With nowhere else to go, I decided to head for the Roost. However, when I reached the entrance, the heavy beat of music within reminded me of dancing with the dryads.
While I hesitated, trying to think of somewhere else to go, the door opened, and two mermaids walked out.
“Well, look who it is,” the first one said. “The druid lover. You’re going to regret ever walking into our domain.”
“If you want to claim a bathroom as your domain, fine. Enjoy the toilets.”
The second mermaid lunged for me, but the first one stopped her as I hurried into the Roost. I had enough on my mental plate without adding a mermaid fight to the list.
Sighing, I made my way toward the booths.
“Hey, Eliana,” Jenna called from the dance floor.
I looked over and saw the her-herd dancing with Fenris. He was still wearing Oanen’s shirt, which made my pulse race a little. His gaze met mine, and he smiled at me. It was his usual smile, nothing different. Yet, it felt different.
Hesitantly smiling in return, I said hello.
“Join us?” Jenna asked.
I shook my head and continued toward the back booths where I tried to watch an old horror movie on my phone in an attempt to distract myself from my thoughts and Fenris. It wasn’t easy with the sound off, though. I gave up after thirty minutes and texted Mom.
Me: Adira mentioned the name of your club. How set are you on that?
Mom: Not at all. I only told her a name to shut her up. Do you have ideas?
I grinned at her answer.
Me: It depends on the type of club. If you’re thinking male dancers, what about No Boundaries? If you’re thinking upscale dining for every palate, what about The Portal?
Mom: Baby, you are exquisite in every possible way. What type of club would you prefer?
Me: Dancing “food” sounds distasteful. I’d rather go the upscale route.
She sent me a heart emoji.
Me: What kinds of human food will you offer?
Mom: I hadn’t considered offering any.
Me: I think you should. If the humans are there to be fed on, they’ll need something to keep up their energy.
Mom: Rich, upscale foods. I like how you think. Any special requests from you? I know how you like desserts.
I thought about it for a moment.
Me: I keep dreaming about lava cake and death by chocolate cake. I tried making them, but my attempts weren’t as good as the ones in my dreams. If you can find someone who can make those, but really, really well, I’d be happy.
Mom: I’ll make it happen. What are you up to today? Want to come help at the club? We could design the layout together.
Me: I’m hanging out at the Roost. Maybe next time?
Mom: You have fun. Love you.
I smiled at the message and reopened the movie window. A glass slid across the table before I turned the horror on again. I looked up at Fenris as he sat opposite me.
“You look like you’re settling in for a while. I thought you might want something to drink.”
“Thank you.”
“You sure you don’t want to dance? There aren’t many people here.”
“I don’t think I’ll be up for dancing for a while.”
He considered me for a moment.
“No new marks?”
I shook my head.
“Then you shouldn’t let that experience taint what you love.”
“How do you know I love dancing?”
“I have eyes, Eliana.” He smirked at me. “Eventually, I’ll get you out there.”
I almost smiled back at him but couldn’t quite manage it.
“About the woods.”
His hand covered mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“You overthink things, Eliana. If something upsets me, I promise I will use words to tell you. I understand you’re struggling, and the last thing I want you to believe is that I’m part of the problem. I’m not. I’m trying to help you find the solution. Always.”
I nodded and gave him a wan smile. He released my hand and left me to rejoin his pack. I felt lighter as I went back to my silent horror flick.
Hours later, I stood and stretched. Body to body dancers crowded the floor in front of the stage. They writhed in rhythm to the music. It would have looked fun hours ago. Now, I just wanted feeling to return to my backside so I could drive myself home and go to bed.
Picking up my jacket, I headed for the door.
Fenris blocked my path before I made it halfway there.
“Dance time?” he asked with an eyebrow wriggle.
“No, bedtime.”
“Yeah, I’m up for that too. Your place or mine?”
My vision sharpened, and I immediately ducked my head and looked at the floor.
“Not funny, Fenris.”
His arms wrapped around me.
“Sorry. No one saw. I promise.”
Instead of pulling away, I returned the hug and buried my head further.
“Want to go outside?” he asked.
After my nod, he lifted me just enough so my feet didn’t touch the floor and walked us out the doors. With relief, I breathed in the crisp winter air.
“Thank you.”
He lowered me to my feet and licked the tip of my nose as I backed away.
“Your forms of affection are weird. By the way, I warned Megan and Oanen you’re going to be hugging them. Good luck trying to get Oanen again.”
“Challenge accepted. He won’t see me coming.”
I laughed, unable to help myself. Months ago, I’d been witness to the spontaneous hug that Oanen had given Fenris. While it’d been done to throw off Aubrey—Fenris’s crazy, she-wolf stalker—from smelling Megan on Fenris, I could still remember Fenris’s shocked expression. Fenris might like hugging, but Oanen was far from a hugger.
“I bet you don’t even get close to him,” I said without thinking.
A gleam lit Fenris’s gaze.
“Two minutes of scratching if I win.”
“I don’t care what you want scratched; I’m not doing it.”
He stared at me a moment, his grin slowly widening.
“You’re thinking about where to scratch me, aren’t you?”
“I’m thinking about how I want to go home.”
He huffed a pouty sigh then opened his arms.
“Fine. You can go. I’ll just collect my payment before you do.”
I took one step toward him before I stopped myself.
“Wait a minute. I’m paid up for today. We hugged in the diner, again after I danced, and just now inside. That’s three.”
“The second two don’t count. You didn’t hug me back in the woods, and the one just now was an escape hug.”
“You can’t start adding rules now. My arms were around you on the third hug. It counts.”
“Gods, you’re stingy with your hugs. Come on. Just give me another.”
He got down in that playful pose he had, like he was ready to catch a jump hug, and wiggled his fingers at me.
“I’m not hugging you, Fenris.”
“Fine. Then I’m stealing one.”
He launched himself at me and, before I could react, had me crushed against his chest.
“You really need to find your mate,” came out as, “Boo eeddee deed do ind uh ade.”
The rumble of his laughter vibrated through me.
“Come on, spaghetti. Use those arms.”
I hugged his waist then pulled my head back enough to get some breathing room.
“Your need for constant affection will stifle someone.”
“Doubt it.” He leaned his cheek against my head and inhaled deeply.
“Are you sniffing my hair?”
“Are you going to question everything I do? Where’s the unconditional trust?”
I rolled my eyes, well aware that everything was once again in sharp focus.
“I get that you like to push boundaries, but I can’t afford to lose any more friends because of my lack of good judgment.”
He pulled back and cupped my face, his expression intensely serious.
“You will never lose me, Eliana. No matter what you say…no matter what you do…I will always be here for you.”
My chest ached at the sincerity in his words, and my eyes started to water.
“Thank you.”
He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead. My pulse stuttered then raced. Without meaning to, I pulled him closer. He tightened our embrace as he exhaled heavily, and his sweet scent wrapped around me, hinting at chocolate with creamy notes. As soon as I thought creamy, I felt myself going down that dark path of hunger and need.
“Let go,” I rasped.
Fenris immediately released me.
I swallowed hard and stared up at him with an intense longing I shouldn’t feel.
“Please walk away.”
His gaze swept over my face. He gave me a sad smile, then went inside. The urge to follow him rode me hard as I turned around and walked down the sidewalk.
Just as I reached my car, another one parked on the other side of the road. Eras and his friends got out. Laughing about whatever had been said in their car, they didn’t notice me. I watched them go inside then grabbed my phone.
Me: Eras just walked in. You should probably leave.
Fenris: Probably, but I’m in the mood for a little trouble.
Me: Then go feed Elbner for me. He can throw a shoe at your head to knock some sense into you.
With a growl of frustration, I got into my car.
Fenris: I’ll feed your vertically challenged rage machine, but you’ll owe me a non-contact favor in the future. Do we have a deal?
Me: Deals with you are dangerous.
Fenris: Deals = fun.
Then he sent a chicken and squirrel emoji.
Me: Fine. Just leave now so Elbner doesn’t feel slighted.
Fenris: Leaving now.
Objective accomplished, I started the car and pulled away. In my rearview mirror, I watched the red doors open and Fenris emerge with his herd.
Boston Cream pies hung from every tree limb. As soon as I finished one, another appeared. It felt like I’d been gorging on them for an eternity, but I wasn’t full or sick of the taste. I just wanted to keep going indefinitely.
Eventually, though, the dream faded away, and I drifted off into a deeper sleep that even the sun couldn’t pierce. However, the persistent buzz of my phone finally did.
“Hello?” I said groggily.
“Morning, beautiful. Any names you need me to add to the punch list?”
I smiled sleepily and rolled onto my back.
“I’m not even out of bed yet.”
“What? It’s four in the afternoon?”
I sat up and looked at the clock in a panic then scowled.
“It’s eight in the morning. You’re cruel.”
She laughed.
“No new names,” I said, answering her question. “But there might be today. I have to check in with Fenris to make sure Eras didn’t try anything with him and check on your goblin to make sure he didn’t do anything to Fenris.”
“So…you’re protecting Fenris?”
“Shut up. It’s not like that. Eras thinks I stole one of his meals and is trying to find ways to make me miserable. And your goblin has a special brand of hate for Fenris since Fenris purposely screwed up the goblin’s mash. Both things were my responsibility in the first place. I’m not going to let Fenris deal with the fallout of my actions, no matter how much he professes to love trouble.”
“Sounds like you’re getting to know Fenris pretty well. Are you spending a lot of time with him?”
“I am. Not intentionally. I think he just likes spending time with me because it’s a break from his herd.”
She made an agreeing sound.
We talked for a few more minutes about her and Oanen’s travels, and I could hear the complete adoration in her voice whenever she mentioned him. I smiled, happy for my friend and a little jealous. That was what I wanted. Real love. Real affection. Not something induced from some weird compulsion.
After hanging up, I got ready for the day and sent off two texts. One to my mom to let her know I was on my way and the other to Lauv, asking for an update regarding the location spell for Ashlyn. Both responded immediately.
Lauv: We did one last night but ran into some complications. You wouldn’t happen to have a personal item of Ashlyn’s, would you? Hair, toothbrush, worn underwear.
Mom: Dad has everything ready and waiting. Hope you’re hungry.
I made a face. After Lauv’s request, I wasn’t even remotely hungry. Rather than respond to Mom, I sent off a quick reply to Lauv.
Me: I’ll see if I can find something. How soon do you need it?
Lauv: The new spell won’t be ready until tomorrow. Meet in the pool bathroom before class?
Me: Okay.
The soft murmur of Mr. Quill’s voice drifted from the study as I made my way downstairs. It was answered by a very familiar tone. Adira. Keeping my steps light so she wouldn’t hear me, I hurried into the kitchen, waved to a startled Mrs. Quill, and escaped to my car.
Mom was waiting for me at the door by the time I parked in their driveway. She wore a beaming smile and an embarrassingly see-through nightgown.
“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable with a robe on?” I asked, getting out of the car.
“And cover up this beautiful creation your father picked out for me? Never.”
As I followed her inside, I made a mental note to speak with Dad about his choices on the days they expected me for breakfast. How was I supposed to eat waffles while pretending Mom wasn’t practically naked next to me?
“Baby girl, I’m so glad you’re here,” Dad said from the kitchen. “I made something new. Chilled crepes with strawberries and cream and shaved chocolate.”
He already had two plates in his hand and met us at the table.
“Thank you, Dad. It looks delicious.” I looked up at him with a smile and noted a flash of worry in his gaze.
“You look beautiful this morning.”
A ball of shame formed in my stomach at his flat tone and the way he immediately walked away.
“There is something different about you today,” Mom said, gaining my attention. “Like there’s an extra spark in your eyes.” Her wide smile conveyed her pride. “The dryad was just the thing for you, I think. I wonder if I could coax a few of them to the club.”
A flush burned its way onto my cheeks.
“Mom, please don’t.”
“Of course. I’m sorry. You’re perfectly capable of choosing how and when you feed.” She reached out and patted my hand.
Dad returned with his plate and joined us. His concerned gaze locked with mine, and I blushed further. What did he think Mom meant when she said feed? Was he starting to understand that she and I were the same?
Needing a distraction, I took my first bite of breakfast. It was really good but was nowhere close in flavor to the cakes I’d eaten in my dream.
“This is amazing, Dad. And pretty. How long have you been up working on this?”
“I made sure he slept until six,” Mom said. “He knows I won’t allow him to perform his morning worship if he wakes too early.”
Bile crept into my throat as Dad stared adoringly at Mom. I knew what kind of worship she meant.
“How’s the club progressing?” I asked, needing to change the subject.
“Very well. Yesterday’s meeting motivated the crew. I’m confident they’ll meet the deadlines I’ve set because they want the daily bonuses I’ve promised. Speaking of, I need to leave soon. Did you want to join me today?”
“No thank you.”
She took a bite of her crepe and complimented Dad.
“So what else do you do to keep busy here, Dad?” I asked.
“Answer appropriately, Jason,” Mom said quickly then turned toward me with an apologetic smile. “I’ve warned him that you don’t want to hear intimate details regarding your father’s virility.”
“Please don’t use that word,” I whispered in a choked voice.
“I cook,” Dad said, saving me. “After your mother and I complete our daily worship, she goes to work. Sometimes, I nap when she leaves me. But mostly, I spend the time planning recipes that I know your mother will enjoy when she returns. When she’s with me, I’ll prepare her food while she tells me about her day. We eat together then watch a movie.”
There was so much wrong with his explanation I didn’t even know where to start.
“Don’t you miss your prayer time? Or reading the Bible?”
Mother made a dismissive noise, and I turned to her, my annoyance clearly displayed in my eyes.
“He doesn’t belittle your beliefs. Respect him enough to do the same.”
“Of course,” she said quickly. “I apologize to both of you. I promise to be more respectful of your father in the future.” She reached out and took my hand in hers. “This is new to me. I’m trying to adapt and learn. Please have patience with me when I make mistakes.”
My throat tightened, and I nodded.
“I know you’re protective of your father and love him dearly. I swear to you, I feel the same. But, the two of us are very different people, trying to meet in the middle. It’s not always easy.”
“I know it’s not. I’m sorry I got angry.”
“Think nothing of it. I love seeing your eyes change like that. I’m so proud of you and the way you fear nothing when it comes to protecting those you love. It’s an admirable quality.”
She gave my hand a last squeeze and excused herself.
“I need to go change. I promised your father I’d only wear his wonderful gift at home.”
As soon as she left the kitchen, Dad stood abruptly and motioned to me.
“Kneel, Eliana. I need to lay hands on you.”
I cringed.
“Dad, please do we need—”
“Now, Eliana.” He got on his knees, and I reluctantly did the same. He set his hands on my shoulders and closed his eyes.
“Oh great Creator, the one and true God of all people, cleanse my daughter’s flesh of the demon seed she received yesterday. Let her body be a receptacle of Your mercy, not for the nectar of any ungodly man’s loins. Let her mind be a temple for Your word, so she knows and receives the sanctity of Your holy love. The only kind of love she should be receiving until she’s married. Re-purify her body and cleanse her of her sexual sins. In Your holy name, we pray. Amen.”
“Dad,” I whispered, my face hot with shame. “I didn’t have sex. I’m still pure.”
“You fed. I heard your mother say it.”
“I swear I didn’t. I danced; that was all.”
“Amen, Eliana.”
“Amen,” I croaked miserably.
I wanted to curl in a ball and die right then. I didn’t know exactly what he knew about yesterday, but it was obviously enough to condemn me in his mind.
Mom took that moment to emerge fully dressed from her room. Her eyes were almost entirely black, showing just how upset she was at what she’d overheard.
“Is it true, Eliana? You didn’t truly feed?”
I shook my head and hated the disappointment in her gaze.
“It’s no wonder you’re starving yourself if your father has been filling your head with such thoughts. Jason, get up and apologize to your daughter for casting your judgmental morals in her face.”
He rose and faced Mom. There was devotion in his gaze, but more. Anger. Fear. Resentment.
“No,” he said firmly. “I will not encourage her sexual addictions. She needs help. You both do.”
Mom flushed an angry red.
“She needs to feed. And if that means having sex with every human male on this earth, then so be it.”
I scrambled to my feet and stepped in front of Dad.
“Enough. Both of you. Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? I’m stuck between two worlds with opposing moralities, and your equal disapprovals are tearing me apart. Please just stop trying to help me. All you do is hurt me more.”
Tears falling freely, I ran from the house and ignored my mom’s call to come back. I couldn’t listen to them any longer. Isn’t that what Fenris had been telling me all along? I was listening to too many people and trying to make them all happy, and it was turning me into a self-hating ball of misery.
I was done. It was time to listen to myself. I needed to focus on getting my friends, the people who actually cared about me, back.
Determined, I wiped my face and drove back into town.
A thick layer of snow covered Ashlyn’s driveway and sidewalk. The indication of how long she’d been missing infuriated me as much as the neglect the Council was showing her home in her absence.
I went to her garage, thinking I’d grab the shovel and clear the snow myself, but the door was locked. As was the house. Taking a page from Megan’s book, I snuck around the side and started trying windows. Each one was locked tight, and my fingers tingled if I touched them too long.
“Can I ask what you’re doing?” Anne Regan’s familiar voice made me jump, and I guiltily looked over my shoulder at Uttira’s newest human liaison officer, who had her stun gun out and pointed at me.
“Trying to get in. Ashlyn’s driveway needs to be shoveled. I don’t want her to think no one cared that she was gone when she gets back.”
“That’s sweet of you, Eliana, but you should know not to try to break in. Her house is warded against your kind.”
I flinched at her choice of words.
“But I’ve been in there before.”
“Ashlyn allowed you in.”
“You can get in, right? Would you get her shovel from the garage for me?”
She considered me for a moment and slowly lowered her weapon.
“Having that pointed at you didn’t even bother you, did it?”
“No, but only because I’d never give you a reason to use it.”
“You’re one of the few, then.” She sighed and holstered her weapon. “Come on. I’ll get the shovel for you.”
“Any update on the search?” I asked as I followed her to the front of the house.
“Nothing promising. The Council is interviewing druids about a location spell, but they haven’t picked one yet. Sorry.”
“Keep pushing the Council. You need to be Ashlyn’s advocate. The Council only cares about her absence because they’re afraid of who Megan will find guilty when she returns.”
“I met Megan and can understand their fear. I’ve been pushing since we last spoke. It doesn’t seem to do any good.”
She opened the garage door and reached around the corner for the shovel. Ashlyn’s car waited inside, an untouched reminder of her absence.
“Go ahead and close it back up. I’ll keep the shovel in my car and clear her driveway until she’s back to do it herself.”
“Hopefully, that will be soon.”
I nodded and started scraping. Officer Ragen didn’t stay to watch me but got into the patrol car idling at the curb and drove off. When I had everything clear, I packed up the shovel and headed out of town toward Megan’s place.
While the shovel probably hadn’t been the personal item that the druids had in mind, it was likely all they would get unless they knew a spell to unlock windows. And if they did know one, I wanted nothing to do with breaking and entering.
I wanted to experience being shocked as much as I wanted to listen to my dad talk about how he worshipped my mom every morning. No, thank you.
