‘I’m fine. I said I’m fine!’ I tell Hendrix in a deadpan voice as he tries to help me to my feet.
Gabriel’s charged off. Grayson’s chasing after him and telling him to stop. Gabriel says he won’t stop. Not until he gets his hands on Ava and uses them to wring her neck.
All the while, I struggle not to vomit all over the floor. I stagger towards the bathroom, dodging Hendrix’s attempts to help me walk in a straight line. Words fail me as it all sinks in. I kick the bathroom door closed and find the toilet to wretch into.
I force myself to my feet and cling onto the sink, swaying slightly. My head is too full of noise and my insides squirm with disgust and revulsion. It’s taking all my mental strength to keep myself together. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I’m sweating. My lip is split. I have bruises and scrapes. My hair’s a ratty mess. I’m pasty and thin. I have a harrowing look in my eyes.
And I hate myself for allowing myself to let these people turn me into this… victim.
Ava.
She’s been in my life for the last few months and she’s been laughing at me for years. The memory of the barn. Of the mysterious woman who held me down. Who laughed at me as I was forced to watch Toby fuck her. She did everything possible to destroy my relationship with Gabriel.
Ava.
The door opens and Gabriel walks in still wearing his coat. I watch him in the mirror as he stands in the doorway.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left. I wasn’t thinking.’ He walks quickly towards me and goes to stroke my back. ‘Are you alright? Let me help-’
‘Don’t. Don’t touch me.’ I sneer at his hands like they’re covered in shit. ‘Don’t touch me with hands you touched her with.’
‘Don’t. That’s not fair. That’s not-’
‘I need you to leave.’
‘Lilly, please! For fuck’s sake. Don’t-’
‘You were with her while I was in the cellar, weren’t you? While I was starving and pissing over a drain? While I was being beaten and tormented in the dark, she lay in your arms. You were inside her and she was happy. And she knew. She knew who you were to Toby. She’s taken everything from me. She took Toby. She took my baby and she took you!’
He takes another desperate step towards me and I dodge him. ‘You can’t seriously hold her against me? You know she meant less than nothing to me. I hate her. I fucking hate her guts. If I’d known about you, I would have got you out. You know that! Baby… I love you!’
‘Maybe I do know all that. And when I’ve calmed down I may very well apologise to you for saying this. But right now, I can’t even look at you.’ And I can’t. I keep looking at the chipped tiled floor or his feet instead. ‘Because all I can see is you kissing her. Touching her. And her screaming words of encouragement at Toby to…’ I shake my head violently and back away from him. ‘I need you to leave.’
‘I’m not leaving you.’
‘I want you to go.’
‘No!’
I turn and strike the mirror. It shatters around my fist before I turn back to him. ‘Get away from me!’ I threaten through gritted teeth.
‘Lilly… don’t. Don’t leave me. Please. I had no idea. Please. Please tell me what to do to fix this!’
‘You find her, Gabriel. You find her and you make her pay. Do you hear me? Grayson won’t let me leave. But you can.’
‘No way I’m leaving you.’
‘I need you to. I need to rid myself of this hatred before it sticks to you for good.’ I turn and lean over the sink. My hair falls over my face as I take deep breath after deep breath. ‘Just-go.’
‘I love y-’
‘Get out.’
‘I think you should leave,’ Grayson says, appearing from around the door. ‘Let her calm down. She’s clearly upset.’
‘Oh, you’re loving this,’ Gabriel snarls back. ‘Any wedge between Lilly and I, and you think you can just slide right in between us. Well you can’t.’
‘No. Ava’s already done that,’ Hendrix snorts from the bedroom.
Grayson takes a calm step forwards, blocking Gabriel from going in there to attack.
‘I’m suggesting you leave her alone for a while. Not leave her entirely. She’s clearly very upset and could do with some space.’
‘Instead of inserting yourself into my relationship, why don’t you get on the phone and ensure that Ava is secured. She probably knows where Toby is. She’s obviously a spy.’
‘We don’t know that. You didn’t see her face.’
‘I heard her. I know her voice, Grayson. I heard her scream at Toby to “Do it”.’
‘To be fair, Boss. If anyone knows what Ava Sinclair sounds like screaming those words, it’s gonna be him,’ Hendrix laughs.
Again, Gabriel goes for the vampire who laughs at him from the bedroom. Grayson keeps a firm hold of him and remains as calm as could be.
‘I’ll make some calls and get her confined. We will find out exactly what part she has been playing in all this, but right now,’ Grayson looks at me. ‘She needs looking after. I won’t have her Break. Do you hear me?’
‘I don’t want him here. Go find Ava. Find Toby. And leave me alone.’ I sink to the floor, pull up my knees and bury my face in my arms. ‘Just leave me alone.’
∞∞∞
Hours pass, I think. It certainly feels that way when I open the door and return to the bedroom. I know that Grayson and Gabriel aren’t in here. I can’t sense them. But I wasn’t expecting Hendrix to be sprawled out on the bed watching television and eating a bowl of popcorn. He has his phone to his ear and is mumbling away with his eyes glued to the television screen.
‘Do vampires even need to eat?’ I ask.
He gives the person on the other end a brief goodbye and returns the phone back into his pocket. ‘Not food. No,’ he says, chewing with his mouth open like a cow munching grass. ‘But I like the taste of butter popcorn.’ He lolls his head lazily to the side and offers me some.
‘Think I’ll pass.’ Leaning against the door frame, I fold my arms across my chest and look out to the hallway.
‘They’re not up here. Boss took lover-boy down to the bar for a drink to calm down. He was all ready to go kill the leggy-blonde, but Grayson stopped him.’
‘I told him to go and find Ava.’
‘Shockingly enough, Grayson doesn’t give two shits about what ya want or what ya ordered anyone to do. Ya need pretty-boy here. Ain’t no way Boss-man gonna send him away. Not yet anyway.’ He carries on stuffing popcorn in his face, letting the odd one miss and fall to the bed sheets.
‘I don’t need anyone.’
‘Oh yeah,’ he laughs. ‘Ya do. You’re one more nasty revelation away from white-haired-psycho-ville, and then where will we be? Dead. Cos you’ll have killed us all in a fiery rage.’
‘I’m not going to give into the Break,’ I shrug simply. ‘I’m stronger than that. Every knock is just making me stronger. More determined.’
‘Yeah. Stronger until the final straw breaks the camel’s back. The camel’s back being your sanity.’
He carries on scoffing popcorn and starts laughing at the television. I head over and sit on the edge of the bed.
‘What are you watching?’
‘Talk show.’
‘A what?’
‘Oh yeah. I forgot ya lived in a hole underground,’ he says, but I don’t think he meant it as a dig. He sits up and swallows his mouthful before gesturing to the T.V. ‘Basically, all these people come on the stage and argue. See the skinny bald prick there? He’s being accused of shagging his wife’s sister, cos she found a pair of knickers that don’t belong to her under his pillow. And the bald prick is insisting that they were put there to break ’em up cos he says the sister has dick-fever and wants him to herself.’
I do love his eloquence. ‘And what’s the point of the show? You just watch them argue?’ The toothless woman hurls abuse at the hairless man who’s clearly guilty as sin. He jiggles his leg and bites his nails. There’s so much sweat pouring off him, I wonder if they’ll need to get a mop after he’s left the stage.
‘The pompous host lets them hash it out and then he reads the results of a lie detector.’
‘A what?’
‘Christ…’ he mutters, licking the salt and butter from his fingertips. ‘A test that can tell if someone’s lying or not. A lie detector. A fucking lie detector!’
‘Alright. Bloody hell. Keep your hair on.’ I lean back on the bed and help myself to a handful of popcorn. ‘You don’t need a lie detector to see that idiot is a liar.’
‘Well, can you blame him?’ He gestures to the screen. ‘Look at the state of his wife.’
‘You think he cheated because of how she looks?’ I ask, as the woman propels herself across the stage towards her husband while screaming profanities. It’s just a long string of bleeping and gasps from the audience as some poor bloke acting as security tries to hold her back. In the effort, her top has ridden up and reveals the word BITCH tattooed across the lower of her back.
‘I think her gentle and ladylike manner may also be a factor,’ he laughs gruffly. ‘Check out the sister.’
On the other side of the stage is a thin blonde wearing stiletto’s and a tiny, skin-tight dress. She’s beyond smug as she watches her sister’s rage.
‘It doesn’t matter. Cheating is a shit thing to do. If you’re not happy with someone just say. Turn around and leave instead of being a twat and destroying their lives.’
‘Chill, Little Witch. It’s trashy TV, with trashy people who want a few minutes of fame. That’s all. These people love the drama ’cos they ain’t got shit else goin’ on.’ He scoops up another handful of popcorn and shovels it into his mouth.
‘And why do you watch it?’ I ask. Our faces turn so we’re looking at each other. ‘You running low on drama?’
‘Nah,’ he laughs. ‘Drama I got plenty of. Everyday it’s life and death. Torture. Murder. Psychotic witch brothers or crazy witch fathers.’ He nods at me. ‘An unhinged, all-powerful girl that could kill us all if the mood struck her.’
‘I could if I had my magic,’ I mumble.
He points at the T.V. ‘This is normality. Or as close to normal as we’re ever gonna get. Plus, it’s funny shit.’
I notice a bottle of whiskey and an empty glass on the bedside table. He reaches around and hands me the bottle. I take a sip. Or four. And return my attention to the talk show. The smartly dressed host is building up the tension for the result reveal. I feel Hendrix watching me.
‘Spit it out.’
‘You’re a bit of a bitch. You know that?’ He grabs the glass from the cabinet and holds it out.
‘And you’re a vile, disgusting pig,’ I reply, filling the glass. He chuckles as I take another swig from the bottle as he sips his own drink. ‘So, let’s just carry on hating each other in silent disdain, and you can stop this weird attempt at trying to be friends with me. Deal?’
‘Our disdain is far from silent,’ he chortles, sipping his whiskey. ‘Everyone knows we don’t like each other. Hell, don’t take it personally. I don’t like anyone. And I ain’t trying to be ya friend neither.’
‘Then what the hell are you doing? The last few weeks you’ve stuck up for me, helped me train and generally been tolerable. I don’t get it.’
‘I want the Veil down.’ He shrugs. ‘And you’re the only one that can do it. And plus, you’re a tough cookie. I admire ya.’
I choke on my drink. ‘I’m sorry. Did you just say you admired me?’
‘Don’t get all wet between the legs. Not many chicks could go through what ya been through and still tell a man like Grayson to get bent. Or have men like Tobias and Theodore Kendryk run off into hiding. But you gotta get your head out ya arse.’
‘My head isn’t up my arse.’
‘You know how many people would die for me?’ he asks. He doesn’t give me the opportunity to share a smart remark. ‘None. I have no one that would die for me. I have no one who loves me. No one who likes me. And I’ve been alive for eight-hundred years.’
‘Maybe a shower would help with that.’
‘But you? You have men scrambling over themselves to have ya for their own.’
‘For my magic. Not me. There’s a hell of a difference. Except Gabriel… he loves me for… well, me.’ Now I feel a little guilty.
He laughs. Hard. ‘If Grayson just wanted your magic he wouldn’t give a shit about you and Gabriel. And if ya disobeyed him, he’d just slap ya in chains and torture ya till ya did what he wanted, without thinking twice. But he keeps forgiving ya and letting ya off. Hell, ya destroyed his house and he did nothing but give ya a little slap. If he didn’t care about ya, he’d have served ya Amara’s head by now and hacked your legs off so ya couldn’t run away. But he didn’t, cos he loves ya. And Tobias? The man has no soul. He literally doesn’t care about anything. He stood over ya the other night and instead of killing ya or taking ya, he left a love letter. A weird one, but it was a love letter. And ya say that he killed that babe of yours because he had a vision of your death? That means he cares. With no soul. He cares for ya. And Gabriel? He’s lost everything. His brothers. His position in the coven. He’s sacrificed it all for ya, and ya turn him away like he’s nothing.’
‘Don’t comment on things you don’t understand. You sure as hell don’t understand me or what I’ve been through with Grayson and Toby. And you sure as shit don’t understand Gabriel and me.’ I swig the whiskey too hard in my annoyance and it spills down my chin.
‘Then tell me. Cos in my opinion, ya just turned your back on a man who has lost everything in the pursuit of loving ya.’
‘Bullshit. That’s bullshit. He’s been with a woman who helped murder my child. He used her against me when we first met. The same as Toby did. Do you know how that feels?’
‘No. I don’t. But tell me, Lilly Hopper, do ya know what it feels like for him?’ He raises his brow and watches me glare at him. ‘Or don’t ya give a shit?’
‘What are you on about?’
‘How do ya think Gabriel feels knowing not only that ya had sex with his brother, but that ya loved him? That ya loved Tobias Kendryk. Yes. He screwed Ava, a couple of times back in the day. Before he met ya. Ava was the equivalent of an old sock on a lonely night. And yes, technically he slept with her after you two got together over Christmas, but ya can’t hold that against him, Little Witch. He only did that to save you. To protect you. He didn’t want to. Believe me. That was all Grayson and in my opinion, it was a low thing to do to his own brother, and to you. But you… you obsessed over his brother. The little brother who betrayed him, stole the journal, attempted to destroy the coven he loves, conspired against him and broke his heart. How do ya think Gabriel feels when he sees you naked?’
‘Excuse me?’
‘When he touches all those scars on your body?’
‘He doesn’t care about my scars.’
‘The ones that your uncle put there. Maybe. What about the scars that his brother put there? The scars that ya let him put there? That hand print on your inner thigh? The one that ya allowed him to mark ya with as a show of devotion? Do ya think it makes him hate ya? Resent ya? Do ya think he’s jealous of the time ya spent with Tobias? Do ya think that he loathes ya for being so in love with a cruel, sadistic man who spent years trying to destroy everything he loves?’
‘I… I err… Hang on. Who told you about that scar on my thigh?’
He shrugs. ‘Gabriel let it slip one night when he’d had too much to drink. Anyway, as I was sayin’, do ya think that when Gabriel hears ya say his little brother’s name in your sleep, he doesn’t care? That it doesn’t bother him? Or do ya think his heart breaks a little every time he thinks about what you and his brother did together? What ya had? Of what his brother did to ya? Look me in the eye and tell me that if Gabriel knew about how ya suffered, or about Ava’s part in what happened to ya, that he would have fucked her? Or would he have killed her?’
Killed her. I know that.
I drink more of the whiskey to dull down the overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame.
‘He’s ready to die for ya. Tobias will kill ya rather than lose ya to another man and Grayson will kill anyone who tries to take ya away from him and his coven. I would think twice about who ya spend your time and energy hating, cos out of the three, Gabriel is the only one who will see the world burn before he sees a tear slide down your cheek. Your past is exactly that, Little Witch. Gotta let it go. All ya have is today. Cos yesterday’s gone and tomorrow may never come. I’m sure ya would rather be rutting with the man ya love than sitting next to me watching this shit and getting drunk.’ He takes the whiskey from my hand as I stare at him open mouthed. For a foul-mouthed monster, he sure seems to know what to say. ‘Piss off then.’
I get to my feet a little dumbstruck and can’t help but look back at him. He’s returned his gaze to the television and is chuckling away to himself as the wife is screaming about shoving the test results down her husband’s throat.
‘Why are you being so nice to me?’
‘Not being nice. Being honest. And like I said, I can see why he likes ya. You got spirit and balls. Now take both and fuck off. I’m watching my TV show.’
∞∞∞
Walking down the hallway, I pass room after room. All are occupied with sleeping Nomads, either on the beds, on the floors, or propped up against the walls. Most are still dirty from the fight. Some have tried to scrub the soot, blood and ash off, but their exhaustion has clearly won out and sleep has taken priority. In another room are a couple of men on phones, looking very busy as they issue orders to unknown persons on the other end. I linger and watch the television they have on. A Nomad channel-surfs as he sits with his toe tapping on the tartan carpet. I expect they’re waiting to see any mention of us – about the fire or the possibility of witches – but they’re reporting on the birth of a baby royal at the minute, so that’s a relief. I carry on and stop outside a single bedroom with a radio playing. A stream of whispered swear words, in a thick Irish accent, are spilling out into the hallway. Sitting at a desk, hunched over a computer, is Connor. His back is to me as he stares at the screen.
‘Hey,’ I say gently. He can be a little jumpy when he’s focused on his work and sure enough, he jumps a mile, sending a mug of coffee all over the place. He snatches up the laptop to stop it getting ruined and steps back, hissing a curse word. ‘Here, let me help you.’ I head inside and grab a towel from the bathroom to mop up the mess. Meanwhile, he’s relocated to the bed and is still staring intently at the screen. There’s a massive bruise on the left side of his face, a gash across his nose and a split down his lip. It hurts my heart to see such a sweet and innocent guy so battered.
‘My feckin’ fingers are slowing me down,’ he mutters angrily. Two of his fingers are taped together but he still taps away at lightning speed. I tried to use Gabriel’s laptop once – before Grayson confiscated it from us – and he was in hysterics at my attempts to type a simple sentence. I’d never used one before. Still haven’t really.
‘You okay?’ I ask Connor, sitting on the bed beside him. ‘You look like hell.’
‘You looked in the mirror lately, girly?’ he replies.
‘I am so sorry. You never would have gotten hurt if it wasn’t for-’
‘You saved my life. You saved a lot of lives so don’t even start apologising. I’m grand. I’ll be even better when I figure this nonsense out. I am so confused. So feckin’ confused. I’m tired and Grayson is on the war path and-’
‘Breathe.’ I manage to prize the laptop from the exhausted man. ‘What’s up? Why are you confused.’
‘It’s the ring,’ he groans, throwing his hands up in the air. ‘I don’t get it!’
‘What don’t you get?’
In a single breath, he tells me, ‘Well, Hendrix said he sold the ring to a bloke he thinks was called Ian Daniels. Or Liam Samuels. He’s no too sure. ’Cos, he was half-cut when he sold it. I’ve only gone and found two men matching both those names in the area he sold it in. After a couple of hours, I discovered that Ian Daniels received a large sum of money from a pawn broker posing as an art dealer and then they received a large sum of money from a well to do family with an interest in the occult and then they filled a police report in regard to a theft and-’
‘Okay. Okay, sweetie, stop.’ I take his shoulders and look him in the eye. ‘You need to breathe or you’ll pass out.’ He’s sweating and blinking way too much. I’m sure his heart is hammering and every time he swallows he seems to struggle getting it down his throat. My hands take his and I give him a soothing smile. ‘Tell me what you’ve found about the ring and its current location.’
‘Which one?’ He laughs in frustration. ‘There are two.’
‘Two?’
‘Yeah. Two of the bloody things, look.’ He retakes the laptop and after a few taps on the keys, he shows me the screen. ‘See here? There’s one in a quirky little museum down in Cornwall. It’s basically a house that’s been renovated to showcase oddities and occult items. Mounted on the wall behind a red rope is a ring that matches the description of Rebecca’s wedding ring.’
‘And the second one?’
He exhales and after a few taps, he shows me exactly where it is. And it’s a place I know only in my dreams. A place I’ve always wanted to visit it. ‘The British Museum?’ I snatch the laptop and stare at the magnificent building with wonderment. I’ve longed to climb the steps up to the main doors. To stand beside those columns. To walk beneath the Great Court glass roof. To see the Egyptian antiquities on loan from the museum of Cairo. To see the Rosetta Stone with my own eyes. I’ve pored over images of them in books my entire life and longed to see them myself. Goddamn. It’s in the British museum for Christ sake!
But I won’t get my hopes up too much because I doubt I’ll be able to go there myself.
‘So, you’ve found two rings. We just need to go fetch them, right?’
‘You can’t just stroll up to the British museum and take their exhibits, Lilly. The place is guarded like Fort-Knox. The little museum in Cornwall? Well, that maybe we can do but-’
‘Listen.’ I lower the lid of the laptop and turn to face him. ‘Have you slept since we left The Orchard?’ He shakes his head. ‘Sleep then. You look ready to drop.’
‘But I need to tell Grayson-’
‘I’ll tell Grayson. He’s downstairs with Gabriel and I need to do some damage control with my other half, so I can tell him where the rings are and he can organise getting them. Okay?’
‘Hold on… Other half?’
‘Erm…’
‘It’s okay,’ he says, nudging me playfully. ‘I’ve known about you two for a while. I walked in on yer sucking face a few months back but left before yer saw me.’
As he chuckles away to himself, I get to my feet. ‘I’ll tell Grayson about the rings and that you’re asleep. Hopefully he’ll leave you be for the rest of the night. Oh. And keep the fact that you know about Gabriel and I being together under your hat, would you? It’s supposed to be a secret.’
‘Why?’
‘I’ll give you a clue. He has dark eyes. A vile temper and a slightly possessive attitude regarding the last Arcane Witch alive.’
‘Huh. Yeah sounds about right.’ He nods and falls sideways on the bed with a moan. By the time I reach the door, I’m pretty sure he’s asleep.
∞∞∞
I find both Grayson and Gabriel down in the bar. A dank and musty little place with an elderly sleeping barman propped up on a stool behind the beer taps. Gabriel’s leaning across the bar and helping himself to a bottle of whiskey. I watch him start to pour himself a large glass before giving up and drinking straight from the bottle. After a few good gulps, he slumps forward with a groan and throws his arms over his head.
‘Fucking good job, Gabriel. Well-fucking-done,’ he scorns himself. ‘She’s never going to talk to you again.’
Grayson is on the phone walking back and forth by the door. His free hand is in his pocket and he talks tiredly to whoever is on the other line. I overhear him. The gist is that they can’t locate Ava and no one seems to know where she’s gone.
Great.
He spots me lingering and glances between his brother and me. His pacing slows as he waits to see exactly what I’m doing down here. As I pass, I tell him what Connor has found and that he’s fallen asleep through exhaustion. I recommend he leaves him be, that he’s no good to anyone without rest. He nods and carries on talking to whoever is on the other end of the phone, dismissing me with a wave of his hand. I head over to Gabriel, who is still muttering to himself angrily. My hand rests on his head and I start running my fingers through his hair. His whole body relaxes at my touch. Without lifting his head, he pulls me in so he can bury his face in my shoulder.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he mumbles, his lips pressed close to my skin. ‘She’s gone. I can’t even kill her for you I’m that useless.’
‘We’ll find her. We’ll find Toby, and Theo, and Jensen. They’ll all get what they deserve. I don’t care about them right now. I care about us. About you.’
‘You still care about us? Me?’
‘Our past is our past. I forgive you for yours if you forgive me for mine. Deal?’
He nods but doesn’t say a word. His hands tighten their hold on me, like he’s scared to let me go in case I leave and never come back. I lift his head and press my lips onto his. When he tries to pull away to talk, I pull him back in and refuse to give him the chance to. We’re done talking. Well, there’s only one thing I want to say.
‘I absofuckinglutely love you. And I will never stop loving you. Never. Today is all that matters and today I have never loved you more.’ I say through our pressed lips. That does it. His embrace becomes desperate and hungry. He’s all hands and tongue. As am I! Before I know it, we’ve crashed into a quiet room where there are two pool tables and a dartboard on the wall. Gabriel kicks the door closed and lifts me onto one of the tables. My clothes are off in a second and his jeans are dropped round his ankles before we start making love.
I think of what Hendrix said about the scars that mark my body. About how they affect him. But he certainly doesn’t seem to be thinking of them now. I’ve never seen such want and desire in another’s eyes as I do when he looks at me. He never stops caressing my skin. He feels all of me and I’m not the only one that erupts in goose bumps as his skin glides over mine. We’re clinging onto each other like there’s no tomorrow.
Who knows… There may not be! Not for us.
Not for any of us.
