes.
“She has brain cancer.”
“Oh, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you. That’s why I’m taking Precious to see her before it’s too late. She never got to say goodbye to her mother.” Erik took Michelle’s hand from her lap and curled his fingers around hers. “You still want to come along after I made you go ballistic?”
“I was acting like a jealous teenager. I thought you and Bridget had made plans.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Well, you took her call in your study last night, and then when we left Precious’ bedroom, I thought we would… Well, I just thought…” She dropped her gaze, seemingly embarrassed again to have vocalized her hopes.
Erik put his hand under her chin and raised her face. He brushed his thumb across her flawless cheek. “I have no interest in Bridget Ashley, and I’m not denying that I want you, Michelle Carter. I do, more than you can imagine. But making love with you would change everything. I’m not ready for that deep a commitment. Until then, I have to keep my desires in check. Do you understand?”
She nodded, her smile wrapping around him like warm honey. She leaned over and pressed her warm lips against his cheek then suddenly pulled her hand from his and jumped up.
The unexpected gesture sent Erik floating up on cloud nine. He pushed to his feet, grinning like a shot fox.
“When are we leaving?” she asked.
“In about an hour. I have to stop by the hospital to check on a patient then we’ll head up from there. It’s a three-hour drive. I thought we’d stop for a picnic on the way. Precious is already packing. I suggest you check to make sure she has the right clothes. She packed for our last Christmas visit and when we got there, all she had was a swimsuit, two pairs of shorts, a shirt, and no underwear. We were there for a week. She got a new wardrobe for Christmas. Maybe that was her plan all along.”
Michelle laughed. “Then I’d better make sure she does it right this time.” She glanced down at her attire—too short shorts and a spaghetti strap top. “I should change, huh?”
He gave her the once-over. “Yeah. I wouldn’t want a line of horny truckers honking at us all the way to Granite Falls.”
“Would that make you jealous, Dr. LaCrosse?” Her eyes challenged him to be truthful.
“Yes. Ms. Carter. It would make me extremely jealous.” He turned and began descending the stairs. At the bottom, he stopped and looked up. She was still standing where he’d left her, and gazing at him with a warm smile on her face. “Michelle?”
“Yes, Erik?”
“Bring along a nice dress, nothing fancy. I’m taking you out tonight. I promise it won’t be McDonald’s this time.”
Michelle bit into her lower lip, her smile spreading across her face as she watched him walk in the direction of his study. They were going on a real date. He’d said that lovemaking would change their relationship, but as far as she was concerned, it was already changed. They weren’t just employer and employee any more, two people from two different worlds who’d come together for a common cause. They had crossed over into friendship and now maybe courtship. The knowledge sent a warm glow flowing through her.
***
As the Mercedes sped along Interstate 93 North, Michelle took a swift glance in the back seat. Satisfied that her charge was safely secured and still deeply engrossed in her latest Dear America Series book, Michelle donned her sunglasses, pulled the car visor down against the morning sun, and settled comfortably into the cool leather seat.
The sky was a deep-blue canopy with hardly any clouds overhead. The sunny summer day was predicted to be a hot one, soaring into the nineties, and she was dressed for it in a pair of white crop pants, a peach sleeveless cotton top, and sandals.
She’d brought along some pages from her manuscript, intending to edit on the road, but had found it difficult to concentrate with Erik this close to her. She peered at him from the corner of her eyes. He was dressed in linen knee-length shorts and a short sleeve shirt that showed off his muscular arms and legs. He was truly a beautiful man, and each time she saw him, was near him, her heart raced and her throat dried up.
“Had enough?”
Michelle startled at the gruff voice.
He turned his head and gazed at her through his Louis Vuitton sunglasses, his lips twisting into a subtle smile.
“No. But, it’ll have to do for now.”
His smile turned into a wide grin. He cast a cautious glance in the back. “How’s everything back there, Muffin?”
“Good, Daddy. I want to finish this book before we get to Grandpa’s. Ms. Clements is giving a prize to the person who reads the most books over the summer. I want to win.”
“Okay then, baby. I’ll leave you to your reading.”
Michelle giggled. “She’s such an avid reader. Two whole grades ahead.”
Erik slowed down as he approached the tollbooth for the machine to read the speed pass on his windshield. When the light turned green, he fed the gas pedal. “She’s been reading since she was two and a half,” he said proudly.
“She has good genes, and big shoes to fit into. Her father did graduate head of his class from Harvard,” she said.
“How do you know?”
“I saw the diplomas and numerous certificates in your office on the several occasions I’ve been to the hospital.”
“You know quite a bit about me, Michelle, yet I know nothing about you.” He paused. “That night on the patio, before Bridget interrupted us, I feel that you were about to open your past to me. For some reason, we never got back around to that conversation. Want to fill me in now?”
Since his eyes were sheltered behind the dark shades, Michelle couldn’t read his expression. One thing she knew, she was not ready to talk about her past, specifically her father. Erik had no idea how grateful she was that Bridget had interrupted them. That was her one moment of weakness. She wasn’t having a second. “I hardly think this is the time to bring up that subject,” she said between clenched teeth as she thumbed toward the back seat.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But we will finish. I do want to know you, Michelle Carter. All of you.”
That’s exactly what Michelle feared most. They rode in silence for a while, and when Michelle couldn’t stand it anymore, she asked, “Do you mind if I turn on the radio?”
“Go ahead. It’s on XM. Heart and Soul channel, I think.”
She pressed a button on the dashboard then immediately pulled back when Jennifer Hudson’s voice belting out ‘Spotlight’ filled the air. “Oh, I love that song.”
“Me, too.”
She chuckled. “I would never have guessed.”
“What?”
“That you listen to this kind of music. I thought you’d have it set to classical or—”
“Something excruciatingly boring.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“I’m eclectic. I enjoy a variety of music, depending on my mood.”
She wasn’t going to ask what his mood was with love songs floating around them. She laid her head against the headrest, stretched her legs out, and closed her eyes, as a sweet calmness settled in her heart. This feeling of happiness was so new to her. She liked it.
Close to one o’clock, Erik pulled off the highway and headed toward a picnic area. He was pleased that the only other people there were a middle-aged woman and a boy about ten years old.
Michelle and Precious helped unload the car and they spread a quilt on a patch of green grass under the shade of a willow tree, a good distance from the woman and child.
Precious dropped down next to her father on the quilt. “I’m so hungry, I could eat a whole horse and a pony, too.”
“Thought you didn’t like horses,” Erik said playfully, as he leaned back, supporting his weight on one elbow.
“Daddy, I don’t like riding them. It’s just an expression.” She spread her hands in impatience. “People don’t eat horses.”
Well, not in this country. “Sorry. My bad.”
“You are bad,” Michelle murmured, opening up the picnic basket.
“You have no idea.” He sent her a sizzling smile over Precious’ curly head.
She rolled her eyes and handed him and Precious a sandwich each.
He grinned as he opened his up. “So how many books have you read so far this summer?” he asked Precious as they began to eat.
She squinted her eyes and chewed on her upper lip, just as her mother used to do when she was in deep thought. His heart did a double take at the simple memory.
“Seven…no… eight… yeah… eight!” Precious said, beaming.
“So when you finish the one you’re presently reading, it will be nine?”
“Uh-huh. Belinda’s only read five, Daddy. She told me when we talked on the phone yesterday.”
“Well, she’s been on vacation in Maine visiting her grandparents. Belinda is Precious’ best friend,” he told Michelle. “She lives a couple streets over from us.”
“Oh, I know all about Belinda,” Michelle said.
“Just because you’re on vacation doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read and do other productive stuff,” Precious said around a bite of her sandwich.
Erik caught and held Michelle’s gaze. Up until a month ago, he would have agreed with his daughter. After all, keeping the mind busy was the principle he’d been instilling in her for the past two years. But thanks to Michelle, he’d come to understand the value of relaxation and leisure time again. Like the way it used to be before…
He smiled at his daughter. “Well, Muffin, sometimes our minds need a break from reading and—uhh, productive stuff. Sometimes we need to put away the books, take out the ball, and play.”
Play seemed to be the trigger word his daughter needed to hear, Erik thought as he watched her drop a half eaten apple on the quilt and reach for a plastic bag of crumbs from the picnic basket.
“Can I go feed the ducks, Daddy?”
“Okay, but don’t get too close to the edge. I don’t want to have to fish you from that filthy water,” he said of the pond some fifty feet away where ducks clucked loudly.
“I won’t.” She jumped up and took off.
“You’re a good father,” Michelle said, taking a sip of water from a bottle.
“Ha. That’s not what you thought a month ago.”
“I never thought you were bad, just a bit too demanding.”
Erik studied her thoughtfully for a moment. “I’m glad you came along when you did. Precious had two other nannies and neither of them challenged me even though they must have known that I’d been asking too much of her. Why weren’t you afraid of me?”
She shrugged and plucked a grape from a bunch. “I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve ever had in this life. Robert taught me to stand up for myself ever since I was a little girl. He told me that even when I’m afraid to never let it show, never let my enemy know I’m quivering inside. If I see someone I love being taken advantage of, especially if that someone can’t speak for herself, I advocate.”
“You do love my daughter, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She popped the grape into her mouth and glanced off to the pond where the ducks clucked happily as Precious fed them the breadcrumbs.
Erik followed her gaze as he slowly sipped his iced tea. It was just like old times, he thought as he put the empty bottle in the basket. Feeling relaxed and very much at peace for the moment, he stretched out and closed his eyes.
With Precious gone, and Erik relaxing beside her, Michelle raised her face to the sky as a jet engine hummed high and far above them. A light breeze rustled through her short stresses and caressed her face. She smiled and pulled her legs up under her. Hugging her arms around them, she rested her chin on her knees as her thoughts filtered back to last night and the sweet tender moments she’d shared with Erik and his daughter in their home. Not once did he make her feel like a nanny, or an outsider.
Now that she thought about it, she was happy that he hadn’t done the expected and made love to her, even though he’d admitted that he wanted to. It showed that he respected her, thought of her as more than a sexual object. She’d never had that from a man. She liked it.
Michelle glanced at Erik lying supine on the quilt next to her. His knees were bent and his hands were clasped behind his head. The steady rise and fall of his chest suggested that he might have fallen asleep. For the first time, she noted how thick and long his lashes were and how they curled against his cheekbones as he slept. A potent and magnificent man he was, Michelle thought, as her whole being seemed to fill with wanting.
She drew in a long, silent breath, pulled her eyes away and focused on Precious who was talking with the little boy who’d joined her at the pond. Michelle tried to keep her mind off of the irresistible man lying next to her, but as the moments slipped by, her desire to curl up next to him and throw her arms about him, grew more and more intense. She was about to push to her feet to go join Precious and the boy when she felt a firm grip on her arm.
“Running out on me, Sweet Brown Sugar?”
She looked back to see his sexy lips spread into a grin. Turning all the way around, she perched on her knees. “I thought you were sleeping.”
He rose up on an elbow, gazing at her through hooded eyes. “It’s kind of hard to relax with a drop-dead beauty sitting next to me and not be able to do what I want to do to her.”
“What do you want to do to me?”
“I want to do a lot of things to you, Michelle Carter, and none of them are decent.”
“Tell me,” she whispered.
“I want to hold you, kiss you, and feel you melt under me like I know you would. I want to make love to you here, under the blue sky, with the warm breeze brushing our naked skin. I want to hear husky little moans coming from your belly as I caress and kiss my way down your lean soft body. I want to gaze deep into your fiery eyes as I enter you for the first time and feel your slick hot flesh grip my big hard—”
“Erik…” It was a tormented whisper, full of wanting and hoping.
“Excuse me.”
