The fire crackled warmly in the hearth as I stood back and looked at the clothes I’d randomly placed around the room. Hopefully, the distribution of my scent would trick whatever was out there if it decided to come in.
Tired, but not foolish enough to sleep, I sat in the chair and watched the flames. I debated warning Fenris not to come to the cabin, but I knew that any text I sent would only be taken as an invitation. He liked flaunting the rules too much and would skip out on his mate run at the slightest suggestion.
I didn’t want to be the reason he got into trouble. Although, he seemed to be gifted at finding trouble on his own.
Bored and too tempted, I picked up my phone.
Me: Having fun playing hide-and-seek?
His response took a few minutes.
Fenris: Why? Thinking of joining the fun?
Me: Running around in the snow is not my idea of fun. But Beth sure seemed to be having a good time.
Fenris: Who’s Beth?
Me: A new girl. She seemed to know Jenna. Wasn’t very nice though. She seemed pretty certain you’d be mated to her by dawn. It’s been nice knowing you.
Fenris: You need to have faith in my skills. I’ve been playing this game for years.
Me: And they haven’t?
Fenris: Not like I have.
I shook my head.
Me: How are they not noticing the light of your phone as you’re standing around reading texts from me?
Fenris: Good point. I better keep moving.
Me: Good luck. Hope your special someone finds you so you don’t have to spend all night running around.
After several minutes of no reply, I knew he was running around again and put my phone away. A huge yawn took me by surprise, and I looked at the bed.
“You’re almost hypothermic. Move over.”
The words barely penetrated my brain before a very warm body pressed against me. I shivered at the contact. How had I gotten so cold? And how was he so warm? I turned my head toward him. Why did he smell so good?
My eyes popped open at the wrongness of what I was doing, and I tried to scramble away from the wall of Fenris’s chest. He was too fast and wrapped his arms around me before I could flee. Defeated, I closed my eyes against the mouthwatering view.
“You better have clothes on,” I rasped, irritably.
“Nope. Naked as the day I was born.”
“Fenris, don’t. I’m too hungry for teasing.”
His hand rubbed over my arm.
“I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should have fed more at dinner.”
The movement on my arm faltered for a second.
“You fed? Is that why you were crying last night?”
I sighed and tilted my head back to look at him.
“Yes and no.”
“I’m listening.”
“Could we talk about this in front of a nice roaring fire?”
“Fine, but I’m claiming my first hug of the day right here and right now. I just spent the whole night hiding my tail from a bunch of sex-crazed females, and I need comfort.”
I snorted as I wrapped my arms around him in return, careful to keep my hands high enough so I could pretend that he was wearing shorts.
“It doesn’t smell like you minded it. The lust coming off of you is enough to feed a family of succubi for a week.”
“Or maybe one really hungry one for a day?”
My hunger reared its ugly head, and I shook with my effort to control it.
“Fenris, go light the fire.”
He sighed and reached around to pry my hands from his back.
“Close your eyes,” he said just before slipping from the bed.
I wasn’t fast enough and caught a glimpse of his backside. My heartbeat pounded in my ears, and I stayed very, very still as I struggled to recall the last horror movie I’d watched. It’d been exceptionally violent. Lots and lots of gore and strewn intestines.
One cleansing breath expanded my lungs, then another. Some of the hunger eased. I continued thinking of the movie and my deep breathing until the crackle of flames grew louder.
“Are you dressed?” I asked when I could manage to speak again.
“I put on a pair of shorts. I like how you decorated, by the way.”
Giving in, I opened my eyes and sat up. Fenris was in the process of plucking a pair of my underwear from the bench beside the door. He already had every undergarment I’d packed in his other hand.
A scarlet flush painted my cheeks at the sight of the ball of lace he gripped.
“Something followed me again last night. I thought spreading my things around would hide your scent so whoever it was wouldn’t know this was your place.”
He continued to stare at the scrap of underwear he held.
“I didn’t think you’d show up until after I had a chance to clean up. I-I’m sorry, Fenris. I didn’t mean to—”
“Protect me?” He looked at me finally, gracing me with a huge smile that made me want to grin back. “You have no idea what this means to me.” He indicated the underwear he was holding, and I made a face. He chuckled, the sound dangerously melting my insides.
“So about my tears,” I said quickly changing the subject. “After my nap here yesterday, I drove home and asked myself how you would approach Adira’s dinner. You said that the more I fought against her, the more she would push. The few times she hadn’t pushed had been due to the assertive and irreverent way I’d responded to her authority.”
Fenris arched a brow. “That sounds promising, but out of character for you.”
“It was. But at the time of those incidents, I wasn’t thinking of what was right or wrong; I was only reacting. Truly being me.” I offered a small shrug.
“The suspense is killing me,” he said, sitting on the bench. “What happened?”
“I decided to be the version of me they said they wanted. The hungry succubus who fed without care. I fed on them all, Fenris. Well, not Adira. She disappeared before I could. But she was ready. I could sense it, and so could she.
“She knows I was proving a point that no one likes to be forced to do things they don’t want to do. I left the house while Mr. and Mrs. Quill were still making out. I have no idea what happened with the boys Adira brought for me. I left one kneeling on the floor and the other one touching himself.”
Some of Fenris’s humor faded.
“I’m sorry you had to be something you aren’t.”
Seeing the compassion in his gaze almost brought on a fresh wave of self-pity and tears. I barely held it back.
“But I am that. No matter how much I don’t want to be, I’m a succubus, and I need to eat if I want to live. I’m not human. I can’t afford to have human sentiments. I know all of that. I’m just having a hard time accepting it.”
He gave me a small smile.
“You don’t see it, but I do. You’ve come so far and accepted so much already, Eliana. Have faith in yourself. You’ll find who you’re meant to be and when you do—”
A sudden shiver ripped through him with such ferocity that I jumped from the bed, certain he’d sensed something.
Was it the thing that had stalked me last night?
“What?” I asked, my gaze going to the windows. “What is it?”
When I glanced at him, his eyes were on me, but they looked odd. Wolf eyes in a human face, pupils unnaturally large. He closed them and rubbed a hand over his face.
“I’m sorry, Eliana. I’m not myself. Long night.”
“It’s okay. Do you want to lie down? I was going to visit my parents today, so I’m not crowding your space.”
A humorless chuckle escaped him.
“I doubt I’ll be able to sleep.” He looked up at me hopefully. “Do you want company? I wouldn’t mind officially meeting your parents.”
The thought of Fenris in the same room as my mom while he was smelling like sex on a stick turned my eyes black.
“No. It’d be better if you went to class today.”
He tilted his head at me.
“What’s going through that head of yours that brought out the predator? That was an amazing selfie, by the way. You should consider building more photo evidence in case you ever need it. Are you worried I’d hurt your dad? Or are you worried your mom’s going to hurt me?”
The rapid subject changes confused me enough that my vision flickered.
“Your sleep deprivation is showing. Seriously, go to bed.”
He slowly shook his head.
“I’m wound too tight. I know I won’t sleep. Are you going to tell me why you don’t want my company today?”
Admitting the primary reason wouldn’t do any good. Rather than keep him away from my mom, he’d insist on going to prove that he would be fine. So, I settled for a secondary reason.
“I just won my freedom from Adira, and I don’t want her knowing that I’m hiding out in your cabin. And she’ll figure it out if we both don’t show up to class.”
He heaved a sigh.
“Fine. I’ll go to class and keep up pretenses on one condition.”
“What condition?”
“Tonight, we share the bed.”
My mouth dropped open. He grinned.
“I’ll take that as a yes. See you tonight, cuddle bunny.”
He was out the door before I could answer. I hurried after him, but he was already gone. Only a last-second thought that someone else might hear stopped me from yelling his name.
Instead, I marched inside and grabbed my phone.
Me: I did not agree to the terms of that deal.
Fenris: Does that mean I should stop in and say hi to Mom and Dad today? They live north of town, right? Or should I just meet you and Mom at the club?
Me: No to all of that. Be nice. You’re the only one in my life who is right now.
Fenris: I think you just drew blood. No visits. No cuddles. Got it.
I stared at the phone for a minute, feeling guilty for being so firm. It was for his protection. Especially the cuddles. Instead of dwelling on it, I grabbed a change of clothes, put out the fire, then left the cabin.
It was a long, cold walk back to the car. Although I felt the tingle of awareness shiver over my skin, I ignored it and kept going.
Only when I was in the warming car did I look at the surrounding trees. Nothing moved. Whatever was out there still remained hidden. And that was fine with me. I didn’t have time to deal with any new problems. My existing list was long enough.
While it felt like an eternity had passed since I’d found the druids, I knew it’d only been a few days. A few days since the banshees sang. Almost two weeks since Ashlyn disappeared. The weight of regret settled on my shoulders.
I sent a quick message to the druids, asking for an update, and another to Mom, warning her that she and Dad were about to have an early morning visit. Without waiting for any replies, I started out for my parents’ house.
By the time I arrived, Dad was dressed and at the door.
“I was so worried about you after your mother told me you had to dine with Adira. Are you okay?” He hugged me warmly then ushered me inside.
“I’m fine.”
“Have a seat. I’ll make you something to eat. Your mother had to deal with some issues at Club Blayz last night and won’t be up for a while yet.”
“Would you mind if I took a shower first?”
Worry crept into his gaze.
“Use the guest bathroom,” Dad said. “I keep that one clean.”
I didn’t even want to know why their bathroom wouldn’t be clean.
My phone buzzed as I undressed.
Lauv: Since we don’t know what went wrong, exactly, we’re quietly inquiring about the words we spoke out of turn during the spell. To avoid drawing unwanted attention, we’re being careful and not pushing too hard for help or information. We’re doing locator spells twice a day and summoning her ghost in the evenings. So far nothing. We don’t know what else to do.
I still held onto the hope that the lack of success with the locator spell and the summoning spell meant that Ashlyn had found a way out and a druid’s spell to hide her. I needed that confirmed, though, before I gave up looking for her.
Me: Keep doing what you’re doing, and let me know if anything changes.
I tossed the phone on the bed and thought of what I had planned for the day while the water warmed. Unlike Ashlyn, I would be far easier for Adira to find if I went anywhere but my parents’ house or the cabin.
Taking a leisurely shower, I thought of Fenris’s cabin and its lack of plumbing. While I appreciated the seclusion it offered, I wasn’t yet ready to forego bathing to avoid Adira. When I finished, I bundled my dirty clothes in my towel and went to find Dad.
Looking barely awake, Mom sat at the table. She nudged the cup beside her.
“Come sit and have some hot chocolate.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“I sent him outside after he woke me. He’s too agitated to be reasonable at the moment.”
“Why is he agitated? He said you were tired. Why would he wake you up?”
She patted the chair and didn’t say anything until I sat.
“Rather than worry about him, let’s talk about why you needed a shower.”
“There wasn’t one where I was staying.”
“And where were you staying?”
I shook my head, unwilling to share that secret even with Mom.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“There’s no shame in enjoying someone’s company for an evening, Eliana. Especially after Adira’s failed attempt to feed you. However, you might want to choose partners who have decent bathing facilities. There are so many things that can be enjoyed in a multi-head shower.”
Realization hit me hard. “Dad thought I was—”
“Covered in the liquid joy derived from a night of frantic copulation? Yes. But not because of anything you’ve done. It’s a memory from long ago. But, baby, even if you had shown up on this doorstep glistening with—’
“Please don’t.”
“Well, it would have been okay. Your father’s love for you wouldn’t have changed.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. “And you?”
“I would have been overjoyed.” She smiled and patted my hand, but her humor died quickly as she considered me. “I think it’s time we have a frank talk.”
“We haven’t been talking frankly?”
“Do you know why I left you here when you were twelve?”
The odd question made me frown.
“I asked you to?”
“No, baby. I left you here because you weren’t ready.” She took a big breath. “A fly reaches sexual maturity within one week. A frog? Within one to two years. A brownie, as you discovered, reaches sexual maturity around 14 months. Why am I telling you all this?”
I shook my head, unsure where she was going with her weird fact dump.
“Different species mature at different rates. We’re not human, baby. We’re succubi. While so many of our characteristics and attributes are just like humans, we’re not the same. I was twelve when I reached sexual maturity. I didn’t question what was happening to me. My hunger drove me, and I embraced it.”
I swallowed hard and looked down at my hands.
“I’m not saying this to pressure you into feeding. I’m trying to help you understand something.
“You were so different from me. When I showed you how to feed, the revulsion and horror you felt was always plain on your face and in your scent. I left you with the Quills because, while you were sexually mature, you weren’t emotionally ready to embrace what you were.” She gave me a sad smile. “Based on what I heard in your voice last night, you still aren’t. I’m sorry that Adira pushed you into doing something you weren’t ready to do.”
I understood now what Mom meant by a frank talk. She was ready to listen. To really hear me. I swallowed hard.
“I don’t know what I think about last night. I hated taking away their will and forcing them to do things I knew they wouldn’t normally want to do. I could feel how hard Adira was fighting it, and I knew the moment her will was about to break. She did, too, based on when she’d vanished.
“I fed on the Quills and those frost giants to prove a point, not because I was hungry. I’ve never felt like more of a monster than I did last night.
“But because of Adira, I realized something really important. I need to stop letting human rules and expectations bind my thoughts and actions. I’m not human. I never was. I was always the predator, never the prey.”
I took a big breath.
“So I just need to figure out how to be okay with hurting people.” My voice broke on that last tormented word, and Mom started crying.
Then she startled me by yelling.
“Jason!”
He flew into the house, his eyes wide.
“What’s wrong?”
“Get the car. We’re going to kill that woman.” She stood. “I’m going to change into something black so you won’t need to worry about stains.”
“Nicolette, sit down,” Dad said firmly. “Think of the baby you carry and the one you’re scaring.”
His gaze shifted from Mom to me as he crossed the room and knelt beside my chair.
“What did Adira do to you?”
“She made her doubt herself, Jason. Our daughter. The strongest of my kind.”
“Drink your hot chocolate, my beloved,” he said without looking away from me. “Tell me what she did.”
I was so confused by both their reactions and actions I didn’t know what to think. My dad had essentially just told my mom to be quiet and drink her hot chocolate. And she’d listened. And instead of trying to comfort her while she was upset or rushing to get the car to make her happy, he was looking at me with a very clear and concerned gaze. I felt like I’d slipped into an alternate reality.
“She made me realize I’m not human,” I said without thinking.
Dad flinched like I’d struck him. I saw the truth in his eyes.
“I’m a monster,” I whispered, saying the words I knew he’d never utter out loud.
“You’re not a monster, Eliana. You’re our daughter. The best parts of both of us.”
How many sermons had I listened to that had said the opposite? More than I could remember.
“The best or the worst, Dad?”
Mom’s hand came down on the table with a crack that made me jump. Tears still streamed down her cheeks, but her eyes were black. Fully black like mine always got.
“You are the best of us, Eliana,” Mom answered. “Never doubt that.”
I looked back at Dad.
“You don’t believe that. And neither do I. That’s the problem. I just don’t know what to believe or who I am anymore. Am I a sinner? Am I the devil’s tool? Am I a predator driven to hurt others so I can live?”
“It wasn’t only Adira who made you doubt yourself,” Dad said, looking sick. “We both played our parts, too.”
Mom sniffled, drawing my attention again. As I watched, the black bled from her gaze.
“I never thought that by leaving you in the human world, human social norms would override your natural instincts. But they have. And there’s nothing wrong with the way you think or what you believe. You’re you, Eliana. There’s no other like you. And I think that’s what you’ve been trying to get all the adults in your life to understand, and we’ve been failing you miserably. Forgive us.”
She’d said everything I needed to hear, and it created an ache in my chest.
Unsure I could believe her, I looked at Dad. Pain and pity reflected in his gaze.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t in the right place to see what was happening. Forgive me.”
I nodded and wiped at my eyes. He kissed my forehead then looked at Mom.
“I wouldn’t be opposed to killing that woman, though, if you still wanted to, my love. She’s not making anything easier on Eliana.”
“You tempt me in so many ways, Jason.” The purr in Mom’s voice had me glancing at the door and wondering how fast I could make it back to the car.
“But, I’ll postpone my verdict until after dinner tonight. Eliana,” Mom said, gaining my attention. “You did the right thing by inviting me to dinner. Adira will not pressure you again.” Mom’s eyes flashed dark before clearing.
Mom’s phone began to buzz on the table. She glanced at the screen, and her eyes narrowed.
“Adira wants to know if you’re with me since you didn’t return home last night and aren’t at school.”
“Banshees screamed worldwide two days ago. You’d think that would be a bigger concern than one missing student,” I said.
Mom’s annoyance disappeared, replaced by tenderness.
“In this one thing, she and I can agree. You are more important, Eliana. Never doubt that. And since her concern in this one instance is correctly placed, I’ll answer her.”
She left the room to call Adira.
“Do you know why I know you’re the best of us?” Dad asked when we were alone.
I shook my head.
“I’ve failed you in so many ways, but you’ve never stopped caring for me. You’re selfless, Eliana. No matter what they try to make you do, no matter what they say you are, they can’t take that piece of you that cares about other people.”
He glanced in the direction Mom had gone.
“Your mom cares about people, too. Maybe too much, though. She’s not resting enough. I know Club Blayz is important to her, but she needs to rest. Do you think she’ll stay home today?”
And just like that, I lost him, and bits of my poorly mended heart shattered all over again.
“I think she will, Dad. But if she doesn’t, I’ll keep an eye on her and make sure she rests.”
My phone rang, saving me from having to say anything more. I answered it without checking the number.
“Hello?”
“Eliana,” Mrs. Quill said, relief lacing her voice. “I was so worried last night when you left without finishing your meal. You’re always welcome to come and go as you please—that hasn’t changed—but I was wondering if you would be willing to let me know if you’re staying out for the night. It doesn’t matter that you’re more than capable of caring for yourself or that your mother’s here. I worry.”
My stomach pitched at the sound of her voice and at what she was saying. I’d fed from her last night. I hadn’t asked. She hadn’t offered. I’d just taken. And she was worried that I hadn’t come home?
“You want me to come back?” I asked.
“Oh, my darling. Of course, I do.”
It didn’t make sense to me.
“Is that why you didn’t come home last night? Did you think you wouldn’t be welcome?”
I kept silent, not knowing what to say, having been manipulated far too much.
“Eliana, you have a home here. Always. Nothing that happened last night changed that. Nothing ever would.”
“Okay.”
“I’m so sorry for all the reasons I’ve given you to doubt me. Will you be coming home after you’re done visiting with your parents?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Will you and your mother still join us for dinner tonight?”
“I don’t know.” I glanced at Dad, who was listening closely. “I need to go. I’m having breakfast with my parents. I’ll text if I’m not planning on coming home tonight so you don’t worry.”
I said goodbye and hung up before she could say anything else.
“Baby, we’ve all let you down, haven’t we?” Mom said from behind me. “I wish Megan were here. She wouldn’t have let any of us get away with this. Why don’t you call her and see if she’ll visit?”
Panic stormed through me.
“Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Having someone at your side who you trust is always a good idea,” she said. “Call her.”
The hard look in Mom’s eyes warned me that there was only one answer.
“I’ll call her. Tonight. Today, I just want to spend time with you and Dad, okay?”
They both quickly agreed. Dad and I finished making breakfast while we listened to Mom’s plans for the grand opening of her club. The excitement in her voice and Dad’s encouraging comments and helpful suggestions conflicted me.
I knew Club Blayz’s true purpose and didn’t care if it ever opened. The controlling frost giant meant it to be my feeding grounds, which was the only reason she’d agreed to it, and I was extremely tired of her games.
“You’re very quiet, baby,” Mom said. “Everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine.”
“The sign’s going up today. Would you like to come with me to see the progress?”
“My love, you need rest. You’re growing our next precious child.”
“Jason, breakfast was lovely, but you know I need to eat.”
Dad swallowed hard and looked down at his plate. Mom rose gracefully, gliding to his side. A shudder ran through him as she stroked a finger along his jaw, tipping his head so he looked up at her.
“What am I?” she asked softly.
“The love of my life. The reason I breathe. The purpose of my existence.”
She smiled softly.
“What am I?” she repeated.
“A succubus. A creature who feeds on sexual energy.”
“And without it?”
“You die.”
“I die,” she agreed.
“Feed from me,” he begged.
I turned away, unable to watch.
“You know why I can’t, Jason. Please don’t make this more difficult than it already is.”
A chair scraped against the floor. When I peeked, Mom and I were alone.
“Change isn’t easy,” she said. “Especially when it comes to zealous beliefs. Religion. Politics. Sex. Most people are unwilling to consider their stance isn’t the only right stance. As if their beliefs are a ‘one size fits all’ for everyone’s unique circumstances.” She smiled slightly. “Your father is starting to see his beliefs can’t hold true for me. I don’t fault him for his moral rigidity. His unyielding faith is part of what made him so attractive to me.
“Let’s go check on the club’s progress so we can hurry back. I hate leaving your dad alone for too long.”
We took my car, mostly because Mom didn’t like driving. I saw the addition of the sign well before we reached the lot. The large letters rested on top of the building’s impressive roof like some roadhouse. But the building looked nothing like a rundown roadhouse. The goblins had been hard at work, painting and improving the outside so that the enormous sign graced a trendy nightclub meant for a big city.
“When Dad said you were calling it Club Blayz, I thought he meant fire. What’s the meaning behind the spelling?”
“I’m blazing a trail where our kind can feed and humankind can have the most intense sexual experiences of their lives. Blazing Lays, if you will. But that’s far too crass. So Club Blayz was born.”
“Well, it’s subtler than man-beef buffet.”
She grinned at me.
“Come inside. I can’t wait for your reaction.”
The lower level was complete. Everything from the flooring to the bar top to the seating arrangements was a perfect mix of country meets contemporary. Even the spacious bathrooms were impressive. I found the single chair inside the room a little odd, though, and asked Mom about it.
“One of the conditions of opening the club is that I have the bathrooms staffed with trustworthy attendants to ensure human safety. I don’t see why. I’ve already paid to have this place warded so no human can die here.”
“It doesn’t hurt to be cautious. Plus, it creates jobs for the people stuck in Uttira.”
“You mean, people stuck here as a result of their inability to prove they belong in the human world? That’s hardly a qualifying character reference for the position of human guardian.”
“I don’t have my mark. Does that mean I’m a danger to humans or that I’ve failed to pass Adira’s games?”
“Very true, Eliana. I shall keep an open mind.”
Mom showed me the stage where they could have live music and an area designated for dancing.
“I would love to have a soft opening just for Uttira’s youth. Do you think any of your classmates would want to attend?”
Given how they’d flocked to the Roost when they found out there was an impromptu Game Night, I felt fairly certain my classmates would be up for anything that wasn’t another night of same old same old at the Roost.
Mom’s delight reflected in her eyes when I confirmed they would.
“It will be a night to remember,” she promised as we continued the tour.
