fire pit, I stand up straight and wipe the sweat from my brow. I’ve been working around the settlement all morning, doing chores and dealing with squabbles amongst some of the members.
We don’t get them often, but they do happen every now and again. It doesn’t help that some of the females are going into heat soon. It’s hard to balance the added workload on top of our usual daily work, especially with tensions running so high.
I’ve made sure we separated the male and females, so they work at opposite ends of the Eridian, and we rotate when needed so they are near each other as little as possible. The males won’t be shifting into wolves until the female’s heats are over, unless they are far out in the forest and well away from the large three story cabin that we allocate the females to during their heat. If they choose a male to help them during that time, they go to their own cabin.
The males are also running high on testosterone, and with the number of people who will be otherwise occupied for a few days, we have to pick up the slack of those not around to help keep our home running.
With the last log placed into the pit for tonight’s dinner, I sit down on the ground, my back to the wooden bench behind me. I take out the small blade that I’ve had with me since I left my old pack. I trace my fingers over the hilt, feeling the carved words ‘we bleed wolf’ in my family’s language beneath my fingertips.
Grabbing a broken piece of wood that was left on the ground, I begin to cut into it. I started doing this years ago, randomly, not really sure what I was doing at all. My first carving was of a wolf that took me many tries and several weeks to complete. I’ve been carving for years now. I’m not great at it, but that’s not the point of why I do it.
The motion of my hands moving with practiced ease as I carve at the wood calms me. The methodical movement helps me to process my thoughts when I have a lot on my mind. It has become a ritual of sorts.
After sending Ellian back to his home with a port stone, my focus has been concentrating on Sarah. She’s still recuperating in the healer’s cabin, slowly recovering from her injuries even after two moon cycles. They’re healing well, but they will definitely scar as they have been left untreated for too long. If she would have been able to shift when she was injured she would have been fine, but her body has been changed without her permission, and she will have to learn to live with the physical scars as a reminder of what she went through. She will eventually learn that those scars show her strength, but it does take time, and that amount of time differs from person to person.
Once Sarah told me her story about how she ended up the way she was and who did that to her, she retreated into her own mind, staying very quiet. I don’t pressure her to speak, to tell me what she’s thinking, sometimes speaking to our demons is the only way we can process things.
Her injuries weren’t just external. Anna examined her after our talk, and she was torn in places no woman should ever be. It was clear she had been raped. Many times. Sarah told me they gave her some kind of drug that paralyzes your body, but you’re awake and completely aware of what’s going on around you. She could see, hear and feel what they were doing to her, and all she could do was lay there and hope it was over soon.
I shake my head as fury coats my skin. I take a deep breath to calm myself, shaving the wood into a rounded shape at the top with a little too much force. It’s hard to hold onto anger with no real release. It’s draining when all you want is to unleash it on the person responsible, but the situation makes it so you can’t. The kind of anger that you’re terrified to finally let out, dreading the outcome after holding it in for so long.
If I let out that anger, it wouldn’t just affect me. If I followed my instincts to tear apart all the people responsible for the suffering of my pack members, it would affect them all, and I can’t do that to them. Edward mostly sends wolves that need to escape a life of abuse to Eridian. I can’t just throw our home away, our safety, for revenge, and I can’t let others do that either. They would know we have a settlement somewhere, and we need to remain hidden. That’s why once you’re in Eridian to stay, you’re in, and you don’t leave. Apart from myself and my closest pack members who I trust when we venture out into The Deadlands.
If anyone left after they lived in Eridian, they could risk the whole settlement and the people that live here.
I can’t risk that.
When you create a new pack, you have to declare it to the Highers, those that rule over Vrohkaria, and get permission to claim a territory. And since we are hiding out here, we haven’t told them. That’s another reason no one can leave. Because if they find us, we will all be punished for breaking the law of the lands, many times over.
Especially me.
The people we save understand this before they agree to come here. Edward informs them, and it’s up to them if they want to come to this safe haven and agree to the terms. I don’t know how Edward finds people in need or even manages to speak with them, but it doesn’t matter as long as we can continue to help those in need and they arrive here safely.
We’ve grown in numbers over the years, our home slowly expanding every time someone new joins us. I was worried when we first started out if there would be enough food for us, if we’d be able to house anyone and build a life here. But everyone pitches in. Whether it’s collecting water, harvesting vegetables in the gardens or chopping wood. We have certain people who are skilled at hunting that go out and find food, and there is enough prey around for us that we don’t have to kill unnecessarily. We are never greedy and don’t take more than the land offers. That’s important to us.
Blowing the shavings off my lap, I reposition my hand and start at the bottom of the wood, carving lines out for the legs and slowly adding in tiny details as I go.
Pack members come and go from the gathering, dropping things off and refilling the large pot with water to put on the fire later to cook. They don’t talk to me as I continue chipping at the wood, knowing I’m not in the mood for conversation if I’m carving, my mind being elsewhere.
I wonder if Sarah talked to anybody while she was being abused. She didn’t mention that she had, only that she was down there for what felt like a really long time. At least a full season. She must have been lonely on her own, with only her own mind for company. I can relate to that more than she knows.
I had hoped when she mentioned they gave her drugs that she wouldn’t remember most of it. I’m not sure how much she remembers, but she does remember some of it. After talking with Anna and going through her medical journals, we came to the same conclusion that it had to be the dassil flower that was given to keep her helpless. The symptoms match what she described had happened to her.
What I don’t understand is why someone would go out of their way to get the flower. It grows in The Drylands, west of Fenrikar, deep inside caves in damp places. The Drylands are mostly barren and scarce of any plant or animal life. It’s why no one travels or lives out there. Why would her pack go through all that effort to get the flower to drug Sarah?
Sick fucks.
Apart from what had happened to her, she hadn’t told me any names, just that her pack did this, and she needed to get out. I won’t force her to tell me anymore, just like I won’t force her to shift to heal. It would help her, but she has been forced to do things she didn’t want to for a while now, and I won’t add to the list of people who did that to her. My worry is that it’s been nearly two months, and even though there has been improvement physically, mentally, nothing has changed much. She hasn’t even left the cabin and if any males go near her, she loses it.
I need to at least try to persuade her to get some fresh air, I muse to myself as I finish the details on my newest carving, blowing any excess shavings from the now carved wood. I put my knife back into my boot and look at my handy work with a small smile. It’s jagged in places and the small designs I tried to carve have small chips here and there, but I know Kade will like it anyway.
My wolf mentally stretches inside me, peeking her eyes open at the thought of Kade. She treats him more than just pack. To her, he’s her pup. Just how I see him. I raised him from when he was seven, and even though he is my aunt’s son, he’s more than just a cousin to me. It wasn’t easy raising him at first, so many struggles and doubts, but I soon got into the swing of things, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Mostly everything I do, I do for him.
“The perimeter has been checked, and the Eridian is calm,” Josh says through the link, and I tilt my head back, watching the sun high in the sky.
“That’s great, all good at the cliffside?” I ask him.
“Yeah, no problems, and no sign of any bora or other creatures.”
“It’s been long enough since we went into The Deadlands. I don’t think the bora know where we went. Call off checking it every night,” I tell him, thankful we’ve had no trouble following us after we got Sarah.
There is a pause before he asks. “How is she?”
I don’t need to ask who he’s on about, he’s been asking every day. “As well as expected, I’m going to try and get her out for a bit, some fresh air will do her some good I think.”
“Hmmm, maybe,” he says hesitantly.
I stretch my legs out in front of me. “Is the cabin prepared for the females?”
“Yes. They keep hounding me for things. I don’t know why they do this to me every time,” he sighs, and I can picture him dragging his hands down his face.
Whenever the females go into heat, syncing up together as women do, they always pester him for things to go in the cabin, or they ask him to help them through it every time. He never joins them though.
“Oh, come on Joshy, you love the women’s attention,” I chuckle.
“For fuck’s sake. Here comes the fucking Joshy,” he growls. “Are you purposely trying to annoy me?”
“Me?” I fake gasp. “Never.”
He mumbles something down the link that sounded a lot like ‘fuck off’ but can’t be sure. “Are you done for the day? I still haven’t got a hold of Kade yet,” he says, and I sigh in resignation. Me and the kid really need to have a talk, but it’s like I can’t get through to him lately.
“I’ve got some work to do in the office for a little bit and then I’m going for a run. Are you all good for a few hours?”
“Don’t worry, I can handle the pack. Let me know when you’re back.”
“Yes, Dad,” I snark back. His chuckles bounce down the link while I pocket my newest carving and move my ass back to my cabin.
