‘Rebecca created the Veil using three spells in three separate locations, spread out across the country,’ Connor explains as I linger by the window in Grayson’s office. Grayson gathered us all in here and sealed the door. Only Gabriel, Connor, Hendrix and I are allowed in to hear the details of the spell which will lower the Veil. He doesn’t trust anyone else at all. After all, Toby had spies in the house a few months ago. It’s possible some still remain. Hendrix is by the closed door with a serious frown and folded arms as Grayson and Connor sit opposite each other at Grayson’s desk. I lean against the window and look out the front of the house. There are too many Nomads to count. My breath fogs up the glass as Gabriel stands close by my side.
Connor continues. ‘Each spell created a lock. The locks are what is keeping the Veil in place. We need to unlock them.’
‘And how do we do that?’ Gabriel asks.
Connor pulls out the pages of translation from his pocket and smooths them out. Grayson rolls his eyes as he watches possibly the most important document in his search for a way to bring down the Veil, flattened out like a shopping list pulled from the bottom of a bag. There’s even a coffee ring on it.
‘The journal says, “Each lock can only be undone by someone who can manipulate all of the realms”.’ He gestures to me. ‘By that, it means the Arcane.’
I let out a large breath onto the glass and draw a seven-pointed star in the condensation.
‘And what does she need to do to unlock these stones?’ Gabriel asks, his hand resting on my lower back protectively.
‘Well, that’s not particularly clear.’
‘I suggest you make it clear,’ Gabriel adds sharply.
Connor looks down at the page as the brothers watch him intently, trying hard to not be intimidated by the two most intimidating people he knows. He clears his throat. ‘She writes, “Each stone is a lock. To unlock them you require three keys. An heirloom handed down from mother to child”. We’re pretty sure that means your mother’s necklace.’ He adds directly to me before returning his attention to the page. ‘It goes on to say, “The second is a ring, close to my heart”. That… we’re not too sure about.’
‘Any ideas?’ Grayson asks me, but I shrug, lost in thought.
‘And finally, “The final stone will require the heart of all power”.
‘Well, what’s the heart of all power?’ Gabriel asks.
‘No idea,’ Connor sighs, scratching his head. ‘She also mentions a “challenge to prove worth”. That the precious stones must be reunited, and a test to prove… well… worth.’ He concludes with a shrug.
‘You know, Lilly…’ Grayson calls over. ‘This kind of concerns you. Maybe you should pay attention and quit doodling.’
I continue looking out at the front of the house, rubbing out the seven-pointed star with my palm and replacing it with a triangle. ‘There are three stones hidden somewhere in England. We need to find them. We also need to find my mother’s necklace and Rebecca’s wedding ring, which act as keys. Reunite the items with the stone, pass a test of some kind, and the Veil will fall. Got it. Not sure what the final key is though. Bit weird that one. Heart of all power? What’s the heart of any witches’ power?’
‘Hang on.’ Gabriel turns me to face him. ‘Rebecca’s wedding ring? Why do you think it would be Rebecca’s wedding ring?’
‘A ring, close to her heart? What else but a wedding ring? You always said how much she loved her husband. Plus…’ I head over to Grayson’s desk where, still lying open and under several sheets of paper, is the portrait of my ancestor, Rebecca Hooper. I tap the place where Rebecca’s hand rests on her lap. On her left hand, sitting on her wedding finger, is a ring with a red stone in its setting. Shaped just like a heart. ‘I have eyes and a good memory. It’s her wedding ring.’
Grayson peers over the desk at where I’m pointing and gives a short, sharp laugh. ‘Well. I’ll be damned.’
‘Where are the stones located?’ I ask Connor.
‘I only know where one is. Dartmoor. She writes that once this stone is defeated, the location of the next one will be shared, as well as a reward.’
‘A reward?’ I ask, my interest certainly peaked. ‘What kind of reward?’
‘No idea. She doesn’t say. She does say the key for the first lock is the ring, close to her heart. So, her wedding ring. Assuming you’re correct of course.’
‘Could you be more specific? I mean, Dartmoor’s pretty big.’
‘I can get you there,’ he assures me. ‘Rebecca left clues. Landmarks and such. Give me a couple of days and I can figure it out.’
I direct my next question to Grayson. ‘Where’s her wedding ring?’
‘No idea.’
That’s not what I wanted to hear.
‘So, what do we do now? Shall we go find the stone in Dartmoor? Bring it back here?’
‘Just give me a second to think, Lilly. Okay?’ Grayson takes Connors notes and leans back in his chair, tapping his finger on his desk. He remains quiet as we all wait.
‘Excuse me,’ Gabriel says sharply, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. ‘Or am I the only one that heard the whole, “Test to prove worth” part of this? What the hell does that mean? Because that, to me, sounds dangerous.’
‘Of course it will be dangerous,’ I reply. ‘It’s a test.’
‘Then we need to find out more before we do anything,’ Gabriel insists, speaking directly to Grayson and not to me. ‘We need to translate the rest of the journal. Find out exactly what these tests entail so she can prepare for them.’
‘She’s not going to have anything written about the test in the journal, is she? Would kind of defeat the point,’ I bite back sharply, annoyed at how he’s cutting me out of the conversation. ‘We need to find the ring. Find the stone in Dartmoor. And get on with it.’
‘You also need all seven-realms of power,’ Grayson reminds me. ‘Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.’ He sits back in his chair, his eyes unfocused and distant as he thinks. ‘The last person to see Rebecca was Theo. He went on and on about how he held her in his arms after she died.’ He starts clicking his tongue still lost in thought. ‘Tradition was burning back then. He wouldn’t have buried her.’
‘You think the ring was burnt?’ I feel panic rise up through my chest. Surely this can’t be the end of it. If the key is destroyed… what then? But he shakes his head, still locked in a far-off stare with the ceiling.
‘Items infused with magic can’t be destroyed by anything mortal.’
After a moment, Hendrix clears his throat. When I look at him, he’s still lingering by the door but looking weird. Guilty maybe? Definitely uncomfortable.
‘Hendrix?’ Grayson asks slowly. ‘What is it?’
‘Well…’ Again, he clears his throat. ‘I err…’ He clears throat again.
‘Spit it out,’ Grayson warns.
‘I know where the ring is,’ he replies quickly. ‘Well, I know where it went after Hooper died at any rate.’ I don’t understand why this revelation has him looking so on edge. This is great news!
‘You do, hmm?’
‘Yes, Boss. I err… I stole it.’
‘You stole it?’ Grayson leans forwards, resting his elbows on his desk.
‘Yes, Boss. Theo burnt her body. After he left and when the fire started to die down I kind of… well… I pissed on her and found the ring in her ashes.’
‘You took a piss on the burning body of my ancestor?!’ I yell, disgusted.
‘You defiled the remains of the most powerful witch to ever exist?’ Grayson snarls angrily. ‘And stole from her still burning body?’
‘You’re disgusting,’ I hiss. ‘And seriously fucked up.’
‘I sold it. Alright? Look. I know what I did was wrong-’
Grayson is on his feet so fast his chair slides backwards across the floor. Gabriel stands directly in front of me as a barrier, but it’s not me Grayson is after. Hendrix shuffles backwards looking frightened which isn’t an emotion I have ever seen on him before.
‘You stole from my coven?!’ Grayson bellows. ‘You took an item that belonged to an Arcane Witch without my permission?! That ring should have been given to me. It was rightfully mine. But you stole it and sold it?’
The room falls silent and I’m sure I feel the temperature drop as his icy demeanor appears.
‘I’m sorry. I was new to your coven and didn’t know the rules-’
‘Don’t lie to me, vampire. You knew the rules well enough. You are a thief. And your treachery may well cost us our freedom.’
‘But I know who I sold it to,’ he insists. ‘Boss. I can track it down. I’ll get it back. I swear to you.’
‘You will tell me everything and I will find it. Then, you will stay out of my sight until I find myself in a better mood. Lest you find yourself on my vindictive side. Understood?’
Hendrix bows down low. ‘Yes, Boss.’ He remains head down as Grayson turns to Gabriel.
‘While I look for the ring, I suggest you start digging around in that head of hers and find that necklace. In the meantime, she has three more realms of magic she needs to manifest.’
‘So how long do you think until we can do the spell?’ I ask desperately. I need to get out of here. It’s been three months already. I can’t take any more.
‘However long it takes for you to manifest the remainder of your abilities.’
‘Actually…’ Connor says, as I go to complain. ‘The journal only says that the one who can use all seven-realms. Not has access to all seven-realms. Might be that it just means an Arcane in general has to do the spell. Not a fully formed Arcane.’ He looks at me and we both know he’s grasping at straws. But he knows how desperate I am to get out of here. And he’s so keen to help me.
I pipe up too. ‘It won’t be long until Toby comes back for me. Theo too. They know where we are. They will know we have the journal. If they don’t already. If Theo gets to me first, he’ll either use me to do his spell and kill all the Descendants, or he’ll just finish what he started and kill me. And if I ever see Toby again, one of us will kill the other. Of that, I’m certain. Of that… I promise.’
‘Your point, Miss Hooper?’
‘I think we should find the ring. Find the stone. Get me to it and just see what happens. Before someone comes to try and kill me, or Hunters come to butcher us all.’
‘Gabriel? What do you think?’ he asks. ‘Do you think we should “get her to it and see what happens”?’
I hate how every word dripped with sarcasm. I turn and give Gabriel the best – take my side – glare I can muster.
His head moves from Grayson to me a good few times before they settle on me apologetically. ‘We have no idea if you’re ready to face anything this test could throw at you. And you’re not even fully formed yet-’
‘And we won’t know until we try and do it. Will we? Like Connor said, I might not need to be fully formed. It might just mean that it has to be an Arcane to do it.’
‘I know. I do. But you have to think logically here. You spent two years chained to a wall in a pitch-black room. You’re still recovering from that. And then there’s over a decade of malnutrition. Not to mention the emotional trauma and nightmares that continue to keep you awake most nights. Three months ago, you almost died of blood poisoning after what Theo did to your fingers. All that takes time to recover from. You’re not ready to face anything Rebecca could throw at you.’
‘I’ve had time to recover.’
‘Three months is not enough time,’ he states. ‘You could die if you do this when you’re not ready!’
‘I’ll die if I have to stay here for much longer.’
‘Everyone out. I need to talk to Gabriel alone,’ Grayson says firmly. As everyone else heads to the door, I remain by Gabriel’s side. ‘That includes you, Miss Hooper. NOW!’ With a slight twitch of his hand, the door flies open and he nods towards it. As I remain, he furrows his eyes and lowers his tone. ‘You go willingly. Or Hendrix will drag you out. Choose.’
‘This concerns me, Grayson. I’m telling you I’m ready. I’m ready! Let me try!’
‘Just go, Lilly,’ Gabriel asks, in that tired, pleading voice I’ve come to hear all too often. Especially when he’s trying to stop me from pissing off his psycho brother.
‘I’m not leaving you alone with him.’
Gabriel takes my hands. His eyes go black. ‘Go wait for me upstairs.’
I leave, compelled by his words and shaking with anger.
∞∞∞
‘A year?’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘What the hell do you mean, a fucking year?
‘Exactly what I just said, Lilly. We have a year to try and get your manifestations to come. Then we try the stone. Grayson and I both think it’s far too premature for us to start this stone business. You’ve barely recovered from everything that happened with Theo and Bias at the Traitor Camp. You’re not ready-’
‘Don’t,’ I snarl. My tears slide down my cheeks and anger climbs up my throat. ‘Don’t you dare tell me what I am or am not ready for, Gabriel. How could you take his side?’
‘I will when it’s his side that will keep you alive.’ He takes a step towards me. I take a step back and he stops. ‘I won’t apologise for trying to protect you. This test will be dangerous. You need to be ready.’
‘I am ready.’
‘No. You’re angry. You’re hurting. You’re afraid and desperate. That’s far from ready.’
‘You have no idea what I am. Or how I’m feeling. Clearly!’ My voice is getting louder as the anger inside begins to grow. ‘Say it. Tell me you are absolutely positive that this is your idea.’ I wait, and hope he says the code word that means not to trust his words. But he shakes his head.
‘I’m absofuckinglutely positive that this is the right thing to do.’
‘I thought we were a team. We agreed that we would stick together. No matter what. A united front against him.’
‘And we are. But your way puts you in danger. And I will not let you put yourself in danger. Not for Grayson, Theo or Bias. Not for this fucking spell.’
‘For your brothers and your dad, you mean,’ I hiss hatefully, loathing that the man I love is related to the men I hate more than anyone else on the planet.
‘I didn’t choose my family, Lilly,’ he bites back, getting just as angry. ‘Like you didn’t choose yours. And I don’t choose them now. I choose you. I choose to do what I must to keep you alive. Even if that means agreeing with Grayson that we wait a year to get your magic-’
I start to laugh at the horrendousness of the situation while grabbing at my hair and shaking my head. More tears spill down my face as I fall into a pit of despair. I had hope. For a fleeting moment, I had hope. And now it’s gone. Gabriel’s taken it.
‘No. No way. You know how much I want to leave. I won’t wait a year. I won’t.’
‘I want you alive.’ He shrugs. ‘That’s more important than what you want.’
‘To you. Not to me.’ He flinches at the words. ‘Gabriel, I swear to God, I’m trying hard not to lose my shit altogether. If you don’t-’
‘What? Fall into line? Do as I’m told? You’re sounding very Grayson like.’
I walk up to him and glare furiously into his face.
‘I’m telling you this once. I am not staying in this house for a year with a man that drugged me, tied me down and branded me. With a man that wants to impregnate me against my will.’
‘That’s never going to happen. I’ve told you. If I don’t find Junior soon, I’ll get you somewhere that can finish what Bias started.’
‘His name… is Toby! And oh yeah. How could I forget. My boyfriend’s plan to have me steralised before his brother can knock me up. Perfect. Every girls fucking dream.’
‘I’m doing my fucking best!’ he snaps back. ‘What the hell else can I do?’
‘YOU CAN LET ME DO THE SPELL!’ I scream. He flinches. But not in fear or surprise. He’s getting angry with me and trying to keep his temper in check. Unlike me. ‘Toby has already got into The Orchard once. Nomads who could be his men may very well be walking about. Do you know what he’ll do to me if he gets half the chance? He won’t take my rejection or the fact I burnt up his face lightly. Never mind Theo and Jensen. They’ll come. I’m amazed they haven’t already! We’re sitting ducks, Gabriel. It’s madness that we are all still here in the first sodding place.’
‘We’re safe-’
‘NO. WE’RE FUCKING NOT!’ I screech, furious at his stupidity. Every muscle in his body is tensed as he fights to remain calm. His fists are balled up. His fingernails digging into his palms. The vein on his neck that rises when he’s close to losing temper completely starts to throb. I take a calming breath. ‘You may not agree. But I don’t care. I’m not staying in this house for a year of his “training sessions”.’ I barge into his shoulder as I head to the door, but as I open it, he reaches over my head and slams it shut. I remain facing the wood as he stands behind me. His hot, angry breath lands on my neck.
He spins me to face him. His eyes swim with anger, but I don’t care. He doesn’t scare me. He annoys the hell out of me. Drives me insane with frustration and anger. But there is never any fear between us. He steps forwards, pushing me into the door and pressing his chest into my body.
‘If you’re trying to intimidate me into submission, you clearly don’t know who you’re dealing with.’
‘I’m not trying to intimidate you. I’m stopping you from leaving this room and starting a fight with a man who will hurt you and take pleasure in doing so. I’m also fighting the urge to throw you onto the bed and tie you up so you can’t leave my sights.’
‘Kinky. But restraints aren’t really my thing,’ I hiss.
‘I know it all seems like a pile of shit right now, but it’s going to get better. We have each other. That’s what matters right now.’
‘Only on the third floor,’ I snap back. ‘I’m not allowed to touch you unless we’re up here. We’re on a knife’s edge, and Grayson could cut us any goddamn second. You keep saying that it’s going to get better.’ I push him away from me. I know that my push only moved him because he let it. ‘But it never does. And it never will, will it? I’m stuck in hell. And you’ve just agreed for me to stay in it for another year. I’ll never be free. Not until I get out of here and complete that spell.’ I turn and pull open the door. He reaches over and closes it again, the door handle slipping through my fingers. ‘Move, Gabriel.’
‘No.’
‘I said, move!’
‘And I said, no!’
I turn and give him another shove. This time he doesn’t budge. It’s like pushing a brick wall. I do it again. And again. Until I’m just pounding on his chest. With ease, he grips my wrists and yanks me away from the door. My feet trip over themselves as he pulls me away, ignoring me screaming obscenities as he does. My knees hit the bed and he pushes me down. I jump back up on my feet. But with a slight push, I’m back on the bed.
‘Sit on the bed and calm the fuck down. You’re not going out there to start a fight with a man who will happily beat you into submission.’
‘You gonna stop me?’ I quip, pushing myself back up. He simply pushes me back down.
‘Believe your fucking arse I’m gonna stop you.’ His eyes go black.
‘If you so much as say a word to me with those black eyes, I will move out of this room and not say a word to you until I do that first stone.’ I lean forwards and stare straight into the blackness. ‘It will be a long, lonely year for you, Gabriel Kendryk. Get the fuck out of my face, you prick.’
His eyes return to their familiar blue but the anger within them is still very much present. ‘I’m doing what’s best for you. I don’t want to stay here any longer than we have to. But I will not allow you to die for the sake of waiting a year.’
Slowly and defiantly, I get to my feet. He’s so close, I have to lean back a little so I don’t end up in his face.
‘I’m going to leave this room,’ I tell him calmly. ‘You’re going to step aside and let me past. And I’m going to tell Grayson that you’re deal is not happening.’
‘No. You’re not,’ he says in a very forced calm. ‘You can hate me. You can move out of our room. But I will not let you go down there to get hurt, and I will not let you do this spell and walk willingly to your death when I know that with a bit of time, you’ll be more prepared. That’s the end of it. So, you can stay up here all fucking year if that’s what it takes. I will not lose you, Lilly Hooper. Not again.’
‘You’re such a prick!’
‘A prick that loves you and will do whatever I need to do to keep you in one piece.’
He turns and heads to the door. When he leaves and closes it behind him, I hear the click of the lock as I’m sealed in.
‘You fucking bastard!’
‘Yep.’
With an angry yell, I take off my shoe and hurl it across the room. It bashes into the door with a loud thud. But that’s not enough. I toss the bedside lamp too and it shatters on impact, littering the floor with broken china.
‘Love you too,’ he calls through the door.
‘Wow. She has one hell of a temper,’ Ste laughs. There’s a thump, a groan, and a bang as Ste hits the floor.
‘Another word about her, I’ll break more than your nose,’ Gabriel warns him as he leaves.
∞∞∞
He just stands there, grinning, blinking, looking.
He doesn’t say a word. But it was never his words that I feared.
His presence is more terrifying than anything else because I know what comes next.
And that’s worse. The waiting. Knowing it’s coming. Knowing what lies ahead.
Any minute now. Any second.
That young man with light blonde hair and a cheeky smile.
And that smile will never fade. It will only grow.
The more I struggled. The more I cried. The more I begged.
He just smiled. He just laughed.
He was never angry. He was never frustrated. He was just… glad.
I try to wake myself up. But I can’t.
In the real world, I feel the heavy weight of my eyelids that refuse to open.
I’m paralysed. My whole body refusing to listen as I inwardly scream to just… WAKE UP!
Or perhaps I’m dead. And this is hell.
He takes a step closer.
Please, just wake up, Lilly. Just wake up.
Another step. And then another.
He reaches out his hand, within it, a heap of fabric. Bed sheets. All knotted together in a long line with a perfect noose worked into the end.
He nods behind me, I look. There’s my uncle’s willow tree. And then the noose is in my hands. And he’s still grinning.
I blink and I’m on the thick branch. The highest one that I could reach.
I finish tying one end of the sheet around the branch, and slide the noose over my head. He remains below. Still smiling.
I really thought killing myself would get me away from him.
‘But really, it just made sure I never left you,’ he says aloud.
‘T-that’s not true.’
‘Oh yes, it is. Because I will always be the reason you tried to end your life. I will always be the one that truly made you give up. You may be frightened of the men out there. Of the man who cut off your fingers or that threatens the ones you love. Of the man who snubbed out the life growing inside you. But none of them have made you feel as hopeless as I did. None of them made you want to die.’
‘You’re dead now, Ryan. You can’t hurt me anymore.’
‘In here.’ He taps his head. ‘I’m very much alive. And I can still hurt you. Believe me.’
Suddenly, he’s behind me. His elbow jabs into my spine and I fall. But I don’t dangle from the branch as I did last time. I land on the floor of my uncle’s bathroom. I sit and scurry back as Ryan kicks the door closed behind him, his fingers pulling down his fly as he pens me in. Terrified sobs choke me of breath.
‘Take your knickers off, Lills. Or I’ll tell the Hunters exactly where to find you.’
I shake my head, tears stream down my face.
‘Then I’ll just take them off for you!’
I sit up with a start while frantically batting away his arms and kicking away his body. But the room is just as empty as it was when I fell asleep. There’s no sign of Ryan, and sadly, no sign of Gabriel. The room is dark. Empty.
I feel dirty. Disgusting and wrong. I hate being in my skin which crawls at the mere memory of that blue-eyed, blonde-haired bastard. My breathing becomes deep gasps which turn into heavy, panicked panting. My stomach turns as I remember the rough and violent touch of his hands on my body. The smell of his breath as he panted in my ear. The way he used to laugh as I cried.
I sprint to the bathroom, narrowly reaching the toilet before I throw up. My ribs grind from my violent heaving. My throat burns. My knuckles turn white as they cling to the edge of the toilet, and once my stomach is empty, I slump against the wall, exhausted and sore. I close my eyes and try to catch my breath. But as soon as my lids seal shut, all I see is his face.
I swiftly reopen them and stare at the ceiling instead. But he’s still there. He’ll always be there.
‘Get out of my head,’ I whisper, tapping the back of my head against the wall, hoping to knock the images clear. But they remain. So I hit it harder. And harder. And harder, till my head throbs and I see spots.
I can still hear his voice.
‘Get out of my head.’
His laugh echoes in my ears. It drowns out everything else. I start to yell, attempting to drown it out. All the frustration and anger inside me swells and mixes with the self-loathing he creates every time I dream of him and the knocks get harder. The yelling becomes more desperate. I cover my ears but his laugh still deafens me.
‘GET OUT OF MY HEAD!’
WHACK! WHACK!
‘GET OUT! GET OUT!’
WHACK! WHACK!
‘GET OUT!’
‘Hey… HEY!’ Gabriel puts his hand between the back of my head and the wall, taking the full force of my self-inflicted assault and hissing a swear word as his bones crunch. But I keep trying.
Ryan’s too loud. Too vivid.
‘Stop! Stop, baby. Stop!’ I barely notice he’s there as I descend into insanity. I push Gabriel away, and I turn to face the wall.
I pull my head back, hoping to make it all go quiet. Maybe for good. Right now, I don’t know. But I pull my head right back and put every bit of strength I own into hurling my skull into the tiles of the wall.
‘LILLY! NO!’ Gabriel body slams me to the floor and pins me beneath him as I kick and scream. ‘Christ…’ he mutters, trying desperately to hold me down. ‘Jesus, Lilly, calm down! Baby, please… calm down! You’re scaring me!’
‘GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME, RYAN!’
‘Look at me. Look at me!’ Gabriel takes my face in his hands and stares deep into my eyes. ‘He’s not here. He’s not here, Beautiful. You hear me?’ We lock eyes and I blink clear my tears so I can see his concern filled face. ‘He’s not here.’
The sobs that come out of me are so sad and so desperate. I can’t stay here. I can’t face another day. I can’t bear the waiting. Waiting for Toby to come for me. For Theo and Jensen. For Hunters. And as I’m feeling all this, the man who ruined me long before they came along is still taunting me.
Gabriel lifts me up and holds me in his arms, repeating the same words. ‘He’s not here. He’s dead, Lilly. Ryan’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore.’
∞∞∞
Gabriel never takes his eyes off me as he gently wipes my face clean with a wet flannel. I sit still and silent on the edge of the bath as he kneels in front of me. For each silent tear he wipes away, another slides slowly down my cheek.
‘Why has this all started?’ he asks sadly. ‘You said you don’t normally dream of him. But in the last few weeks, your nightmares are getting so much worse. I would have thought Bias or Theo would be the issue. Not that… thing. Is it because of Junior?’
‘Junior?’ I whisper sadly. ‘Why would Junior matter?’
‘Well, we’re getting close to finding him. And seeing him might be causing you concern. You know, sparking all those bad memories.’
‘Junior didn’t know anything about… that.’
‘Yeah, but he’s your family. He’s the son of the man who locked you away. Maybe-’
‘It’s not him. It’s everything else.’ I sigh and our foreheads meet. ‘I thought I had my shit together more than this. You must be so disappointed.’
He takes my chin and looks up at me sternly. ‘I am not disappointed in you. You say that again, and that is what will make me disappointed in you.’ He waits for me to argue with his eyebrows raised expectantly. He seems satisfied when I give a small nod. ‘And no more hurting yourself, okay? The hitting your head. The clawing at the brand.’ He takes my palm and opens it flat so he can see the crescent shapes that I’ve dug into my skin over and over while I try and hold my tongue with Grayson. I didn’t think he’d noticed that. But he had. ‘This. It needs to stop. I mean it.’
‘Don’t be mad. I’m trying not to be a crazy lunatic.’
‘You daft mare. I’m not mad. I’m not under any illusions about just how crazy you are either.’ The corners of his mouth twitch as he teases me.
‘You’re supposed to tell me I’m not mad, you know.’
‘No more lies, remember? You are completely and utterly bonkers, Lilly Hooper. You have more baggage than Gatwick airport. But you know what?’
‘What?’
‘I’m not exactly sane either. So how about we be crazy, baggage laden, fools together?’ His smile grows when he spots my own starting to appear. The git. Only he could make light of any of this. He settles his hands on my thighs and rises himself up to my level, his knees still on the floor. ‘And know this. I love every single nutty, cuckoo, bat-shit-bonkers part of you. You’re not on your own and I swear to you, I will die before I let any harm come to you. From Theo, Jensen, Bias, Grayson…’ He taps my temple. ‘Even yourself. Hear me?’
I slide off the edge of the bath, straight into his lap where he cradles me.
‘I know it’s tempting to jump in and give the spell a go. But going in too soon and dying in whatever this “test of worth” is, won’t get you your freedom. It will just get you dead.’
‘You think that Grayson will leave us alone for the year while I train?’ I ask disbelievingly. ‘You think he’ll stop with the violence and the threats? You think Amara and Collins will be safe?’ I’m met with silence and uncertainty. ‘Didn’t think so.’
‘You know what we’re going to do when this is all over?’ he asks, his chin settling on the crown of my head as his arms hold me close. ‘We’re going to travel. I’m going to take you to see the bamboo forests in Arashiyama. To the pyramids of Giza in Egypt. To the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland and the cherry blossoms in Japan. I’m going to buy us a small cottage with loads of land, right by the coast, where I can teach you to swim and surf.’ I look up at him, loving every word he’s saying and the absoluteness that he says them with. His words are a promise. Ones he will keep no matter what. ‘And we’re going to grow our very own evergreen tree in the garden, which we’ll decorate every Christmas with silver stars and twinkling lights. We’ll cook Christmas dinner for all our friends and stay up late singing songs and drinking whiskey. Hell. We can do it every night. A permanent Christmas.’ He has such love in his eyes. Such kindness and patience for the girl that, not twenty minutes ago, was trying to cave her head in so she didn’t have to see her rapist’s face anymore. ‘So when your head gets filled with nasty thoughts. When it all gets too loud and too painful in there. When you feel lost and afraid, you think of what we have coming to us. You think of our Christmas tree outside our back door, of lazy Sunday mornings spent making love, and you remember that this…’ He gestures around us. ‘All this shit… It’s temporary. It won’t last forever. Not even close. One year. Max.’ He rests his hand over my heart. ‘This. Us. That’s our future. That’s forever. That’s what will make all this misery worth it.’
We smile at each other in silence as I let those words sink in.
∞∞∞
I wake with a start. I always wake with a start. My nightmares are constant, and my reality is hardly any better. After my outburst, I fell asleep in Gabriel’s arms on top of the covers. I still haven’t agreed to stay for the year, but I promised I would think it over for a day or two. The light breeze from the open window blows the curtain, sending a slight shiver through me. I get up and take a look outside, closing the window as I do. The grounds are still bustling with Nomads, despite the late hour.
Gabriel tosses and turns when he’s troubled. And boy, is he troubled tonight. I sit on the edge of the bed watching him roll this way and that way. Mumbling my name. Both his brother’s names. His dad. And then his. Ryan’s. His fist strikes out as he fights in his dreams. He’s telling him to stay away. To die. I get to my feet and kneel beside the bed and whisper in his ear.
‘Easy. It’s all okay. I’m fine. You’re fine. I love you.’
And those words settle him. As they always do. I wish they settled me. After I gently kiss his forehead, I pull on the hoodie he tossed on the floor before he fell asleep, and head to the bathroom.
I flick on the light.
And I scream. One of those unhindered, hand to mouth shrieks normal people only ever see in movies. But I’m not normal and I’ve screamed this scream way too often.
In the shower, dangling a clear three feet off the floor and hanging from a bed sheet twisted into a noose, is a woman. She’s still and swaying slightly. Her long red hair covers her face and her arms dangle by her side.
I must be dreaming! I pinch myself… No. I’m awake.
I run in and take her weight. She doesn’t move and she’s so heavy despite her petite frame. Gabriel comes crashing through the door. He looks at us both, still blinking sleep from his eyes.
‘HELP HER!’ I holler. ‘DON’T JUST STAND THERE! HELP!’
Gabriel takes her from me just as Grayson and the two Nomads stationed outside charge in.
‘Shit,’ Grayson hisses, rushing over to help Gabriel release the poor woman. They work together to get her down. Grayson undoes the knot as Gabriel holds her up.
I’m panting as I try and take in what the fuck is going on.
Why the hell is there a woman hanging in our bathroom?
She’s freed and they lay her gently down on the cold tiled floor. I head over as Gabriel pulls off the noose. But that’s not the only thing he pulls off. Her hair comes loose and in one hand he has the noose, in the other, a wig. Grayson rests his fingers on her throat and shakes his head.
‘She’s dead,’ he says breathlessly. He takes a double look at what Gabriel is holding before taking it to see for himself. ‘What the hell is that?’ He holds it up and looks at me. The wig looks exactly like my hair.
‘Oh Christ…’ Gabriel says sadly, brushing the black hair from the face of the young woman lying dead between them.
‘You know her?’ Grayson asks.
‘Yeah,’ he sighs. ‘Her name’s Jade. She’s a Nomad.’ He looks up at Grayson. And then at me. ‘We dated for a couple of weeks a few years back.’
‘She was your girlfriend?’ I ask. ‘Why would she do this?’
But Gabriel shakes his head. ‘There are bruises on her arms and scratch marks on her neck. She put up a fight.’
I swallow, my fingers resting at my own neck. Then notice something scrunched up in her hand. I point it out to them both.
Gabriel opens up her hand and pulls out a crumpled-up envelope. He then looks back to me. ‘It has your name on it.’
‘My name?’
Grayson snatches it from him and tears it open before I can even get close. His eyes take in whatever it says and only then does he hand it to Gabriel. His eyes scan it and they both share a look.
‘Search the grounds,’ Grayson orders. ‘Code-White. I want every inch of this place scoured and the name of every Nomad on duty in my hand within twenty-minutes.’
‘What does it say?’ I ask. ‘What’s a Code-White?’
‘Nothing,’ Gabriel says, stuffing the note into his jogger’s pocket.
‘Gabriel.’ I take a step closer. ‘Tell me.’ I stand in front of him and hold out my hand. ‘No more secrets. Remember?’ But still, he hesitates. ‘Gabriel!’
Begrudgingly, he hands me the envelope. Inside, there is a single piece of paper.
Did you like the flowers? They reminded me of our first date. So I thought I would remind you of it too.
In your heart. In your head.
Forever mine.
See you soon, Red xx
P.S. You really do look beautiful when you’re sleeping.
‘Toby did this. He’s the Code-White.’ I drop the letter and sprint out the door. They all call after me as I run. But I won’t be stopped. I’m too filled with fury and the need for vengeance.
‘LILLY!’ Gabriel bellows. ‘WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?’
‘TO KILL THE MAN WHO MURDERED MY BABY!’ I scream back.
