THE NEXT MORNING, Delton stared into Xara’s face as she ate breakfast. Dressed in a bright green silk gown, she looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful but ever since the day at the lake, he was beginning to notice it more. He’d never forget the moment she rode him and brought him to climax. Her pleasured face was etched in his memory.
Her spine was straight, her neck curving in a graceful arch as she ate her breakfast. That’s what it looked like on the surface. Under the table, her knees brushed against his as her fingers moved up his thigh. After making love under the stars last night, the dynamic between them had shifted. She was freer, speaking her mind whenever she was with him. His heart felt much lighter whoever she was near.
When a servant appeared with a tray, she moved her hand away. After returning from the lake last night, they had gone to their rooms. Delton had wanted to sleep with her, even if he only ended up holding her and not making love. But he hadn’t asked her because he feared he might be going soft. Their relationship was purely physical. She hadn’t consented to anything more than sex and swimming lessons. Perhaps he might take her out once in a while to seduce her, but there was no protocol for just sleeping together. They had done it the first night they’d had sex, but he did not know where they stood. It was that uncertainty that worried him.
He was coming to like her, to miss her, to crave more time with her. Every moment he spent with her pushed him to the inevitable conclusion—one he didn’t dare to face yet. Changing his centuries-long bedtime routine seemed like no big deal if she was going to be part of it. Yes, that was much better than playing chess alone at night and sleeping with his nightmares. He wanted to play more chess games with her, spend more nights in her company, and tell her what he was thinking without worrying about the consequences.
“Did you sleep well last night?” He cringed inwardly at that lackluster opening. But with servants in the room, they couldn’t talk about anything more personal.
“Y-yes. All the exercise exhausted me.” The last word contained a wealth of hidden meaning. “Thank you for last evening. I don’t think I’ve ever felt… the way I did last night.” Her voice softened and his heartbeat escalated. What did she mean by that?
The clatter of porcelain interrupted the moment. The servant bowed and left. Once she was gone, closing the door behind her, he turned to his wife. His hands found hers under the table and he held them.
“It was one of the best nights of my life,” he said, his voice threaded with sincerity.
“I didn’t expect you to wine and dine me. It was… romantic,” she admitted. Daylight caught her dark rises. “Especially after you said you didn’t need to woo me because I was already yours.”
“Are you?” He felt her pulse under his fingers. “Mine?”
She dragged in a long breath. Her gaze grew unfocused. The wait for her answer was agonizing. Delton didn’t know what he expected her to say.
However, when she looked up, she asked, “What about you, Delton? Do you belong to me?”
He hadn’t expected her to ask that. The question flustered him. Was he hers? The answer wasn’t as obvious as he’d expected. Little by little, she’d made her way under his skin until he no longer knew where he ended, and she began. But did that mean he was ready to admit to what she asked for? There had been nobody except her since the day they married. He doubted there would be someone else. Delton wasn’t a man who opened his heart easily.
“We’re married,” he said. It wasn’t an answer.
“Marriage doesn’t mean anything,” Xara said, inching back. He could see that she was disappointed. Why had he asked her an impossible question like that and put himself in this predicament? Despite the growing affection between them, he knew that something was missing. He could sense that she wasn’t being entirely honest with him, holding a part of herself back. Every time he felt it, he urged his mind to be patient; to give her the time to open up to him. His treatment of her hadn’t been stellar and it was understandable if she needed more time to trust him.
“I like you a lot, Xara,” he said. “You know that.”
“Yes…”
Her eyes were downcast, moving under the table to settle on his palm. His wedding band glinted in the sunlight and her eyes grew shuttered.
“What is it?” he asked. Over time, he’d become more attuned to her emotions, learning to recognize her discomfort.
“N-nothing,” She turned her head away and sighed.
“Tell me. Have I done something to offend you?”
“No!” When she reached for her fork, the words stumbled out of her mouth. “It’s just that…you still have your wedding ring.”
“Hmmm?” Delton’s voice was questioning. He knew she didn’t wear hers but he’d never asked her what happened to it.
“I lost mine in the river.” All pretense of eating breakfast vanished. Her shoulders tensed up. “When I…jumped.” Though he’d been teaching her to swim, and they’d spoken about the past, it seemed there were things he didn’t know. Some part of it still haunted her.
Delton pressed his hand over her soft palm. “Do you want me to get you another one?” Her eyes widened. she’d never contemplated the possibility. “We don’t have to if you’d rather not—”
“I…” She stared at him for a long moment, conflicted. When she spoke, her voice was low, “I’d like to get a new ring…but I…I don’t know what it means.”
Her large brown eyes were on him. Something flickered in his heart.
“It means whatever you want it to mean.” It was the only true thing he could say. She still hadn’t made up her mind about reconciling and he didn’t want to pressure her.
She contemplated his words.
“Do you mean that? You’re not angry I lost it?”
“Why would I be? It’s just a ring.”
“Our wedding ring.”
“Xara, it’s just an object. It’s not more valuable than you.” He caught himself as soon as he said the words. Too late. She was as stunned by his admission as he was. When had he begun thinking of her as valuable? As irreplaceable?
Her reaction, however, was completely unexpected. She stood up in a flash of movement and came to stand behind him.
Only when he felt her arms coming around him did he realize what she was doing. His wife was embracing him. Breath whooshed out of his lungs as her arms looped around his neck. She pressed her cheek to his, relief flooding her body. His, on the other hand, tensed up. He liked this a lot—the way she hugged him spontaneously. Like they were just two people with no past weighing them down.
“Thank you,” Her voice lit sparks inside him. “That does make me feel better. I thought you secretly held a grudge against me for losing the ring.”
“I didn’t notice until you told me.”
Delton’s heart enlarged at the nearness of her. If she wanted him to get her another wedding ring, she must be considering reconciliation. Though he had promised to give her time to decide, he knew that he wanted her in his life. With every passing moment, he was falling deeper. How would it feel to have another chance at this?
Her joy bled into him. When Xara’s lips touched his cheek, he melted into her embrace.
“You’re a lot nicer than I thought,” she said, snuggling. Though it wasn’t as carnal as what they’d done, that simple gesture seemed more intimate. As if she were showing him her heart, entrusting a part of it to him.
Nobody had ever called him ‘nice’ before. He’d laugh it off if he didn’t know how glad she was. He liked making her happy, he decided. Xara’s lips moved over his cheek, the shell of his ear, breathing into it.
“I’ll buy you a million rings if it makes you happy,” he said.
“Careful, Your Majesty, if you keep saying things like that, I might come to like you.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” His heart thudded. Though his tone was light, he was serious.
She, however, appeared conflicted by his words. Delton was about to tell her to forget it when she leaned in closer. And kissed him. It was a deep, lingering kiss—one that displayed familiarity and passion in equal measure. Even though she was trying to avoid answering his question, he was glad for her nearness. Her soft moans melted in his mouth as he angled his head to plunder her mouth. Her arms dug into his shoulders as she kissed him back with equal fervor. She was like an addictive drug that he just couldn’t get enough of. In fact, he wanted to be addicted. Completely, hopelessly addicted.
Every time he laid eyes on her, he was more and more sure that they belonged together. He’d been foolish to exile her when they could’ve had so much more together. He tasted her skin, her tongue, and all the words that she didn’t say. She continued to kiss him until thoughts scattered and only sensation remained. Xara moved to sit on his lap, angling his head closer to hers. His arms curved around her waist. He wished every morning could begin like this—with her.
When they heard the sound of footsteps, he let her go. Damn, these servants. They needed to go somewhere where there was no one. Then, he could proceed to enjoy her as much as wanted.
When her arms receded and his face backed off, he stared at her for a little too long. Xara’s rich brown eyes shone, and he knew he’d be counting the hours until he returned from the secret service.
Felix’s plan was coming together, and they needed to put the final touches to the scheme. Once he got Ifer, he’d have nothing to do except pleasure her. He just had to be patient for a little longer; give her the time to adjust to this new dynamic.
“I’ll see you this evening,” he said, reluctantly slipping his hands down the back of her chair.
She met his words with a smile.
He carried the memory of that smile throughout the day.
FELIX WAS at his office when Delton arrived. He didn’t use the desk because Delton preferred to use it. Instead, he sat on a sofa in one corner, dressed in a fresh pair of clothes. He must’ve spent another sleepless night torturing Walric. A spark of guilt ignited in Delton’s chest at the realization. He’d promised Xara to stop torturing her cousin.
“Good morning, Felix,” he looked around the empty room. “How is our prisoner?”
He sighed. “We haven’t made any progress, I’m afraid. Amara has tried torturing him but he won’t speak. Maybe we should escalate the torture.”
“About that.” Delton swallowed. Change was so hard. Though he wanted to make his wife happy, the thought of sparing Walric made the old demons in his mind ignite. He had never been merciful or kind. But she forced him to become that person. To become better than he was. “I want you to stop torturing him.”
“Your Majesty?”
“The queen feels uneasy about our treatment of her cousin.” Felix blinked, not knowing how to respond to that confession. One of the most dangerous things about Felix was how comfortable he made Delton. The old man had a patient, listening ear and if one wasn’t too careful, they would find themselves divulging secrets. “Since torture isn’t getting us anywhere, I’d like you to stop. Use other methods to make him speak.”
Felix’s blink was short. “I understand.”
No sign of rebuttal or argument. That’s what Delton liked about him.
“Good. How is our plan to corner Ifer coming along? Has Heires received a reply?”
“Yes. Ifer will meet him at the location Heires suggested. Amara, Darius, and I will be there, waiting to capture him. I’ve been preparing our spies for backup. If all goes according to plan, we’ll have him in four days.”
Four days.
Victory was blissfully close.
In four days, he’d have Ifer, and everything would go back to the way it should be. Then, he could begin to seriously think about his future with Xara.
“I expect to hear good news this time, Felix. Leave no stone unturned in his capture.” Felix nodded. He turned to leave but Delton suddenly remembered what he’d said to Xara. “Wait, there’s something else.”
Felix awaited his command with bated breaths. “The queen wants to see Prince Walric.”
He recovered from that one faster than Delton thought but he didn’t miss the slight widening of the old spy’s eyes. “That might be a good idea. If we can’t make him talk—”
“No.” Delton held up his hand. “She wants to speak to him alone, to make sure he’s all right. You will not have them watched. Or listened on.”
Felix looked curious but he knew better than to ask questions. “If that is what you want.”
“It is. Make arrangements for her visit.”
“I will inform Amara,” Felix said. “Once we have the security in place, the queen is welcome to visit.”
Delton nodded. Felix didn’t leave without being dismissed this time. Instead, he stared at Delton, his eyes a mixture of knowledge and curiosity.
“What is the matter, Felix? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“You’re dismissed,” Delton announced. “Send your secretary in on the way out. I have a task that needs attending to immediately.”
When Felix didn’t move, Delton explained, “Do you know any jewelers in Skera, Felix?”
“Jewelers?” Felix blinked. In all his years of working for Delton, he’d never heard a request like that. It wasn’t surprising. Delton had never had any need to get women’s jewelry made. His own jewels were heirlooms that had been passed on from previous kings. Now that he thought about it, Xara owned nothing that he had given her—something without a history connected to their ancestors. Maybe that’s what he needed—a ring to mark a new beginning. This ring would be hers. Only hers.
“Someone who makes wedding rings. You’ve been married before.” He relaxed back on the seat, eyeing his faded gold ring.
“Yes…” Felix had no idea how to answer that question. He was a widower. His human wife had passed away several years ago. He had a son who lived in the North. “I don’t know anyone in Skera. But there’s a place where you can get wedding rings made. I saw it on my way to work. If I tell them the king is looking for a wedding ring, they’ll be happy to oblige.”
“Have someone from there sent up,” he ordered. “I need a wedding ring made by tonight.”
“That’s short notice.” Felix’s tone remained neutral though Delton could see that he was curious.
“I’ll pay him whatever he demands but I need the ring fast.”
Felix’s surprise grew but he tried to tamp it down. “I understand. I’ll have one of the spies go and fetch him. Would the ring be for yourself?”
“No, for my wife.”
After ironing out the details, Felix left.
“Felix.” Delton said as he reached the door.
“Yes?”
“I look forward to Ifer’s capture.”
“So do I.”
The prospect of victory was like a fire raging through his veins. He awaited the day he accomplished what he’d wanted for years. By the time he captured Ifer, he hoped Xara would have an answer for him.
With the happy thought, Delton leaned on his chair and got on with reading reports on Walric’s non-existent confessions.
IT HAD BEEN A LAST-MINUTE IDEA. As Delton stated at the elaborate flower arrangements in the royal residence’s garden, he felt nervous for the first time in his life. He had never done anything like this before. Not since he’d proposed to Karina. He’d asked her to marry him in private and she’d agreed.
He’d never asked Xara to marry him. Instead, he’s issued King Elian an ultimatum with a date and a time. They’d never courted and met only once before the wedding ceremony.
What a waste. When he thought about how many stolen kisses they could’ve had, how many deep conversations, how many tacit glances, he realized that he should’ve spent time courting her. In locking himself up in his miserable revenge, he’d denied them both the life they could’ve had. Well, that’s why he had decided to begin again. When he’d proposed it to her, he had been unsure. However, he was sure now. He wanted a second chance.
Delton glanced down at the golden ring in a box. He’d have preferred something more elaborate but this was all he could manage at the last moment. He hoped it was enough.
When Xara told him she’d lost her ring that morning, he’d come up with the idea. He wanted to give her all the moments that he’d taken from her.
In the distance, he saw her silhouette emerge. Xara looked around the newly flower-filled garden with a mix of awe and questioning. The fading orange sunlight slid over her mahogany hair, highlighting the strands on her head. His heart skipped a beat as she came to stand before him, his shadow covering the base of her skirt. When she inhaled, his hand tightened in his coat pocket around the box.
“Impressive,” she said. “When did you have the flowers brought in?”
“Earlier today,” he said. Leaving it in his pocket, he extended his hand to her. “Walk with me.”
She slipped her hand into his effortlessly. He didn’t miss how her resistance had melted away since the first time. Together, they took a step forward. He breathed in her scent, far sweeter than the flowers before them.
“I spoke to Felix,” he began, choosing a safe topic. “You can see Walric at the end of this week. He’ll make the arrangements for your visit.”
Xara’s face turned. “That was fast. Thank you.”
They walked silently for a moment, as the breeze caressed her hair. Xara took in the flowers and leaves. “I haven’t had much time to explore this garden.” She came to a stop before a shrub with tiny white flowers. “The white ones are my favorite. They remind me of the flowers we used to have at the palace in Cadia.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Coincidentally, you were standing next to them when you visited the palace.” He remembered almost nothing of that time, except the sense of victory he’d felt. But it had paled over time. “I believe that’s where you threatened my father.”
It was his turn to be surprised. “How did you know?”
“The maids told me,” she said. “They said you had asked for my hand.”
She went on,
“We met only once and exchanged a few words but by then, my fate had already been sealed.” She met his eyes after a long moment. The pain he was used to seeing didn’t return to its depths when she said, “For whatever it’s worth, you made a strong first impression on me. I thought you charismatic…and I hoped we could make it work.” He blinked. It didn’t inflate his ego, the way he’d thought it would. Instead, he felt bad for not remembering their first meeting. “Perhaps that was idealistic of me.”
“I like that you’re idealistic.” He looked down on her. “I’m sorry I never courted you or asked you how you felt about marrying me. A lot of my memories of that time are tempered by pain. I wish I’d taken the time to know you. I wish the first time we met and do things differently. But I’m beginning to realize the only way to change the past is to stop living in its shadow and create a new future.”
He reached into his pocket and produced the box. When he opened it, light slid over the golden band. Her lips parted and she stilled. Slowly, her eyes moved to his face.
“A ring to replace the one you lost.” Words deserted him as he pulled the ring out of the box and held it over her hand. He waited for her to give him his but the worry and doubt stamped across her face gave him pause.
“I… that was fast…” She fisted her skirt with her nervous hands. “How did you find one so soon?”
“I bribed the local jeweler,” he said. “This was the best he could do on short notice. If you don’t like it—”
“No! It’s beautiful…” It was a simple gold ring, but he felt his entire heart was in that tiny piece of metal.
She still didn’t move, frozen with a mixture of anxiety and dread. “Talk to me, Xara.”
“I… I… what does this mean, Delton? Are you courting me?”
“Do you want to be courted?”
“We’re already married,” she said. “A courtship is pointless.”
“I want us to have a new beginning,” he said. “I enjoy spending time with you and the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I don’t want to go back to living apart. If you’re not ready for it, you don’t have to give me an answer today. But I’d like to court you… to give you back the time that you lost.”
She unclenched her palms. He thought her eyes looked a little glassy, but her voice was clear. “All right.”
Delton was glad to hear that she was giving him a chance. He wanted to do better this time.
He stretched out his hand. “I bought you this ring to replace the one you lost. It doesn’t come with any expectations. If you don’t want to wear it, that’s all right. I still want to give it to you.”
She inhaled. Slowly, she raised her hand. The feeling of triumph surged through him. Getting her to open up was oddly fulfilling. She seemed so hesitant whenever they spoke about their relationship. So unlike the woman she was when he made love to her. Nobody except him knew how wild she could be when she came undone in his arms. He hoped that someday, she’d show the same courage in their relationship.
He slid his palm under hers, holding it steady. Then, he slipped the ring onto her finger. It went in smoothly. The fit was perfect.
“How did you know my size?” she asked, pulling her hand away to examine the ring.
“I guessed,” he said.
“A very accurate guess.”
“So it seems.”
When her hand fell back to her side, she said, “Thank you.”
They spent a few more hours walking and then ate dinner. His entire body felt lit up when he was around her. Even mundane things like dining and starting outside the window had taken on special meaning, imbued with a warm glow. He was no longer doing it all alone, merely going through the motions. He looked forward to the variation she’d bring to his life, the unexpected ways in which she’d develop and surprise him.
When the night fell and it was time to sleep, they stood in the hallway, staring at each other.
“Good night,” Xara said, raising her hand, the new wedding band sparkling on her finger. Yet, she didn’t move. He didn’t move either, staring at her with equal longing.
He burst out at once, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”
“What?” He had shocked her.
“I don’t mean sex,” he broke in. “I want us to sleep together in the same room. In the same bed. Without needing to have sex.”
Like people in love do.
Though he didn’t say that out loud.
“If you’re amenable to it,” he added. “I like being near you. I just want to hold you and know that you’re next to me.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. A trace of something like sadness flickered over her face. “You’ve given this some thought.”
“More than I’d like to.”
The silent moments that passed between his words and her answer were agony. “I thought you didn’t sleep at night.”
“I don’t need to sleep but I can,” he said. “Especially if I have a reason to.”
When she spoke, it was with a smile. “I’d love to be your reason.” She opened her bedroom door. “Do you want to come inside?”
He stepped in without hesitation. They both undressed for bed. It was a novel experience, getting ready for the night with someone else. It had always been only him in his room and his servants. But that night, neither of them summoned the servants. He was almost afraid they’d break the magic of the moment. Delton had been prepared to help Xara undress but she didn’t need his help.
Sometimes, Xara’s resourcefulness surprised him. He’d survived alone on the battlefield and that had made him independent. But Xara? She’d been born and bred a princess. She had servants attend to her every need. So it didn’t make sense for her to know how to take care of herself. Yet, the way she’d tended to his wounds, and the way she frequently dressed and undressed herself spoke of a different kind of life.
When a large expanse of skin—her back—appeared before him, she turned away. If he saw her naked tonight, they wouldn’t be sleeping. Getting rid of his coat, he slipped into bed with his shirt and trousers on.
“Are you going to sleep with that on?” She lay down next to him, glancing at his pressed shirt and black trousers.
“It might be safer that way.” He said, reaching to pull up the bedcovers.
“Why? How do you usually sleep?” Her face turned in his direction, and she moved closer to him, cocooned by his arms.
He cleared his throat. When his deep voice emerged, it echoed. “In the nude.”
Immediately, a blush bloomed on her cheeks. He found it adorable how even after making love so many times, she could be affected by his words. “You asked. It is too warm in Inferno to sleep with clothes on.”
“You’re right. Well, I wouldn’t mind that tonight.”
“You wouldn’t but I would. I don’t think I could just sleep if I stripped down.” She cuddled next to him, testing his resolve. But he liked it. “Are you trying to test me?”
“Maybe.” She looked so alluring in the dark, only the gleam of a singular candle illuminating her face. Before he knew it, he kissed her. She kissed him back. It was a heated kiss but nothing like the ones they’d had before. It felt familiar, almost sweet. Like coming home.
Before he could think, he reached for her and pulled her into an embrace. She filled his arms, her arms coming around him immediately. When her face rested in the nook of his neck, he heard her contented sigh. She nuzzled closer and he let her. It felt so warm and fulfilling. A sensation that was alien to him.
“You know, sometimes when I felt lonely, I wished for something like this,” she said. “I wanted someone to hold me so that I could feel I was alive…Feel like someone cared that I existed.”
“Xara…” He knew it wasn’t easy for her to say that. She was still so guarded—partly scarred from the breakdown of their marriage. His first instinct was to apologize but he tamped it down. She didn’t apologize. She needed him to do better. She quietly breathed into his shirt, her face pressed against his chest.
“Don’t you sometimes feel that we’re only valued for the role we play, not the people we are?”
Yes, he had felt that way. When Karina killed his family, he questioned if she would’ve loved him if he had been a commoner instead of the prince. Even after he became king and chose power, he’d been unable to relate to anyone. It seemed like everyone wanted him dead and the minute he stopped fighting, everything he’d built would crumble. On sleepless nights, he wondered if anyone saw the real him—the vulnerable side that was still capable of emotion; of hurt; of truth. Or would it die in the darkness without ever being seen or heard?
“Yes. I’ve felt that way…too many times to count.” He swallowed, speaking his thoughts out loud. “I felt dead some days, like if someone touched me, I might break. Like I had only enemies and no allies. Nobody wanted to understand me. Nobody cared.” When she looked up, her eyes were glassy. “Surprised?”
“I didn’t think you felt that way.”
“Because power is all I care about?”
“Partly.” She surveyed him.
Power had been the only choice left to him after he’d lost all hope of love. But was that still true? He’d rather drink poison than be vulnerable again. But it was too late to hide. She’d already seen so many of his dark, broken parts and she had a way of drawing out more of them. Suddenly, he realized why he’d wanted to sleep with Xara. Because she made him feel less lonely. More understood. More vulnerable. More like himself. More real. More alive.
“I’m glad you exist,” he said. “I’m glad that I get to see you every day…see all all the ways in which you’re unique. I mean that, Xara.”
“Thank you…” she smiled, suppressing a yawn.
He didn’t press her anymore. With her head resting on his arm, he let her fall asleep. When her breaths grew steadier, he knew she was asleep. Within minutes, his eyes closed. Delton fell asleep after months of sleepless nights.
And for the first time in forever, he felt peaceful. Like the future contained hope instead of hurt.
