I blinked away the black that I knew had crept into my eyes and shrugged into my coat. Though I needed the warmth, I shuddered at what was getting on it. And what was currently sticking to my stomach and back.
Fenris jogged to catch up to me. As he came alongside me, I plucked the other earbud from my ear and handed both of them to him without glancing his way.
“On a scale of ‘hug Fenris because he was right’ and ‘drown him in a sack in the river,’ how mad are you at me?”
“Somewhere close to wishing that knee would have found its mark.”
He hissed a breath through his teeth, then ran ahead so he could jog backward, forcing me to meet his scrutiny. All the anger I felt poured out into my words.
“I hope you run into a tree. How could you do that to me? After seeing my reaction to what happened with Piepen, how did you ever think it would be okay? If I end up with another stain from this, I will kill you.” My voice had changed a little at the end to something truly bloodthirsty and vicious.
Rather than turning tail and running like any sane creature would do, Fenris stopped and opened his arms, enveloping me in a crash-collision hug.
His mouth pressed to the top of my head as he held me tight.
“I did that so you would finally open your eyes, Eliana. You danced, and no one was hurt. The dryads might be a little stunned by the effect you had on them, but do you see them trailing behind us? No. They’re fine. The druids are fine. I’m fine.” He pulled back to look me in the eye. “And you’re fine.”
I seethed up at him for a minute before my anger broke and my bottom lip trembled.
“I’m not fine. I don’t want another mark.”
He rested his forehead against mine.
“It’s on your clothes, not your skin.”
“I can feel it soaking through. I’ve never felt so dirty in my life.” A shuddering breath escaped me. “I just want to go home.”
“Okay.”
He released me and walked at my side as we followed our trail back to the car. I could feel the way he kept looking at me and knew he was worried I was actually angry at him. I wasn’t sure how I felt since my mood seemed to fluctuate from one thought to the next.
I couldn’t truly hold Fenris to blame for what happened. He didn’t force me; he’d encouraged me. There was a difference between the two. Regardless, I’d known what the druids had wanted me to do. I wasn’t a new succubus naive to the results of a seduction. In fact, my initial reluctance had been due to just that.
In the end, Fenris was right, though. No one had been hurt, and the druids now knew about Ashlyn and would start looking for her. What I’d started out to do had been accomplished.
Yet, the cloying scent of earth and rain served as a reminder that, although I wasn’t hurt, I was far from untouched by today’s events.
“You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?”
“My shirt is sticking to me. It’s impossible not to think about it.”
“Give me your phone.”
Distracted by my thoughts, I handed it over without questioning him. It was barely lunchtime. I’d faced my parents, discovered my mom was staying indefinitely, learned Adira was tracking me with a spell, and now wore clothes that would have Mrs. Quill celebrating when she did the laundry. Which meant I had to hand wash this mess. How much more hell would I need to endure today?
“There,” he said, handing my phone back to me. “See? It’s not a problem.”
I looked down at my screen and read the text conversation in growing horror.
Me: Does dryad cum cause permanent stains on skin?
Mom: No, it’s perfectly safe. Why?
Me: I have some on me and am freaking out.
Mom: Baby, I’m so proud of you for expanding your palate! Dryad spend is completely harmless and delicious, too, if you want to taste a little.
I gripped my phone and tried to breathe.
“Does that look mean I’m running home on four paws?”
“Why, Fenris? Why would you tell my mom something like that?”
“You’re worrying about so much already, and I didn’t want you to add another thing to the list.”
“But now, I have,” I said, looking up at him. “My mom thinks I’m feeding on other creatures. She’s going to tell Adira. What do you think will happen then?”
“Nothing. You’re going to put your foot down and say you prefer me. See? I thought it through.”
“It won’t go that way. It never goes the easy way.”
He sighed and looked off into the trees for a moment.
“No, I don’t think it has for you,” he said softly. “Do you want to tell me what happened with Ashlyn?”
“Here? In the Drys Woods, where the trees have ears? No.”
“Somewhere else then.”
“Where? Between Adira’s spies and her spell, there’s nowhere I can go that will be private anymore. Gods, I wish there was.” Because now going home to change would no longer be a simple clothes swap, thanks to Fenris.
I wrinkled my nose as I realized I’d screwed up again by not texting a warning to Mom right away and quickly sent one.
Me: Please don’t tell Adira.
Mom: Baby, I’m so sorry…I already told her and am using your initiative as a reason she needs to leave you alone. Especially after her presence this morning. Forgive me? I’ll check with you first, next time.
“Mother Mary’s holy underwear,” I yelled a moment before I threw my phone. Fenris’s quick reflexes stopped it from sailing beyond his reach.
“The cabin is yours anytime you want it,” Fenris said, tucking my phone in his pocket. “And your tracking spell should be gone by Tuesday, right? You’ll have your freedom and a quiet place where we can talk.”
“I don’t trust those druids. Not after what they’ve already done.”
“Then we’ll find a different druid to help you.” He shoulder-bumped me playfully, which started me walking again.
“As far as I can tell, they’re all the same. Self-interested mercenaries who will perform any spell, regardless of its ethics or the harm it might cause others, all for a promise of payment or reputation gain. The girls should have helped as a result of feeling bad about what happened, not because they wanted something else from me.”
“Not all druids are like that.”
I arched a brow at him. “Oh? And you have a lot of experience with druids? What spells have you asked for?”
Fenris actually flushed.
“Given your current view on self-interest, I’d rather not say just yet. Soon though.”
I shook my head at him.
“I hope whatever it was, you don’t come to regret what you did.”
“I haven’t yet,” he said with a wink.
We walked in silence for a while, and my anger and annoyance eventually faded. So did my righteous heat. Tucking my hands into my pockets and trying to ignore the wet spots on my clothes, I shivered.
Fenris glanced at me, and I shook my head.
“Whatever you do,” I said with chattering teeth, “do not pick me up. I won’t be responsible for what happens if my shirt rubs against me any more than it has to.”
He made a face.
“I’m serious. It won’t be pretty.”
“Fine. Then, you carry me. I’m tired.” He set a hand on my shoulder and moved like he was going to jump into my arms. I squeaked and scrambled away. He grinned unrepentantly at my scowl.
“Actually, that gives me an idea. How do you feel about a wolf-back ride? No shirt pressing, and we could get out of here faster.”
My gaze swept the snow trail we were following. It disappeared into the trees far ahead with no car in sight. The offer tempted me.
“No funny business like dumping me into the snow?”
“That doesn’t sound like unconditional trust to me,” he said softly.
He reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt.
“I didn’t say yes.”
“I’m making the decision for you. If you won’t let me carry you, you’ll never make it to the car. You’re too cold.”
He shrugged out of his shirt, handed it to me, then turned me around.
“No peeking,” he said softly by my ear. I shivered again and inhaled his sweet, rich scent.
“I wasn’t going to peek. But if your scent is stronger in wolf form, I’m walking.”
A nose bumped my hand, making me jump.
When I turned, I found a huge, grey wolf beside me. His brown eyes watched me closely as I studied him. He was easily six feet long and leanly muscled under his thick coat. I knew since I’d checked by running a hand over his shoulder.
“Are you sure you can carry me like this? I don’t want to break your back. Then we’ll both be stuck here.”
He dipped his head and nipped my calf. A bolt of heat shot through me.
“No biting,” I said sharply. “That’s not a game. At least, not one I want to play.”
He grunted then nudged me instead.
I picked up his still warm pants and wrapped them in his shirt before facing him.
“Breakfast with my dad, a possible strip-club tour with my mom, dealing with Adira and druids, and now a wolf ride? This day needs to end already.”
Fenris made a noise that sounded like a cross between a sneeze and a laugh.
I gripped the scruff of his neck and swung a leg over his back. He held still as I settled my weight. Each deep breath expanded his rib cage firmly against my inner thighs. The pressure and his scent teased my senses uncomfortably and stirred my hunger even though he was in wolf form.
“You’d better get us to the car fast. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to do this,” I said.
He bobbed his head and started out at a trot. Immediately, I tightened my legs around him to keep my seat. He seemed to take that as a signal to speed up because he darted forward at a run. I leaned low and held on for dear life.
The wind whipped at me, stealing more heat, and snow flew in my face, numbing my skin. Yet, I barely felt any of that. His body rubbed against me in a rhythmic way that woke my inner monster.
I struggled to remember that my friend was under me as I ran my fingers through his fur. But logic floated just out of my reach. Instead, I could only focus on how incredibly soft he was and that he smelled so good. I buried my nose in his neck and breathed in deeply.
“You smell like heaven, Fenris.”
His stride faltered, and I would have lost my seat if I hadn’t clamped my legs tighter to rub myself against him.
He ran faster. The wind pulled at my hair as his muscles undulated beneath me, a sensual dance that begged more study. I purred at the thought of him in his skin, under me.
As much as I liked the way he felt now, I wanted to run my cool fingers over his delicious heat and explore every inch of him. I wanted to see his eyes glaze over when I commanded him to touch me. I wanted—
The world spun.
I shrieked at the avalanche of snow that touched my neck and ran into the back of my coat as Fenris pinned me to the ground. Panting, he braced himself over me. Steam rolled off of his sweaty torso. It would have distracted me again had he not leaned in and said three damning words.
“Who are you?”
I closed my eyes against the anger in his voice.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I don’t want your apology; I want your answer. Who are you?”
“Eliana. I’m not a monster.”
His forehead touched mine, and I could feel the tremors running through him. I opened my mouth to apologize again only to close it. He had every right to be angry with me. Werewolves mated for life. There was no playing the field with them. The act was the bond. Period. Had he not stopped me, I would have ruined his life as thoroughly as Mom had ruined Dad’s.
“You should get dressed,” I said softly. “I’ll walk from here.”
Fenris didn’t move right away; the shaking slowly eased, first. When he did start to get up, I turned my head and closed my eyes, not trusting myself. My heart ached for what I’d just put Fenris through. And I hoped he’d forgive me eventually.
“I’m dressed.”
I quickly scrambled to my feet and found Fenris beside me. He stood rigidly with his fists clenched and his jaw muscles ticking. While I knew he didn’t want another useless apology, it was killing me not to say it.
“I wish I could tell you that I would have stopped before things went too far.”
He closed his eyes at my words and physically winced. My guilt speared me, and I glanced away. The car waited in the distance. He’d tried so hard to get us there and had almost made it.
Unsure, I looked back at him. He hadn’t moved.
Slowly, I brushed off the snow still clinging to me and struggled with how to make things better between us. In the end, there wasn’t anything I could do but give him the distance he probably needed right then.
“You were smart to do what you did. Thank you for all your help today.”
I turned and walked away. He didn’t try to stop me, and I didn’t look back, too afraid of what I’d see. Miserable, I got into the car and drove away. Riddled with guilt over what I’d done and that I’d left him there, I navigated the way home on autopilot.
What if I’d just lost my one remaining friend?
Misery and guilt were horrible company and turned my eyes black well before I pulled into the garage. I told myself that I’d feel better after a shower, that my mood was due to my sticky shirt, but doubt was cruel and wouldn’t let me fully believe things would be better any time soon.
Distracted, I let myself into the kitchen.
“Eliana!” Mrs. Quill’s beaming smile faltered when I met her gaze. “Is everything all right? Didn’t you feed well enough with the dryad?”
I sunk lower inside, gave her an annoyed glare, and kept walking.
Why hadn’t I said something to Mom right away? Of course, Adira would let Mrs. Quill know. And now Mrs. Quill would let Adira know how I returned home. Great. Just perfect.
When I got to my room, I slammed my bedroom door shut, stripped, and threw everything in the laundry before stalking to the bathroom.
Like an old ghost film, my image in the mirror flickered between the real me and the sick me. The sick me didn’t look as wan as before, but my hip bones still protruded grotesquely. In both copies, I wore Piepen’s glowing mark right between my breasts, and my eyes were completely black again. While I was grateful there were no new marks, I was still too angry to manage any state of calm to force my eyes back to their usual color.
Turning away from all the reminders of why my life was a big pile of bull poop, I started the shower. Barely a moment after the water warmed, someone knocked on the door.
“Eliana, darling, I know you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Why? So you can tell Adira? No thank you. Please leave.”
Stepping under the water, I let the scalding temperature burn away my shame. Then, I washed from head to toe until the only hint of earth and rain that remained was in my mouth. Even that didn’t linger after a good brushing.
Calmer, I wiped the steam from the glass and looked at myself again. Normal body. Normal eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door.
Adira stood by the window. My anger quickly flared back to life.
“I’m in no mood for your subtle threats and manipulations, Adira. Save them for another time and leave.”
Fist curled around the edge of the towel I’d wrapped around my torso, I turned and stalked into my closet for clean clothes.
“I didn’t believe your mother and needed to see for myself. Will you tell me how you managed to coerce a dryad? They’re very reclusive creatures.”
Seething, I ripped open drawers and grabbed clothes at random. Threads snapped in the seams as I yanked the pieces on. Why did she always need to be right there, constantly involved in everything? She’d at least had the sense not to follow me into the closet. Given my current mood, I might have tried killing her with a hanger.
Once I was dressed, I stalked out of the closet.
“Are you going to answer me?” she asked.
“No.”
I grabbed the coat I’d tossed on the bed and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Use your stupid tracking spell to find out. Isn’t that what it’s for?”
I left the room, slamming the door again. The satisfaction I felt shriveled as I walked away. My display of temper would do nothing but provoke Adira and the Council. Yet, Fenris said not to play their games their way. Where exactly did that leave me?
I jogged down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen. Mrs. Quill was still there. She quietly watched me drape the coat over one of the seats at the island.
“Oanen’s coat is dirty, but I didn’t want to throw it in with the regular laundry.”
“That’s fine. You can leave it with me, and I’ll have it cleaned.” She studied my black eyes, and I saw the hesitancy in her own.
“Thank you.” I started to turn away, but her next words stopped me.
“It’s tearing me apart to see you so unhappy. Please, Eliana. Talk to me. You used to tell me everything.”
“Hardly,” I said. “Even before the Council manipulated my mother’s presence here, I knew that what I said was never just for your ears.”
“I only ever repeated what was necessary to help you.”
I looked over my shoulder at her.
“I never asked for help. What I needed was someone who understood me. But no one here is interested in taking the time to do that.” Her eyes started to water. “I’ll be home after dark.”
Pretending to be unaffected by Mrs. Quill’s tears and walking away wasn’t easy. I’d hurt her. But more than that, I’d hurt myself by openly acknowledging the truth. I’d wanted her to be there for me, and she hadn’t been. My mom, for all of her peculiarities, was the only one actually trying to understand now. That was more than anyone else had ever done.
My anger left me as I started the car and backed out of the garage.
I was a succubus. I should have people vying to spend time in my presence. Instead, I lacked a single friend or confidant.
With tears gathering in my eyes, I thought of Megan and stopped at the end of the driveway to call her.
“Hey, Eliana. I was going to give you until tonight before I started sending broken heart memes.”
I gave a watery laugh.
“You still can.”
“What’s wrong? Are you crying?”
“Maybe a little. Everyone is just making me so angry, and I’m lonely without a friend.”
“We can be home in five minutes,” she said immediately. “This hell gate thing I do is amazing for travel.”
“Not so good on the luggage,” Oanen called from the background.
“No, there’s no need for you to come home yet. Mrs. Quill said you were in Cyprus. Is it pretty?”
“It is. I never thought I was the type to ooh and aah over old stuff, but seeing some of the ruins is pretty humbling. I texted a pic to my great-grandma, and guess what she said? She remembers them a lot differently. She’s five hundred years old. Can you believe that shit?”
I chuckled at the awe in her tone.
“I can. There are older creatures alive. You might like talking to a few of them.”
“Probably not. I can only imagine the wrongs they’ve committed over all those years.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think of that.”
There was a long, silent pause.
“Are you going to tell me who I have to threaten for making you cry when I get home?”
“It’s a list. My mom brought my dad here. I love him, but I hate seeing how he is around her. Mindlessly happy, and a shell of the man he used to be before he met her.”
“How do you know? I mean, you weren’t born yet. How do you know he’s only a shell?”
I frowned at the phone.
“Megan, this is my pity party. Stop trying to be reasonable.”
She laughed.
“Carry on then. Who else?”
“Piepen has a new girlfriend who is insanely jealous. She sent her little sister to check me out. I’m tired of waking up to brownies in my room. I know I’m locking my window at night, but the little flitters keep getting in.”
“Was she touching herself?”
“What? Eew. No.”
“Well, that’s a win.”
“Your logic isn’t welcome here.”
She laughed again, and I grinned.
“But what’s really getting me is that Adira has a tracking spell on me now because I disappeared on them for a few hours.”
“Oh? Tell me more about this disappearance. Where did you go? Who were you with?”
“You’re missing the point. Adira is driving me insane with her control issues.”
“I promise to punch her in the face when I get back. Now, tell me the details.”
I thought of the caves and who I’d been with the first time and felt a pang of regret.
“Just some hot springs. Oanen can probably tell you more about them than I can. I miss you, Megan. It’s just not the same with you gone.”
“You’re making it really hard to stay away when you say things like that.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Keep calling me when you’re lonely. Or go hang out with Ashlyn. I know she likes you and isn’t afraid of all of us monsters.”
Guilt hit me like a punch to the middle.
“And there’s always Fenris,” Megan continued, unaware of my pain. “Tell him to give you a hug for me.”
“No way. He’s far too huggy already. Whatever you do, don’t bet hugs with him. I’m up to two a day.”
Her squeal, followed by a burst of laughter, had me jerking the phone from my ear.
“Yeah, real funny,” I said, shouting to be heard. “Just so you know, he’s planning on hugging you and Oanen when you guys are back. Be ready.”
“Oh, we will be. In the meantime, is there anything I can do to make your life easier with Adira? I don’t think tracking spells are breaking any rules, so my fury probably won’t care, but anything else?”
With guilt, I thought of Adira’s lack of effort to find Ashlyn. There was nothing to say about that without damning myself, though.
“No, nothing.”
“Sorry, babe. Hey, how’s the goblin doing? I met a few here who were doing some insane-level upkeep.”
“Your house is amazing. He keeps it spotless and is working on repairing the outside. It’s going to look like a new house when you see it.”
“I can’t wait to settle back in and start raising some more hell there. Adira needs the tables turned.”
“And I can’t wait to watch you do it.”
The tables would do more than turn when Megan found out about Adira’s inaction. They would spin in Megan’s fury.
I couldn’t help but wonder, though, if Megan would be dragging me to hell along with Adira.
