I’m not sure what the hell I was planning on doing once I found Zahra in the park but joining her on this bizarre day was the last idea on my mind. Yet here I am, a helpless bystander, desperate to be a part of her orbit in any way I can.
Today, I was more than willing to wait in a few long lines with Zahra because she said I needed to experience how the rest of the world lives. I’ve thrown off my entire diet by eating through half of Dreamland with her. I even agreed to walk through the House of Presidents, also known as Dreamland’s most boring fucking attraction, all because Zahra wanted to.
Everything I do today is for Zahra’s sweet smiles and soft laughs. She has the magnetism of the Bermuda Triangle, and I’m a lost plane desperate to land.
With the sun fading away, our day is slowly coming to an end. The idea of going back to my office fills me with dread.
“Hurry up!” Zahra yells at me. She takes off toward the German-inspired Christmas village set up in a corner of the park for the holiday season. Dreamland takes advantage of Christmas enthusiasts as soon as Halloween ends. It might only be the first day of November, but the park doesn’t miss an opportunity to profit off the holiday spirit.
With massive Christmas trees surrounding the plaza, it’s as if guests are transported to a different country.
“Come on!” She checks the time on her phone. “We’re going to miss it if we don’t pick up the pace.” She leads us toward the town square. I swipe two cups of hot chocolate from one of the stations and pass one to Zahra.
She smiles down at the tiny marshmallows swimming at the top of the cup. “How’d you know I like hot chocolate?”
“Because everyone likes hot chocolate.”
“I shouldn’t. We’ve basically eaten everything they sell at Dreamland.”
“If you complain about your weight, I’ll gouge my eyes out with this spoon.” My eyes trail down her body, taking in the way her clothes cling to her in the best kind of way. She’s got curves I’d love to memorize with the tip of my tongue and the brush of my lips. Blood relocates itself to my dick at the mental image of Zahra in my bed, covered by nothing but a silk sheet.
Her cheeks flush as she catches me staring. “My ex used to call me fat.”
My jaw clenches to the point of pain. This is the first time Zahra’s mentioned anything about her ex to me, and I wish I hadn’t heard anything about him. “I take it that’s why he’s an ex.”
“No. Sadly not. Although, I should’ve taken it as a sign.”
“That he was losing his vision?”
She lets out a sad excuse for a laugh, and I realize I never want to hear that version of her laugh again. A weird feeling claws up my chest to make her feel better.
“Seriously, what kind of idiot complains about a woman having curves? Off the record, your body is hot as fuck.”
Her cheeks turn into two red splotches. “Please pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“Why?”
“Because we shouldn’t be having this conversation. You’re my boss,” she whispers the words as if someone can hear us.
My molars press together. “I’m not technically your boss.”
“My contract begs to differ.”
“You report to Jenny, who then reports to me.”
“Well, you’re my boss’s boss, which means I should definitely not bring up my ex to you. So be a gentleman and shut up. Kay, thanks!”
I chuckle under my breath as I lean over and talk into her ear. “Gentle is the last thing I want to be around you.”
Her skin breaks out in goosebumps. “What are you doing?”
“Having fun.”
“Did I miss the start of the apocalypse or something?”
I unleash a small smile. Her eyes expand as she checks out my face.
She clears her throat, grabs my half-finished hot chocolate, and throws the cups away. By the time she comes back, her cheeks have lost their flush. I miss it.
“You’re cute when you get all flustered. If it was—” My response gets cut off by a chanting crowd counting down from ten. “What are they counting for?”
She beams as she looks up at me. “You’ll see!”
The crowd yells one and chaos erupts. Kids scream around us as foam snowflakes rain down around us. The hidden canisters across the quad spray us all and coat everyone’s hair and clothes in fake snow. Christmas music blasts from the speakers, basking the whole area in holiday cheer.
Zahra laughs as I swipe at my shoulder and bring the foam up to my eyes.
“What the hell is this? I don’t remember this being here when I was a kid.” My parents took us to this same village every year, yet I don’t recall snow being a part of the program.
“They added it last year!”
“This better not stain.” A pitiful excuse for a snowflake lands on my nose.
Her grin widens as she steps on her toes and brushes it away. “Don’t be such a stick in the mud.”
Foam rains around us, dropping onto her dark hair and clothes. Kids squeal and run around as they make foam angels on the grass.
“These people act like they’ve never seen snow before.”
“That’s because some of us haven’t!” She laughs up to the sky.
“Really?”
“Yes. Maybe one day.” She holds out her hand to collect more foam.
A child runs right into Zahra, throwing off her equilibrium. I reach out and grasp onto her arms before she topples to the ground. Another little speed demon runs right at her, but I tug her into me before he mows her down. Her hands smack against my chest and her eyes hold mine hostage. She feels perfect in my arms, and I’m tempted to keep her tucked beside me where I can protect her from all the darkness in the world, including myself.
I’m not sure what’s happening to me, but all I know is that I’m captivated by Zahra.
A piece of her hair flutters in the wind, dragging across her face. Without thinking, I grab onto the strand and tuck it behind her ear. My skin buzzes at the contact, and I cup her cheek to hold on to the moment. Her brown eyes sparkle despite the setting sun.
Everything around us slows as I lower my head. She meets me halfway, and our lips crash together. I’ve been craving this since our first kiss. Our bodies mold together like they’re two missing parts of a puzzle.
Energy crackles where our lips touch, and I feed off it like a desperate addict. Zahra sucks in a breath. I take the opportunity to trace her bottom lip with my tongue. Her body shudders as her fingers claw into the fabric of my suit.
My head grows cloudy and the noise around us fades as Zahra deepens the kiss. Her tongue teases mine as she wraps her arms around my neck. She tastes like mint chocolate, and I’m desperate for more. It’s as if all my senses have been kicked into hyperdrive, with my spine tingling and my lips buzzing for more. More of this. More of her. More of us.
Kissing Zahra is like reaching Heaven after an eternity spent in purgatory. Like I’ve spent most of my life hopelessly ambling around, waiting for her to show me the way back to the light. She’s divine with enough wickedness to make a sinner like me want to pray in devotion.
I groan as she presses into me. My growing erection is poorly restrained by my slacks, and Zahra gasps.
Another child screams as they barrel into us and shove us apart. Zahra wobbles, but she regains her balance by herself this time.
She steps out of my reach as she looks up at me with gaping, swollen lips. “So…”
“Go on a date with me.” I take a step toward her.
“What?!” She presses a hand against her mouth as if the gesture can stop me from kissing her again.
Am I the only one affected by our connection? There’s no way. “Should I repeat myself?”
“No! To both questions.”
“Why?” I step closer to her, taking in her fresh scent of citrus mixed with the soapy smell of the foam snowflakes.
“Do you need a bigger reason besides the fact that you’re my boss?”
“That’s never stopped you from doing what you wanted before.”
Her eyes drop to the floor. “It doesn’t matter. You’re the last person I should want.”
Her words throw me back into the past—of the boy who was rejected until he learned to stop caring.
The vein in my forehead throbs. “Yeah, well, I’m not supposed to be attracted to an insufferable female who drives me to the brink of insanity yet here we are. You represent everything I dislike in someone.”
She winces. “That’s the way you really feel about me?”
Fuck. That came out all wrong. Somehow, I watched Mr. Darcy fuck up seventeen times yet still managed to fall into the same trap.
Her eyes shine, instantly making myself feel shittier.
“Shit. I didn’t mean it like that.” I cup her elbow, but she rips her arm away.
“You know what? Forget this. All I’ve done is make excuses for your behavior because I was hoping there was a decent guy underneath all that anger. But in reality, you’re nothing but a jerk who gets off on making everyone as miserable as you.” Her bottom lip wobbles.
No. That can’t be true. That’s something my father does, not me. I’m practical and blunt. There’s a difference between that and being a miserable fuck like my father.
But the way she looks at me makes me consider it for a second.
My chest tightens. “Zahra, I’m sorry. Hear me out—”
“I don’t want your apology. It means nothing coming from someone who wouldn’t know the first thing about feeling remorseful.”
I feel as foolish as motherfucking Mr. Darcy.
You’re comparing yourself to the fictional characters she loves now?
You’re fucked. Absolutely fucked.
My stomach rolls. I’m tempted to say something snappy back, but I hold back. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. The one who loses the girl before he even had a chance. The same one who hides behind a pseudonym and waits up for her messages because I hate the crippling loneliness that hits me every time I walk into my empty house.
No. From here on out, I’m choosing to be better with her. Even if I made this mistake, I can still keep trying anyway.
“Forget this kiss happened. God knows I will.” She turns and walks away without a second glance.
Something about her departure has my chest tightening to the point of difficulty breathing. I go to grab my Tums bottle from my blazer’s inner pocket, only to find the damn thing empty. It’s a perfect representation of how I feel now that Zahra’s gone.
Nothing but empty.
Asking Zahra out on a date like that was careless. I got caught up in the moment and it was the first thing I thought of. It was stupid, especially when she sees me one way while I see her in another light.
I thought I could go back to pretending to be Scott, but after kissing Zahra, I can’t do it. It feels…wrong. Like I don’t fit into that persona anymore because my interest in Zahra has evolved. I don’t want to pretend I’m some loser who has no contact with people. I don’t want to pretend anymore. Period.
So I start a new conversation as Rowan. From now on, that’s all she’ll get from me.
Me: I need you to meet me at my office tomorrow at 8 p.m.
I release a pent-up breath when she finally responds an hour later.
Zahra: Okay.
Her simple answer makes me edgy for the rest of the night. She’s not the kind of person to do simple anything, and I don’t like receiving a one-worded message from her. She would never do that to Scott, yet with me, she doesn’t even try.
You sound jealous of your own damn self.
I consider canceling the meeting twice before shoving my phone in a drawer and ignoring any messages Scott received from Zahra. It needs to be done. She’ll accept my reasoning behind pretending. It’s not like I could admit who I was to her when it’s hard to trust anyone besides myself and my brothers.
What if she doesn’t forgive you?
She will. There’s nothing wrong with what I did. I have no doubt if she was raised the same way I was, she would do the same thing without blinking.
Right.
