TO PUT IT PLAINLY, I was fucked.
Some part of me wondered if I was a goner at six-years-old when Mae came barreling down the street with a handful of worms asking me if I wanted to have lunch with her.
But this—Mae waking up in my bed, yet again—solidified it.
No, we didn’t fuck. We didn’t even cuddle. Not once did she even snuggle up against my back in the middle of the night like usual.
There was something about that last point that struck a chord with me. I hated how she could be in the same bed, two feet away from me and I still felt like she wasn’t close enough. Was it even fucking possible to miss someone who was in the same room as you?
Look, at the end of the day, I was fine if she didn’t want to have sex anymore. Or if she wanted to wear a condom every time. Or wanted me to feed her birth control like a baby bird—alright, maybe that one was a stretch, but you get the point.
We could do whatever she wanted as long as it meant she didn’t go back to hating me. Shipping me off to an unknown island, and putting me in a box that I had no way of opening.
I couldn’t fucking do it. Not again.
Seven years without her was enough. I wasn’t going to let it all go to shit, letting another seven go by without her, all because I was too scared of sorting out my feelings—confessing them—and her not reciprocating.
I’d dealt with her despising me once already, but I wasn’t sure how I’d manage if it happened another time. But something inside me was telling me that I need to take the risk.
Just do it.
Tell her how you feel.
Slipping out of bed, I threw on a sweatshirt as I headed out the front door and marched across the street. Bursting through the front door of Scarlett and Abel’s house without knocking. Scar stood in the kitchen with a cookie scoop in hand, placing little balls of batter onto a pan.
“I like her.”
“You what?” She perked up like I’d just told her the best news she’d ever heard.
“I like her. I like Mae.”
“Finally!” Scarlett lifted her hands in the air like the fans at games when we scored a touchdown, although she flung some of the cookie dough from her scoop onto the cabinet behind her. “Operation Red to the Red is going exactly according to schedule.”
“You keep saying that, but you’ve never told me what ‘operation red to the red’ actually is?”
“It’s my game plan to get you and Mae to realize that you’re perfect for each other,” she said matter-of-factly.
“You’ve really got to stop barging into my fucking house unannounced.” Abel’s voice boomed through the house as he rounded the corner into the kitchen.
“Jesus Christ, can’t you see this is an emergency of utmost importance?” Scarlett gasped. I tried to bite back a laugh as Abel looked like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs. “Good, now get over here and help us strategize.”
“Wait… if you like her then what do we need to strategies about?” Scarlett lifted a brow at me.
“Things were going great, but your pregnancy scare spooked her a bit. Now I’m afraid that she’s afraid to step out of this unlabeled fuck buddies situation and into something more… committed.”
“Why are you saying that like it’s Red’s fault Mae doesn’t like you back?” Abel butted in.
“I’m not, dude… if it’s anyone’s fault for freaking her out, it’s yours. You caused the pregnancy scare, because you couldn’t pull out.”
Scarlett threw her head back and laughed. Meanwhile, Abel sighed at her side. “What’s that look for? We both know he’s not wrong.”
“And, to be clear, I don’t know if she likes me back yet because I haven’t told her—don’t know how to tell her without petrifying.” I set the record straight, before turning my attention over to Scarlett. “I wanted Scar’s opinion on how to go about it, but now I’m curious about ‘Operation Red’ or whatever it is you call it.”
“Operation Red to the Red is my master plan to help you get to the red zone with Mae.” Scarlett squared her shoulders with a well-pleased grin. “I’ve been learning about football and Abel told me once that the chances of scoring are higher in the red zone, it’s just the matter of getting there…”
Scarlett looked to Abel for confirmation and he nodded in response.
“Keep going…”
“Yeah, what else did you tell me… something about how the offensive strategy changes when the plays are finite.” Scarlett perked up. “Isn’t that right?”
Abel puffed out his chest with a pleased smile like a proud as fuck boyfriend. A twinge of jealousy came over me. Not because he was proud of Scar, but because for the first time in my life, I wanted to be the boyfriend who got to wear the beaming grin when his girlfriend did or said something amazing.
“Well, your plays are finite because she doesn’t want to be fuck buddies anymore. Therefore…”
“I have to change my strategy to get her back in the red zone so I can win her over.”
“Touchdown!” Scarlett raised a fist in the air.
“That’s what the whole ‘operation’ is?”
“Fantastic, isn’t it?”
“Alright, so what’s your plan to help me get to change my strategy then?”
“Haven’t thought that far ahead yet…” Her words trailed off at the end until a wry smile began transforming over her lips. “You know what, on second thought, I think you need to just tell her straight up. No grand gestures or crazy shenanigans. Admit that you’re done playing games, and just… see what happens.”
She made it sound like the easiest thing in the world.
“What if she doesn’t like me back?” I questioned.
Scarlett was looking at me like she knew something that I didn’t and I wasn’t sure whether or not I should let it plant a seed of hopefulness in my mind. “What if she does?” She lifted a brow, keeping that smug smile plastered on her lips.
“I know you said you like her, but are you in love with her?”
“No… maybe… I don’t know.” I opened my mouth to explain further, but nothing I could’ve said out loud would have sufficed. “I guess, sometimes, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole not hating her anymore part.”
“What’s that saying? ‘There’s a thin line between love and hate’.”
“That’s the problem… I can’t figure out if I’ve hated her since we were kids, or if it’s just been a backwards form of love this whole time.”
Scarlett smiled. “I think we both know the answer to that.”
