I push my shoulders back and knock on the door to Rowan’s office. I’m ready for whatever he might throw at me after our little spat, although my heart feels like it’s been permanently lodged in my throat after his text message yesterday.
“Come in.”
I open the door and find Rowan seated on the opposite side of his desk. His button-down shirt is wrinkled, and the sleeves are rolled up, revealing his strong forearms. The best kind of vein porn makes my mouth water, and I’m tempted to trace them with my lips.
I stop moving once I look up at his face.
Rowan wears glasses. Thick, black-rimmed glasses that belong on some superhero moonlighting as a reporter. I’m caught off guard by the look. It’s…God…wow. They make his face look harsher, bringing out every sharp angle. I want to reach out and touch the dark shadow covering his jawline.
It adds to his more rugged, after-hours look. While a clean-cut Rowan is enticing, this disheveled version has my blood pumping to the beat of my erratic heart.
“Have a seat.” He gestures to the empty chair across from his desk.
I follow his order, dropping into the chair. It’s hard to remain graceful when I’m prone to drooling.
Rowan pulls out some file and drops it on his desk in front of him. His eyes remain focused on his clenched fists on either side of the file, and I’m pretty sure my heart might explode from the irritating silence.
“What’s this?” I gesture at the file. “Please tell me that’s not an NDA or something nefarious.”
He rips his glasses off. I mourn the loss as they slide across the desk. “No. Nothing like that.”
“Okay then…”
He won’t even look me in the eyes. “I brought you here under false pretenses.”
“I’m sorry. What?”
“Hear me out before you do anything.” He looks up at me with guarded eyes.
“Umm…okay?”
He clutches onto the file, making it bend. “I made a decision a few months ago that had a longer-lasting impact than I intended. While it wasn’t made with the most favorable intention at the time, it quickly became something I enjoyed.”
“I’m not following.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know how to say this without making you upset.”
A cold feeling trickles through my veins. If Rowan is afraid of upsetting me, it can’t be good.
“Well, try.” My teeth grind together. The blood whooshing through my ears makes concentrating a nearly impossible task.
He releases the folder and slides it in my direction. “Open it.”
I open the file with a shaky finger. The very first page is a mock-up of my mandap from the Hindu wedding. I’m stuck in a trance as I flip through pages of sketches I asked Scott to draw for me. There are even a few drawings that never made it into my presentations because Scott and I decided against it.
“Did Scott send you these?” My voice trembles. How else would Rowan have access to all these images?
He shakes his head.
“Am I in trouble? I thought it was okay for me to work with him.”
“No. You’re not in trouble.”
“But how do you have these?”
He releases a heavy breath. “Because there is no Scott.”
My chest squeezes to the point of pain. “What do you mean?”
His jaw locks. “I’m the one who’s been talking to you this whole time.”
After all the hours I’ve spent feeling guilty over my growing feelings for Rowan and Scott, they were the same person?
“Are you kidding me?” I shake my head as if that could erase the truth.
“No.”
Acid inches up my throat. I swallow, trying to ease the lump, but nothing helps.
How could Rowan lie to me like this? I thought he was safe in a weird kind of way. That his sharp wit and purposeful words meant he was a straight shooter with little time for bullshit.
Oh God. Rowan’s impeccable timing makes perfect sense now. Like when he showed up at my cubicle, offering to buy me takeout food after I told Scott I skipped dinner. It would take me hours to sift through all my memories to connect the dots, but I don’t need to bother. There’s only one conclusion.
I was wrong about Rowan. He’s the worst kind of liar and the type of man who made me believe in a lie for months because of whatever sick game he wanted to play with me.
Wetness clings to my eyes but I blink it away. I don’t have a right to be upset with anyone but myself. It’s my fault I texted a stranger, thinking I could get out of this unscathed. I trusted Scott despite the warning signs I was too stupid to ignore.
Have fun, Claire said to me time and time again.
Be brave, Ani chanted like a war cry.
And for what? This feeling in my chest at the idea of losing something I never had? Screw that.
I shut my eyes as if it can block out everything unfolding before me. “Why?”
Why would you do this?
Why lie to me for months?
Why pretend you cared about me?
So many questions batter my brain, yet I can’t find the words to attack him.
His eyes drop to his fists. “At first, I wasn’t sure about your motives. Texting you was supposed to be a way to make sure you weren’t secretly conspiring against me after our first kiss.”
Is he serious?! “You wanted to spy on me?”
“No. Not spy. I was checking to make sure you were genuine.”
I’m floored by the conversation. I can’t believe he would only talk to me because he wasn’t sure if I would make a scandal out of us. The thought hurts.
He continues. “But I realized I was foolish because you really are this kind-hearted person who wanted to entertain some lonely guy you’d never even met.”
“A person who doesn’t even exist,” I snap.
“I’m him. I swear I never lied to you as Scott besides the obvious. And once I realized the mistake I made, I couldn’t stop. I started looking forward to our conversations, and I knew you would be upset—”
I hold my hand up and shut my eyes. “Stop.”
He doesn’t bother listening. “I never meant for everything to get so…out of control. There were plenty of times I considered admitting the truth because I wanted you to look at me the same way you looked at your damn phone.”
I don’t know what that even means, but I’m not about to ask. “Consider the feeling long gone.”
His brows pull together. “You can’t mean that.”
“Really? What exactly do you feel toward me?”
He rubs his bottom lip with his thumb. “I want to spend more time around you.”
I shove the file toward him. “Your feelings are irrelevant. I don’t care what you want because I’m not open to any of it. This was all a mistake.”
His entire body locks up under his shirt, making the veins in his arms stand out. “I had every intention to stop messaging you, but I couldn’t find the courage to stop.” His declaration rips at my resolve against him.
I take a few deep breaths and consider his level of betrayal.
No. He’s good at lying and saying anything to keep me hooked. No more.
“I can’t trust you when all you do is lie.” My voice cracks.
His eyes soften around the edges. “I promise that every conversation we had was real. The person I am with you…that’s who I am. You probably know me better than anyone.” He trips over his words.
“I don’t care.” I shake my head. How can he expect me to believe a single word out of his mouth?
“I swear I wanted to tell you.”
“But let me guess—there was never a right time.”
He nods.
I let out a shrill laugh. “You liars are all the same. It’s amazing how no matter the circumstance, people like you find a way to justify your actions with the same cliché reason.” Lance gave me a similar speech after I caught him in the act with Tammy, and now Rowan’s doing the same. The truth is that there never will be a right time to break someone’s heart.
He blinks at me. “I understand you’re upset—”
A strange noise escapes my throat. “Upset doesn’t begin to cover how I feel.”
I thought I had a chance with Rowan. It might look stupid now, but we seemed…connected. And with Scott—I’ve spent too many hours feeling guilty over kissing Rowan while texting him.
At least you know the truth now. Before you invested your heart in a losing battle.
I stand with shaky legs and grab my backpack from the floor.
“What are you doing?” He rises above me.
“I’m leaving. We’re done here.”
“That’s it? I deserve an opportunity to explain myself and make it up to you.”
I shake my head. “Are you for real? You deserve nothing but a courtesy hello whenever we pass each other in a hallway.”
“You’re going to throw months of friendship away because of this? I’m coming clean now when I didn’t need to. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Does he seriously believe him being honest is some kind of achievement? I stare at him, unsure how the hell he could expect anything close to appreciation.
He’s a man who gets everything he wants. You’re probably the first person who dares to tell him no.
“We were never friends to begin with. You made sure of that when you decided to lie to me as Scott while manipulating my attraction for Rowan.” I release a bitter laugh. “Maybe the reason you don’t have friends has nothing to do with being awkward or wanting to protect yourself from other people. It’s because you are so damn cynical about everyone and everything. Who would want to open themselves up to someone like that? I sure as hell don’t.”
He recoils, and I instantly feel shitty. This isn’t me. I’m not the kind of person who hurts others on purpose.
I sigh, trying to gain control over my temper. “Maybe one day you’ll be open to the idea of showing the world the real you, rather than hiding behind your mask of indifference. Life’s too short to hide who you are because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Just like life’s too short for me to give someone like you another chance.”
I’ve never seen Rowan wince before, and it makes me sick to my stomach to upset him like this. I don’t want to hurt him despite everything he did, but I won’t be silenced anymore. I spent too much time holding back because I was afraid of standing up for myself. I did it when Lance stole my idea, and I allowed it when Regina treated me poorly because she felt like it.
Not anymore.
I leave without giving him a second glance.
I slam the door to my bedroom and drop onto my bed in a huff.
Claire pops her head in. One side of her head is still curly while the other side is straight as a pin. “What happened?”
I sit up. “Remember Scott?”
“How can anyone forget Scott?” She says his name in a sing-song kind of way.
“Well, I plan on it. I want to pretend he never existed, seeing as he never did.” My voice cracks.
“What are you even talking about? Was he a grandpa after all? I had a feeling after he quoted Casablanca that one time.”
“No. I wish that was my issue. That would be way easier than the alternative.”
She hops on my bed and crosses her legs. “What happened?”
My bottom lip wobbles. “Turns out Scott is actually Rowan.”
Her mouth opens before closing again. “Oh. Wow. I didn’t expect that.”
I drop my head in my hands. “You and me both.”
“How did you find out?”
I spill all the details I know up until this point. Claire listens to every word, only interrupting to ask for clarifications when she’s confused.
She clasps her hands together. “Well, this isn’t the worst news.”
“How could you even say that? He lied!” I grab a pillow and hold it to my chest.
“Sure. I’m not excusing that. But at least now you don’t have to feel guilty about being interested in both of them.”
“That’s because I’m not interested in either of them anymore.”
“Well, shit. Of course not. He really screwed up.”
“I thought… He seemed—I mean…” I can’t find the words to describe how I feel. The other day, I wondered if Rowan could be someone I could see myself falling in love with. But after this, I don’t know how he expects me to forgive him. Because if he could lie to my face for months, what’s to say he won’t lie to me whenever it conveniences him? I was dumb enough to not question him to begin with.
A liar is a liar, no matter what excuse they have. And honestly, I can’t imagine anything is worth deceiving me for as long as he did.
