Standing in my kitchen, I stare back at Hayden, feeling the color draining from my face. It feels like my stomach is going to fall out of the bottom of my body as my heart beats against my rib cage. We’re standing in the same kitchen where he laid me out on the counter and drove me past the point of oblivion.
Thankfully, Winter isn’t here for the night. She went out with Travis and told me she wouldn’t be home. She was planning on spending the night at his place, which is new for her, but I didn’t question her on it. It seems like they’re starting to get really close with one another and, to be honest, I’m really glad she isn’t here since Hayden fucking King decided to drop by.
A shallow, ragged breath slips from my lips and I don’t even bother attempting to hide the sound from him. He isn’t putting his heart on the meat block for me to chop it, but he’s giving me something that is more than he ever has before. Hayden is a sweet smooth talker. But the difference with him in this moment, is there’s nothing charming about the way he’s looking at me.
There’s no playfulness in his tone. After the words came from his mouth, it looked almost as if they shocked him as much as they shocked me. Like he didn’t plan on admitting that aloud, but once he spoke those words into the universe, they sucked every molecule of oxygen from the room.
“What?” I whisper, staring back at him as my eyebrows draw together. Hayden’s eyes desperately search mine as he nervously runs a hand through his tousled hair. I’ve never seen him like this before and I don’t like the way it’s making me feel.
The butterflies in my stomach need to go back into hibernation.
“I know you’ve been avoiding me, Eden,” he says quietly, tilting his head to the side as he slowly inches closer to me. I swallow hard as he enters my space, not stopping until the toes of his sneakers are touching the tips of my toes. “Tell me why.”
“Because I don’t like you,” I practically choke out, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. “I have no reason to see you.”
Hayden frowns, shaking his head as his eyes light up. His fingers are soft as he reaches out, brushing a piece of hair away from my face. “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter, baby,” he murmurs, his frown transforming into a smirk. “I’ll give you three tries to tell me the truth.”
“And if I don’t?”
The corners of his lips lift higher, his smile shining in his eyes. “Then I’ll just have to fuck the truth out of you.”
My breath catches in my throat. My heart skips a beat before it takes off, speed racing inside my chest. Judging by the way he’s looking at me right now, I know he’s the only one in this room that is actually telling the truth.
“Tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.”
Shit. I stare back at him for a moment, attempting to get my heart under control before it bursts through my rib cage. I don’t want to tell him the truth, but it’s either that or he follows through on his promise. But I’m not sure the latter sounds like that bad of an idea.
“Because you make me feel things that I swore I would never let myself feel again,” I admit, instantly regretting it as I watch the playfulness disappear from his expression. “You’re only going to hurt me in the end, and I can’t let that happen.”
Hayden’s eyebrows draw together and he winces, almost as if I metaphorically slapped him. “Why do you think that?”
“That’s what guys like you do, Hayden,” I tell him, shaking my head as I take a step back to put some distance between us. It doesn’t make a difference. I can’t breathe any easier even with the space. It still feels as if he’s suffocating me and I don’t like being cornered like this. “You find someone that catches your attention and once you get bored with them, you toss them to the side.”
Hayden looks genuinely confused as he falls silent for a moment. “I thought you hated me, Eden.”
“I do,” I say in a rush, watching his face as he winces again. His throat bobs as he swallows roughly, but he doesn’t interject and gives me an opportunity to correct my words. “I did. I don’t know what I feel anymore when it comes to you, Hayden. And that’s what I don’t like. It was easier when I knew I hated you and everything that you represented. Now, I just don’t know.”
“So, don’t let your feelings get involved,” he says matter-of-factly, as if it’s something I have control over. “We don’t have to let our feelings dictate what happens between us. I came here because I can’t get you out of my head. I tried to stay away and I couldn’t anymore. That doesn’t mean I want a relationship or it has to be any more than what it is. Stop overthinking shit and just let it be whatever it is.”
My eyes bounce back and forth between his. What he says sounds pretty similar to what Winter had proposed. The only option I saw when it came to Hayden. But for some reason, now it just doesn’t feel right and maybe it’s because he’s the one suggesting it. I wanted to present the idea to him but instead, he beat me to it.
“What is this then?”
Hayden’s jaw tics and he shakes his head. “No, Eden. No labels. It’s just whatever we want it to be in the moment.”
“I don’t want to be your friend,” I tell him, my voice catching in my throat as he steps back into my space. I take a step backward and he continues to follow me.
“I never said I wanted to be your friend,” he smirks with a sinister look in his eyes. “I just want the benefits.”
My lower back brushes against the edge of the counter as Hayden corners me. “Enemies with benefits.”
“Whatever you need to call it to make yourself feel better,” he murmurs, as he slides his warm palm along the side of my face. His touch is gentle as he strokes my skin with his fingertips. “Just as long as you’re admitting that you feel it too.”
Inhaling deeply, I let my eyelids fall shut, breathing in the scent of him. He smells of fresh soap, like he just stepped out of the shower. Which actually makes sense, considering his damp hair. He must have gotten finished at practice and showered before coming straight here.
“I feel it,” I whisper, opening my eyes as I tilt my head back to find his gaze. “And I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t feel anything other than this moment between us. What happened before and what happens in the future doesn’t even matter. What matters is this single moment in time.”
The words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to ask him what happens when this becomes something more, when I start to fall for him. As much as I’ve tried to focus on my hate for him, there’s been something else happening with my feelings for him, and I can’t. I just cannot fucking go there.
“Get out of your head, baby,” he breathes, his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine. “Stop overthinking and just be here with me.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I admit, shaking my head. Ducking away from his hand, I move away from the counter, freeing myself from the cage he created around me. “This is a terrible idea, Hayden. And I’m not sure this is a mistake I want to make.”
The ghost of a smirk plays on his lips. “Did you learn from your mistakes with me?”
Swallowing roughly, I nod. “We can’t do this.”
“Says who?”
My eyes slice to his as I cross my arms over my chest. “Me.”
Hayden moves away from where he has been standing, closing the space between us once more. “What if I told you I wouldn’t hurt you?”
“Then you’d be lying?”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “Do you really want the truth from me, Eden? Do you want me to bury my secrets inside you? Or do you want to take this all at face value so you don’t get hurt then?”
His words surprise me. Everyone wants the truth, but in this moment, the thought scares me. There’s something Hayden isn’t telling me and if it’s the truth, then I don’t think I want it. The air crackles from the electricity between us, the intensity something I’ve never felt before.
He’s already admitted that he couldn’t stay away. He’s said in the past about how he needed to fuck me out of his system, and it didn’t work.
Hayden King is fucking with my head.
And I’m not sure I want him to stop.
As long as my heart doesn’t get involved…
