“WHERE IS SHE?”
Abel nudged his head over to the couch where Scar was curled up into a ball with blankets piled on top of her. Without hesitating, I walked over to the couch and plopped directly on top of her.
The second October pulled through the neighborhood gate after going to a nice breakfast together, my phone buzzed with a call from Scarlett, but it was Abel’s voice on the other end of the line asking me to come over as soon as I could. Something about Scarlett missing her period and thinking she saw a faint line on a pregnancy test, although she took a few more to be safe and they all came back negative.
“How are you holding up?”
“Fine.” Scarlett sniffled. “I just—I don’t know—I got scared.”
“How many tests did you take?”
“Three…” she answered, but the lie was written all over her face. I narrowed my eyes, trying to get her to squeeze out the truth. “Jesus Christ, so maybe it was five. And my period started not even half an hour later. Can you believe that?”
We both let out small laughs.
“I love him…” There was a softness in her voice that tugged at my heart strings. “And he’d be such a great dad. But I’m not ready to have a kid yet. I mean we’ve only been together for a few months.”
“I know.”
“Are you and October… you know?”
“Yeah, we’re being safe.”
I was on birth control, but I wasn’t known to be the most responsible with taking it. More often than not, I’d skip a day here and there then take two the next day to make up for it. The last two years my sexual encounters had been few and far between, so it didn’t occur to me that I needed to be more diligent about taking birth control now that I was having sex with someone regularly.
Wait… fuck.
When was the last time I’d taken my birth control?
A silent panic ensued in my brain, but I tried my best to conceal it. It had been two weeks since we hadn’t used a condom after the fashion show, but my period just started yesterday morning. And we’d used condoms every time since that night. So, we were safe for now, right?
“Why haven’t you answered any of Richard’s calls, by the way?” Scarlett quirked a brow, temporarily pulling me from my downward spiral.
If I would’ve continued trying to connect the dots about when I’d last taken my birth control, there was no doubt in my mind that I would’ve jumped straight off this couch and stormed out of their house toward the pool house with a ball of nerves in my stomach.
“How’d you know about that?” I pulled back with a puzzled expression.
“He called me to ask why you weren’t answering his calls… or his emails… or his texts.”
Fucking Richard.
I knew sharing the same accountant with my sister would come back to bite me one day. Wasn’t there such a thing as accountant-client privilege or did that cease to exist without my knowledge?
“What are you going to do with all your free time now? You used to work such long hours, it must be weird not having anything to do anymore.”
Well, these days, spending time with October has taken up a lot of my time. Every night, I slept over at his house, and every morning we hung out together until he left for practice.
I sighed. “I was thinking about going back to college maybe… finishing the last few credits for my degree. Hopefully while I’m there it’ll give me some ideas for what I want to do in the future. Or maybe Lea could help me get a job with the Matrix to help with their social media marketing or something.”
She sucked in a breath and a satisfied grin lifted her cheeks, making her eyes squint together. “I like that idea… the team’s socials are really awful. They could use a rebrand.”
“Right?”
“Now, are you finally going to tell me that I was right about you and October?”
“Your ego needs stroking just as badly as his.” I rolled my eyes playfully. “But fine… you were right. Hate fucks have proven to be very beneficial.”
“It’s more than just a hate fuck, though, isn’t it? You like him, don’t you?”
More than I wanted to admit out loud.
I couldn’t sleep without him. Every breakfast and morning tea, I wanted him to be the person sitting at the table next to me. I wasn’t even shy about it anymore. I’d wake up extra early just to eat with him before he ran off to practice, only to crawl right back into bed, snuggling against his pillows the second he left.
Hell, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d slept in my own bed, let alone gone up to my closet to change into something that wasn’t one of his oversized t-shirts and a pair of his boxers.
Even more than that, I can’t remember the last time I felt an ounce of anger towards him. We still squabbled back and forth with each other, but it was all playful and in good fun—resulting in steaming hot sex, more often than not.
“You like him?” she asked with a hint of hopefulness in her tone.
I gave her a small nod.
“Does that mean you can finally tell me what he did that made you hate him so much?”
With a sigh, I told her the same story that I’d told him. Only this time there weren’t tears in my eyes or the pangs of resentment in my heart. The story was what it was, and we both knew it wasn’t true, which was all that mattered.
Her face softened as I finished and she broke her hands out of the blanket mound and squeezed around my neck so hard I almost saw stars.
October was right—ugh, even now, the words still pained me to admit out loud. Sometimes a little reminder that it’s okay to let people in was all that was needed to make you realize that you weren’t alone with your feelings. That you didn’t have to go through big, monumental life changes—both the good and the shitty—without the most important people in your life by your side.
Scarlett and I stayed on the couch, cuddled up watching movies for a few hours while we let her whirlwind of emotions from the morning settle down. The entire time, a war raged inside my mind as I contemplated what I should say to October.
I should tell him we have to wear condoms every time.
No, maybe we should just end it while things are good. Before our feelings get caught up in this. Before the potential for another life gets caught up in this. But did I really want that? For all of this to be over for good?
I let out a rugged sigh, looking over to realize that Scarlett was sound asleep. Abel walked into the living room right around the time I stood up from the couch and placed a quick kiss on Scar’s cheek before tucking the blankets in a little tighter at her sides.
“Doesn’t Scar look so cute when she’s sleeping?” I whispered, coming over to stand side by side with him as we both watched her chest rise and fall.
Abel gave me a clipped nod, twisting his head and looking at her longingly. Almost like he missed her even though she was right in front of him.
There was a pulling sensation in my gut.
I wanted that. What the two of them had. Someone who would look at me the way that he looked at her and wouldn’t hesitate to call a friend on my behalf when I needed some girl time to decompress.
Was it possible that October could be that person for me?
“Thanks for calling me. You know… she’s lucky to have you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I forced a smile, rubbing a friendly hand on his upper arm before heading for the front door.
A bundle of nerves twisted in my stomach as I walked through the pool house door and into the kitchen where October was peeling an orange, and planting myself in front of him.
“I think that… we should—I don’t know—maybe stop sleeping together?” My words came out a bit more uneasy than I’d rehearsed on the way over here.
Concern washed over his face and he dropped the orange onto the counter before walking over and placing his hands on my hips. “What’s wrong?”
Maybe it was the whirlwind of emotions from the last few hours altering my cognitive ability, but I was almost certain there was a hint of hurt in his eyes.
“Look, I’m sorry. It wasn’t like I planned for Scarlett to have a pregnancy scare. Or that it would completely terrify me, because my life is in shambles right now, and the last thing I need is a child added to the mix.” I paused to suck in a breath between my frantic rambling. “Plus, you wouldn’t want to have a kid with me, anyway, would you? That would just be—”
“Hey, hey, hey.” His hand wrapped around my waist and I instantly felt a sense of calmness wash over me. He held me, not pushing for more of an explanation while I caught my breath. “What was all that for? If you don’t feel comfortable sleeping together anymore then I have no problems with that. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”
I tucked my chin into my chest bashfully. “Wait… so you’re not upset?”
“Why would I be upset?”
“I don’t know… I just thought…”
“Stop thinking.” There was a pull at the corner of his lips that made me huff out a laugh. “If you want to stop this, just tell me. I’m not going to pry you for answers or make you feel bad about it. I’d never do that.”
I didn’t want to stop this.
Was I terrified? Undoubtedly.
The thought of potentially having a child with someone who I was still mending a broken relationship with was scary. There was already so much change happening in my life and another tiny human added to the mix would send me into a spiral.
I wanted to keep seeing October.
Not only was the sex great, but I had this feeling that there was something there. Something deeper than either of us could see. The spark Scarlett had been hinting at all along.
I sighed. “I don’t want to stop seeing each other… but I think we need to be more careful. Wearing condoms and me being more diligent about taking my birth control.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” October kissed the tip of my nose. “And for the record, one day, down the road…” He gave me a soft smile. “You’re going to be a great mom. I’m sure of it.”
Was it wrong to feel a bundle of excitement in my chest at the possibility of him—far, far down the line—being the father? Or was I getting too ahead of myself?
“You want to stay and hang out?” he asked.
“I don’t really feel like having sex tonight, though.”
“I like to believe we’re capable of hanging out with each other without having to fuck.”
“I don’t know…” I trailed off.
“Just stay.”
“Fine, as long as I get to pick the movie.”
