XARA SAT IN HER BEDROOM, shaken by the events of the previous night. After Delton had killed Heires and unmasked her, he’d brought her back to the royal residence. His demeanor had changed upon the discovery of her true identity, a hard and impenetrable mask eclipsing his face that had lightened over the weeks they’d been together.
“We’re going back to the royal residence.” His voice sounded cold and authoritative. He helped her off the ground.
His hand held her wrist in an iron grip as if he feared she’d run away. Throughout the journey, he refused to meet her eye. The minute he’d pulled out her mask, she’d seen the crushing disappointment on his face. Xara hadn’t expected to be caught that night. Heires was indeed as unreliable as Osric claimed.
His blood was on her clothes. She had been surprised when Delton killed him. Was it to protect her identity? Or was it the only way he could show his anger?
Delton and Xara came to a stop at the end of the hallway. He’d covered her in his black coat, hiding the men’s clothes to make sure they avoided suspicion. She hadn’t changed out of her clothes. She’d had no time to. Now that Delton knew who she was, it was only a matter of time before the rest of the world did.
Coming to a stop in front of his bedroom, he looked up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since the discovery.
“Delton—” She had to say something. Explain. Make him see why she had to do this.
“Go to sleep, Xara. We will speak about this tomorrow.” His eyes were red when they met hers. He was angry and trying hard to keep it from boiling over. “Don’t even think about leaving this place until I’m done with you. Felix has his spies guarding the residence.”
It was a warning. Though he was angry, he didn’t seem surprised. Somehow, he’d known. He’d guessed that she was Ifer. When had he found out?
She wanted to ask him, but he opened his bedroom door and walked in before she could. When she heard the lock click into place, her heart sank. He didn’t want to see her. Not tonight.
Feeling a mixture of anger and hurt, she moved to her bedroom. It was too late to summon her maid, so she undressed by herself and changed into a nightgown. She looked at her scared face in the mirror. For the first time, she didn’t have any answers. She didn’t know what would happen tomorrow and how she’d deal with it. She knew she wanted her country back. Despite everything that had happened, her convictions hadn’t changed.
Laying her head on the pillow, she stared at the ceiling. Her mind was at work, trying to get her out of this situation. Apologizing was out of the question. Running away had been ruled out, too. She needed time to regroup, but how would she buy time? Now that her cover was blown, she had to make sure her mission came to fruition. Too many people depended on her. From the beginning, she’d known that she’d have to deal with Delton someday. Only, she hadn’t expected to come to like him so much. To have given him a part of herself that she’d never shown anybody. That made it so much harder to break his heart.
Xara clutched the pillow, thoughts in chaos. She should’ve listened to Osric and put a stop to their interactions after the first time. She had been powerless to stop it. Maybe he had been right when he said Xara had always felt something for Delton. Like they were two halves of the same soul. Even though she’d had no reason to believe it, she’d known the first time they met. She liked him. Far more than she was supposed to like her enemy. Years ago, he’d been a black-hearted villain, the source of all her misery. But so much had changed. Delton had shown her a side that was so easy to love. Now that she knew how kind he could be, how gentle, how loving, her resolve grew weaker.
That wouldn’t do. Her feelings for Delton weren’t reason enough to abandon her course of action. She would confront him. Tell him the truth. And then see where it led. If he couldn’t let her go, she’d cut him out. She’d have to. Because one thing was clear—she couldn’t go on living with him. If she had more of those tender moments, more mind-blowing sex, more deep conversations…if she even looked at his face long enough, she’d fall hard and fast. And then, where would she be? Where would they all be?
She was stupid to think this could go somewhere.
Xara’s eyes were still open when dawn arrived. Light filled her bedroom as the knowledge of what she must do condensed in her heart. Throughout last night, she’d gained the strength she needed to fight the battle for Escayton’s independence. So what if she liked him? So what if he’d apologized to her? She couldn’t forgive him. None of that changed the fact that he’d married her for revenge. She was justified in her quest to liberate Escayton. At least that much would never change.
Her maid appeared a few minutes later, oblivious to all that had happened last night. Xara dressed for the day, donning her most stunning purple gown. She had worn it for her coronation as the queen. With black pearls, translucent cape sleeves, and golden shoulder pads, it made her look regal. This would be her last day as queen. The time had come to make a choice—to choose between Xara and Ifer. And she’d known who she’d choose from the start.
Xara made it to breakfast with her shoulders up.
Delton was at breakfast when she arrived. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed that he was wearing his royal costume too. The black and gold coat that he wore every day. There was no crown on his head today. Instead, his raven hair was patted down, revealing strands of gray. When his blue eyes hit her, she lost a little of her resolve. Butterflies danced in her stomach. But she ignored them and took her place on the opposite side of the dinner table.
His eyes remained on her, taking in her costume, the resolve on her face, and her decision not to sit next to him. It seemed distant when she ate her breakfast without making conversation with him. He didn’t slip his fingers into hers like he usually did. She’d gotten used to being treasured. There were no smiles, no teasing risqué remarks, no secret touches, no anticipation of the pleasure that would follow.
When the harrowing breakfast ended, they rose together. He extended his hand but she didn’t take it. Instead, she walked ahead, saying, “I presume you want to talk about last night.”
He caught up with her in two strides, following her to her bedroom. The minute she opened it, she knew it was a bad idea. This is where they’d first made love, where he’d apologized to her, where she’d tasted pleasure for the first time. Delton stepped in and closed the door. But he didn’t lock it. She turned, meeting his eyes with confidence.
“How did you find out?” she asked.
Delton inhaled deeply. His back lingered close to the door and he didn’t make any attempts to move closer.
“I found the mask in your room a few days ago.” When his gaze trailed to under her bed, she understood. “It was by accident. When I saw it, everything fell into place. The royal seal, the places Ifer had been, his relentless quest for vengeance. I always thought he had a personal agenda against me.” He paused. “I was right.”
“So that day at the Sapphire Serpents…” Her mind returned to the day he’d taken her to his desk. “You asked me if I was hiding anything. Is that what you meant?”
“Yes.” His eyes were downcast, his fists clenched. A nerve twitched in his temple. “Why did you do it, Xara?”
The pain in his voice undid her. Xara kept her breathing steady, knowing she couldn’t break down. Last night had left her composure in tatters but she wasn’t a quitter. No matter how hard this was, she’d battle it out. And she’d win. Even if she had to break Delton’s heart to do it.
“Don’t you know?” Her voice was bitter. “Everything about our marriage is wrong. So what if we’re explosive in bed? You want to try again? You want to fix us? I refuse. We cannot be fixed. I don’t love you. How can I when you used me? You married me and drove me away, no matter how hard I tried to mend things between us. Did you think everything would go away with one apology?”
Bitterness boiled over, the flames of hatred in her heart fanned by fear.
“I know,” he didn’t even put up a fight. The hurt in his eyes didn’t make this any easier. “There is nothing I can say to justify my actions…no excuse that can lessen your pain. I am trying desperately to make you happy.”
“Welcome to my world, Your Majesty. How does it feel to be helpless?” An agonized groan escaped his lips. She didn’t want him to make it better. She wanted him, her greatest problem, to go away. “This is how I’ve felt every day of my life since you exiled me. Every moment was spent in quiet misery. I questioned my worth for years. I…I never thought I’d be happy again.” Her voice broke. “When I tried to kill myself, Osric rescued me and brought me to a lag warehouse. The owner allowed me to stay on the condition that I’d buy his supplies. That’s how I started trading lag. By then, I was determined to turn over a new leaf. I wanted to hurt you like you’d hurt me, to take back the things that you took from me. I went back to Snakefront with the supplies I’d inherited and started trading. I was determined to change my life. I would get Escayton back and leave you.”
He didn’t move. Couldn’t move.
“You want to know why I became Ifer? That’s why. Ifer gave me a choice. When I was him, I felt free, powerful, and worthy…all the things I never was as Queen Xara. I no longer existed in your shadow. I had a purpose, my own voice, my own calling, and my own resources. The world was full of possibilities and the fact that I had failed at marriage no longer mattered.”
Delton breathed raggedly, his body still. His eyes turned a tad glassy and she wondered if he wanted to cry. Yet, he didn’t move.
“You cannot mean to go on like this.”
“I do. Don’t you see? This is what the people want. Ifer is the voice of hope. They want a free country.”
“But Ifer doesn’t exist. He’s a shadow. What happens when you finally achieve your objective? You cannot remain Ifer forever. Someday, your identity will become known.”
“I know that. But my father was the king and I’m the rightful queen of Escayton. People respond to me. In time, they will learn to respect my authority.”
“Do you think that day will ever come? Ifer is a criminal. You know that. If I don’t capture you, Terra or Elysium will. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. Please, give this up. We will find a way to keep you out of their hands. Nobody needs to know. Ifer can disappear. I will tell them I killed you last night.”
“No!” Her voice was a violent shriek. “I refuse to disappear. You, of all people, should know. We’re birds of a feather, you and I. If you won’t give up on your land, why should I?”
“Because you’re fighting for something you already have. You’re the queen of this country. Escayton belongs to you as much as it belongs to me.” He eyed her with a desperation that weakened her bones.
“Is that what you think?” Her voice was sharp. “Escayton doesn’t belong to me. Nothing belongs to me. I exist because of your grace. What happens if we quarrel? If you lose interest in me?”
“I won’t.” A glassy sheen coated his indigo eyes. “I love you.”
The final words emerged as a pained cry.
Everything went still. Xara felt like the entire room was spinning. Had Delton really said—
“What?”
“I love you. Why do you think I came alone last night? I couldn’t bear the thought of Felix torturing you. I love you, Xara. I’ve never been happier than I have been this past week. It was stupid of me to exile you. I regret it every single day of my life. But we don’t need to be on opposite sides anymore. I can’t be happy if you’re not. If we go on like this, we’ll only hurt each other more. Please, let’s end this war.”
Xara’s heart constricted. All these years, she’d wanted to be loved. To be loved by him. And now, she had it—the thing that she’d most desired. He was offering her a way out. An easy way out. But if she took it, who would she be?
“No,” she said. “I cannot. You’re the king and I’m nothing but your wife. You hold all the power and I’m…what? What is my role in your life, Delton? I didn’t come so far to go back to who I used to be.”
“There’s nothing wrong with who you used to be. If I made you feel like you’re unworthy, it is my fault, not yours.”
“Nevertheless, you cannot erase the past. You can’t undo the things that you did to me. Escayton should’ve been mine. I should’ve never married you. I should’ve never been hurt, never failed, never been rejected. No matter how much you claim to love me, I can’t forgive you for the things you did…for the person, you turned me into.”
It was an impossible argument. She wasn’t giving him any way out, any way to earn her forgiveness. Perhaps it was because she was incapable of it. Their life together had been difficult. Why should their parting be any different?
“What then, Xara? What am I supposed to do?” Her sounded so bleak. So defeated. His body was tight, his eyes glassy but she couldn’t give in. Not when she was so close to getting what she wanted.
“Let me go. You and I cannot agree. I can’t forgive you and you can’t get over my betrayal. There’s nothing to be achieved by staying together.”
“Don’t say that.” The sheen in his eyes grew more pronounced. Xara swallowed, refusing to be swayed by his tears. She had to put a stop to this, to deliver the decisive blow so that she could go on with her life’s mission.
“We’ve only brought each other pain.” This was it. She had to sever the ties that bound them. If she thought she could keep him and her convictions, she’d be lying to herself. “I no longer want to be with you.”
Even as she said it, she knew it wasn’t true. Had he brought her pain, or had she brought it upon herself? She no longer cared. Delton looked wounded. In a way, she had been no different from Karina— betraying him, lying to him, and finally taking everything he held dear. Somewhere deep in her heart, she felt bad for doing this to him. But it wasn’t enough to make her stop.
“You know our marriage cannot be dissolved.” He hung to her by a thread. One last ray of hope.
“I’m sure you’ll find a way, Your Majesty.” Her words sounded harsh, as they were meant to.
“Is that what you really want?” His gaze flickered to her. It made her uncomfortable. No, it wasn’t what she really wanted. But it was what she needed.
“Yes.” She took a step back, but there was nowhere to go. Back pressing on the windowsill, she tried to remain calm. “I cannot go on living in your shadow. It is my fault for hoping things could be salvaged. If you want me to be happy, let me go. Release me from this marriage. Let us go back to being strangers who never met, who never hurt each other.”
A thick silence fell over the room as Delton took in her words. No, he wasn’t happy about it at all. True, he’d been cruel, but she’d never loved him. He, on the other hand, had confessed to loving her. And she’d thrown it back in his face.
She thought he’d never speak again. But moments later, he did.
“What will you do once I let you go?” His words were stilted. Sad. As if the thought of letting her go destroyed him.
“I will claim the destiny that has always been mine and mine alone.”
“Ifer.”
“Yes.”
“The throne of Escayton?”
She nodded.
Inhaling and exhaling, he watched her through blurry eyes. “And will you be happy once you have those things?”
His words echoed with sincerity, tightening the coil of guilt around her here. If he had taunted her, she’d have found it so much easier to hate him. Instead, he had to be earnest. Like he really cared about her happiness.
Her eyes blurred. She should’ve said yes right away. It should’ve been an easy answer. Wasn’t Escayton what she wanted? Hadn’t Ifer given her life meaning? Wasn’t freedom what she was fighting for? Why then did she feel so hollow, so empty… like she’d never be happy again once she walked out of this room?
“Yes.” Her throat burned with the lie. Delton’s face hovered over her, and she wanted to do nothing more than kiss him. In a strange, perverse way, she had been happy with him. But that was just weakness talking. Xara had made her bed, she had to lie in it. “I will be happier.”
That was the final blow. Delton closed his eyes, trying not to cry in front of her. She’d never have pegged him for the emotional type. But he was full of surprises. Full of hidden depths and patience and a strange sense of fairness that she’d come to appreciate.
“All right then,” his voice emerged several seconds later. Defeated. “I’ll see what I can do.”
And just like that, she’d cut the only thing that had ever mattered to her. The one thing that was far more precious than a throne or revenge—him.
