Sierra sits on our bed while Xavier leans in the doorway as I pack my bag, both of them eyeing Lex warily as he hovers around me. Sierra’s initial understanding for Lex’s reaction earlier seems to have dissolved, leaving only anger. Hers seems to burn hotter than mine. But then again, her anger isn’t competing with heartbreak.
“Please,” Lex says. “Don’t do this. Please don’t leave me, Raya. I fucked up, little fairy. I know I did. Nothing could ever justify what I did, what I said. But I…”
I zip my bag closed and turn to face him, my limbs heavy with something that feels a whole lot like grief. “I just need some space, Lex. I have no intention of breaking the terms of our arrangement, but I need a few days to myself.”
“But you’ll come back home?” he asks, his voice breaking.
“Home,” I repeat, looking around the bedroom that’s never been mine as much as it’s his. “Yeah, I’ll come back here. The terms stipulate that we have to live on the Windsor Estate, after all. I’ll be back at work next week, and your family doesn’t even need to know about this. I won’t worry your grandmother or do anything that could impact her health. I know you find this hard to believe, Lexington, but I truly love them like they’re my own.”
“They are yours too,” he says, but I know he doesn’t believe it.
I smile humorlessly as I recall his words. How dare you touch my family. Pain spreads from my chest, making my stomach clench and my eyes fall closed. Yeah, he revealed his true thoughts in the heat of the moment. Lexington might have become my family, but I was never his. I probably never will be. You don’t press a gun to your family’s head before even taking a moment to think about what might be going on. He assumed the worst of me, not a single doubt in his mind, and I don’t know what to make of that. I need time to think, to process.
Lex looks like he wants to stop me from leaving, but Xavier pushes off the doorway, his gaze sharp. “Come on,” Sierra says, her arm wrapping around me as Xavier takes the bag from me. “We’ll drive you.”
I feel Lex’s gaze on me all the way out, but for once, he can’t sway me. He’s been my weakness from the moment we met, the one I broke all my rules for. I’ve always known I’m not the kind of girl that would inspire change in a man like him, but for a little while, I wanted to believe I could be.
“Can you take me to my friend’s house?” I ask when Sierra gets in the backseat with me, instead of sitting next to her husband. “I can’t go home in this state. If my father sees me crying…”
She holds my hand and nods. “Of course. We’ll take you anywhere you need to go. You can stay with us if you’d like, Raya. You’ll always be welcome in my home. I’m really sorry for the role I played in what happened today. I… I truly only had the best intentions. I never would’ve just disappeared.”
I nod, noting the guilt in her eyes. “Sierra,” I tell her, my voice soft. “It’s not normal for your brother to track your movements or mine the way he does. Granted, doing what you did wasn’t exactly normal either, but none of this was your fault.”
I should’ve paid more attention to Lex’s actions — the way we met, his teaching position, and then the internship. I romanticized his actions, convincing myself he did all of it to get to know me on his own terms, when truly, it was to monitor and control me. His actions came from a place of distrust, and the time we’ve spent together didn’t change anything for him.
Never should’ve pretended to be a doting husband.
His words echo through my mind, cutting deeper with each repetition. He had me fooled, and he never even had to lie to me. I bite down on my lip harshly as I remember the countless times I told him that I love him, and the pained way he’d smile in return. Shame mingles with heartache, making me feel sick as we pull up in front of Adam’s house.
We’ve barely spoken since my marriage was announced, and I’m not even sure he’d want to see me, but I don’t know where else to go. It’s true that I love Sierra like my own sister, but I can’t be around anyone that reminds me of Lex right now, especially not if they’ll try to excuse his behavior.
Adam’s door swings open before I even reach it, and fresh tears gather in my eyes. He takes one look at the bag Xavier is holding and the look on my face, and then he sighs and holds his arms open for me. A sob tears through my throat as I crash against his chest, his arms wrapping around me tightly. He just holds me as I fall apart, the shock of today’s events finally catching up on me.
Adam’s expression cracks as he lifts me into his arms and carries me to his sofa, placing me down carefully before addressing Sierra and Xavier. Moments later, I have a cup of warm tea in my hands, my knees drawn to my chest, and a blanket wrapped all around me. “Will you please tell me what happened?” Adam asks, kneeling in front of me.
I nod and start at the start, telling him every single thing I’ve hidden from him, right from the moment I met Lex at his birthday party. Adam just listens, not a single hint of judgment in his eyes. When I’m done, he grabs my hands and holds them tightly.
“Raya, I just want you to be happy, and I want you the have everything your heart has ever desired. Do you think Lexington can give you that?”
I stare at him, tears in my eyes. “No,” I tell him, my voice breaking. “He doesn’t love me, Adam. If there’s one thing he’s taught me, it’s that loving someone with all you have won’t necessarily make them love you back. The love you give isn’t a precursor of the love you receive.”
Adam sighs and gently brushes my hair out of my face. “Raya, that man looks at you like you’re a miracle he’s honored to be near. He’s mesmerized by everything you do and say. You don’t see it, because you’ve never experienced the cold boss he is when you’re not around. The difference is jarring, but you bring out something in him that I’m not sure anyone else could, and you always have, from the very start.”
He pulls his hand away, his gaze roaming over my face. “The question isn’t whether he loves you, because he does. The question is whether you can live with his distrust and his need to control everything in his life, including his wife. Could you be happy living like that, and if not, where does that leave you?”
