“You getting ready to leave?” Winter asks me as she pokes her head in through the door to my bedroom. I’m sitting on the floor, putting things into my suitcase, as she steps inside. I lift my gaze to hers, watching her as she drops down onto the floor beside me.
“Yeah. Hayden said they would be leaving around ten so I thought I would leave around the same time.”
Winter stares at me for a moment. “Did you get your hotel figured out?”
I nod. “It’s only two blocks away from the arena they’re playing at.”
Hayden was the one who found the hotel and booked the room for me. I had called and tried to get the payment changed, because the last thing I wanted was for him to be paying for stuff for me. They wouldn’t let me change it without contacting him, so I let it go. Hayden was pissed when I told him about it, but whatever.
We’re not anything. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact when he continues to do nice things for me like I’m actually his girlfriend.
“What’s really going on with the two of you?” Winter questions me as she picks up a pair of jeans and folds them for me. “I haven’t wanted to pry, but the two of you have been spending a lot of time together… and now you’re going away with him for the weekend.”
“Well, not really. I’m just going to watch him play and spend the night there.”
Winter purses her lips, giving me a knowing look that is laced with disapproval. “Come on, Eden. Admit it. You’re in deep with Hayden King, and you fucking love it.”
My breath catches in my throat. Swallowing roughly over the knives that cut through my flesh, I shake my head, refusing to speak it into the universe. “We’re just messing around, Winter. It’s seriously nothing. It’s a nice distraction from the monotony of life and it’s fun.”
Winter shakes her head. “No. You don’t get to put your frigid walls up with me, Eden. I can see through your bullshit and I see how you are with him. It may have started off that way, but the two of you are both in so far over your heads, neither of you know which way is up or down.”
Emotion builds inside me and I busy myself with my hands, shoving things into my suitcase. I hate this feeling, the uncertainty of it all. I don’t know Hayden’s feelings, so that makes it harder for me to admit mine. I can’t let myself get lost in him when he has made it clear he doesn’t do relationships. At this point, I’m literally asking for him to break my heart.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
Fuck.
“No,” I shake my head and clear my throat as I zip my suitcase shut, “I don’t even like him, Winter.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
Rising to my feet, I lift my bag and set it on my bed. “I know,” I whisper, not fully trusting my voice. “I never should have gotten involved with him.”
Winter chuckles. “It’s a little late for that now,” she offers as she stands up and turns to look at me. “What happens now? Are you going to tell him how you feel?”
I snort. “What good would that do anyone?”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you and how he acts around you. You might be surprised to find that he feels the same way you do.”
The thought alone is quite comical. I can’t help it as a harsh laugh escapes me. “That is laughable.”
“When the two of you are alone this weekend, if it feels right, tell him,” Winter urges before she walks back through the doorway. She pauses in the hall, turning to face me one last time. “Life is too short, Eden. You don’t want to look back and have regrets one day. Don’t let him be the one who got away.”
Winter leaves me with her words hanging heavily in the air. My heart pounds rapidly in my chest at the thought alone—the possibility of sharing my feelings with Hayden and him feeling the same way. I understand what she’s saying, about life being too short. But is it short enough that it’s worth the heartbreak or the disappointment?
It’s almost as if I’ve gotten too comfortable with Hayden and the way things are between us. Thinking about messing that up gives me serious anxiety. And if I share my feelings with him, it’s bound to change everything between us. I can’t be the one who makes the first move where feelings are concerned. I’ll leave that ball in Hayden’s court.
And if he doesn’t share anything with me before graduation, then I suppose what’s meant to be will be.
The drive to the hotel wasn’t as long as it seemed. It took a few hours, but sometimes longer car rides can be relaxing. Having the ability to complete a mindless task like driving and having a long concert with yourself. Playing your music loud and singing your little heart out when there’s no one around to hear how terrible you sing.
Hayden texted me a few times while I was driving, and I tried to respond until he told me not to because he didn’t want me to not focus on the road. I hate when he does things like that. I wish he would just pretend that he doesn’t care. If he didn’t care, it would make this a lot simpler. That was what we agreed to—the simplicity of this arrangement. Not the complications that are quickly arising.
I check into my room and send Hayden a text when I get onto the elevator, letting him know everything is going well. He responds, letting me know they’re already on campus and in the guest dorms they’re staying in for the night. As I reach the twenty-second floor and find my hotel room, Hayden tells me they’re heading to the rink soon and for me to be there around six-thirty, since the game starts at seven.
As I walk into the hotel room, I swear I’m taken completely by surprise. It’s massive, especially for one person and one night. It’s a goddamn suite instead of a typical hotel room. Leaving my suitcase in the middle of the room, I walk over to the wall that is entirely made of windows and look out. It looks over the entire city and it’s absolutely breathtaking.
I’m not one for heights, but being able to see out across the horizon, there’s something that makes it seem majestic. Not only the buildings and the city buzzing beneath, but you can see the mountains in the horizon. Each cap is dusted with snow. It’s like something out of a painting and I’m lost for a moment, staring at the world’s beauty.
Finally pulling myself away from the windows, I walk back through the hotel room and take my bag into the bedroom. I pause in the doorway, my heart crawling into my throat as my eyes fall on the massive king-sized bed across from me. There are deep red rose petals scattered on top of the comforter, falling onto the floor as they leave a trail.
The petals are arranged in the shape of a heart and I notice a folded jersey in the center. As I reach for it, I see a handwritten note, no doubt from Hayden, tucked in the collar of it. Taking the jersey, I hold it up, noticing the Wyncote Wolves on the front. As I turn it around, I see King written in bold white letters across the top with the number 8 underneath.
Wear this for me for good luck tonight, baby.
I’d love to see you wearing my number.
Love, Hayden
My heart is in my throat as I clutch the jersey close to my chest and hold the note in one hand. Noticing the trail of petals on the floor, my feet take over and I follow them over to the Jacuzzi tub, where there are various salt scrubs and candles around it. None of them are lit, thankfully. I don’t know who Hayden paid to do all of this, but there’s no way I’m letting him get away with it.
My heart melts, the ice pooling around my feet as it turns to liquid. I’m so torn between it all. Part of me wants to slap him and tell him to knock it off. That we don’t do this kind of stuff. We’re not in a relationship, we’re not even friends. He can’t do this—my heart literally can’t handle it.
And the other part of me wants to swoon. To say fuck it all and lose myself in him completely.
I’m at war with myself, and it takes everything in me to turn around and get back to what I really need to do here. Lifting my suitcase onto the bed, I pull out my outfit for the game tonight and carry it into the bathroom with me. After stripping out of my clothes, I step into the hot water of the shower to wash my body.
I’ve never been to any of Hayden’s games before, so this is a first for me. We never talked about me coming to any of his home games and even though they’re open to the public, I couldn’t bring myself to show up. I wanted him to invite me. And here I am now… in a completely different city to watch him play this weekend.
This is one thing that Chance never did. He never asked me to go away with him and watch him play. He barely even invited me to his home games, but I still showed up because that’s what you do when you’re committed to someone. You support them endlessly and follow them to the ends of the earth to witness their dreams come true.
There was a time where I would have done that for Chance. With the way my life has worked out, I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad he ended things because while I was with him, I forgot about myself. And that is one thing I will never let happen again.
Regardless of what happens with Hayden and me, I refuse to give up my own dreams.
I won’t put myself second to someone else again.
