edge of the water, watching the water flowing down over the edges of the large, circular opening above that mirrors the size of the pool below. The moonlight shines down on the water, making it glisten like a thousand tiny stars are stroking the surface, rippling in a wave of color with the splashes. Small blue-green wisps float around the edges, gliding through the air between the few lilk trees that are inside here, playing with each other in a dance only known to them. Some are as small as the palm of my hand, while a few others are bigger. I gaze at their smoke-like power trailing behind them as they fly before the essence of that power disappears behind them into nothing.
I love being in the cave I have claimed for myself, my own hidden paradise. It’s peaceful listening as the water flows down in soft crashes and the soothing swish of the wisps by my ear when they get close and fly past. They don’t bother me when they swirl around or hover nearby. I take comfort in their gentleness. They know when I come here, I’m respectful and mean no harm. Mostly, this is the only place you can see them, apart from the few times out in the forest.
The first time I found this place a couple of years ago, it was by accident. We hadn’t been this far north in the Eridian Forest, and I was curious, so I went off on my own. I reached the cliffside and was about to move on when I saw an opening within the rock. When I went inside and followed the tunnel, I never expected it to lead to a hidden cave with its natural light flowing from the opening above, or for it to contain lilk trees standing strong and healthy. It was majestic, and one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.
The moment you first come across pure beauty, it never leaves you. You just stop and stare and take every little detail in. Then you tuck it safely away in your memories for all time, cherishing it. The moment I first saw this cave was one of those times.
Not many people know of this place, and the few who do, don’t come here often as they know I’ve claimed it as my own. Well, with the wisps. But I’m very territorial over it as wolves are when something belongs to them. I’ve made a home away from home here, with some tables at the sides and a few chairs. My carvings are displayed in crevices that act as shelves in the rock walls, proud, precious, and in clear view. I even have some bedding if I want to spend the night here, which I do when I can.
I close my eyes and give a gentle touch to my wolf, stroking her across her head and then down her nose in my mind. She doesn’t let me do this as often as she should, but spending this time together here calms her as much as it does me. She loves it here, feeling more content than she ever has. I have a feeling it’s because we are hidden away but not trapped, the opening above makes it feel like we are out in the open. She needs her alone time to refresh, even if she is still a grumpy wolf. Apart from Kade, Josh and a few others, she simply tolerates everyone else. She wants to be a part of the pack, but also to be on her own or just with her family. It is a predicament sometimes.
She hasn’t come out for fourteen years, no matter how hard I try to encourage it. I received her, and then lost her to the safety my body offers. She lost her freedom, and I lost my wolf in the physical sense. She’s still there inside me, I can still feel her emotions and she gives me a boost when she’s in a giving mood, albeit reluctantly, but with a nudge from me she will if it’s absolutely necessary. I miss her though, even though I only had her completely for a short time. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but being able to go wolf is what makes you well, wolf.
Without being able to shift, I feel like I don’t belong… anywhere.
“What am I going to do with you, Runa?” I say aloud, my voice echoing around the space slightly as I feel her move beneath my skin.
I don’t even know what she looks like. I can’t see her clearly in my mind, just feel that she is there. The one time she did come out, I was too busy keeping alive rather than taking a look at my paws.
I lay back, feeling the rich earth beneath my fingertips as I watch the wisps fly over me, chasing one another. I sometimes pretend they are the essence of the ones we’ve lost, staying close to home. Many have died over the years, especially when we first started accepting people. It was rough with only a few of us having to try and learn to survive out here. We made a lot of mistakes.
I made a lot of mistakes.
I became obsessed for a little while with our safety, hunting on my own, keeping members inside the settlements and refusing to allow them to leave the protection circle the lilk trees provide. The ones we lost were either buried on the farthest edge of Eridian or lost them to the creature that killed them. I still feel guilt from their deaths, amongst other things. It wasn’t until Taylor and a few others joined that we trained to protect ourselves properly. He taught us a lot about safety precautions and how to hunt correctly. You could say we owe him our lives, because we really were in bad shape when he arrived. We lived out of crude shelters and ate scraps, barely getting by. He saved us all, and since then, we have saved many and none. Unless they lost themselves, walking to the end of the valley and jumping into the Unforgivable Sea.
Solvier protects us within the circle of lilk trees as best as he can, but he cannot protect us from our inner demons.
I hear movement to the left of me, and I turn my head just as Kade steps into the cave, looking around until he spots me. He gives me a small smile and walks over to me slowly, almost hesitantly.
He’s gone from a snot-nosed kid to a six-foot tall eighteen-year-old made of pure muscle. His golden blond hair has gotten thicker on the top since the last time I saw him, and his blue eyes, a slightly different shade than mine, look tired.
I sit up as he plops down next to me, both of us watching as the water hits the sides of the pool and splashes some unsuspecting bugs. Runa comes closer to the surface as we sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts. He’s distanced himself from me, still spending more time as a wolf than human. He just brushes me off when I ask about it and says he’s fine, but I know something is bothering him. I usually wait it out until he tells me, but my patience is running thin. I’m worried. I even went looking for Solvier again, to see if he had any words of wisdom, but he’s been nowhere to be found lately. He does this every so often, but I could really do with some advice on how to handle this.
“You okay?” I ask Kade softly, leaning my head on his shoulder. I pick at the end of my shorts, twirling some loose thread around my finger as I wait for his reply and make a mental reminder to ask Edward to send more material to make some new clothes.
“Yeah, I’m good, Rhea,” he says with a sigh, bringing his head to rest on top of mine.
A few wisps fly past us, and I watch as Kade lifts up a hand. One of the smaller wisp flies down, circling his hand and hovering above his palm like it’s perching there. I giggle as he wiggles his fingers, and the wisp bounces like it affects his position. It doesn’t, but it amuses me anyway.
“Where have you been? I’ve not seen you in a few days,” I whisper, trying not to disturb the playful wisp.
“Here and there.” He shrugs, jostling my head. “Done a lot of hunting and roaming, getting used to all the new smells around Eridian.”
He’s been doing that for weeks now. “No trouble?”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” he replies vaguely.
I lift my head off his shoulder to look at him, but he just stares at the wisp, not giving me his eyes. After a tense silence, he turns to look at me with a troubled gaze and a grim look on his face which makes me immediately alert.
“What is it?” I whisper, knowing I’m not going to like what he is about to tell me.
He hesitates for a few seconds while grinding his teeth, before finally telling me. “I spotted a few Rogures this morning. Don’t worry though, I took care of them,” he rushes to add when he sees my eyes widen at his mention of Rogures.
I shoot to my feet in one move, my panicked eyes looking down at him. “What do you mean you took care of them?” I shout, horrified at what he’s telling me. The wisp flies off with the others, darting behind the trees at my raised voice. I would feel bad for scaring them off, but I’m too preoccupied with my panic. “How many were there?”
“Three, and I handled it, so it’s not a problem,” he says as he stands to his full height, towering over my five-foot six frame.
“Not a problem,” I repeat. “Not a fucking problem. What in the Gods name were you thinking?” I growl, poking him in his chest. “Have you lost your damn mind?”
“I said I took care of it, and I did,” he states, throwing his hands up in the air and glaring at me. “I got rid of the problem, there was no more. Why are you making a big deal out of it?”
“Kade.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing myself to stay calm. Runa bristles beneath my skin, not liking that he had been in danger either. “You could have been fucking killed, does that even matter to you? And why am I just hearing about this now?” I demand. I’m panicking. I panic for him, panic for the pack and why we had an unexpected visit from some Rogures. Were there more around? Are they on their way here now?
“Josh” I bark down the link. “Do a perimeter check. Now! Three Rogures have been in Eridian, there dead but they may be more.”
“Shit. On it, I’ll update you,” he rushes out, not asking how or why. I have no doubt he heard the slight fear in my voice. It wasn’t fear for me, but fear for everyone else.
I look back to Kade as he speaks. “They were northwest from here at the cliffside. I’m fine. I only got a few scratches, and they’re all healed,” he tells me, as if it’s no big deal that he decided to take on three fucking Rogures on his own. I look him over, seeing no visible injuries which calms me somewhat. “And I’ve only just come back,” he continues. “That’s why you haven’t heard about it until now. It happened not too long ago. I was already out this way when I caught your scent. So here I am.”
“You took on three Rogures on your own, as a new wolf. You didn’t retreat and call on me or Josh through the link, you just decided to come back home like everything is fine. You’re telling me you see absolutely nothing wrong with that?” I question in disbelief, shaking my head at him.
Did he suddenly lose his head when he got his wolf?
He lifts a shoulder and tucks his hands into his front pockets or his cargo pants like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
Like he didn’t just play with his life.
I explode.
“There could have been more of them, Kade! Shit, there might even be. They travel in large packs, you know this. You’re lucky you’re even standing here,“ I shout, forcing myself not to strangle the kid for his stupidity. “You’re an eighteen-year-old who only got his wolf five months ago,” I grit out, barely resisting a snarl toward him. “You have no idea how to control your instincts. You should have called for me or Josh down the link. You should have come back to the settlement, and we would have taken care of it. You can’t just endanger your life like that. You can’t–”
“I can, and I did!” he roars, losing his nonchalant attitude and stunning me into silence with his outburst. He continues as he starts to pace, “I saw them, and I took care of them.” He breathes heavily, fists clenching and unclenching. “I ripped them to shreds and tore out their throats until there was nothing left of them but blood and guts. I did what I should have done years ago!”
Confused, I stare at him as he paces back and forth, wondering what he’s talking about. What does him tearing Rogures apart and putting himself in danger have to do with anything years ago?
Then it hits me, and my face instantly falls.
Shit.
“Carzan,” I say gently, speaking the male term of endearment of our family language as I walk toward him. Stepping in his way to make him stop his pacing, I bring my hands up to his face to make him look at me, but he shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut, refusing my silent request. “Look at me, please,” I plead with him, stroking my thumbs over his cheekbones.
He inhales deeply before opening his eyes for me. What I see there breaks my heart for him all over again. So much pain and torment reside in those blue eyes of his, and I wish I could take it all away from him. I wish I could heal these wounds he carries on his young heart. I hear Runa whimper inside my head, affected by his pain as well.
“There was nothing you could have done,“ I choke out, and his face twists at my words. “You were a child, Kade, just as Cassie was. The blame is on me and me alone.“ He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off with a shake of my head. “I was responsible for you both, and I failed. Me, Kade. I am forever sorry, and I know sorry doesn’t make it any better.” I inhale a sharp breath and blink back tears at the pain. I will never forgive myself for not protecting them both. “Her death is on my shoulders, not yours. You did everything a thirteen-year-old boy could have done. It was not. Your. Fault,” I whisper the last words, bringing his forehead down to mine, hoping he hears me. Feels the sincerity in my voice.
He breathes in a shuddered breath, then brings his arms around me, hugging me close. My hands drop from his cheeks when he rests his head on top of mine. “It hurts,” he says in a guttural tone that has more tears stinging the back of my eyes. “My wolf, he feels the loss of her. He wants something he can’t have. Can never have. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Rhea.” His shoulders shake while he burrows his face in the crook of my neck, clinging to me tightly.
I wrap my arms around him, holding him as I feel his tears coat my skin. I’d never even thought about what it would do to both him and his wolf when he got him. I’d seen his and Cassie’s bond from the first moment they met, not long after we left our old pack. They were enamored with each other. He was so sweet and protective of her, and she adored and followed him everywhere.
One night, one moment, changed all of that. Leaving heartbreak and grief behind.
I hate that it’s my fault that he’s feeling this way, that I failed to protect what was most precious to him. He and his wolf are hurting so much, and there is nothing I can do to ease it for them. How didn’t I realize that until now?
“I am always here for you, always. Whenever you need me, I’m here,” I whisper hoarsely, trying to keep myself together for him. “I pray to Zahariss and Cazier that time will help your heart, Carzan.”
More tears wet my neck as he takes a few deep breaths and tightens his hold on me. “Arbiel cana,” he says, so heartbreakingly that a lone tear falls silently down my cheek.
“Arbiel cana,” I repeat, bringing a hand up to stroke the back of his head to comfort him. The same way I have always done since he was just seven years old.
I hold him to me as I look toward my newest carving over his shoulder. It’s a younger version of Kade with a bright smile on his face. So innocent and free, full of life and love.
Before life happened and Rogures took his mate from him.
