Pulling up to Hayden’s house, my stomach is in my throat from my anxiety. It’s certainly not the first time we’ve hung out, but usually it’s later at night. It’s only a little after dinnertime, so it feels kind of weird coming to hang out with him. We had an agreement of keeping things at face value so I’m trying to do what he said and not overthink.
But I can’t help but feel like this is something more than it actually is.
We aren’t friends. We aren’t anything. We don’t hang out and do friend activities like this. We just meet up when one of us has an itch to scratch and fall in bed together. After that, we go our separate ways like we’ve never connected. Me back to hating him and Hayden back to doing whatever the hell it is that he does.
After he showed up at my last skating showcase, things just feel… different. I don’t know how to explain it, mainly because I don’t want to put more thought into it than I have. If I overthink it into something it isn’t, it will absolutely crush me when the truth comes out.
I find a parking spot on the street and pull out my phone as I get out of my car. Finding the message thread with Hayden, I send him a text, letting him know I’m here. Expecting a response from him, I slow my footsteps as I get closer to the front door. He still hasn’t said anything and I’m beginning to wonder if this was a bad idea.
I should have checked in with him before tonight about hanging out, but whenever I spoke to him, our conversations never allowed for me to ask. And I didn’t really think he would bail or stand me up. If he didn’t want to hang out, I would have thought he would have texted me and said so. And since he seems to enjoy texting me daily, it should have come up.
As I reach the bottom step that leads up to his front porch, I pause for a moment, contemplating my next move. Glancing down at my phone, I see Hayden still hasn’t responded. I could just text him now and go back home, where I know I’m safe and don’t have to face possible disappointment.
Looking up at the house, I notice most of the lights are on and it seems like there’s someone moving around inside. It could simply be Simon and Sterling, and Hayden might not even be here.
Inhaling deeply, I push my shoulders back and gather all of the confidence I can muster. Disappointment is everywhere, regardless of where we go and what we do. If I leave now, it’s still there, regardless of me walking up to the front door or not. Hayden and I had plans, so that’s what I’m here for. I’ll worry about the rest, depending on how this goes.
I walk up the front steps, my gait light as I walk across the wooden porch before stopping in front of the door. My finger finds the doorbell and I press down on it, taking a step back as I wrap my coat tighter around my body to shield myself from the cold gusts of air. No one comes at first and I shift my weight, feeling dread rolling in the pit of my stomach.
This is exactly what I feared would happen. If I would have just walked away and got in my car, I wouldn’t be slapped in the face with this moment. The moment where I look like a fool, standing outside his house and he’s nowhere to be seen.
A defeated sigh slips from my lips and I tuck my chin to my chest, before I turn around and begin to walk down the steps. As I’m halfway down to the sidewalk, I hear the door behind me open in a rush.
“Eden,” Hayden breathes, and I can hear the confusion in his voice. “Where are you going?”
Turning around, I lift my chin to look at him. “Home,” I shrug dismissively, “I didn’t think you were here.”
“I am,” he says, stepping out into the coldness of the evening with just a pair of sweatpants on. My throat constricts, my eyes dropping to his bare chest for a moment as I trace the planes of his body that my hands have touched many times before. He’s perfectly chiseled, not too muscular but thin with definition. “I’m sorry. I was getting a quick shower and I told the guys to answer the door if you came, but they must not have heard the doorbell ring.”
My gaze travels up to his wet hair, hanging in a tousled mess just above his eyebrows. My heart is in my throat with the way he’s looking at me, a desperate, pleading look passing through his stormy eyes. Inhaling deeply, I begin to ascend back up the steps, only stopping as I reach him on the front porch.
Relief floods his expression and the corners of his lips twitch. “Stay?”
This is the Hayden King I was afraid of getting close to. The one who can melt the ice around my heart with the sound of his voice and the look in his eyes.
We’re silent for a moment, lost in each other’s burning gaze as his question hangs in the air around us. I don’t need to answer it, though, because we both already know I’m not going anywhere.
“Are you going to invite me in or are we going to stand out here until we turn into ice sculptures?”
Hayden chuckles, stepping out of the way as he waves me in. “You already are one, baby. The most ethereal, angelic one I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”
I can’t stop the laughter that falls from my lips as I attempt to ignore the fluttering in my stomach. Walking past him, I step inside as he follows behind and pulls the door shut, locking out the cold air.
“You know, you don’t have to do that,” I tell him, looking at him over my shoulder as I shrug off my coat.
Hayden takes it from me and hangs it up in the foyer as he raises an eyebrow. “Do what?”
“Say things like that to me,” I shrug, attempting to make the conversation more casual than the emotional undertone that lingers. “I’m already here. You don’t have to whisper sweet nothings to make me feel good or to try and get me in bed. I don’t need that from you.”
Hayden’s face contorts slightly, his eyebrows pulling together as a wave of something indistinguishable passes through his features. I half expect him to argue, but instead he just nods, falling silent before walking past me. There’s a weird shift and I feel uncomfortable as I follow him into the house.
He walks into the living room and I’m surprised when I see no one else is in there. The massive TV that is positioned on the wall has a list of movies up. Hayden walks over to the couch and drops down before glancing over at me as I awkwardly stand in the center of the room.
“Come sit with me,” he says softly, a smile forming on his lips as he places his arm on the back of the couch. “I don’t bite… unless you’re into that.”
A laugh gets caught in my throat and a strangled choking sound comes out instead. I feel the heat creeping up my neck before it spreads across my cheeks. Ducking my head, I shuffle my feet across the rug and drop down onto the couch next to him.
Hayden wraps his arm around the tops of my shoulders and I relax against him, reveling in his familiarity and comfortableness. Any awkward feelings I was having instantly vanish as soon as I’m cocooned in his warm arms.
“I thought maybe we could do something different tonight and watch a movie,” he murmurs, gently pressing his lips against the top of my head. My eyelids fall shut for a moment and I inhale deeply, attempting to calm my heart as it threatens to break free from its cage.
“That sounds nice,” I whisper, not fully trusting my voice. This is completely different for us, but it’s scary how normal it feels. Hayden picks up the remote and begins to go through the list of different movies.
I lean my head against his chest, not even paying attention to what he’s doing on the TV. With my ear pressed against him, I listen to the soft thumping of his heart and his voice as it vibrates inside his rib cage.
“You want to watch a horror movie?” he questions me as he lazily traces his fingers over my bare arm.
“Sure,” I agree, glancing at the TV even though I couldn’t care less what is on there. “You pick.”
Hayden settles on the newest Halloween movie, which is one I haven’t seen yet. The whole horror movie charade is completely overplayed, but I’ll play along with him. He already has me in his arms, so I’m not sure what more he could want by trying to scare me with a movie. What he doesn’t know about me is that I’m quite the horror buff. So, it’s laughable that I’m in this position right now.
Turning to face the TV, I position my back against his side and Hayden lazily drapes his arms around me. We both fall into a silence as we watch the TV and the movie begins. Just as it starts the opening scene, Hayden grabs the remote and pauses it.
“Do you want popcorn or a drink or something?” he questions me with a nervousness in his voice. I can’t help but smile as he searches my eyes with a panicked look.
Dear God, Hayden has really never done this before.
Bless his little playboy heart.
“Sure,” I smile at him. “Can I use your bathroom quick?” I don’t really have to go, but in this moment, I don’t know what else to do. Sit here and stare at the paused TV screen or follow him into the kitchen like a lost puppy?
Hayden nods as he rises to his feet. “If you go upstairs, it’s the first door on your right.”
I watch as he quickly disappears from the living room and slips into the kitchen. My footsteps are light on the floor as I make my way back to the foyer of the house and practically skip up the stairs. As I reach the second floor, it looks exactly like I would expect it to look with a group of guys living here.
The downstairs was much cleaner than I had expected, but up here is a different story. There’s random hockey equipment throughout the hall and scattered clothes. Whoever cleaned downstairs needs to come up here and do the same. I notice a few closed doors, two of them with the light peeking underneath.
Just as I reach the bathroom, one of the doors opens and Sterling steps out. His eyes meet mine, widening slightly as he pauses in the middle of the hall.
“Hey, Eden,” he says slowly, as if he’s approaching a spooked animal. The way he’s acting makes my heart constrict. There was a point where Sterling and I were close. We had a lot of classes together and he was new on the hockey team his freshman year, while Chance was a senior. Chance took him under his wing to show him the ropes and in the process, we became really good friends.
Sterling was Chance’s best friend, at least for that last year he was around. I couldn’t stay friends with Sterling after the breakup. It was just too painful for me, and he was too close to it all. I didn’t know the status of their friendship after Chance went to play professionally and, to be honest, I didn’t care to know anything about it.
“Hey, Sterling,” I offer in a friendly tone as I hover by the bathroom door. Suddenly I wish I would have decided to stay downstairs as I stare back at my old friend. “How are you?”
He completely ignores my question, his lips turning downward. “You and Hayden are hanging out, right? He told us he had someone coming over, but didn’t say who. I figured it was you.”
I cut my eyes at him. “Why does it matter what I’m doing?”
“Just be careful with him,” he warns, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “I saw how things ended with you and Orion and I would hate to see it go the same way with King.”
“I can take care of myself, but thanks, Sterling,” I quip, rolling my eyes at him. “I know exactly what I’m getting into with Hayden, and that’s between the two of us, not you.”
“Yeah, I know,” he says, his voice filled with defeat as he hangs his head for a moment. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. We were close at one point, Eden. I still care about you as a friend, like I did back then.”
A harsh laugh falls from my lips and I have no intention of stopping it as I glare at Sterling. “Is that so? I can tell that you really cared about me back then. You were so far up Chance’s ass, you of all people should have known his intentions, and you didn’t even think to give me a heads-up about it.”
“Are you kidding me?” he throws back at me, crossing his arms over his chest. “He played us all, Eden. You aren’t the only one he left behind.”
I stare at him for a moment, my body falling rigid as guilt rushes through my body. “What do you mean?”
“When he left, he wrote us all off. No one heard from him again after he started playing for the NHL. We were all just stepping stones to Orion, none of us actually mattered.”
I never once considered it as a possibility. I was too caught up in my own heartbreak from Chance Orion, that I never thought about him leaving everyone else. Severing all of the ties he had from his old life. There was a part of me that was convinced he and Sterling would have stayed friends, but hearing him now, it all makes sense.
“I’m really sorry, Sterling,” I tell him, my voice soft and quiet. I can’t help but feel terrible for him in this moment as the truth finally surfaces. “I had no idea.”
“How could you possibly have known?” he questions me, his voice harsh as he uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. “You were too wrapped up in yourself and what you were going through to even pay attention to anyone else.”
His words are like a slap across the face, the sting lingering as I stare back at him. Sterling’s chest rises as he inhales deeply. I watch the torment on his face as he shakes his head at me.
“None of it matters now, Eden,” he says in resignation, exhaling deeply. “I just hope you know what you’re doing with King.”
“I do,” I tell him, swallowing hard over the lump lodged in my throat.
“Good,” he nods as he turns around to head back to his bedroom, “because when he gets drafted, don’t be surprised if he pulls the same kind of shit.”
Sterling leaves me in the hallway with his words hanging heavily in the air. I hate to think about them, but he’s completely right. Nothing good will ever come from this with Hayden. He’ll leave me in the end, when it’s his time to move on in life.
And I just signed myself up for another heartbreak.
