Today has been so weird, and I still don’t know where I stand with the guys.
I told Jace I didn’t want to sit at his table, but he insisted. Then Emerson overheard and wanted me to sit with him too, so I agreed. Jace told Em what he thought about that idea, but I just rolled my eyes. Jace needs to get over himself. I can be friends with Emerson if I want.
I’ve been hoping to speak to the three of them together, but Roman isn’t here. Hunter strolls over to the table, and the look on his face is hard to read.
Then Britney fucking Montlake appears out of nowhere, and from the look on her face, she’s not thrilled to see me here. Far from it. I don’t think she likes me sitting at their table.
“Hey, Britney. Shit,” Jace says, appearing caught. “We need to talk about us.”
“What the fuck?” Britney gives off an ear-piercing screech.
My mouth drops. Holy fuck. They’re still together? Shit, how could I have forgotten. And after what we did on Saturday…I feel so guilty. I might hate her, but hell, I don’t want to be the chick he cheats on his girlfriend with. It’s cheating, yeah? He didn’t touch me… No, I touched him. I feel my cheeks heat at the memory.
“What the fuck, Jace? You’re fucking her now? After everything you said to me?”
I grit my teeth and tense at her words. Fuck this shit. I’m out of here. I get up and push away from the table.
Jace and Hunter call out to me, but I don’t look back. I continue to leave the cafeteria and walk into the warm sunshine of the day. I take a deep breath and shake my head and body.
I shouldn’t have sat next to Jace. He hasn’t spoken to me about what happened. I don’t know if we’re friends. He’s acting like we are but never said anything. I rub the scar on my palm and think about how things have changed so fast from the moment we got to school. Only last week not one of the guys would look at me, and now they want me to sit with them. Chat and laugh. It’s surreal.
All I want is my three best friends back. But Saturday changed things in a way I hadn’t been expecting.
I spot Roman sitting under a tree. He’s hunched over and picking at grass shards. Hell, even Roman wouldn’t speak to me earlier in class. He wouldn’t even look at me.
I want what we had, before I left. I don’t want to go back to what we were last week, but I know the kiss I shared with Roman is why he’s avoiding me.
I don’t say anything as I sit on the grass beside him. His hair has fallen like a curtain around his face, but he tenses up. He knows I’m here.
“I need to talk to you,” I start, but he doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t even speak. “Roman?”
He grunts and picks more of the grass. I think that’s the best I’m getting out of him for an acknowledgement.
“I don’t want things to be weird, you know, after…”
Fuck, now I can’t even say what happened. Because that wasn’t just a kiss, and I don’t want him to think it didn’t mean something to me. No, it was an earth-shattering kiss, and as much as I want to do it again, I can sense he doesn’t want to talk to me after it. And it will mess up everything I want if we do kiss. I want my friends back. I want Roman back in my life, picking flowers and hugs every day.
“Can we be friends again? Like we used to?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I watch the other students as they pass us by. Some look at us, and girls giggle as the pass by, checking Roman out. I can’t blame them; he grew up to be so good-looking. Not that he wasn’t always. I had a crush on him for a long time, but the same goes for the other two.
Still, the pact is important. It’s what’s going to keep them together. I can’t ever pick one of them; I wouldn’t do that. The pact is the best thing they ever came up with, and I can’t mess this up again. I need them all back in my life.
I notice that Roman’s knuckles have split open, and blood trickles down his fingers. What the hell happened to cause that?
“Shit, Roman. Your hand is bleeding.”
He sits up and looks at me, really looks at me. I swear, for a moment, I can see something lurking in the depths of his eyes. Something dark that’s been there the whole time. Only, it’s closer to the surface now, and it scares me.
He needs me more than I need him. He’s broken, he’s hurt, and the only one to blame is me for not being there for him when he needed me.
“God, Roman, I’m so fucking sorry.” I choke back tears. “I’m sorry I left you all alone. I didn’t want to, please believe me when I say that. I was a sad little girl who couldn’t bear hearing about how her friends were all having fun without her, so she locked herself away and cried. Until she was only a fragment of the little girl her friends once knew.
“When the girl emerged, she’d turned into a broken puppet with vacant eyes, dancing for her mom and putting on a show. She used vices just to get through the week. Alcohol, drugs…sex. Until she got on that plane and knew she was coming back to her best friends. That she could finally live again. Be happy and free.”
I reach for his right hand, and he lets me touch him. I flip it over and see the scar there. I trace it with my thumb. His skin is rough, but the scar is still raised like mine. “Blood friends for life.”
He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t stop me from touching his hand either. We sit in silence until his fingers move to hold my hand. My chest swells with hope.
“Friends, Mila. I want us to be friends. Nothing more.”
He doesn’t say anything else, and I don’t either. I understand what he’s saying. He gave me the best kiss of my life, and I will never get to experience it again. But, in return, I have his friendship, and that’s what I wanted to begin with.
As soon as the bell rings for class, I reluctantly let go of Roman’s hand and head to my locker. I’m grabbing my books when I see Roman, Jace, and Hunter walking out of the school. They have classes, but they’re leaving?
I follow them. I want to see what they’re up to, and I find them close to where Jace parked his car.
“Fuck you, the pact is total bullshit, and now you fucked up my chance to be with her.” Hunter shoves Jace, and I gasp.
Holy shit, they’re fighting over me.
Roman holds Hunter back as Jace puffs up his chest. “What happened between us…fuck, I want it to happen again, okay? You want me to say sorry? Well, I’m not. Just like Roman kissed her. He isn’t sorry.”
Roman shoves Jace then, and he stumbles back. Roman doesn’t say anything, and Jace continues to stand his ground.
Fuck, I can’t have them fighting. They’re best friends. Hell, they have a football game on Friday, and they can’t be fighting. They work together so amazingly on the field, and I don’t want to be the reason we lose another game. Not that I totally blame myself for that last one.
I need to talk to Jace and Hunter. Roman has already made himself clear, and I’m glad. Just like with Asher, we need to set some boundaries. When Jace swings at Hunter, I scream. Jace misses and stumbles.
“Stop, stop fighting.” I run at them. They all spin on their heel to watch me running, and I stop once I’m between Jace and Hunter.
“Just stop, okay? Nothing is gonna happen.” I look up to Jace. “Friendship is more important than what we did, okay?” I spin around to make sure they’re all listening. “No kissing or touching and no sex. Friends.”
There is a loaded pause in the air. I feel the tension crackling between them, and I look to Jace, thinking he’s about to explode. But it’s not him.
“You touched her?” Hunter growls out, as if that’s the only thing he heard.
I throw my hands up. Maybe we can’t be friends; maybe the whole sex thing is an issue. People used to tell me that I couldn’t be friends with boys. Males and females just can’t; they’ll always want more. I told them it wasn’t true. That we could all stay friends. Even though I went through periods of crushes on the boys, that’s all they were. I got over them, and we stayed friends.
“No, I didn’t touch her,” Jace replies.
That seems to calm Hunter down a little. I let out a sigh. How did I think this would ever work? Can I start today over again?
“She touched me.”
My mouth drops open, and I turn in time to see Hunter lunge for Jace. I step out of the way as Hunter gets Jace into a headlock.
“Fuck, stop it.” Roman grabs the back of Hunter’s shirt, and it rips while Roman tries to pry him off Jace.
Jace slams his fist into Hunter’s gut, repeatedly, and the two of them wrestle and grunt. I have no idea what to do. When they used to fight, it was easier. I could break it up. But now I’m almost a foot shorter than them; it’s a little hard to jump in and stop them.
“Jace, Hunter, stop!” Grady calls out as he runs to us.
He helps Roman pull them apart. Hunter’s face is flushed, and he coughs before trying to fix his tee. But it’s too far gone.
Jace shakes himself off and bounces on his feet, ready for another round.
“I was told there are three Rebels out here, fighting. Over a girl. Guess what?” Grady asks.
No one answers. Hunter and Jace just glare daggers at each other and ignore Grady.
“I knew it was you they were talking about the minute I heard it.” Grady lets out a loud sigh as he throws his hands up. “Go to class, and we can talk about this after training.”
All three of them look at Grady and nod. Roman is the first to leave. Hunter follows behind him, and Jace looks to me before cursing and walking to his car.
I move to call out to him, but Grady wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Leave him. He’s upset with what happened between him and Hunter. If you want, I can drive you home? I have study hall right now, but I can drive you home and come back in time for training.”
I nod. That would be for the best. I can feel the eyes of students watching me, and I just need to go home. I feel exposed in a way I hadn’t been expecting to experience today, and it’s too much.
I’ve made everything worse by returning here and thinking I can start up my friendships from four years ago like nothing has changed.
Everything has changed.
