Fuck!
Everything’s fucked.
That first day I met Mila Hart, I knew she was going to be a problem. Hell, she wasn’t what I had been expecting at all. I knew then I was in trouble.
She’s gorgeous, and she doesn’t even have to try. It’s just who she is. She could be wearing that tiny little bikini in my hot tub or an oversized hoodie while stuffing her face with popcorn on the sofa. Either way, she’s beautiful. Mila has that girl-next-door vibe; she makes sweet and charming seem effortless.
But her no shits given, smart mouth, princess attitude, that’s what sealed the deal. I love it, even though I shouldn’t. I never wanted to feel this way about anyone. Didn’t want what my parents had. Their marriage and divorce swore me off relationships. I keep my heart locked tight. But a little blonde firecracker—who cockblocked me within an hour of our meeting—has wormed her way in, and I want to keep her.
I do, and that’s the dilemma.
I wish she was a bitch from New York. I wish she wasn’t the daughter of James…the only reason I even know her is because her dad is dating Mom. I wouldn’t have met her otherwise. Okay, I might have seen her at a Rebels game or a party. I never would have gotten to know her. We might have hooked up for a night, and that would be the end of it. I wouldn’t feel like this about her because I wouldn’t have known the real her.
I’d been straight-up honest with Mila when I said I didn’t have sisterly thoughts of her that first day. She cockblocked me. I agreed to it, thinking this was just some physical attraction and that it meant nothing. Well, I was wrong.
The no fucking each other rule…what dumbass agreed to that?
Yeah, that rule made sense, for all of a week, maybe. That’s how long it took me to realize it’s not only physical, but this girl has also gotten under my skin. Everything she does, every time I see or think of her, makes my heartbeat that little bit faster. I love the way she pushes my buttons, constantly messing around and testing my limits. She’s always herself. She never pretends to be something different.
Mila teases and flirts, but it’s always with the understanding that nothing’s going to happen. I tease and flirt with her just as much as she does me, but there’s a safety barrier between us. We already have the rule in place, which makes it easier to be myself and drop my guard, since I don’t have to impress her. We know it’s just a game. At least it was at the start.
She’s forbidden and off-limits. Same for me where she’s concerned. Only, we made the rules to this game, so we can break them.
It’s all fun and games until one of us catches feelings, and I didn’t expect it to be me. She has a boyfriend…hell, she has two, and I don’t even get how that works, but I’m a jealous mess. I like Hunter—he’s fun and a good guy. But now, every time I see him with Mila, I want to punch his smug smile right off his face. Fucker got the girl. My girl.
He knows I have a thing for Mila. Hell, he probably figured it out before I did. He hasn’t said anything to me since I walked in on them that morning, and I acted like a complete asshole. I guess he feels safe since she’s always loved him; I can’t compete with him. He doesn’t view me as a threat.
Not like Roman. He sees me as someone who will take her away. I don’t know him well, but I can tell he would fight to the death before losing Mila. She would do the same for him. Hell, she went to save Roman from his abusive dad and ended up killing the man in self-defense.
I’d like to think I can handle myself in a fight. I work out and keep fit for football. But Roman is bigger, quicker, and stronger than me. I wouldn’t stand a chance if he saw me as a threat and wanted to eliminate me.
“Asher, what’s wrong?” Mom asks.
I look up from my now-cold meal. Everyone at the dinner table is watching me…well, almost everyone. Mila’s beside me and looking anywhere but at me. Fuck, I can’t even get through a meal without obsessing over her.
She smells like roses today, a new perfume. I haven’t smelled that one on her before. Fuck, what’s wrong with me? I need to get over her. Over whatever this is between us…well, what I feel.
I let out a deep breath and shrug, “nothing.” A cryptic answer.
Something mom isn’t used to from me. As she tilts her head and questions me with her eyes, I look away, unable to lie to her. She can see right through me, and I hope she drops this. But I have a feeling that, when we’re alone, she’ll ask me again, and I don’t want to tell her what’s really wrong. She will have to deal with “nothing” as an answer for a long time.
“I just want to ask,” James starts, and I look over at him. His eyes met mine then dart to Mila. Fuck. Does he know? Can he see right through me. “Did you have a fight? Is there something upsetting you both? You haven’t been yourselves in weeks.”
How do I answer that? Yeah, well, weeks ago, I did something dumb by telling your daughter I want her and messed up what we had, and I don’t know if I can fix it or if I even want it to go back to the way it was before.
I don’t think I can answer. I fucked up everything by admitting my feeling, something I’ve never done before, and I did it in the worse way possible. I’m angry and irritated at myself for being such an asshole about it. That’s not what I wanted. I wanted to tell her I like her and ask her out on a date. But I was too late to tell her. She has Hunter now.
I was angry at Hunter for beating me to it and myself for waiting so long to tell her. Then angry at myself for thinking I even stood a chance against him and their history.
I never did.
I never will.
So instead, I try and push down these feelings, but they continue to simmer just below the surface. But it’s clear, I’m not being careful enough. James and Mom are seeing right through my fake smiles and quiet head nods.
“No, Dad,” Mila answers. “We didn’t have a fight. I’ve just had a lot on my mind with everything, and it’s exhausting trying to catch up on all of my work.”
James nods slightly. “Maybe you shouldn’t see Hunter and Roman as much. Then, you will have a chance to catch up. I will call the school and explain why you need more time.
“You can take all the time you need, sweetheart. They need understand that you will be behind after what happened.”
I perk up—that’s a great idea. If she sees Hunter and Roman less, I could help her with her homework and maybe fix what’s broken between us.
When Mila shifts slightly, her arm brushes mine. My breath hitches slightly, and she pulls it back just as fast. My chest grows heavy. I did this. I messed up everything.
What we had before was amazing, and I miss it that now I don’t have it. I would rather be heartbroken and still have the flirty, fun Mila than what I have now. I miss the way she would always come find me first when she came over to the house. The way she would flop onto my bed and poke my ribs and tell me silly jokes. The way she laughed at my dumb jokes and bad flirting.
“I can help with your work. I’m a great tutor,” I blurt out.
Mom’s brows raise, as if she has just caught me in a lie, but then I see her smile and nod.
“No,” Mila whips out quickly, then straightens up beside me. “I mean, no thank you, I’m fine. Hunter has been helping me. He knows the work already, since we go to the same school and have the same classes.”
Well, I read that loud and clear. Just like a stab to the heart.
“What do you mean you’re going to crash a Rebels Halloween party?” Walker yells as he turns to me from the passenger seat of my car. He flicks his eye patch up to glare at me better, and I roll my eyes.
“I’m not crashing… I just wasn’t officially invited.” I whisper the last part under my breath.
So what if I wasn’t invited? I know Emerson Henty is throwing it and that Mila will be there. I saw what she was wearing earlier, and I just… I need to see her. I need to apologize to her. To Hunter and Roman. Fuck, I have no plans going into this. All I know is that I have to see her and make this right.
“I thought we were going to Melissa’s. I had that hot dancer from Royale Academy all lined up for tonight.” He huffs.
Crossing his arms against his chest, he sags into the leather seat. I don’t say anything; I just continue with my stupid plan.
He sits up, running his hand over his face and shakes his head. “I love you, man, you know that, but fuck. You need to give her up. You told her how you feel, and you fucked that up by spending the entire night drowning yourself in any alcohol you could get your hands on. Then you passed out on the recliner downstairs.
“I’m sure Tanner loved that, though. He took the room I gave you and hooked up with Trisha. Lucky son of a bitch.” Walker shakes his head and whistles lowly.
I don’t want to hear what he’s got to say next because I know what happened. I was there.
“You were still drunk when you went charging in there. Trying to be what? A knight who smelled like sweat and booze and rescue her from her boyfriend—who I happen to like, and I thought you did too. Hunter’s a good guy, and as much as I want to be your friend and say positive things, I can’t, man. You don’t stand a chance against him. Mila and him, their history. They’re the type of couple you see in movies. Endgame shit. White picket fence and kids, man.”
“I want that,” I mutter. I do. With Mila.
“Look, think about it this way. She cockblocked you, she is probably gonna be your stepsister, and I still think you want her because she is the one girl who won’t fall at your feet. You used to be a player at parties, but when was the last time you got laid?”
“Fuck you.” I grip the steering wheel a little tighter.
“Exactly. Fuck… some chick. Preferably tonight, so you can stop this shit. She’s there with them, you know. This isn’t the fairy tale. She isn’t gonna run at you with her arms wide and declare she loves you. She’s gonna be all loved up with Hunter and Roman. Her boyfriend’s. So, let’s turn around and go to Melissa’s.”
I roll my head from side to side; my neck is tight, and I’m anxious. I’d hoped to have Walker on my side. Hunter’s a good guy—I’m not denying it—but I need to do this. I have to fix this now before I go home, even if I have to lie to make this weirdness stop. Looking out to the road in front of me, I let out a deep breath and shake my head.
“I know, but I just… you don’t get it, okay? I need to fix this. I need to tell her that I take it all back. She doesn’t feel the same way, and I want us to be like we were.” I miss that. Being so honest and telling her all my secrets. I loved having someone to confide in.
He doesn’t speak again; he just sits there, tapping away at his phone, as I head toward the party we weren’t invited to. When Mila sees me there… I don’t know what I’ll say first or how I’m going to say it. Will she realize I’m there for her, that I want to fix whatever this is between us?
I’ll have to pretend that I’m not falling in love with her. That I want to be friends and spend time with her like we used to. Even if I have to watch her all coupled up with Hunter and Roman. Hell, I want to ask her what that’s about and how it works. Maybe there’s room for me? But how? I can’t without sounding like a jealous asshole, and I don’t want to be that.
“I gave Hunter a heads-up, but you need to stop this after tonight. Find another girl, and fuck Mila out of your system. There are plenty of girls waiting for us at Melissa’s, so go, say you’re sorry, then let’s go get some pussy. Hell, I’ll even let you have the hot dancer.”
My fingers tighten around the steering wheel. I don’t want some hot dancer. Walker doesn’t get it, but I can’t blame him. I’d be acting the same way in his shoes. I didn’t know that you could feel this way about someone. He doesn’t get that I just can’t fuck Mila out of my system. That’s not how this works. At least, it’s not going to work for me.
Until I get over this, I will continue torturing myself around her. I keep telling myself she won’t meet my eyes because she feels something too, and the moment she does, she’ll give in and kiss me.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m acting like a character in one of Mom’s sappy Christmas romances that she watches year-round with Madison. I might have accidentally sat down and watched a few of them too. But it’s not that simple. That shit isn’t real. She isn’t a city girl from New York while I’m some small-town country boy that she doesn’t even know she needed in her life. She was here before… she has an entire past that will give her the happily ever after. And I’m going to be the side character, time and time again.
I pull up on Emerson’s street. It’s packed with cars, but I find us a spot and quickly park. This party has been going for hours already, and a lot of partygoers are out on the street.
It’s a different type of neighborhood than I’m used to visiting. Though it’s similar to James and Mila’s street, the lawns aren’t mowed, and the houses are lacking basic care. It’s amazing how the scenery changes in just a few blocks. But people have lives here. No need to be an asshole about their houses.
I’m dressed in a skeleton outfit. Madison did an amazing job painting my face. I don’t look like me; I could be anyone. Well, at least, I feel like I won’t be recognized at this party. I’ll blend in. That’s what I love about Halloween.
Grabbing my black baseball cap, I push it down over my hair. Walker just stares at me and rolls his eyes. I shove his shoulder, then I get out and close my door before stretching and looking around. Yeah, this might not be the best area to park my BMW. Not judging… okay, I’m being an asshole.
“They’ll know it’s you as soon as we go in. You’re here with me.” Walker points to himself.
He’s right. They will know if I go with him. Walker isn’t one to blend with the crowd. He was born to stand out. “Go in without me. I want to be invisible.”
Walker gives me a pitying look, then flicks his eyepatch back over his right eye and raises his plastic sword in the air with a stupid grin and fake pirate voice. “Argh, my boney friend. I shall take all the sexy wenches for my own while you pine over one.”
I can’t help but smile. Walker’s always good at lightening up the mood. He knows I hate when he flirts nonstop with Mila, but he’s a good friend most the time.
“I only need one, pirate. Have fun, and don’t get scurvy or any other diseases.”
Walker shuffles his feet backward and spins, then does some fancy footwork and stabs me in the stomach with his stupid sword. He chuckles then runs off to the house, stabbing everyone he passes. They know who he is as soon as they see him. He loves all the attention, good and bad.
I slink around the side of the house, avoiding as many people as I can, which is easy. They’re drunk or making out back here. I make my way into the backyard and look for her… and she isn’t hard to find.
