Zahra’s hand shivers against mine. “Are you going to tell me where we are going?”
“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore.”
She rearranges a scarf over her face. Her entire body trembles despite me lending her my only coat because Ani packed her a jean jacket.
The two pom-poms at the top of her hat bob as she follows me down the busy street. “Does this surprise include something warm to drink? I can barely feel my toes anymore.”
“That’s because your sneakers aren’t meant for this weather.”
“I don’t think my sister had a clue how cold it gets here.” She rubs her gloved hands together.
I should’ve bought her better winter clothes while we were here. She’s trembling like a leaf and I’m afraid she’ll fly away with the next gust of wind.
“You’re not ready for a Chicago winter if you think this is cold.”
“I didn’t know I was expecting a Chicago winter anything.”
I smack one of her pom-poms. “You’re my date for the New Year’s Eve gala.”
“What kind of selfish people host a gala on New Year’s? Don’t people like to spend it with their families?”
“Sure, if they’re ninety and in a retirement home.” I grab her hand and cross the road with her. Despite her neon jacket, I don’t trust her not to get stuck in oncoming traffic because she’s amazed by all the lights and people.
“Do you ever ask instead of order? First, it was going to New York. Now it’s a gala for New Year’s. Do I have a choice when it comes to you?”
“Sure. Tonight you can decide how you want to have sex first.” I grin. The muscles in my face feel looser this time like I’m finally adjusting to this kind of gesture.
She smacks my arm with the edge of her scarf. “How generous of you.”
“Come on. We’re almost there. Just one more street over.”
We make it to Rockefeller Center. A crowd of people surrounds the massive tree dazzling with multicolored lights.
Zahra cranes her neck back to get a look at the seventy-five-foot-tall tree. “Wow. This puts the Dreamland tree to shame!”
I’m tempted to make the next tree at Dreamland as gigantic as this one to make her this happy.
I wrap my arm around her and tuck her into my side. “What do you think?”
“That this is the closest thing we have to magic. Seriously, how do they even find a tree that large? The North Pole?”
I choke on a laugh. “More like somewhere in Connecticut.”
“Way to ruin the dream.” Zahra stares up at the lights while I look at her. I’ve never cared for silly traditions like visiting the Rockefeller tree but watching Zahra smile as she experiences new things revives a damaged part of me. It makes me want to find other things that would amaze her if only to recreate the same kind of look of wonder on her face.
I’m screwed. Absolutely losing my goddamn mind.
Her eyes light up like the damn tree as she turns and checks out the ice-skating rink behind us. “So, how hard would it be to convince you to go ice skating right now?”
I can’t ice skate to save my life. Where Declan and Cal crushed their minor league hockey teams, I preferred more creative pastimes. I have a higher chance of chipping a tooth tonight than getting laid, yet I don’t care.
“Give me your terms.”
She rolls her eyes. “Everything is a deal for you.”
I tap her red nose. “You’re a fast learner.”
Her smile rivals the star at the top of the tree.
Yup. I’m royally screwed.
“There’s one last thing I want to do.” Zahra clutches onto my hand.
Snowflakes fall around us, covering our coats and hats.
“Ice skating wasn’t enough for you?”
She shakes her head. “Can we take a walk through Central Park? Please?”
“I lost all feeling below my knees about thirty minutes ago.” I blow a breath just to prove my point. The smoky air disappears into the night.
“That’s because you spent more time on your hands and knees than actually skating.”
My lungs burn from laughing. The warmth spreading through my chest combats the chilly air.
She drags my hand in the wrong direction. “Come on. It’s only a quick walk. I googled it.”
“No.”
“Don’t be such a drag.” Her pout, while cute, does absolutely nothing to me.
“Consider myself unmoved by your display.”
“Please? There’s one last little thing I want to do.” Her bottom lip wobbles. Her lashes flutter, collecting snowflakes in their wake.
My resolve melts. I cup her windburned cheek. Her smile grows as I drag my thumb back and forth across her frozen skin.
Damn. My balls have officially become a prisoner of war.
“Fine. But only for fifteen minutes. Your nose is about to detach from your body.” I flick the red tip.
Zahra beams. For her smile, I’d do just about anything.
I was a fool for thinking fifteen minutes was enough time. There was no way in hell I was dragging Zahra out of the park without her kicking and screaming. The one little thing she wanted to do turned into two things, and then three. Then, before I know it, I’m making a snowman in the middle of Central Park after doing a ridiculous sleigh ride through the entire place.
“Did you find the buttons?” Zahra lets out a ragged breath. She drops three branches by my boots.
I place the three small pebbles I sifted through inches of snow to find.
“Yes! Perfect.” Zahra looks at the rocks like they’re diamonds.
Never in my life would I have considered building a snowman to be this much fun. Watching Zahra experience snow for the first time is like being around a little kid on Christmas morning. I’ve never felt such joy like this before. At least not since I was a little kid myself.
I want to steal more of Zahra’s firsts. Anything to recreate that smile she has while looking at a pile of rocks and a lopsided snowman. I want to own her smile just as much as I want to own every other part of her.
She laughs as she rolls the head of the snowman around and around, making the ball larger with each pass.
“Are you sure you’re twenty-three years old?” I tease.
“Oh, come on. The closest thing I had to a snowman was one made of sand. Let me live a little.”
“Remember this moment when you end up stuck in bed with a bowl of chicken soup in a couple of days.”
“Who cares. We’re living for today.”
“That’s great and all until I lose nine out of ten fingers from frostbite.”
“Aw, poor baby.” She grabs my gloved hand and kisses each finger.
“I know something a little lower that could use a warm kiss too.”
A laugh explodes out of her. I lean over and peck a soft kiss on the curve of her neck, too tempted by her exposed flesh.
Her eyes heat as she gathers herself. “Let’s go, Jack Frost. We’re almost done.” She runs a mittened hand across my zipper, bringing my dick to life.
Zahra has that kind of power over me. A few touches from her, and my dick is all systems go.
“Where the fuck have you been? You’ve been ignoring me,” Declan snaps the moment I answer his call.
“I’ve been busy.” I lock the door to my office just in case Zahra gets out of the shower faster than anticipated.
“Busy doing what exactly? Scheduling book signings in New York for no other reason except that you’re losing your goddamn mind?”
My grip on the phone tightens. “How did you find out about that?”
“I know about everything that happens within the company, including the fact that you took a vacation for the first time in years. What the hell is going on with you?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Give me the abridged version.”
I drop into my leather chair. “Is this the real reason behind your call?”
“No, but I want to know why you’re acting like a dumbass only a few weeks before the vote.”
“I decided to spend a weekend doing something I liked.”
“Save me the bullshit excuse about New York.”
“I don’t need to give you an excuse. You’re not my keeper.”
“No, but I’m the one who’s going to knock some sense into you when you’ve clearly lost your goddamn mind over a woman.”
What the fuck? He knows about Zahra? “Who told you anything?”
“I have eyes and ears everywhere, Rowan.”
“Stop poking around in my affairs. If I wanted to tell you what I was up to, I would.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You never do.”
I chuckle low under my breath.
He sighs like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I’m worried about you.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t be.” It feels pointless to even say it. Declan might act like a hardass, but I know it comes from a good place. His protective instinct has been ingrained in him since a young age.
“I don’t like the idea of some woman manipulating you into taking time off so close before the vote. It’s suspicious.”
My jaw clamps down. “I don’t see how that’s possible when it was my idea.”
“You actually like her?” He laughs mockingly.
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“And to think I considered you my more intelligent brother. What a disappointment.”
My molars grind together. “Declan, I’m in the middle of something so either get to the point of your phone call or I’m going to hang up.”
“The letters have been sent to Grandpa’s chosen voting committee.”
Fuck. This is the last kind of stressor I need. “Any word on who he picked?”
“No, but you need to get your shit together because we’re all depending on your presentation.”
“I’ve been prepping for months. There’s no way I don’t have this vote locked down.”
“Good. Once you get the approving votes, you’ll spend a month transitioning the next Director into the role and they’ll take on the project from there.”
“I thought while you were settling everything with your part of the letter, I could stay here and oversee the project myself.” The idea slips out of me. If I stay at Dreamland, it will give me time to work through my feelings for Zahra without sacrificing anything in the process.
If we fizzle out, I go back to Chicago like planned.
And if you don’t?
The silence coming from Declan’s end of the phone makes the back of my neck prickle.
“I thought you were joking.” He speaks after a whole minute.
“No. What’s the point in me moving back if you still haven’t gotten married yet?”
“You’re going to shadow me and take over a portion of my CFO role so I can concentrate on finding my future wife.”
My teeth grind together. “Give me six more months as the Director. It’ll be less confusing for the employees to have a Director for a whole year.”
“Since when do you care about confusing employees?”
“It’s my job to care.”
Declan’s low laugh carries through the small speaker. “No. It’s your job to finish up and move back to Chicago after the vote.”
“Grandpa said I have to be Director for at least six months. But he never stated when I had to leave.”
“I’m well aware of what Grandpa said. It doesn’t change the outcome for you. I’ve already chosen the next Director and he will be contacting your secretary after the vote.”
“You’re not the CEO yet. You can’t force me to move back whenever you snap your fingers.”
“Let’s be real. The only reason you’re interested in staying there is because of a woman. You don’t even like Dreamland, so cut the shit.”
My nails dig into my palm. “No. That’s not true. I actually enjoy this job.”
He sighs in a way that reminds me of when we were kids and I begged him for dessert before dinner. “Rowan, if you really want to be the Director, you can go back to Dreamland once I secure my CEO position. Until then, let’s get everything sorted out with each of our letters before you go changing the plans.”
Fuck. I put him on speaker and run my hands through my hair.
How am I supposed to choose between my brother and Zahra? My distress over the decision is laughable after everything Declan has done for me throughout my life.
I hate that my brother has a point. I hate that I know I owe him this much, despite my feelings toward Zahra. Declan was always there for me when my father was drunk or absent. He was the one who taught me how to ride a bike just like he was the one who stayed up late helping me with my homework despite having his own. Hell, he sacrificed an Ivy League education so he could stay in Chicago to take care of Cal and me. In some ways, he became a parent figure when I didn’t have one.
All I feel is abdominal distress at the idea of choosing him over Zahra. Nothing about moving back to Chicago seems easy, especially now.
You were the one who wanted something casual with Zahra. Get over it.
I release a heavy sigh. “Okay.”
I expect some type of relief at agreeing to his plan, but instead, I feel a heavy weight pressing against my chest. Because to please my brother, I’m bound to hurt the one person I’ve grown to care about.
