I fan myself with the paperwork I was going over before leaning back in my chair, sighing at the brief relief it gives me. Runa has been acting strange for a couple of days since Darius mentioned my heat, rolling around restlessly within me. It’s making my skin feel like it’s crawling, like I want to rip it off me, and that is something new. Josh eyes me from across my desk, tilting his head in question, his eyes amused as he watches me.
“Do I smell different?” I blurt out, heat filling my cheeks instantly.
“What?” he laughs, his gray eyes popping wide. “Where did that come from?” he asks. I grumble under my breath.
“You’re what?” he questions, not quite able to make out what I’m saying.
I growl before speaking up. “I’m going into heat.” Sebastian’s head whips around from where he stands next to my window, his tawny eyes brightening at my words.
Here we go.
He saunters toward me at his full height, a sexy grin spreading over his face as he leans down and shoves his face in my neck, taking a deep breath. I shove his face away, scowling at him. “I can smell it a little,” Sebastian hums, his eyes lazily traveling over my body. “Are you finally going to let me see you through your heat?” His eyebrows wiggle suggestively as he speaks, and I don’t even hesitate in my reply.
“Not a chance.” He asks me every year. And every year, I turn him down.
“It’s early,” Josh says to himself, ignoring Seb’s flirting. “Your heat is in winter. We are only just nearly hitting summer. Why is it so early?”
I’ve been racking my brain at the very same thing. Since my eighteenth birthday, my heat has always come the last week of winter like clockwork. Not once has it changed in all these years. So why now? The only thing that has changed is the Elites turning up. Darius turning up.
“I know it’s early, Josh, but I can’t think of a reason why.”
“Maybe your heat is being brought on by the other females. They do all tend to sync up,” he grumbles, running his hand through his hair that’s not in a bun for once. In fact, he doesn’t look put together at all. He looks as agitated as me.
“But why now? That’s never happened before.” I blow out a breath. Generally, females go into heat once every three months. I only have mine once a year, and that’s never changed. “Well, either way it’s early, so I’ll be gone for a day, maybe two, when it hits. You guys will be okay handling the Elites, right?”
Hudson grunts from the seat to the left of me, with Colten on the floor by his leg, looking at some papers on the low table in front of him. “They’re still looking for Sarah, you know.” Hudson says, running a hand over his shaved head. “I heard some of the Elites talking about there being a time limit or something, but didn’t catch enough of their conversation to know what they meant.”
“Why do they have a time limit?” Colten wonders, pausing in his reading and looking up at Hudson who shrugs in response.
“Could they need to get back for something?” Taylor offers next to my office door, his bulky frame taking up space.
“Maybe, but what?” I ask them.
“Does it really matter?” Josh shrugs. “The sooner they’re gone the better for us.”
“Did you forget the part where they know about Eridian and that I’m going back with them? Darius won’t have it any other way.” I stare out my window, refusing to feel the fear that knowledge sends through me.
I never thought I would have to leave my home. I thought we were safe here. I thought I would live the rest of my days in our little corner of Vrohkaria.
Going back and seeing the Highers… seeing him.
I shiver.
It’s for Eridian, for my family, I tell myself.
For Kade.
Taylor huffs before saying in a deadly voice, “Do you really think we’ll just let him take you to the Highers?” His amber eyes turn hard at the thought, and I smile internally at his words. Unfortunately, it won’t make a difference. We are way outnumbered.
“How have we known each other for so long and you don’t know?” Josh says, shaking his head at me. “How could you think we’d just let you leave here to be taken to trial by the Highers… and then what? We just stay in Eridian and get on with our lives? What about Kade?”
“You have to. I’m asking this from all of you and Kade is my chosen Heir for Eridian. He will take over.”
“He’s unstable,” Josh bites out.
“He’s still the next Alpha of this pack,” I snap back at him, feeling my eyes flash as Runa comes close to the surface. Kade will be fine, he must be. “He needs a bit of healing, and I know you all will guide him. Solvier will also help him.”
“I don’t think he will heal,” Seb tells me in the most serious voice I have ever heard from him. “That’s a wound that will never heal.” I don’t want to think it never will for Kade, but I know Seb is speaking from his own experiences.
The room is silent at his words, pain noticeably on Seb’s face, and I want nothing more than to go over to him and offer him comfort. Seb will be Seb though and either flirt or joke it off like it’s nothing. When it’s everything.
I know I can’t bring Kade’s mate back. But that just can’t be it. Surely the Gods wouldn’t be so cruel to have those who lost their mate suffer until the end of their time. I won’t accept Kade suffering for the rest of his days. There has to be something.
“Anyway,” I shift in my seat, diverting the conversation back to the topic at hand. “Bottom line is, I will be going to the Highers if I can’t convince Darius otherwise. Which, at this rate, is looking like there is no hope in it.”
“The Highers will know as soon as they see you. He will know,“ Josh whispers, his face dropping at what that means.
“Maybe not if I don’t reveal it,” I say stiffly. “I haven’t in all these years, and I don’t intend to, okay?” He nods, but I can see he’s not convinced, and neither am I. The silence in the room lets me know the others aren’t either. “I will do my punishment and come home,” I say with false confidence.
“Rhea,” Colten starts, his voice hesitant. I hate that they don’t want me to go and there is nothing I can do to ease it away.
“Look, we didn’t even know if we would make it out alive in The Deadlands, but we did. Just let me go and all will be well. As long as they keep Eridian secret, that’s all that matters to me, and that you are all safe.” I look down at my hands and pick the side of my finger before looking back up at them. “I have loved being here with you all,” I give them a small, sad smile as pain washes over their faces. “I will aim to come home if I can and it’s safe to do so. If I cannot return, then I accept that, and you all should too.”
“Is this your final decision?” Josh asks, knowing he won’t be able to talk me out of it.
I nod. “It’s my choice. I will do what it takes to protect you all. I owe each of you so much,” I tell them. “I owe you my life,” I say to Josh down the link, and his eyes shine with moisture before he looks away. “Let me do this, even if it’s the last thing I might do. I have lived many more years than I thought I would in the first place.” I blink my eyes, willing myself not to shed a single damn tear. “If I have to be punished for then so be it, I can handle it. I don’t think Darius will kill me, it would be too quick for his liking.” The male really has it out for me, but as long as it stays aimed at just me, I will deal with whatever comes my way. I have to. “So, once he’s done with me, I can come home. The Highers won’t bother with me by then.” At least, I hope so.
“He’s always staring at you, you know?” Colten informs me, referring to Darius with a grimace on his face.
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “He’s plotting all the ways to make my life a misery.” I get up from my chair and throw down the papers. “I’m going to do my checks and finish this up later.” I round my desk and touch my cheek briefly to Josh’s before leaving my office. I need some space.
I head for the front door, put my boots on and then make my way to the deck. I reach my arms up as I walk toward the gardens, stretching out my achy muscles and groaning in relief at the feel of it. I don’t think it will be long until my heat fully kicks in now, and I’ll need to make sure I’m away from here when it happens. I don’t want to be around anyone and give in to temptation.
I never have, but I won’t take that chance.
Following the trail behind our storage cabin, I step between the trees behind it and enter our gardens. We plant vegetables back here, harvesting them every season when they’re ready. Most of the women spend a lot of time here. It’s quiet and the work keeps them busy, as well as the pups who play in the small clearing in its center. I make my way toward the pups playing, smiling softly at their newfound freedom. It wasn’t always like that for some, but they’re still young enough to hopefully not have many lasting effects from their life before here.
“Alpha!” they call out when they spot me, their faces lighting up as they rush toward me. I bend down, not reminding them to not call me by my title, and open my arms as they launch themselves at me.
I laugh, falling on my ass as they climb on me. “Hey, what are you guys up to?”
“We were just deciding who’s going to be the wolf and who’s going to be the rabbit,” Elijah tells me, bouncing on his feet as his light hair swishes on the top of his head.
“Hmm, is that so?” At their nod, I smile. I sit up, and they back away from me, getting ready. “Well, I’ll count to ten, and if you little rabbits aren’t hidden enough, I’ll gobble you up!”
“Quick, let’s go!” Leah squeals, her hair swirling around her as she grabs Oscar’s little hand and runs. Elijah and Nathen take off in another direction while Lacy hobbles over to her mom deeper in the garden, her little legs taking her as fast as she can go. I’m about to start counting when I notice Samantha sitting on her own near one of the garden patches, looking ahead of her but seeing nothing. I wander over to her slowly, not wanting to frighten her and take a seat, unbothered about the dirt beneath me.
“Hey,” I say softly to her. “You doing okay?” She nods, her head bobbing slowly before picking at the dirt in front of her, her hair shielding her face from me. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Even things you don’t want your mom to know about.” She stays silent, not answering me, and I lift my head to the sky, trying to think of a way to get her to open up.
I’ve noticed she’s been withdrawn since the fire when I told her the story of the Canaric wolves. My only guess is memories are haunting her from the time before she and her mom came here with how she questions why the Gods didn’t protect her. I feel at a loss as she continues to pick up dirt in her hands and then let it fall through her fingers. I don’t know why she wasn’t protected as she should have been, or her mother. It’s the case for most of us here. We were let down by our own. We were in pain because of our own.
I breathe through my sudden rage, and Runa perks her ears up.
I move my hand and take one of hers in mine gently, dirt and all. She startles, and I bring an arm around her, drawing her closer to me, not letting her go. I hear her sniffle, and I squeeze her tighter, resting my head on top of hers. I hate seeing any of the pups upset, but I have an extra soft spot for Sam. She reminds me of myself sometimes. She deals with her pain on her own, silent in her hurt because she doesn’t want to bother anyone else. Not knowing how to bother anyone else with it. Her mom might have been there and experienced what they both went through in their home, but Sam saw things through different eyes. She experienced things a kid should never have to have seen or heard or felt.
I hold her there for a while as her quiet sniffles become less and less, and I’m just grateful I can be something for her. To shield her from anyone else coming near her while she’s vulnerable, while she lets out a little pain and shares it with me. I didn’t have this at her age. The comfort or care of another. I just had four walls and a monster or five that came to visit.
Until Josh.
“Is she okay?” Kade’s voice suddenly sounds in my head, and I turn and see him at the storage cabin watching us. He looks tired, his shoulders tense as he waits for my reply.
“Yeah, she just needed a moment.” I smile softly at him, and he relaxes a little.
I haven’t seen him since he went off into the forest. It was only days ago, but it feels longer. We are drifting apart, and I have no idea how to stop it, how to keep him closer to me like he used to be. I miss the days he would run up to me smiling as he told me about his adventures in the forest that day, or how he caught his dinner and waved his hands around as he talked excitedly.
Those days feel like a lifetime ago.
He looks between me and Sam, a grin about to spread wide before he tenses up again. “When we went and talked to Solvier…” he trails off, rubbing the back of his neck, showing he’s clearly uncomfortable.
“Don’t mention it,” I say when he doesn’t continue. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. Always.” He nods his head at me before looking down.
We both know he won’t talk to me.
“Tell her she can come for a walk with me if she wants,” he mutters after a few moments when Sam’s last sniffle reaches me.
“Really?” He likes being alone a lot, but then he and Sam have a different bond than he does with anyone else, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
At his nod, I look down at Sam. I nudge her with my shoulder, and red puffy eyes meet mine. I smile at her and flick my head in Kade’s direction. Her brows scrunch up before following my gaze. Her face instantly lights up when she sees him, quickly getting to her feet and running toward him. I stand, dusting myself off and watch as she dives for him, hugging him close.
Kade has always been good with the kids around here, but seeing how gentle he is with her, even as he picks her up and puts her on his back melts my heart. My smile widens at them as I watch them go, their own smiles wide, and I laugh when Sam tells him to go faster.
I feel eyes on me, intense and devastating. I turn my head and lock eyes with Darius. He’s leaning against one of the apple trees, muscles bulging where his arms are crossed. My smile slowly drops as his hair falls in front of his eyes when he tilts his head, looking like every bit of the animal he is. I lick my lips as I remember grabbing those dark strands in my hands as his tongue tangled with mine, his hips rocking against me, and I flush as the images pop up into my mind. His eyes heat as he notices my reaction, and he smirks, his eyes slowly roaming over my form. When I feel a wetness pool between my legs, I know it’s time to go.
I turn and walk quickly in the opposite direction, aiming for one place and one place only, knowing the countdown has now begun.
My heat has started, and I need to get away before I do something really stupid.
And stupid has a name.
Darius.
