I FOUND it quite funny that October thought he was the one who seduced me last night. When in fact, I was the one who set the stone in motion far before the thought of us hooking up ever crossed his mind. Not only that, but I got him to lose the bet without so much as lifting a finger. I planned on playing the long game, tormenting him with provocative pictures for the few days leading up to the end of our bet.
But all it took was one photo—not even my best work— before he was begging at my feet.
This was also the reason that I didn’t have an ounce of surprise when I woke up to drink my morning tea by the pool, and October himself was already sitting at the outdoor dining table. I paused in the doorway, taking in the scene in front of me with cautious eyes as I spotted a breakfast plate filled with eggs, bacon, and waffles in front of my usual seat.
Not to sound cocky, but I didn’t think our hook-up last night was bad enough that he’d consider poisoning me, but then again, you can never be too sure.
“I thought you said you wouldn’t be sleeping over again?”
“And I didn’t think my legs would be too weak to walk,” I grumbled, and October let free a small smirk at my confession of pleasure. “My bones feel like goo.”
“You realize that’s a compliment of the highest order, right?”
“One you’re ruining with your arrogance.”
There was a twinge at the corner of his mouth that sent my pulse racing. He had no idea—no earthly idea—how much of an effect the tiny expression he made had on me.
“Are you going to keep standing there or what?” He didn’t look up from his plate as he shoveled a giant bite of waffle into his mouth.
“What is this?”
“Breakfast. It’s a new concept where you eat foods that give you nutrients and they help fuel you as you go on about your day. Profound concept, really.”
I narrowed my eyes at him as he scarfed down another bite. “Don’t be smug. I’m allergic to assholes before 9 a.m.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. Most people aren’t into anal this early in the morning.”
I swear this man got his rocks off on annoying the absolute shit out of me. Although, I had to admit the joke was kind of funny. As I took my seat at the table next to him, I was instantly drawn back to thoughts of him taking care of me last night.
I never… I guess I just never expected to feel anything toward him that wasn’t hatred or lust. So, you could imagine my surprise when I woke up in the pool house a few minutes ago and my heart sank to my stomach when I realized he wasn’t there.
Even now, sitting a few feet apart, I wanted to crawl into his lap and bury myself under his skin. It was all just a whirlwind of emotions, really.
The two of us ate in comfortable silence, and I devoured my breakfast faster than him though he had a head start. In hindsight, I regretted not finishing off that PB&J when I had the chance.
“I have to go back to the stadium because I left my ear pods in the locker room last night. Want to ride along? I can give you a tour of the place if you want.”
“This isn’t like… a date, is it?”
“Not even close. Why? Were you wishing it was?”
His smirk made me wish I’d kept my mouth shut.
I did a mental run through of all the things I need to do today—laundry, have a call with my financial advisor, tell the vendors I’d been working with that the business would be shutting down at the end of the year.
Yeah… it turned out that after a call with my accountant last week, I learned that my agency was doing significantly worse than expected, and there was no room for revival.
You know what? On second thought, maybe going to the stadium with October wasn’t the worst idea. At least it would help me clear my mind for a little while.
There was a little part of me that knew deep down that the reason I wanted October and I to hook-up in the first place—and continue hooking up—was so that I could free my mind, even if it was just for a few minutes here and there.
This impending shut down had been weighing on me hard, then mix in the added tension of having him around and… wait, why do I feel the need to justify myself?
I wasn’t going to explain myself for having sex with anyone or any reason—former enemy, need for relaxation, or otherwise.
My eyes opened wide and I swallowed, realizing what I’d just said in my mind… former enemy.
The ride across town was filled with chatter as October and I reminisced on some of the stupid things we used to do as kids. Neither of us could hardly finish a story without the other person piping up with another one.
I brought up the memory of this one time that we argued at a back-to-school bash until we were blue in the face. Our parents were so mad at us, we both got grounded for two weeks. Which was a long time for an eight-year-old. I wasn’t even allowed to see Scarlett outside of school. How cruel was that?
Crazy how much time can change things, huh?
One day you’re a scrawny little third grader with a smart mouth, and the next you’re twenty-five and the crush you abandoned almost two decades ago has suddenly started blooming again. Only this time, you’re not quite sure it’ll go away again.
I peered over at October, noticing his hand resting on the center console, and there was a tiny voice in my head that urged me to reach over and intertwine my fingers with his.
Just go for it.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Do it. Grab his hand.
Just as I was about to go for it, he made a sharp right into the parking lot. I wasn’t sure whether I should be grateful for the universe’s intervention or upset at the missed opportunity.
We both quickly hopped out of the car, and weaved our way through the parking lot. I was trailing behind October a little bit as I tried to gather my thoughts, until he paused with his hand outstretched, waiting for me to catch up.
He locked her fingers together, and a swarm of butterflies took flight in my stomach. We walked around the entire facility hand-in-hand as he showed me around the locker room and the area where the post-game press conferences were held that I’d seen on T.V. before. It wasn’t until we walked through the tunnel to the field that we broke apart from each other and I felt an emptiness in the place where his palm had been.
We walked toward the fifty-yard line, and it was impossible not to stare up at all of the seats, imagining each of them being filled with screaming fans, who were there to cheer you on. He took a seat on one side of the white line and I sat on the other, so we were shoulder to shoulder.
“What’s going on with you, Mae? Not that I’m complaining, but something about you seems off lately.” There was a genuine concern in his voice that made my stomach sink.
I could do this. I could tell him the truth. Couldn’t I?
Maybe we were just casual fuck buddies or maybe we were more than that. Somehow, someway it was starting to feel like there was more to this than just sex. Even more than that, I was starting to see October as more of a friend than a long-standing feud partner.
With a sigh, I contemplated telling him the truth, deciding to go for it at the last second. “My business is failing. Well, technically already failed. I’ll probably have to shut it down by the end of the year.”
“That’s why you wanted to…” His words trailed off, alluding to our unlabeled dynamic.
Not daring to look up, I gave him a weak smile and a clipped nod.
Glancing over, I caught a glimpse of his frown. “Does Scar know?”
“Vaguely, but not really.” I dropped my gaze down to look at my feet and clicked my shoes together a few times as I tried to tame the endless stream of thoughts blazed through my brain.
Silence passed between us for a long while, but neither of us seemed to mind.
“Why haven’t you said anything to anyone?” he asked after a beat.
“Because it’s…”
“Embarrassing?” He finished my sentence for me. I kept my head down, feeling the shame and guilt heating my cheeks.
October wrapped a hand around my waist and tugged me into his side, stroking my hair as I rested my head on his chest. Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to break free at any second.
“It just hurts, you know? I worked so hard… so hard.” My voice broke. “Do you know how many sleepless nights I’ve had? How many events I’ve missed over the past two years? All for this to crumble right before my eyes?”
Reaching over, he placed two fingers under my chin and tilted my head up so we were locking eyes. For a long while we stayed like that, saying absolutely nothing. The intimacy of it, though, made it feel as though we were saying everything we’d never said to each other out loud.
One singular tear slipped down my cheek, he broke our silence with a whisper as he wiped it away with his thumb. “You should be proud of yourself. Most people would’ve been too scared to start in the first place.”
I gave him a small nod. Anything more and I would’ve been a blubbering mess for the rest of the afternoon.
“You should tell her, though. She’ll be happy that you came to her.” The softness in his voice was a punch to the gut.
Just a few months ago, I walked into the pool house to borrow Scarlett’s computer and accidentally stumbled across an email about her cookbook deal. I played it off like a joke, but there was a small piece of my heart that stung knowing she was too nervous to share about it with me, of all people.
One of the happiest moments of her life, and she was too anxious to tell anyone? Now I was walking into this unknown phase and I felt too embarrassed to tell her about it? I couldn’t go back in time and change the ways of the past, but I did have the power to make the conscious choice to let Scarlett in instead of trying to forge through on my own.
“You’re right…” I sniffled.
“I wish I was hearing those words under different circumstances.”
A small, huffed laugh broke past my lips and I could feel the smile on his as he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“Now that that’s settled, are we ever going to finish talking about your birthday party?”
“What else is there to say?” Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before exhaling. “We were kids. And yes, my feelings might’ve been hurt at the time, but the fact of the matter is that I grew up with two parents who loved me better than most kids could dream of. Then there was Scarlett and Miss Jill, who were this unwavering addition to our family that never for a second made me feel like I wasn’t one of them.” I gave October a weak smile as I gathered the rest of my thoughts. “So what if you didn’t want to be my valentine? And so what if Molly Goldberg was just projecting her insecurities about feeling unlovable? Her words—and your laughs—might’ve hurt at the time, but they didn’t erase the fact that what was said simply wasn’t true.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice was small and strained as he placed his elbows on his knees and hung his head in his hands. “I wish I could… I never should’ve…”
I wrapped my hand around his waist and squeezed him tight. There was nothing I hated more than seeing the pain on his face. “I forgive you… I forgave you. A long time ago, I think. Seeing you again mustered up those old feelings at first, but they’re gone now.”
His head hung low. “Do you ever wonder… I don’t know, what things would’ve been like if we didn’t hate each other all these years?”
“I’d probably still have a crush on you like I did when I was five.” I threw my head back with a laugh, looking over to see a flurry of emotion pass over his face.
Before I could question it further, he hopped up to his feet and held out his palms to help me up. “We should probably get out of here before security comes and makes us leave. You want to watch a movie when we get home?”
“Maybe later… I think I’m going to go talk to Scar for a while. We’ve got a few things to catch up on.”
We walked to the car in comfortable silence. Meanwhile, the entire ride home, his hand was locked in mine while my head rested on his shoulder. For the first time in a long time, I felt the peace that I’d been longing for.
