My phone rang after lunch, and I readily reached for the distraction.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Eliana. It’s Jenna. Um, I know you’re with your parents today, but I was wondering if you could maybe help me.”
“Sure. How can I help?”
“Something’s wrong with Fenris.”
My selfish thoughts came to a screeching halt.
“What do you mean? Is he hurt?”
“Yes, but nothing serious. He got into a major fight with Eras about thirty minutes ago. Adira appeared and broke it up after Eras’s mermaids drew blood. The scratch will be fine, but I don’t think Fenris is. He hasn’t been acting like himself all day. He’s angry, Eliana. I’ve never seen him angry before. He yelled at us to leave him alone.”
While there was a slight whine in her voice at the end, there was also very real worry. Fenris was rarely anything but playful.
“Where are you guys now?” I asked.
“We’re headed home. We think that’s where he went.”
“You think?”
“He ran into the woods at the Academy. We already searched those, though.” There was a pause. “He’s not easy to find when he doesn’t want to be found. But I know he worries about you, so I was hoping you’d help us look for him.”
“Of course. I’ll try calling him and see if he answers.”
“He won’t. He left everything when he ran. Will you meet us at Blueleaf?”
“Blueleaf? Why? I mean, I will. I just don’t understand how I’m going to be able to help.”
“Last time he was hiding, he came out to see why you were roaming around our woods. I was hoping that you’d be willing to run with us. I would have called sooner, but after Aubrey snooped on his phone to find Megan’s number, he locked his phone. I had to find Eugene to get your number. Will you help us?”
“Yes. I’ll be right there.”
When I hung up, I noted I had Mom and Dad’s attention.
“Sorry. I need to cut this visit short. Fenris got into a fight at the Academy and ran off. His girls are hoping I can help them find him.”
“They’re very clever to use you as bait, baby. After last night, you know no one can resist you. Go help your friends and have fun. Let me know if we’re still going to the Quills’ for dinner. I’ll make sure I’m suitably hungry.”
Her smile made me think of Mrs. Quill’s worried phone call and her willingness to feed us both.
“I think that will depend on finding Fenris in time,” I said. “But I’ll let you know.”
After raiding Dad’s wardrobe for an extra shirt for warmth, I headed for pack territory. The girls were waiting for me in the parking lot. While I layered up, Jenna explained the plan.
“We’ll split up, each heading in a different direction. Eliana, since you’ve already been north, you take that one. Remember the tree?”
I nodded even though all the trees looked pretty much the same to me.
“Good. When you get there, call me, and I’ll guide you to the next place to check. GPS works out here, so just keep heading north, and you’ll be fine. Call me if you find him.” She looked at the other two. “Agreed? We call each other?”
Their worry was so thick I could almost taste it.
“We’ll call,” Willow agreed. “I just want him back to his old self again.”
They created a group text so I would have all of their numbers then Willow and Laurel jogged off.
“I’ll walk with you for a bit and get you on the right path,” Jenna said, tagging along with me. “Are you going to be warm enough?”
“If I get cold, I’ll jog for a bit,” I said since my toes were already cold from standing in the parking lot.
We walked in silence, skirting around Blueleaf before Jenna spoke again.
“The elders are putting too much pressure on Fenris. Pack runs don’t last until dawn. We’re burst animals. We might jog a lot, but we’re not meant to run indefinitely, and that’s what Fenris was doing last night. Running like crazy. He had to be exhausted. Yet he went to class like normal. I think it was just too much. That’s why he snapped, right?”
Guilt hit me hard. I’d been so insensitive this morning. When he’d mentioned cuddling, I hadn’t even considered it was because he was tired. I’d thought it was just his way of pushing at my boundaries. And it probably had been, but only as a secondary purpose.
“I’m sure that’s it,” I said, answering Jenna.
She gestured to the right. “This is where you want to start. Walk straight north, and you’ll find the tree. Thanks again for helping.”
With a nod, I started in the direction she’d indicated. It was laughable how short a distance I’d gone before I checked my phone, thinking I had to be almost there. My feet were cold enough that I gave jogging a try. Instead of warming me, it made me colder. I knew why. I was hungry. Past hungry. The need for nourishment clawed at my middle.
I thought of Mrs. Quill’s invitation to dinner. Maybe I should go.
My side cramped, and I slowed from a jog to a walk while I amended my thought. Maybe I needed to go.
That familiar tingle of awareness returned before I reached the tree. My eyes turned black with my annoyance. Hangry wasn’t a good combination for me and whatever was in the woods following me, so I took a few calming breaths then took out my phone to call Jenna.
“What do I do if I feel like something’s following me?” I asked when she answered.
“In these woods, if something’s following you and you run, you’d probably be chased. But I’m not sure that’s what you want.”
“Because I’m cold and tired and hungry?”
“Um, maybe you do want it then. Being chased is our version of foreplay. It doesn’t have to end in sex, but there would definitely be enough sexual energy for you to eat if you wanted.”
My steps faltered. That didn’t make sense with what Fenris had told me. He’d said not to run or I’d become prey. It sounded more like I’d end up being the predator even if I was the one being chased. But he knew I didn’t want to be the predator, so maybe that had been his way of helping me prevent another slip.
“Got it,” I said to Jenna. “Thanks for the warning.”
After hanging up, I stopped walking and looked around at the trees.
“I’m not up for hide-and-seek or chase the mate or whatever this is. If you’re bored and looking for something to do, help me find Fenris. His girls are worried about him, and my toes are two steps away from turning blue with cold.”
I waited. Nothing moved in the trees around me. But slowly, the feeling of being watched faded.
Sighing, I continued on, this time calling Fenris’s name. When the tree finally came into view, I was surprised to see Fenris lounging on one of the lower branches.
Barefoot and shirtless, he gazed up at the canopy, looking completely lost in thought.
I didn’t say anything as I approached, unwilling to interrupt whatever occupied his mind.
“Hey, snow princess. I heard you’re not up for hide-and-seek.” He turned his head. “Why are you out here looking for me?”
“Jenna called me. They’re worried and said you’re not acting like yourself. That you yelled at them.”
Instead of answering, he went back to gazing up at the canopy. Something about it felt like an irritated dismissal and showed just how not himself he was acting.
“I shouldn’t have asked you to go to class. When you said you wouldn’t be able to sleep, I assumed you weren’t tired. I’m sorry I behaved so selfishly this morning.”
He gave a humorless laugh.
“Aubrey was selfish; you’re just scared.”
My vision sharpened in my annoyance, and the pulse fluttering against the column of his throat stood out in crystal clarity.
“You still don’t get it. You smell amazing, Fenris. That’s why I didn’t want you to come with me today. What do you think my mom would do? Yes, I was afraid. For you, you moody furball. I’m fighting against every adult in my life, just like you are. I don’t need to fight with you when all I’m trying to do is keep you safe. Even from me. Now get down out of that tree, and go find a bed before you annoy me enough to come up there.”
His lips twitched, and he turned his head to look at me again.
“Moody furball?”
“That’s all you heard out of that, isn’t it?”
His grin widened. “Your eyes are all black. I like it.”
“You’re insane. Only you would think it’s funny to provoke a hungry succubus.”
“Rather than you attempting to climb a tree, let’s make a deal.”
I rolled my eyes and shivered lightly in my jacket.
“Your deals are intrusive to my personal boundaries,” I grumbled. “Okay, fine. In what new way would you like to make me uncomfortable and test my control?”
He threw his head back and laughed.
“There’s the spirit.”
He leaned to the side then fell gracefully to his feet. Steam rose from his chest. My mouth watered, and I struggled to swallow. All I wanted to do was lick that valley of skin between his pectorals.
I shivered harder, this time with need and hunger.
“I’m freezing, and you’re walking around in the snow, barefoot,” I said, desperate for a distraction. “You’re absolutely the insane one.”
He stopped walking, his humor disappearing as he stared at me.
“I was kidding,” I said quickly. “I don’t think you’re insane. I’m jealous and wish I could stay warm like you.”
“I like that. That’s what I want,” he said.
“Huh?”
“Your honesty. With me. With yourself. Whatever you were thinking when I was walking toward you made your scent change. It didn’t match what you said. I can never tell if you’re lying to me or yourself in those moments.”
“Right. Unconditional trust.”
“Wrong. Unconditional honesty. Give me that, and I’ll go try to sleep.”
“I think I’m supposed to get something out of these deals too, aren’t I? You’re getting honesty and sleep out of this, and I’m getting nothing.”
“Fair enough. You get one ‘Fenris, stop pushing me’ a day while you’re giving me unconditional honesty.”
“You’ve already been respecting my requests not to push.”
He started moving again, prowling closer to me. The smile didn’t change, but his gaze did. I shivered again, feeling more like prey and less like a predator.
“Fenris, cut it out.”
He didn’t stop. Instead, he leaned in and inhaled deeply, teasing the side of my neck with his soft exhale.
“No.”
I fisted my hands as the dark thing inside of me responded to the challenge in his tone.
“I’m trying to help you, Fenris. Please, stop.”
“And I’m trying to help you, Eliana. I don’t think stopping is helpful anymore. I think you need more pushing. So I’m going to push, and you’re going to be honest about what you’re thinking and feeling.”
“Fine. You want to act like a sleep-deprived bully and lose all your friends? Go ahead. I’m not making that deal with you.”
“That’s your fear talking,” he said. His hands gripped my sides, and he slowly pulled me against him so we were flush.
I couldn’t stop shaking.
“Let me go.” The words were a broken rasp.
“Unconditional honesty.”
“I wanted to lick you. I still do. The way you smell reminds me of the cakes I dream about. I think all the time I’m spending with you is why I dream about them. I want to feed on you so badly right now that it hurts. But not as much as the idea of turning you into my dad.
“There were nights he would wail in his sleep. I’d hold him through it all then spoon-feed him oatmeal in the morning. I didn’t go to school those days because I was so terrified that when I came home, he wouldn’t be there. That I’d be alone. Maybe I won’t break you. Maybe I will. But I absolutely will break someone when I give in to this thing eating me from the inside because I’m so hungry that once I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop until I’m bloated with the energy of everyone near me. And when I am? When I come back to myself? I’m not sure I’ll be able to live with myself. So I’m damned either way.”
Speaking my deepest, darkest fears helped ground me enough to pull away and look at Fenris. His eyes were closed, but I could feel his pity.
Placing a hand on his chest, I stole it from him.
“Go home, Fenris. Go to bed.”
His form shimmered as he shifted. As soon as he disappeared, I called Jenna and started walking.
“I found him at the tree. You’re right. He’s not acting like himself. But I made a deal with him, and he’s heading home to go to bed.”
“Thank you so much. Do you want me to come find you?”
My hunger twisted inside of me at the idea of Jenna seeking me out.
“No, I can follow my tracks out again.”
“Are your teeth chattering?”
I grimaced. “A little. I’ll be fine once I’m in the car.”
“We won’t forget how you helped.”
Shivering, I said goodbye and hurried back to the parking lot. All I needed was the peace of Fenris’s cabin, a nap, and some chocolate to take the edge off of my hunger.
However, I didn’t stop shivering even with the fire roaring and chocolate in my belly. Tiredly, I sat in the chair and stared at the flames.
My breathing slowed, and I gave in to sleep’s welcoming embrace.
Lost and alone, I restlessly walked amid barren trees. The feeling that I needed to find something drove me to keep moving even as my middle cramped. The pain grew with each step, and my gaze desperately searched the branches, but I didn’t know what I was looking for. I cried and held my stomach, so hungry and desperate for relief.
My phone rang, waking me with tears in my eyes. I wiped them away and looked at the name before answering.
“You have three seconds to tell me what’s really going on with you before I fury my ass to Uttira and shake it out of you.”
“Uh? Hello?”
“Don’t you hello me. Your mom called me, Eliana. She told me some of what’s been going on. Mrs. Quill stopped feeding you? Adira’s been manipulating the hell out of you? The brownie masturbated in your mouth? That’s the kind of shit that friends talk about.”
The rage left her tone.
“Aren’t we still friends? Did you break up with me when I left?”
I choked on a laugh through my tears.
“Your mom admitted that she’s been messing up, too,” Megan continued. “She told me about the gifts she gave you and how the mermaids are bullying you to the point that one of them cut you. Why didn’t you tell me it was so bad?”
The hunger and pain still rippling through me was nothing compared to the ache the sound of her compassion evoked.
“I thought I could be like you and deal with it. But I didn’t. I screwed up, Megan. I screwed up so bad that I’m pretty sure you’re going to drag me to hell the minute you see me.” The pain in my middle grew. “Ashlyn’s missing. I asked some druids to do a spell to get rid of my mom, but instead, Ashlyn disappeared because she was there with me. She’s been missing for over a week now.”
I wasn’t sure she could understand me through my crying.
“Start from the beginning and tell me everything.”
“After Mom slipped two boys in my bed, I knew I couldn’t deal with her helpfulness on top of Adira’s manipulations. I tried asking Mom to leave, but she wouldn’t. I know she loves me, but sometimes it’s too much. She wasn’t helping. She was making it worse. I was talking to Ashlyn about it at the Roost, and some druids overheard. They said that they knew a spell that would place Mom outside the barrier. They said they’d used it before and promised that no one would get hurt. I believed them. And with Mom’s invitation to Uttira only temporary, it sounded like a good idea. Once she was out, she wouldn’t be able to get back in.
“So last Monday, they cast the spell in the aquatics bathroom. I was there to speak my Mom’s name as part of the spell. Ashlyn didn’t trust the druids and came along to support me even though she thought the spell was a bad idea.”
“Everything went the way the druids said it would go. They chanted, the fire changed colors, and I said my mom’s name. That was it. But when I looked at the door where Ashlyn had been standing, she was gone. At first, I thought she’d just slipped out. But when she wasn’t in independent studies, I began to worry. I told Adira. She said she would have the new liaison officer look for Ashlyn. She even has Raiden searching Uttira, but he hasn’t found her.
“I tracked down the druids and told them to figure out what happened to Ashlyn. They’ve cast spells looking for her, even one to see if she’s dead, but she’s not. She’s just not anywhere they can locate her. It’s like something is hiding her. They think it’s possible that it’s another druid but don’t know for sure. She’s gone because of me, Megan. What if she’s hurt?”
“Then I’m holding the druids responsible, not you. You didn’t cast the spell. They did. They shouldn’t have meddled with things they didn’t understand. Was all that stuff about me figuring out why the banshees were screaming just a way to keep me from coming home?”
“Mostly no. I don’t trust Adira to find actual answers about anything. Ashlyn’s missing. Banshees are screaming, and do you know what Adira’s worried about? Why I ditched class, who I’m with, and why I’m not showing up to her stupid dinners.”
I wiped under my nose.
“Yes, you might want to swoop in and save your friend from a few tears, but I trust you to put the needs of all living things before your own personal wants. Unlike Adira.”
Megan snorted.
“Shows what you know. I’d damn the world for you, Eliana.”
I heard the rumble of Oanen’s voice in the background.
“Oanen says he’d be my wingman while I do it, too. You should have told me, us, right away. You shouldn’t have had to deal with everything on your own.”
“I wasn’t on my own. I had Ashlyn until she disappeared. And Fenris.”
“And how is our adorable tail-wagger doing?”
“You really need to stop provoking Oanen. A griffin’s protectiveness tends to lean toward jealous fits.”
Megan laughed. “Oanen and I have a deal when it comes to Fenris. He doesn’t get to touch him unless I say so.”
“And he agreed to that? You’re a Fenris-level dealmaker.”
“Fenris has been making deals? Do tell.”
I sighed. “Focus, Megan. Fenris’s gambling addiction can’t be your primary concern. What are we going to do about Ashlyn?”
She was quiet for a moment.
“I reached out to Zayn after you warned me about the Council throwing around his name, but he hasn’t gotten back to me. I think he’s where we should start for help with figuring out what your druids did, though.”
“And you? Are you coming back?”
“As much as I want to let my fury free on a few Council members, I think you’re right about the banshees. That’s the bigger problem and potential threat, and I can probably do more good out here than I can in there.”
“I’m sorry I kept the truth from you. I should have told you everything right away.”
“You should have. But you’ve saved me from too many of my own bad decisions for me to stay upset over it.”
“But what if something happens to Ashlyn? The druids are positive she’s still alive, but for how long?”
“Let’s worry about what we can control. First, I’ll reach out to Zayn again and explain there’s a life on the line. Then, I’ll finish chasing banshee leads out here. Once I’m done, I’ll come home whether I hear from Zayn or not.”
“Home?” My eyes went wide. “Sweet Mary’s stable blanket, I almost forgot about Elbner again.”
Megan sniggered. “Your swearing still needs work.”
“Well, your house doesn’t, thanks to that ornery little shoe thrower.” I glanced at the fire, which was down to a glowing bed of coals, and I hurried to get my jacket. Since I planned to be right back, I hoped it wouldn’t go completely out before I returned.
Megan stayed on the phone with me as I jogged through the woods and then drove to her house. She told me all about her banshee leads, which were few but widespread, and how she never wanted to go back to northern Russia again because it was nothing but snow. She had me laughing a few times and forgetting about everything but her adventures until I pulled up to the house.
“I better let you go,” I said, warily eyeing the back door. “I usually need two hands to dodge the shoes Elbner throws.”
“Tell him I say to cut it out or he can find a new house to ruin.”
I looked at her immaculate house and shoveled driveway.
“I think your idea of ruining a house is warped.”
“Nope. My house was perfectly undesirable, which kept people away.”
I laughed.
“It didn’t keep me away. Or Oanen or Fenris or Aubrey.”
“Yeah, yeah. You made your point. And I hope I made mine. No more leaving me out of your life. No matter what happens, call me. Trust me to have your back.”
“Trust seems to be a hang-up for me according to Fenris.”
“Well, now you made me want to keep talking. What types of trust issues are you and Fenris talking about?”
“You are far too fascinated with that wolf for your own good. Bye, Megan.”
She was still begging for details as I hung up on her. I smiled, glad she’d called to yell at me. Not only did I know she’d help me figure out where Ashlyn was, but she’d also distracted me from my hunger.
When I looked up, I almost screamed.
Elbner had opened the door and was standing behind the screen in the dark house.
“Elbner, that’s really creepy. I think I’d almost prefer a shoe.”
“Who were you talking to?” he asked. Asked, not demanded. His tone was grumpy, sure, but not as angry as I’d thought it would be.
“That was Megan. She’s going to be coming home soon. She’s worried you made her house look too nice, but I promised her it’s perfect.”
He grunted and moved out of the way as I opened the door. His bowl and spoon were already out on the table.
“I’m really sorry about Monday. With the banshees singing, everything’s been crazy.”
“I heard them. I figured.”
I paused with my hand on the honey and looked back at him. His gaze conveyed so much anger, which was pretty typical, but his words were almost…
“You’re being awfully nice. Not that I mind, but is everything okay?”
“When is Megan coming home?”
“Um, I’m not sure. A few days? Maybe a week. She wasn’t sure herself.”
“I think it’s time I move on. I’d like to say goodbye to Piepen before I go, though.”
“Oh, I don’t think that’s possible. He has a new home now. And a girlfriend.”
A hungry look crossed Elbner’s expression. My appetite responded instantly, and my vision sharpened.
“I know Megan finds eating brownie wings repulsive. I wouldn’t do it if I were you.”
He grunted and sat down at the table, watching me mix his oats, milk, and honey. The way he hungrily dug in as soon as I was finished made me hungrier. I fled the house without saying goodbye.
As I drove through town, I briefly considered Mrs. Quill’s offer. My stomach rumbled greedily in agreement, which worried me. I’d hated every bit of energy I’d taken from them and blamed the intensity of my hunger on that group feeding. I was used to being hungry. Or I had been. Stupid dinner.
I kept driving, and when I reached the clearing and parked, I sent a quick text to both Mom and Mrs. Quill to let them know that I wasn’t up for dinner.
The walk back to the cabin wasn’t horrible, thanks to the decent path I was making. I wondered if that would cause a problem for Fenris, though, if anyone stumbled across it. I took out my phone to text him then remembered he was sleeping.
Instead, I texted Jenna.
Me: Did you check in on Fenris? Is he any better?
Jenna: I met him outside his house. He looked less confrontational and apologized for yelling. I followed him in to make sure he actually went to bed.
Me: I’m not sure if I should be impressed or worried that he actually listened.
Jenna: Maybe a little bit of both. His dad was there. When he saw me, he got excited that Fenris had finally chosen.
Jenna: Fenris blew up and told Raiden to find a new hobby and to stop obsessing over his mateless state. Then he shut himself in his room.
Jenna: Raiden looked like he was ready to beat Fenris’s door down.
Jenna: I convinced his dad it was the pressure everyone was putting on Fenris coupled with the lack of sleep. He agreed to let him rest, but only if I stay the night too. I think he’s trying to scent condition Fenris.
Me: Scent condition?
Jenna: It’s what Aubrey was trying to do. By having her scent around him and on him all the time, she was hoping that Fenris would automatically go for her when he came into his run.
Poor Fenris. At least it was Jenna. She was nice.
Me: Good luck. I’m pretty sure he’ll appreciate the extra cuddles regardless.
I pocketed my phone and imagined Fenris’s expression when he woke up to Jenna spooning him. I could picture him reacting like me. Panicked yet desperate to be diplomatic to spare Jenna’s feelings.
Or maybe the conditioning would work, and he’d pounce.
My stomach cramped, and I whimpered.
That tingle of awareness returned before I reached the tucked away sanctuary. Hungry and worrying about Ashlyn, Fenris, the banshee songs, and whatever Adira would do next since I backed out of dinner, I wasn’t in the mood for being the mouse in a cat and mouse game. Because of that, I kept marching to the cabin. If I stopped, I wasn’t sure what I’d do to whatever was out there, toying with me.
The fire needed a bit of coaxing to take off again. As soon as I had it going, I changed into my pajamas and crawled into the cold bed, not caring if something thought to attack while I slept. If only I could sleep. My stomach continued to cramp and make loud sounds of protest, keeping me awake long enough that I added more wood to the fire twice.
Finally, exhaustion took over, and I slipped into a better dream than the one I’d had earlier.
This time, I knew what I wanted. Cakes. I’d barely thought it when the forest appeared with branches laden with triple-layered lemon cake. Blueberries dotted the meringue buttercream frosting. My mouth watered as I grabbed the first one. I didn’t shove it into my mouth but breathed it in.
The tangy sweetness of lemon burst on my tongue.
The trees shook more cakes free. Chocolate Lava. More Triple Lemon cakes. Spice cakes. The options went on, but I wanted lemon. I fed ravenously, my hunger demanding another helping as soon as I finished the first. But it didn’t seem to matter. The number of sweet treats never diminished from the branches.
Slowly, the ache in my middle eased. I didn’t stop. But I did slow enough to savor what I was consuming. Instead of only breathing in the cake, I took my time to drag my tongue through the lemon curd filling.
The world beneath me trembled, and I paused. The cake varieties vanished in an instant, leaving only lemon. Before I could wonder what was happening, a pressure settled on the back of my head.
“Feed,” the trees encouraged. “You’re safe. Take what you need.”
My hunger wanted me to listen, but that sensation on the back of my head felt wrong. I reached around to feel my hair, but nothing was there. Yet, I felt trapped, and panic rose. I struggled against the weight.
The pressure vanished.
“Shh. It’s your choice,” the trees rumbled. “Always. Forgive me.”
The trembling beneath my feet eased.
