I smell damp, mould and rot. I see rats crawling across a grey stone floor, sniffing and scratching as they search for food. I’m in a room I’ve never been in before. I know I’m not really here, it’s nothing more than Gabriel’s memory. But it’s so real. I reach out and feel the cold, wet stone of the walls. The ceiling’s stone too, and it arches high above my head. The room’s dark. Lit only by a small fire burning in a fireplace ahead of me. Despite that, it’s cold. The sound of metal scraping along the stone floor makes me turn. Behind me is a woman. She’s sat cross-legged on the floor. Her hands are cuffed together in thick iron and a heavy chain trails from her wrists to the wall where she’s been tethered. Just like mine used to be. Her long beige cotton dress is filthy and torn. Her brunette hair reaches her waist and is plaited together so it falls down her back. She’s trembling as she looks at the floor. The sound of a key unlocking a heavy door makes her head fly up. She looks straight at me, and I know straight away who she is.
Rose Hooper.
Her face, her eyes, they’re mine. Only her light brown hair is different. She gets to her feet and starts to back away. I turn to see what she’s looking at so warily.
‘Fuck!’ I gasp as I too start to back away.
Gabriel, Grayson and Toby are all standing in an arched doorway beside an open heavy wooden door watching her. They’re wearing clothes from centuries ago. White cotton shirts that fit loosely. Dark, heavy waistcoats, and small blades on their hips. In their hands are torches of fire. Of course, there’s no electricity. This must be almost five hundred years ago. The most startling thing about all this is seeing Toby. His hair is dark brown. Not white. This is before his Break. He lingers behind the others watching, looking nervous, almost timid. When Grayson speaks, he jumps. This is as far from the Toby I know as can be.
‘She’s a Hooper, that’s for sure,’ Grayson says calmly, looking Rose up and down with ease. ‘No magic though. Her hairs not the tell-tale red.’
‘It’s not right,’ Toby says quietly, looking nervously at the ground. ‘Keeping her in this horrible place.’
My Toby wouldn’t give a damn. He would enjoy seeing her this way. Misery makes him happy. When it isn’t his.
‘We have to keep her hidden, Bias. No one can know she’s here. It’s not like we can take her home. Gabriel?’ He looks at the version of Gabriel standing next to him. ‘We need to know what she knows. We need to know what needs to be done to return magic. Do what you need to do.’ Grayson turns and leaves. Toby follows with his head down. Gabriel waits by the door until they’re gone before looking back into the cell at the frightened girl who looks eerily like me.
I watch as he walks towards her. The closer he gets, the more frightened she becomes and the further she backs up. But there’s nowhere for her to go. He puts the torch into a holder on the wall and faces her.
‘Hello, Rose,’ he says. ‘Do you know who I am?’
She nods, clearly petrified as he stands there so calm.
‘Do you know what we want?’
‘Yes,’ she whispers. ‘But I don’t know anything. I swear.’
His eyes go black. ‘Rose, come here.’
She does. Her eyes glaze over as she walks towards him, stopping close. Her face is expressionless. All the fear that was there a moment ago has gone. He strokes the hair from her face and looks her over before settling his eyes on hers.
‘Rose, tell me what you know.’ He places his hands on each side of her head and closes his eyes. ‘Let me in. Show me.‘
‘Hi.’
I jump. Gabriel, my Gabriel is standing by my side. He looks at the other version of himself currently digging through Roses’ head.
‘What are you doing to her?’ I ask.
‘Looking into her memories. Like you are with me right now in the tent. I did this every day for three months until I finally saw what we needed.’
The room keeps fading in and out of focus. Each time it returns he’s there, looking into her mind. Each time she seems paler, dirtier, thinner and emptier. This long passage of time and her deterioration passes in front of my eyes in moments. But also, intertwined with these memories, are Gabriel sitting with her, wrapping blankets around her, feeding her, keeping the fire burning as big as possible and even once, he comforts her as she cries. He brings her books, clean clothes, and they sit and talk like friends. But she’s still his prisoner.
‘Why did it take so long?’ I ask.
‘Mental magic allows me to control others. Their actions mainly. But it also allows me to dig into people’s minds. Alter their way of thinking. But I could never get them to say something they didn’t want to. I could get them to repeat me. But not answer me. Their secrets remain just that. Their secrets.’ He looks back to Rose. ‘I got to know her pretty well. She was sweet. Stubborn, but sweet. Grayson refused to let her out of that room. I tried to make it more comfortable for her. But I was limited in what I was allowed to do.’
Suddenly, we’re no longer in the dungeon where Rose was being kept. We’re outside in the sunshine. Grayson and Gabriel are standing side by side looking out to a lake. My version of Gabriel lingers back with me.
‘What have you learnt so far?’ Grayson asks.
‘I learnt that we need an Arcane Witch to break down the veil,’ Gabriel tells him. ‘And that there’s only one way to make an Arcane Witch with the veil up.’ Grayson watches him, hungry for information. ‘A Hooper has to fall in love with a Descendant and produce a child. Only love on both sides and the heritage of magic will do it.’
‘This moment right here,’ I look to my side, to my Gabriel. ‘This is the moment that I regret most of all. I should never have told him that. I didn’t think for a second that he would do what he did.’ He looks at me with such pain and shame.
‘What did he do?’
Gabriel looks back to the younger versions of the two. ‘You’ll see.’
‘So all we need to do is get her pregnant?’ Grayson asks with a shrug. ‘Easy enough.’
‘No, not easy enough. Love, Grayson. There has to be love. That’s what I saw.’
‘What you saw?’ he asks with a mocking laugh. ‘That’s what she thinks. That’s Rebecca and her father telling her that. Who knows if that’s the truth or not.’
‘Grayson, a child won’t be enough!’ Gabriel insists. ‘It must be conceived with love and there’s no way in hell that girl will love anyone but her husband. Her human husband. I can see the devotion inside her as clear as I can see the ducks on the lake.’
Grayson shrugs and looks back out to the water.
‘Hmm. I’ll figure something out. Did you discover anything else?’ Again, Grayson looks at Gabriel who shakes his head. ‘Fine, then go.’
‘I want to have her moved,’ Gabriel insists. ‘I’ve prepared a room for her in the house. I won’t keep her locked down in that pit any longer. It’s not right and you know it.’
‘Thirty years ago, we lost everything. And we are still losing everything. If anyone finds out we have a Hooper, we’re as good as dead. If Hunters don’t come, Theo will. So no. She won’t be brought out of that pit because all it will take is for a whisper of her existence to come out, and we’ll be swarmed by enemies.’
‘I don’t care. Grayson, I won’t leave her down there.’
‘And if you move her, I’ll banish you,’ he replies sternly. ‘So think about it very carefully. Because I don’t give second chances. Not anymore.’
Gabriel turns to leave but hesitates. ‘Grayson, don’t do anything drastic.’
‘Drastic?’
‘We don’t do…that. We don’t touch women. Not like that. Never.’
‘I know,’ Grayson replies as if that’s obvious. ‘I said I’ll think of something. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry yourself, little brother.’ Gabriel leaves looking back at his brother over his shoulder.
The image fades. These are Gabriel’s memories so without him here I can’t see what happened next. Instead, the sunshine turns to moonlight. The lake becomes an old cabin. Inside I hear the soft giggle of a little girl. The other version of Gabriel is hiding behind a tree, looking in through the window. I look. Inside is a man. He’s reading to a little girl who’s sitting on his lap.
‘I knew Rose had a daughter with her husband,’ my Gabriel tells me as he watches himself observe the little girl. ‘Her name was Poppy. She was a sweet little thing. She and her father lived in Wales. Rose tried so hard to keep her hidden from me when I went inside her mind, but I found her.’
‘What did you do?’ I almost daren’t ask, but he looks at me and shakes his head.
‘Nothing,’ he says. ‘I did nothing. I pretended like she didn’t exist. I didn’t tell Grayson. I didn’t tell anyone. I saw a look in his eye when I said that a child was needed. It was a dark look. A cruel, callous and desperate look. The war had changed my brother. He was always cold and distant. But after our mother died the night of the first attack, he changed. He could be wearing a smile on his face when he was far from happy.’ He looks back to Poppy. ‘When I saw his reaction by the lake, I think I knew what he was planning. But I didn’t dare admit it to myself. I love my brother, I never thought for a second…’ He loses his train of thought, or maybe the ability to speak because I know what he’s going to say. I know that Rose ended up pregnant.
‘So, you didn’t tell him about her daughter?’ I ask hoping to encourage him on.
He shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘I didn’t tell Grayson about Poppy because he would have wanted her too. And I promised Rose I would keep her safe. I couldn’t protect her, but I could protect her daughter.’
The image fades, and again we’re in the dungeon but this time on the other side of the door. It’s been locked. Gabriel’s key doesn’t work. Grayson appears behind him.
‘What are you doing, little brother?’ he asks.
Gabriel turns and gestures to the door. ‘I came to talk to Rose. See if I could find out any more information, but my key-’
‘I thought it best we let her rest. Let her gather herself. Have a break from you digging around in her head for a while.’ Grayson stands to one side and gestures for him to leave. ‘I will let you know if you are needed.’ Gabriel looks back at the door before reluctantly leaving.
‘Grayson sent me to Ireland the next morning in search of a man called Quinn. A few months later, when I came back…’
The image fades, and it’s the dead of night. Gabriel’s sneaking down the corridor towards Rose. He opens the door and stands in the entrance looking horror-struck. I stand behind him and see Rose, lying on her side on an old bed with a prominent bump on her belly. He turns and storms down the corridor. The next thing I see is him yelling at Grayson. He’s hurling abuse at him as Grayson simply sits there.
When Gabriel has finished, Grayson merely says, ‘I didn’t force myself on her, Gabriel. I simply gave her a choice. Give me a child and then she can leave, or stay here forever in that dungeon. She chose to give me a child. The deal is done.’
‘What the hell kind of choice is that? You nasty, manipulative bastard. You don’t even love each other!’ Gabriel argues. ‘It won’t work!’
‘We’ll see.’
I look at my version of Gabriel who still stands by my side in horror. What kind of a choice is that? Give me a child or stay here a prisoner forever! That’s no choice at all.
‘What happened next?’ I ask him.
The image fades, and I’m watching Grayson sitting at the end of a small bed. Laying under a grey blanket is the pale body of a little boy. He can’t be more than four. He isn’t moving. My insides feel like they’ve fallen flat on the floor as I realise… he’s dead. The poor little boy with dark brown hair, is dead.
‘Grayson tried and tried to get his magic to spark. I kept telling him it wouldn’t. I kept trying to make him stop. Then I was caught by the Hunters and I wasn’t there to protect him.’ Gabriel looks at the scene before us with deep sorrow. I can hear it in his voice as well as see it in his eyes. ‘Without me there to stop him, he just kept pushing. Using more and more aggressive methods. He was so small. His little body just couldn’t take it.’
I think back to the list Grayson gave me and the last item on it. Pain. He tortured his own son to death.
Grayson stands and looks at his version of Gabriel who lingers by the corner of the room.
‘We’ll try again-’
‘No,’ Gabriel insists. ‘This isn’t right. You promised to let her go years ago, and she’s still down there. You gave her your word! We need to forget this and get Bias back. Grayson, Hunters have our little brother. We need to get him back and let her go!’
‘Rose will stay there until I get what I need. What we need. We need an Arcane Witch.’ There’s a determination in Grayson’s voice so absolute even I know that there would be no talking him out of it. ‘And I’m looking for Bias. I’m doing everything I can-’
‘Bull shit!’
Grayson hurls his fists at Gabriel and warns him that if he says another word, he’ll stop the search for their youngest sibling and Gabriel will be locked up as well as Rose. The world shifts again and once more we’re down in the dungeon with a very pale, very thin and very broken looking Rose. Gabriel spoon feeds her soup as she stares at the wall and wraps a blanket further around her body.
‘It didn’t work,’ Gabriel tells her sadly. ‘He didn’t manifest.’
‘I told you it wouldn’t,’ she says quietly.
‘He was a brave little thing-’
‘Don’t,’ she says sadly. ‘I don’t want to know anything about him. Please…don’t.’
‘He wants to try again,’ Gabriel tells her. ‘I’ve told him-’
‘It won’t work. I don’t love him. I love my husband.’ She closes her eyes as tears fall down her cheeks. ‘I want to go home. I want to see my daughter.’
He rubs her back. She doesn’t push him away but instead leans on his shoulder. After a moment, she looks at him with a spark in her eye that wasn’t there a moment ago.
‘You can make me!’ she says as if she’s had a brilliant idea. Gabriel’s brow furrows as she nods. ‘Yes. Yes! Get in my head. Make me love him and then when the child’s born it might have magic. Then you can undo your compulsion and let me go.’
‘I can’t. It won’t work!’
‘You have to try!’ She takes his hand in hers and looks pleadingly into his eyes. ‘Gabriel, please. My little girl needs me. I’ll do anything to get back to her. I know you can’t get me out of here. I know that, but you can help me do this. Get in my head. Make me believe I love Grayson and then I can go home to my family.’
He tucks her ratty hair behind her ear as he struggles with this decision.
‘What if it doesn’t work?’ he asks.
‘If this child has magic then I know it will be loved and cared for by him. If it doesn’t, then kill me. Hide Poppy and her father. End this.’
‘I won’t kill you,’ Gabriel tells her.
‘Please, please help me!’
I can see his internal struggle and see the evident desperation on her face.
Finally, he nods and says. ‘I’ll tell Grayson that I’ll do this on the condition he releases you when the child is born. No waiting to see if they manifest. Agreed?’ She smiles and nods as he gets to his feet and leaves.
As he walks back along the corridor and away from the cell, I turn to my version of Gabriel.
‘What happened next?’
He looks at himself with such disgust and shakes his head.
‘I did as I promised. I got in her head. Made her believe she loved him, but I knew it wasn’t real. It was just words. Conditioning at best. And besides, Grayson didn’t love her. It wasn’t going to work, but she wouldn’t listen to me.’ He looks at me, and I hate the pain I see.
‘Why didn’t you break her out?’
‘I couldn’t get her out without losing my place in the coven. I would have been banished or ended up in the cell next to her. And every time I said the slightest thing Grayson didn’t like, he called off the search for Bias. Back then, they were everything to me. Grayson, Bias, Collins, the Nomads. They were my whole life. And our only drive was to break down the veil. It was all that mattered. It’s no excuse, none whatsoever. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could go back and just haul her out of there. I wish I had. So much, Lilly. It’s the biggest regret of my life. I honestly thought I had no choice. I tried to make it better for her, but really all I did was…’ he looks at himself as he disappears out of sight. ‘Nothing. I did nothing for Rose but get her killed.’ He looks at me as the image fades and we’re standing in a void of blackness. ‘When she was five months pregnant with the second child, when I saw her little bump, I knew I would be burying another niece or nephew in a few years. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I sent word to Theo.’
I watch them meet. Gabriel tells him that Rose is in the cells. They make a deal. That Theo would get her out safely. That Gabriel will make sure the door was unlocked, that the guards would be gone and that he would leave the key to her cuffs by the entrance to the cells. He gave Theo all the money he would ever need to get her and her family safely away from all of them, and Theo agreed to it all. They even embraced and said that they would meet again after it was done and try to build a truce. But they both agreed, no matter what, that Gabriel’s involvement was never to be discovered. Gabriel was the key to keeping his brother under any form of control.
I watch another memory of Gabriel undoing the compulsion and telling Rose the plan. That a man named Theo would come and set her free. He tells her to be ready to run and that soon, she will be home with her family once more.
‘Grayson will kill you!’ she says. ‘You’ll end up down here instead of me.’
‘Whatever happens to me is well deserved. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you and your family safe.’
‘Come with me!’ she whispers. But Gabriel shakes his head.
‘I need to stay with Grayson. I need to make sure that he doesn’t do anything like this ever again.’
The image fades into another, and I wish to god it hadn’t. My version of Gabriel grabs my wrist as we stand side by side, but it’s not to pull me away. It’s for support. He’s afraid.
The younger version of Gabriel is on his knees sobbing and in his arm’s, is the lifeless body of Rose. Her throat has been cut from ear to ear. Her hand lays lifeless over her belly. Over her little bump.
‘Theo killed her. He didn’t even try to get her out,’ my Gabriel says in barely a whisper. ‘He just slit her throat and left. That wasn’t the plan. That wasn’t what we agreed.’
I see the grief and guilt plainly. Not on just the younger version of him, but my version too.
‘He had every chance to get her out, and he didn’t. He wanted Grayson to see that his efforts were pointless and that he would stop him no matter what. He killed her to prove a point. Nothing more. And I let him in. I led him to her. I should have just got her out myself, damn the consequences.’
I can’t help but slide my hand into his as he starts to cry.
‘What happened to her daughter?’ I ask. ‘What happened to Poppy?’
The world fades, and we’re back at the cabin where I saw the young girl, but this time we’re inside the cabin. Gabriel is watching a man pack. Roses husband. He’s throwing clothes into a case as if his life depends on it. Gabriel hands him a satchel. When he opens it, it’s full of money.
‘I’ve secured passage for you both to Spain,’ Gabriel tells him. ‘When you dock, you look for this man,’ he hands him a piece of paper. ‘He will give you details for your new home. It’s all paid for and it’s in your new names. Here,’ He hands him an envelope. ‘New identities. You can sell the house and move on from there if you like. You never have to tell me where you’re going if that’s what you decide, but please know that your family will always have my protection no matter what. I’m sorry, William. I tried to get her out. I tried-’
William punches Gabriel hard in the face, and he falls to the floor.
‘Bullshit,’ he barks angrily. ‘You left her there because you’re a damn coward. My wife was a good person. She was a saint, and you let your brother defile her and your father kill her. POPPY? COME HERE, CHILD!’
Rose’s little girl runs out from another room. He takes her hand, and together they leave the Cabin leaving Gabriel on the floor with a bloody nose.
‘I’ve hidden every Hooper child from Grayson since then,’ my version of Gabriel tells me. ‘I hid them all, from everyone. Roses daughter was named Poppy. She had a daughter, Dahlia. Dahlia had a daughter, Jessamine and so on and so on. Five centuries of girls and the odd boy, all born with one human parent and all named after flowers in honour of Rose. I helped them hide to protect them from Theo. And from Grayson. I’ve never forgiven myself for my part in what happened to Rose. I lost track of the Hoopers seventy years ago when your great-grandparents left the house I bought them in Russia suddenly. Forty years ago, a couple bought a house in Dartmoor. Your grandparents. They had a son. Harry Hooper. When Grayson got wind of them, we all went to see Harry after his parents died. Grayson made Harry an offer. Come with us, find a woman, marry, settle down. But he was already in love. With Christa. He knew that we needed a child born of love. He said that if we left him alone, let him live his life his way, that he would have a child and give it to us. We could bring it up any way we wished. Grayson agreed. He thought if it was a girl, he could win her over from a young age. If it was a boy, there were plenty of Nomad woman that would love to have a Hooper baby.’
‘So, you left Harry alone? Let him live his life? Why didn’t you come and get his son?’
‘He had his son in secret and sent him away as soon as he was born to live with close friends. It wasn’t until Harry’s son left for France a few years ago that we learned he even existed. We tried to find him but couldn’t. That’s when Grayson went to your house. It was one last-ditch attempt to change Harry’s mind. We needed more Hooper children. Grayson was determined to find a Hooper girl and make her fall in love with him so his child would be an Arcane. He offered Harry women, more money, more prosperity, but he said no. Then Hendrix found you, and suddenly Grayson had what he needed. A ready-made Arcane Witch. We guessed that your mum was another secret child. Like Harry’s son. The Hoopers made sure their children knew about us. They told them what happened to Rose and they feared us. Rightly so. Your mum must have been raised away from the house, or we would have known about her. About you.’ He looks to the ground, his body slumped in sadness. ‘I refused to go to the house that night because Grayson would have used me to force compliance on your uncle, and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to someone again. In truth…I have no idea if I could go that deep into anyone’s mind now. It’s been so long since I’ve tried. And so that brings us to the second biggest regret of my life.’ He looks at me as I stand here in silence, waiting to hear what else he could be guilty of. ‘I regret that it wasn’t me that found you. I regret not being there for you that night. I regret not keeping a close eye on the Hooper’s because if I’d have seen for a second what they were doing to you, I would have got you out of there so fast. I would have kept you safe. From all of them. Your uncle. Toby. Grayson.’ A tear falls down his cheek as he searches my eyes for any sign of what I’m thinking. ‘Say something,’ he pleads.
I’m in tears too. Not only seeing the truth for myself but seeing how much it’s clearly affected him. Regret is a hard thing to live with. The mistakes we make and can’t change are the hardest things to bear. I can live with what was done to me, just. But the things I’ve done to others…they’re what haunt me. They’re what keep me up at night because no matter what you do, you can’t change the past. But, you can try and make it right. And I believe he’s done precisely that.
I face him and make sure he’s looking at me when I say, ‘You could have done more to help her, but you did everything you could to make it right.’ His eyes close as yet more tears fall. I stroke his face as he leans his forehead against mine. As he does, the world around us changes.
‘What are you looking at now?’ he asks.
‘Us.’
I feel my hands in the real world nervously hold his head tighter. His anxious breath lands on my skin and I feel it here, in his mind. Everything fades from us. The cabin disappears, and instead, we’re standing on the top landing back at The Orchard. It’s night time, and Gabriel is pacing back and forth. He stops when the sound of a door opening reaches his ears. He looks nervously over the top of the stairs. I follow suit, my version of Gabriel lingering behind me.
‘That’s me,’ I say quietly. ‘Weird.’
I’m watching myself walk quietly and nervously along the landing looking at all the artwork on the walls. It’s the night I arrived. Gabriel watches me, and with a readying breath, he silently goes down the stairs after me. I see our first interaction from a bird’s eye view. How I stand there silently as he tries to talk to me. How I tuck myself in looking timid and wary.
‘You were waiting for me?’ I ask turning to Gabriel standing behind me.
‘You were in Grayson’s arms when I first saw you,’ he says. ‘He carried you upstairs. You were filthy. Tiny. Frail. He laid you on your bed and I helped him sort you out. We washed you. Tended to your wounds. Dressed you in clean clothes. I saw your scars. It broke my heart.’
‘You said Grayson washed me.’
‘I know. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable around me. I saw how you hid your scars. I worried that if you knew I’d seen them, you’d avoid me. And I really didn’t want you to avoid me.’
All this time worrying about what he might think if he saw them, and he already had. And he didn’t care. He paid no attention to them when we slept together either.
‘What happened after?’
‘Grayson went to fetch more bandages as I sorted out the welts in your wrists from the chains you were kept in. You opened your eyes and looked at me. You just blinked a few times. Then you looked at my hands that were touching you, and you smiled. You wrapped your fingers in mine and said… “Wow. It doesn’t hurt.” Your eyes closed and before you fell asleep, you asked me my name. I told you. You called me your angel.’
‘I did?’
He nods. ‘You did. You said it again when we met in the hallway. Gabriel, like the angel. From that moment, I was spellbound. I had to get to know you.’
The landing fades, and I’m back in his bedroom. He’s looking out the window. Below on the grass is me again. I’m talking to Grayson lifting my hands up and down. Soon enough, Grayson returns back inside, and I start walking towards the end of the garden. Gabriel turns and almost sprints out the door.
‘You followed me out to the orchard?’ I watch as he sprints across the grass after me.
The room shifts and we’re back in Gabriel’s bedroom. He stumbles to the bathroom holding his ribs. When he flicks the light on and looks at his reflection in the mirror I gasp. He’s been severely beaten.
‘The night Theo attacked us at the tree lot,’ I say out loud. ‘This is after Grayson attacked you.’
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Can we not look-’ I hold up my hand as Grayson appears in the doorway. The two brothers share an awkward and frankly angry stare through the mirror before Gabriel turns and faces him.
‘This ends, now!’ Grayson warns. ‘You’re getting too close to her.’
‘She’s not yours, Grayson. You can’t-’
‘I will say this once and hear me, little brother. You are not to get physical with her. You are not to kiss her. You are not to touch her! She’s too fragile for you to be screwing around with her. I won’t have her ask to leave because you have made this an uncomfortable place for her to be.’
‘And that’s the reason you don’t want me to get close to her?’ I hear the disbelief in Gabriel’s voice.
‘I’m the one who saved her. I’m the one who can look after her. I’m the one she kissed. Not you. Me and her…we’re supposed to be together. So back off. You don’t deserve her. You’re nothing but a little boy who uses women and discards them like trash. She knows that. Why else would she have slammed the door in your face tonight? She knows you’re not enough for her. She knows how pathetic and useless you really are. She told me herself, so here.’ Grayson hands him his phone. ‘Call Ava. She’s who you are supposed to be with, Gabriel.’
‘Lilly told you that?’
‘Yes. She did. She’s not interested in you. She’s just too polite to say it to your face.’ He turns and leaves without giving Gabriel a chance to speak. He looks at himself in the mirror.
‘I never said that to him,’ I tell him. He still isn’t looking at me. ‘Why would you think I would say that to him?’
The scene shifts.
Outside in the garden, Gabriel’s smoking furiously as he sits on one of the chairs by the outside pool. His knee is jiggling up and down, and Collins is sitting watching him. He still has the bruises on his face. It’s the morning after the attack. The morning I saw Ava in the kitchen and had a row with Gabriel.
‘What the hell is going on with you, man?’ Collins asks. ‘I’ve never seen you so angry before. Yelling at Lilly like that, what were you thinking? She hasn’t done anything wrong.’
‘She just hurled abuse at me!’
‘And since when do you care what a girl says to you?’ Collins laughs.
Gabriel runs his fingers through his hair in desperation, and a kind smugness becomes clear on Collins’ face.
‘So, you’ve finally realised you like her then?’ he laughs softly.
‘Like her?’ Gabriel replies.
‘You know exactly what I mean, man. Don’t play the idiot. You like, like her. I’d even hazard a guess at saying maybe, this time, this girl…you may even love her?’
Gabriel goes to protest. But the words don’t come as he shakes his head and laughs nervously. But the two boys share a look. Collins’ face remains happy, as Gabriel’s slowly descends into defeat. With a groan, he leans back in the chair.
‘I can’t stop thinking about her, Collins. I’ve never felt this way about a girl. Normally it’s…’
‘Wham, bam, thank you, mam?’
Gabriel nods. ‘But Lilly… She’s beautiful. Fiery. Powerful and yet so fragile. I just want to look after her, you know? Wrap her up and hide her away.’
‘If she heard you say that, she would probably kick your ass.’
‘Oh, I know,’ Gabriel chuckles softly. ‘But that’s why I think so much of her. Look at everything that girl’s been through. All the loss and the pain. She’s been betrayed and abused by literally everyone in her life. Except for her mother who let’s face it, fuck knows what happened to her. And yet she smiles and laughs. She wants to go out into the world. She wants to be independent and even after all the misery, she still sticks her neck out for others. To help others.’ He looks so proud as he speaks. Collins nods in agreement.
‘She stood up for Amara with her dad. That took some guts. And not to mention your brother. When she stood up to him in the kitchen about going to the tree lot!’ he puffs out his cheeks in an exasperated breath. ‘She definitely has some balls on her. She’s more than a match for you, mate.’
‘Yeah well…Grayson. He’s threatening me to stay away from her because he’s got his own plans. Not only is she the Arcane but she’s fucking gorgeous. He’s not happy that we get on. He’s livid.’
‘He’s jealous. But she clearly feels something for you. Not him. That’s tough, but that’s the way it is.’
‘You say that. But she told me she doesn’t want to be anything more than friends.’ Gabriel takes another puff of his cigarette. ‘After last night and our fight just now, I don’t think she even wants that anymore. Grayson’s forbidden us being anything more than acquaintances, and yet she’s all I can think about.’
‘Is that why you asked Ava to stay last night?’ Collins asks. ‘Because Lilly says she doesn’t want you that way? Because she hurt your feelings last night? Or should I say your ego.’
‘Ava wants me. Lilly doesn’t,’ he grunts. ‘I just thought…arggh. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘You were thinking that sleeping with that wasp of a girl would make Lilly jealous, realise how much she wants you and fall into your arms.’ Gabriel confirms Collins’ words with nothing but a look.
‘I didn’t even sleep with her, truth be told. I downed a bottle of whiskey before she got here and passed out. I woke up with her sleeping next to me in her underwear.’
Collins laughs. ‘You have no idea how women work, do you. I have to say, a bit of a dick move, mate. Even if you did pass out. Lilly still thinks you slept with her.’
‘I’ve never wanted to actually…try, with a girl. You know? I’ve never been knocked back before either. Nomad girls are easy.’
‘Not all,’ Collins mutters as an affectionate glint shimmers in his eyes as he thinks about Amara.
‘Amara’s unique. You’re lucky, man. I’d kill to have that. A girl that looked at me like she looks at you. I wish Lilly looked at me like that. But she doesn’t. She slammed the door in my face last night after I took Grayson’s beating, and now she’s being a right little bitch! Why shouldn’t I be with Ava, huh? I know where I stand with her. She wants me. I know that. Lilly? Fuck knows what she wants.’
‘You’re an idiot,’ Collins laughs. ‘She’s being a bitch because you slept with Ava. Or she thinks you did. She’s hurt,’ Collins says simply. ‘And she told you to do one last night because she was forced to watch you get a beating from Grayson for simply trying to protect her. You think maybe she’s pushing you away because she doesn’t want you to get hurt? Or maybe the fact that she’s frightened of getting close to another man since the last man she had a relationship with was your twisted little brother? Who, by the way, we need to tell her the truth about. Amara is giving me some serious grief about us making her lie.’
‘You think she’s trying to protect me? You think she likes me?’
‘I know that seeing you with Ava drove her crazy and that watching you get hurt almost killed her. I had to hold her back, or she would have jumped in the middle of you two. And believe me, I’ve seen how she looks at you. She cares for you. A lot. But playing games isn’t going to win her over.’
‘What… what will win her over?’ he asks timidly, staring at his fingers.
‘Gabriel Kendryk, are you asking me for advice on girls?’ Collins teases.
‘I’m not asking for girl advice,’ he clarifies, looking Collins in the eye humbly. ‘I’m asking for relationship advice. How do I get her to be…’
‘Be?’ Collins encourages, eager to hear what word he is planning to use to explain what he wants.
‘My, my err…’ Gabriel coughs and clears his throat. Collins tries to hide his amusement. ‘How do I get her to agree to be my girlfriend?’ he finally says. Funny, it’s clear he’s never used that word in this context before. ‘Stop bloody laughing.’
My heart swells as he talks so intimately about me with his best friend. I look at my Gabriel who still lingers behind me and can’t help but smile.
‘Listen. Grayson clearly wants her. And we all know he won’t let you be with a girl he wants. But, as long as he doesn’t know, until you figure out a way to make it sit well with him, I say go for it. Quietly. Be honest with her. Tell her how you feel. Explain why you did what you did with Ava, or failed to do, and stop playing games. And tell her about Bias before someone else does. If you feel strongly towards her, just bloody tell her, mate! Stop pussyfooting around it.’ He gets to his feet. ‘But you better be serious about it. She deserves better than just being a notch on your bedpost, and I’ll never hear the end of it from Amara if you screw her over. Never mind the grief you’re both gonna get from Grayson. You’re risking a hell of a lot by pursuing her. She better be worth it.’
‘She is worth it. She’s definitely worth it.’
‘Then go for it.’
He turns and walks away leaving Gabriel alone.
‘You tried,’ I say quietly before I turn to look at him. ‘You came to see me after Malcolm died and tried to explain, but I wouldn’t listen. Then we argued.’
He nods. ‘You were too angry to hear anything I had to say. Which made me upset and instead of admitting what I wanted to admit, I hurled abuse at you. Like I always do. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, and when I do, I lash out. Anger’s easier I guess.’
‘Show me the rest. Show me how it went from this… to the end.’
I see myself standing in the lobby by the foot of the stairs. It’s when we came back from spending the night together at Gabriel’s hotel room. I watch Gabriel tell me that he’s going to talk to Grayson. That he’s going to tell him what happened with Toby and that I shouldn’t worry. He turns and goes into Grayson’s office as I’m taken upstairs by Collins.
Inside his office, Grayson sits behind his desk and gestures for Gabriel to take the seat opposite, which he does. I stay close, keen to see what happened here.
Gabriel explains his version of events as we agreed. That he followed Toby alone. Found that I had done the same and by the time he caught up with us, Toby and I were fighting. He tells him that Toby fled and we were lost. He also tells him that I know who he really is. As he explains, Grayson has this look on his face. Like he doesn’t believe a word of it. Gabriel stops talking and watches his brother with unease.
‘And that’s it,’ Gabriel concludes. ‘We found somewhere to keep warm and get some sleep then came home.’
My Gabriel is by my side watching the conversation. I glance at him as he stares at the floor not keen to watch what he’s already lived, but I’m desperate to see.
Grayson taps his fingers rhythmically on the desk and never looks away from Gabriel. The smile he has on his face most certainly doesn’t reach those dark eyes as he looks across the large desk filled with papers and books. Slowly, he leans back into his chair and rests his hands together on his lap.
‘Gabriel. I need to know if something is going on between you two,’ he says.
Gabriel shakes his head. ‘No. Nothing but friendship. I told you, we followed-’
Grayson holds up his hand silencing him.
‘Brother, please, don’t lie to me. I see how she looks at you. I see how you look at her. I can’t deny that it hurts me to see you two connecting the way you do, especially when you are aware of how I feel towards her,’ he pauses. ‘But, I can’t stand between you two if you both want to be together.’ Grayson’s eyes narrow slightly on his brother, but that smile is still there. ‘Is that what you want?’ he asks. ‘Do you want to be with her?’
Gabriel leans back in his chair. It creaks as he does and he bites his lower lip ever so slightly. I can see how he is trying to gauge what his brother is thinking. After a moment Gabriel shrugs.
‘I like her. I do. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. I know that you have feelings for her-’
Again, Grayson holds up his hand silencing him. Gabriel falls quiet immediately.
‘Yes, I have feelings for the girl,’ Grayson says. ‘That is true. But you are my brother. I love you and if being with her would make you happy, then who am I to stand in the way. Especially if she feels the same about you.’
‘Really?’ Gabriel says astounded.
‘Of course,’ Grayson insists. ‘But if it’s just sex, just physical then I will insist that you stop. She’s far too fragile to be used and dropped like so many of your other…conquests. But if it’s real, if you think that what you feel for her is genuine…’ he pauses and takes in Gabriel’s reaction. ‘Is it?’ Grayson asks. ‘Do you genuinely feel for her? Is it more to you than just sex?’
Gabriel looks at his hands which are knotted together, and I feel a pit in my stomach.
‘Gabriel, I need to look out for her interests. If you want nothing more from her than sex, then you need to walk away and leave her be.’
‘I think I’m in love with her, Grayson.’
I hadn’t realised that I’d been holding my breath and when he says that, I almost gasp.
‘Actually, I’m positive. I’ve fallen in love with her. And I think that maybe, she loves me too.’ I can’t move. I can’t breathe. Gabriel just admitted he loves me to Grayson.
‘What makes you say that?’ Grayson asks. There’s a sharper edge to his voice, and those eyes are getting darker, but Gabriel doesn’t realise. He doesn’t see.
‘Last night,’ Gabriel says with a happy smile. ‘It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. It was real.’ Their eyes meet. ‘I love her, Grayson. I want to be with her. No one else. Just her.’
I turn and look at my version of Gabriel who avoids looking at me entirely. He runs his hand through his hair and turns his back on the memory. Turns his back on me.
‘I don’t understand,’ I say quietly.
Grayson starts to laugh a cruel laugh filled with mockery. I turn.
‘You?’ Grayson says through his laughter. ‘You love her?’ He continues to laugh as Gabriel sits and says nothing. His smile’s gone and is instead replaced with a look of hurt and anger.
‘It’s not funny,’ Gabriel tells him.
‘Oh yes, it is. She’s the Arcane!’ Grayson scoffs. ‘She is the most powerful witch alive. Her bloodline is sacred. You think that you are worthy of even looking at her? You think she would ever love a man like you?’
‘I’ve done more than look at her,’ Gabriel bites back. Grayson stops laughing as he realises.
‘You have slept with her then.’
‘It’s none of your business.’
Grayson slams his hand down hard on his desk making Gabriel and I jump. I can’t stop watching. I can’t tear my eyes away. Grayson points at his brother.
‘I told you, I made it clear what would happen to anyone that touches her. You disobeyed me.’
‘You going to kill me, brother?’ Gabriel demands. ‘For being in love?’
‘No. You know I can’t do that. But I can banish you.’
‘I love her, Grayson. Banishing me won’t change that.’
‘No, it might not. But banishing you will separate you. It will leave her here alone… with me.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ Gabriel gets to his feet as Grayson stays sat in his chair. ‘Tell me what you mean by that!’
‘I mean that she is the last Hooper alive. Save for Harry’s son who is still missing. We can’t let her bloodline die out and you, little brother, are incapable of producing children. Sending you away will give her time to see that she doesn’t need you. Not when she has me here to keep her safe. To keep her warm.’ His mouth twitches into a nasty smile.
Gabriel’s fists clench. ‘You won’t do what you did to Rose again. Not to her. Not to anyone.’
‘You’ll be on the other side of the world, little brother. What are you going to do to stop me?’ When Gabriel lunges forwards Grayson sends him flying backwards through the air with a simple wave of his hand. As he scrambles back to his feet, Grayson gets to his and calmly walks around the other side of his desk.
‘Calm down,’ he says, gesturing for Gabriel to stop. ‘I would never hurt Lilly. This may come as a surprise to you, but I do actually care about her. I might even be in love with her too.’
Gabriel stands looking ready to tear Grayson’s head off. His fists are balled up and every muscle in his body is rigid as Grayson seems entirely at ease.
‘I’ll tell you what. I have an offer for you.’
‘I’m listening,’ Gabriel snarls.
‘Break it off with Lilly.’
Gabriel shakes his head. ‘Not going to happen.’
‘You will break it off with her. You will back off completely. I don’t even want you to be her friend. If you do that, and in six months, if she still shows no interest in me, then I will let you two be together.’
‘She won’t want you.’
‘Well then,’ Grayson shrugs. ‘You have nothing to worry about. You back off, let her decide if she wants you, or me. For the sake of our future, we need to see if there is any chance of creating more Hooper’s. Her bloodline can’t be allowed to die out, and with me, she could have the most powerful children possible.’
‘You think you can get her to fall in love with you, don’t you? That she’ll give you Arcane children?’
Grayson smiles. ‘She would already be in my bed if she hadn’t met you. The kiss we shared the night I saved her was real. I felt it, and so did she. But then she met you. All sparkling blue eyes and charm. I have thousands of lives to protect. I have obligations. Responsibilities. While I was keeping us all alive and safe, you won her over. You made me the bad guy. Telling her she can’t go out. That she needs the binding spell. You agreed with me that I was right. But you never backed me up. That’s going to change. Starting with you telling her that last night was a mistake-’
‘No. No way.’
Grayson groans and folds his arms. ‘You have two choices. Choice number one, tell her it was a mistake, break it off and back off. You will stand aside and give us a chance to work. If after six months she still wants you, then fine. I’ll back down and you two can be responsible for the end of the Hooper bloodline. But at least you’ll be happy.’
‘Or?’
‘Choice number two. I banish you. Have you sent to the other side of the world forever. You will never be welcome back in any Coven. You set foot back in England, and I will have you locked up for the rest of your days in a pit where no one will ever find you. And I will ensure that Lilly will be mine. I will ensure that she produces children for me. One way or another.’ His words and tone are nothing less than evil. ‘She will do my spell. She will bring back magic. Lilly will love me. If given a chance,’ he adds with a shrug. ‘And just so you know, if you even think about telling her about this conversation, I’ll know. That girl can’t lie to save her life. And I will make sure she never sees you again. And if she fights me, turns against me, or tries to leave, I’ll lock her up and never let her out. You hear me?’
‘That’s why?’ I say through sad tears. ‘That’s why you left me?’ He says nothing. ‘But, you didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t tell me it was a mistake.’
‘I couldn’t. I’m a good liar, but I’m not that good. How could I say that to you after everything you’ve been through? I just…I was so scared of you getting hurt. After Rose…’ He shakes his head and keeps his eyes on the floor. He can’t even look at me.
The memory merges, but we’re still in the office. Grayson’s sitting at his desk again as Gabriel stands opposite looking agitated and pale.
‘She’s upset,’ Grayson tells him. ‘I can see that, but it’s not enough. Did you tell her that it was a mistake?’
‘Yes,’ Gabriel lies. ‘And I’ve stayed away as you wanted.’
‘Hmm. Well, there’s something else I want you to do.’ There’s a knock at the door. I turn and see it open. In walks Ava. She closes the door behind her and stands beside Gabriel who watches her with confusion.
‘By something…I mean someone. I want you to sleep with her,’ Grayson says pointing at Ava who looks smug. I feel my heart breaking but not because of what I know came next, but because of how horrified Gabriel looks.
‘I’m not sleeping with anyone, Grayson. That’s never going to happen. That wasn’t part of the deal.’
‘I’m changing the deal. You will spend the night with Ava and make sure Lilly knows about it.’
‘She hates her. Please, if I do this, she’ll never forgive me.’
Grayson’s smile tells me that he knows that. Ava runs her hand down Gabriel’s arm and flatters her eyes at him.
‘It’s nothing we haven’t done a dozen times,’ she says softly. ‘We’re good together you and me.’ He shrugs off her hand, but still, she tries. ‘Baby, please, we make sense you and me.’
‘What? Because neither of us can have kids? You were an easy lay. Nothing more. Lilly is everything to me, and you,’ he turns to Grayson. ‘You said that if after six months she still wants to be with me, you would give us your blessing. If I do this, she’ll never forgive me. She’ll hate me.’ Grayson merely shrugs. He doesn’t care. ‘I don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want to have sex with Ava!’
‘You will. And you will say whatever you must to break Lilly’s little heart. And I mean break it, Gabriel,’ he says, pointing his finger at him. ‘Or you can pack and she will never leave this house again,’ Grayson replies.
The room fades, and we’re in Gabriel’s bedroom. My version of Gabriel is leaning against the door still refusing to watch his own memory as the memory version of him paces up and down as Ava sits on his bed.
‘This doesn’t have to be a big thing,’ she says, taking off her jacket and kicking off her shoes. ‘We’re fantastic together. You know it.’ She stands and pulls off her top and stands there in her bra with that self-assured smirk and lust filled eyes. He stops pacing as she strolls over to him.
‘What are you doing?’ he asks looking at her half-nakedness.
‘What we do best.’ She unhooks her bra and lets it fall to the floor.
‘I’m not actually going to fuck you, Ava. Lilly just needs to think that I did.’ He bends down and picks up her red bra before thrusting it back into her hands. ‘Get dressed.’ He continues pacing. Ava doesn’t look happy. She drops the bra again and her eyes flick over in his direction.
‘If you don’t,’ she says slowly and with a good amount of arrogance. ‘I’ll tell Grayson that you refused.’
He stops and faces her with a face of thunder. Slowly and seductively she walks back to him.
‘If you don’t, he’ll send you away.’ She starts unbuttoning his shirt. ‘If you don’t, Lilly will be left here all alone, and you will never see her again.’ She finishes unbuttoning his shirt and slides it down his body to the floor. She sees the necklace I gave him hanging around his neck and taps it lightly with her finger. ‘Aww. Cute.’
The look of hatred on his face is clear.
‘I can’t have children. Neither can you. We’re both outcasts just for that.’ She starts kissing his neck. Her hands caress his chest, tracing the definitions of his abdominal muscles. ‘No one else wants us. We may as well be together.’
‘Get off me, Ava.’
‘What does she have that I don’t?’ she purrs, still working his neck and her hands going to the buckle of his belt. ‘Apart from scars, nightmares and crippling fear of being touched. Can’t be fun screwing a girl covered in all those marks-’
He grabs her by the throat suddenly, but she only smiles. She even places her own hand over his and encourages a tighter grip.
‘She’s a freak,’ I whisper as I watch this horrible and ugly interaction. If I thought I hated her before, I beyond loathe her now.
‘Say another word about her, and I will kill you,’ Gabriel threatens hatefully. ‘Lilly is a million times the girl you are. Than you will ever be.’
‘I want you,’ she gasps beneath his grip. ‘And I won’t stop till I get you, so make love to me now or say goodbye to your home, your family, your coven and Lilly for good.’ She snatches his necklace and tosses it to the floor. ‘Your move, Gabriel.’
He throws her onto the bed and unbuckles his belt. He’s furious, and whatever is about to take place between them will be far from loving, gentle or meaningful. I turn and look at my version of Gabriel at a complete loss for words. He was forced to sleep with her. They gave him no choice. He did it to protect me. To keep me safe from Grayson. When I turn back the memory has faded, and the deed is done. Ava looks thrilled, but Gabriel seems broken.
She has her ear pressed against the door, and with a huge smile, she whispers, ‘She’s coming! Remember, you have to be cruel. You have to break her fragile little heart.’
He gets to his feet and the rest I saw. I watch the kissing and cuddling on the landing. I see my face and the second my heart does in fact break. A light goes out in my eyes and Gabriel sees it too before he turns and returns back to his room. Inside he walks to his bed where he sits and buries his face in his hand and sobs. When he hears my footsteps outside, he wipes his tears and composes himself. I watch our fight. I watch as I cry and say awful things to the man that was forced to be physical with someone against his will. I watch as I call him an egotistical whore who enjoys making women suffer when in truth he was trying to protect me. I watch as he loses his temper and grabs me when I compare him to a man who spent years abusing me. I watch as his words eradicate the trust I had in him and see myself flinch and recoil from his touch. I see him realise it too, just before I manifest Mental magic. When I slam the door behind me, he slumps to the floor on his knees staring at his hands in horror.
‘I’ve lost her,’ he says, scrunching up his hands. ‘I’ve really lost her.’ He looks heartbroken at the door I just left through. The door where I now stand and where my Gabriel stands, refusing to see any of it. As he has for almost all of these memories. As one version of him cowers in an emotional mess on his bathroom floor and the other shows me nothing but his back, I reach out and take his arm so I can guide him to look at me. As he turns, his eyes don’t leave the floor of the bathroom. And the room shifts once more. He’s in his room shoving money into a bag and making phone calls. I follow him as he sneaks into my room and throws some of my stuff in the same bag.
‘What are you doing?’ I ask.
‘Getting ready to leave,’ he says quietly. ‘I was going to take you away. Just…grab you and go. Explain it all on the road. But, Theo grabbed me before I could. I’m so sorry. I am just so sorry. What I said to you. What I did.’
‘They forced you,’ I say in a quiet, pain-filled whisper. ‘Grayson and Ava made you do this.’
‘I had to keep you safe. I can’t…I won’t let you go the same way as Rose. I can’t let that happen again. Not to you. Not to anyone.’
‘You tried to save Rose. Her death was not your fault.’
‘All of it was my fault,’ he says in a sad conclusion. ‘I wanted to make sure you didn’t suffer like her. I wanted to keep you safe. I wanted to tell you how I felt about you, but I couldn’t even do that properly. Every time I tried and felt the slightest bit of rejection from you, I hurled abuse at you. I said vile words that I knew would hurt you.’
‘And I pushed you away. I was afraid of you getting hurt. I never wanted to push you away. I had to. Grayson…he’s too dangerous.’
He has tears brimming in his eyes, and as hard as he tries, he can’t stop himself from breaking down.
‘Oh Lilly. Everything I’ve done. All the ways I’ve let you and your family down.’
The room starts to fade into darkness. His devastated tears begin to echo as it all drifts further and further away.
When I open my eyes, I’m on the floor of the tent. My hands are still each side of his head, and we’re still alone.
Words fail me.
All I can do is look at him as tear after tear falls down my cheeks. They fall down his too, and I wipe them away with my thumb.
‘Look at me,’ I whisper.
He shakes his head and sniffs as he quietly cries.
I lower my hand and let it slide down his arm. A trail of goose bumps follow my fingertips. Leaning forward, I reach behind him to the ropes binding his hands behind his back. When I feel them, I burn them, setting him free. He tries to guide me away from him.
‘Don’t touch me, Lilly. Please don’t.’ He gently takes my wrists and pushes me away. ‘I know it hurts. I don’t want you to feel that. Not because of me.’
I move so I have one leg each side of him and hold his face in my hands. My bleeding, bandaged hand missing two fingers throb as I touch him, but I don’t let it stop me. I make him look up at me. The tears in his eyes make them look so much bigger. So much sadder, but he watches my skin on his with a look of marvel.
‘Well, would you look at that…’ I stroke his cheek. When his hand rests over mine, I wrap my fingers around them. ‘No pain. None.’ I smile, despite my tears. His face buries into my neck. His arms wrap around my waist. I’m holding him so tight, and his grip on me is equally as solid. We sit in silence embracing each other.
‘I want to ask you something,’ comes a gentle whisper in my ear.
‘Anything.’ He’s just shown me the darkest corners of his mind. He can ask me anything.
‘In my room, when we fought, you said that you’d been beaten, starved, abused.’ He lifts his head, and two pain-filled blue eyes look deep into my soul. ‘You said that you’d been raped.’
‘I don’t want to talk about that.’
‘Please, tell me. Was it Toby?’
‘No,’ I reply. ‘It wasn’t Toby. It was someone else.’ He waits. He tries to hide the pain of knowing that such a vile act was done to me, but he wants to know. And he has a right to know. ‘Harry hired a boy to work on the house one summer. Ryan. He let him live with us, so he did the work cheap. He was eighteen. I was fourteen. He figured out I was a witch soon after he moved in and he blackmailed me. He said that if I didn’t do what he wanted, he’d turn me over to the Hunters,’ I say it in a single breath, not giving myself a chance to back out of admitting it to him.
He swallows a lump as his eyes glisten with tears. ‘Fourteen?’
I nod.
‘How long?’
‘He lived with us on and off for two years.’ My insides squirm and I feel dirty in my own skin just talking about it.
‘You don’t need to tell me anymore if you don’t want to.’
‘I went to a maid and asked her for help. She was the least cruel of the lot. But she refused. She said…’
Gabriel’s eyes narrow. ‘She said what?’
‘She said I should be grateful.’ He goes rigid and a violent hatred springs to life in his eyes. ‘She said that considering I was a filthy witch, I should be grateful any man would ever want me.’ His breathing increases. His fingertips dig a little harder into my body like he’s keeping me close, frightened to let me go. ‘I couldn’t take anymore,’ I admit. ‘Harry and Christa. Ryan. The misery each day offered. The blackness at the end of the tunnel. It was too much. So, I took a bed sheet to the end of the garden, tied one end to a tree, the other around my neck, and I jumped.’
‘Fucking hell. Christ! My poor girl.’
We lean in, resting our foreheads together as tears slide down my cheeks. It’s painful. But feels like a weight’s been lifted off my chest.
‘That’s how I met Toby. He found me hanging. He cut me down and got me breathing again. He saved my life. When he found out about Ryan, he disappeared for two days. I thought he was disgusted. That I would never see him again. But he came back. He told me he’d killed him. I never saw Ryan again.’
‘At least he did one thing right by you.’
‘Maybe. But now, I owed him. He saved my life, and he said that it was his now. Every word he said to me was exactly what I wanted to hear, and soon, he had me wrapped around his finger. But I guess everything changed…no, I changed, the night we first slept together.’ I watch him, trying to read his reactions. Should I stop talking? He probably doesn’t want to know.
‘Tell me,’ he encourages. ‘You can tell me anything.’
‘He took me downstairs, to the room of the maid I asked for help. And he made me kill her. I dream about that night all the time. I killed her, Gabriel. I murdered a woman. I didn’t want to. I really didn’t. But once I started, and when she stopped moving, I felt good. Like I’d got my payback. After that, I did everything Toby asked me to do. Everything. Whether I wanted to or not and I can’t help but think…’
‘Think what, Beautiful?’
‘That if I hadn’t have gone into her room that night, if I hadn’t let Toby talk me into it, if I hadn’t handed myself over to his will, then maybe I wouldn’t have done all the other horrible things I did with him. I beat people. I disfigured a girl who I was jealous of. I tortured people because he wanted me to. I watched him kill people and did nothing to stop him. I killed those men in the barn-’
‘You are not to blame!’ he insists, taking my face in his hands. ‘You have been through so much. More than I could ever have imagined. You were alone in this world and horrifically treated by everyone around you. All you knew was violence and pain. Toby capitalised on that. He manipulated you instead of helping you. I don’t blame you for your past. Never. And no one worth a damn would.’
My shame has me pulling away. My disbelief of his words has me shaking my head. But he grabs my face once more and looks sternly into my eyes.
‘You are not to blame. Do you hear me? None of that was your fault.’
‘Yes, it was. Gabriel, I’m not a good person.’
‘You are the best person. Look at me.’ He lifts my head, trying to catch my lowered gaze. When he has it, he tells me in no uncertain terms, ‘I love you, Lilly Hooper. More now than I ever thought possible. And I promise you that I will never let any man touch you that way ever again. I will never lie to you. I will never manipulate you. And I will never, ever leave you. When you see those memories in your dreams, I will wake you up, and you will be in my arms. I will keep you safe from the ghosts of your past, and I will build such an amazing life with you that they’ll fade away. They’ll be replaced by beautiful, happy memories.’
He lifts his head and looks at me. Our faces are so close our noses are almost touching.
‘I’ll protect you from your past. And I will not let anyone, Grayson included, keep us apart. I love you, Lilly. So fucking much. I can’t lose you.’
I smile a relieved smile. ‘I love you too, Gabriel. More than anything. Anyone. Ever. You will never lose me.’
I lean in and find his lips. We kiss. It’s a desperate and loving embrace. All our fears, pains and forgiveness go into it. And I do, of course I forgive him just as he forgives me.
The whole world falls away. It’s just us. As it should be. And now I know. I know what kind of man he is. I’m certain. Yes, he’s made mistakes. But he has done all he can for me. He’s not given up trying to protect me so like hell will I give up on him. He seeks redemption. He doesn’t need to seek it from me.
It’s all meaningless. This tent and the tortures we’ve endured. The men outside who brought us here. The never-ending deep pain in my hand. Grayson. Theo. Toby. Our pasts.
They don’t matter one bit. Not right now. We’ve finally found each other, and although our path has been far from easy, I fear our struggles have only just begun. But that can wait.
His heart hammers as he pulls my body flush with his. He’s holding me like if he loosens his grip for even a second, I’ll disappear. When we break our tender kiss, his arms still keep me close. Finally, he looks at me. His hand still cupping my cheek and those blue eyes filled with such emotion.
He takes off his leather jacket and puts it on me, carefully he guides through my mutilated hand. Gently, he kisses it.
‘I’ll make them pay for doing this to you,’ he says with a murderous glint in his eye and a deep hatred in his voice.
‘Give me your binding spell,’ I tell him, opening my palm. He takes off the cloth around his wrist and places it in my hand. I put my watch in there too. All twenty-four thousand pounds worth. He watches as I create my fire and burn them to nothing.
‘We can’t be bound anymore. Without the binding spell, I’m no longer linked to Grayson through the Bloodstone,’ I tell him, looking up to watch my fire reflect in his eyes. ‘I don’t care what he threatens us with. He won’t come between us again.’
‘No one will, my love.’
‘Say that again,’ I say with a grin.
‘My love. My girl. My Lilly.’
With our magic and with each other, Theo and Jensen’s men don’t frighten me. It’s them who should be afraid because I’m pissed. If anyone gets in the way of our well deserved happy ending…they’re going to wish they’d never been born.
‘Let’s get the hell out of here,’ he says.
Gabriel takes my hand, and together we turn, walk out of the tent and into the rain.
