Noelle opened her notebook, turning to a blank page at the end and scribbling random figures in an attempt to ignore the noise around her.
After the debacle at the recital, she’d thought her mother would take her out of school, settling for private tutors as her brothers had before her. But Elena hadn’t budged. She’d expressed her disappointment in hundreds of ways, but she’d been clear that Noelle was to finish the year at her school. Even her oldest brother, Cisco, had argued to her defense, saying that it was unlikely to be a conducive environment to any studying if the relationship between teacher and student was strained. Elena, though, hadn’t wanted to hear any of it. Instead, she’d merely acquiesced that Noelle would change music teachers.
Though Cisco was Elena’s favorite, she’d shut him out this time, stubbornly maintaining her idea. According to her, Noelle needed to learn how to behave herself in society. It was either that or the camp school option, which Cisco had been vehemently against.
And so she found herself back to school—her personal hell. Worst of all, her mother had once more forced her to wear a pink shirt. She could already feel all the eyes on her. No doubt, everyone was laughing at her and at her dignity, currently wasting away on the floor.
Bringing her eyes down to her front she couldn’t help the shiver of revulsion that enveloped her. It wasn’t just pink. It was bright pink. So bright she wagered it could act as a traffic light.
Even worse, since her last stunt with the black paint, the art supply closet had been locked, only to be opened during art class.
Noelle had caught her mother’s knowing smile as she’d watched her pitiful pink self trudge her way towards school in the morning. Elena had waved enthusiastically, ushering Noelle away and sending her flying kisses. As if she didn’t know it was all an attempt to undermine her and make her quit her antics.
Alas, color torture was not going to work.
Noelle refused to let it work.
So what if the art supplies had been locked away? She would find another way.
‘Noelle DeVille, are you listening?’
Slowly lifting her head up, it was to come face to face with her English teacher, Miss Lawson, who was currently glaring at her.
Of course she was.
Noelle didn’t think there was one teacher in the entire school who didn’t dislike her. She’d come into conflict with all at one point or another. Of course, everything had been made more potent by the allegations of nepotism circulating about her family—the reason why the principal hadn’t expelled her so far.
Noelle grimly admitted that there had to be some favoritism involved since she’d done more than her fair share of trouble to ensure she’d be expelled. The result? Nothing.
No matter how many times her mother got called at the school, she still insisted Noelle continue to attend her classes.
‘Yes,’ she replied politely.
For the moment she didn’t want more trouble. She was already getting a headache as it was from all the pink that had bled into her field of view.
‘Can you tell me what we were discussing?’
‘Yes,’ Noelle nodded, but didn’t comment further.
All eyes were on her and she could detect the little sneers and mocking smiles.
‘Well? Please share with the class,’ Miss Lawson added drily, clearly not appreciating having to repeat herself.
Noelle licked her lips, her hands tightening over her notebook.
Why now? Why was she asking her a question when she was wearing pink?
She could have answered it much better if she’d worn black.
Taking a deep breath, she struggled to compose herself, moisture accumulating on her forehead. She raised her gaze to her teacher, her head held high.
Pink might have rattled her. But she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing her flounder.
‘We were discussing the nineteenth chapter of The Little Prince,‘ she replied in an even, confident tone.
‘Go on,’ Miss Lawson urged, the corner of her mouth twitching while her eyes crinkled—almost in frustration. ‘Please continue the discussion.’
Noelle noted the disparity in facial cues. The teacher was annoyed she’d gotten the topic right, but was still waiting for her to fail, ready to smile in satisfaction.
Everyone underestimated Noelle, and they mistook her lack of interest for a lack of intelligence. In the past, she’d done her best to answer questions accordingly and had even put effort in her homework. But no matter how much she’d tried, her words had always been misconstrued, and her enthusiasm at getting something right would often turn into bitterness. At some point, seeing that all her effort was in vain, she’d stopped trying.
Smoothing her hands over her bright pink shirt, Noelle returned the smile.
‘Inflexibility,’ she stated, watching a frown descend upon her teacher’s face.
‘Inflexibility?’
There was a low choir of voices repeating the same word, the other students as confused as the teacher.
‘The little prince was in a new place but applied the same rules as in the old one. Instead of trying to understand the new planet, he judged it by the rules of his old one.’
Miss Lawson tilted her head, frowning at Noelle.
‘The little prince shows his lack of awareness of his surroundings. If he had observed more, he would have known that the echo was his own voice,’ Noelle continued, pinning the teacher with her gaze.
‘That is enough, Noelle. You’ve already shown us that you weren’t paying attention,’ Miss Lawson dismissed her with a wave of a hand, her lip twitching again in amusement.
Noelle narrowed her eyes.
She’d been at the receiving end of that type of behavior since the school year had started. She would be asked a question and then be put down because her answer wasn’t the right one. It had happened one too many times that Noelle had become suspicious.
Why was she always the target?
And so she’d put her mind to do some research into the eminent figures of the respected establishment they called a school. What made Miss Lawson so special to emphatically declare her answers as wrong every time, especially since literature was supposed to have no wrong answer?
‘You might learn a thing or two from the little prince, Miss Lawson,’ Noelle continued sweetly—too sweetly, which indicated something decidedly not sweet was not coming. ‘You’re not an English instructor, are you?’
‘W—what?’
Maybe if it had been any other day, Noelle wouldn’t have gone as hard on the instructor. But because it was a bright pink day, she couldn’t help but feel her body tense up, little intruders marching inside her brain and causing a deadly itch—one that wouldn’t be satisfied unless she did something. Unless she brought the class to an end faster. Unless she got out of the stupidly pink shirt she was wearing.
‘Your resume said you finished a Masters degree in English literature from Pepperdine University, but you did not, did you?’
It was becoming increasingly harder to control herself, but she would do this. If she was correct, Miss Lawson would send her to the principal’s office, who would in turn call her mother and then she would be taken home to remove the dreaded pink shirt from her body—hopefully she might even get some days of suspension, and she could sleep in.
‘You’re being impertinent, Noelle,’ the teacher gritted. ‘Max, why don’t you continue reading,’ the teacher instructed another student in an attempt to shift focus from her, but Noelle was not deterred.
‘You failed to mention that you did not graduate,’ she continued, her voice louder than the boy who started reading from the book.
‘Noelle, I don’t know where you’re going with this but I will ask you to stop.’
‘You wanted me to speak a moment ago.’
‘And now I’m telling you to stop,’ she emphasized the word, causing Noelle to smile.
‘Does the school know?’
‘Stop.’
‘I don’t think they do, do they?’
‘Stop.’
‘My brother has a copy of your transcript and it shows…’
‘STOP!’ Miss Lawson screamed so loud, everyone froze in their seats.
Not a moment later the door burst open, one of the security guards dashing inside and looking around in confusion.
‘What happened? Is everyone ok?’
Miss Lawson looked shell-shocked. Tears coated her lashes, her limbs trembling.
‘Are you a policeman?’ Noelle turned to the guard to ask.
‘No, I just work security,’ he answered, blinking.
‘Then maybe you should call the police. I think Miss Lawson has been lying about her credentials. And if she lied about that, who knows what else she might have lied about?’ Noelle’s tone went down a notch as she made herself look fearful.
‘That right…’ The guard sounded skeptical as he looked between Noelle and Miss Lawson. Though it was his duty to report any disturbance, there was something about the little girl speaking that stumped him. Did elementary kids speak like that? To his ears, it sounded awfully advanced and assertive and for a moment he thought it might be a prank, or maybe a scene from a school play. But then there was the teacher and she looked…not amused.
Bringing his radio station to his mouth, he announced the disturbance to the principal’s office. But before he could finish his report, the teacher did something wholly unexpected.
She grabbed a book from the desk and flung it at the student, hitting her in the chest.
‘I hope you’re satisfied now, you little devil,’ she spat at the kid before she dashed through the door, bumping into him on her way out.
But as he turned to check on the kid, he noted a smile of satisfaction on her face—one that simply baffled him.
Unfortunately for Noelle, her little game ended up not as she had planned, but as her mother had planned. Elena had talked to the school about her daughter’s persistent misbehavior and if something happened, instead of sending her home, the school was to punish Noelle by having her attend extra classes, extending her time at school until late afternoon.
A few hours later, instead of going home, she found herself attending another class. Thankfully, it was not taught by Miss Lawson, since Noelle could imagine how that would implode.
Odd though that for all the principal’s reproach of Noelle’s behavior, no one had said anything about Miss Lawson throwing a book at her. Yet another example that things were permissible for everyone but her.
Yet there was one bright side to this entire debacle. During the lunch break, Noelle had snuck to the bathroom and she’d mixed the ink from her pen with water before submerging her shirt in it, ensuring that the bright pink became a dark purple. It wasn’t perfect, but she wagered she could live better with purple than with pink.
Releasing a weary sigh, Noelle focused on her notebook, doodling some figures to pass the time. Though she’d been instructed to do her homework during the extra time, she couldn’t stomach thinking about anything school related after the day she’d had.
There were a few other kids in the class with her, including a group of girls she knew well and did not like to mix with.
Noelle knew well that it wasn’t just the teachers that didn’t like her. The other kids were the same. She didn’t know if it was via example, following the cue of the teachers, or because she just liked to keep to herself.
She’d never had a friend in school, and though she’d been classmates with the same kids for a few years, she’d never exchanged more than a few words with anyone—and those words had never been of a positive nature.
Even now, as she turned her head slightly, she could hear the snickers, and the whispers. She could also note the harsh stares and the scrutiny.
In the best cases, they called her a witch. In the worst, they said she was the devil’s minion—though Noelle doubted they knew the meaning of it. They just repeated what they heard.
So was the case when Susie, a girl from that group stood up and approached her. She had a pleasant enough smile on her face, but Noelle had come to distrust even the most benign intentions.
‘Hi,’ she said as she stopped by her desk.
Noelle had chosen the desk in the back of the classroom, all to avoid being too close with other kids. Yet even that didn’t seem that far away as she slowly lifted her head to watch Susie through narrowed eyes.
The other girls were staring at them, no doubt anticipating the interaction.
Noelle wondered if this was a dare, or if they’d made a bet.
‘Go away,’ she said gruffly before she returned her attention to her notebook.
‘Yeah, Susie, go away. You’ll catch the nasty from her,’ a boy hollered.
Noelle ignored the extra noise, bringing the tip of her pencil to the white sheet of paper, trailing it around and drawing a random shape—anything to look busy enough so she would be left alone.
Her mother had intuited well that this would be the worst punishment for Noelle. What she hated more than school, and more than her hateful teachers, was to be surrounded by other people—other kids. It was even worse that these kids knew her—or at least, knew of her—and would likely use that to yap incessantly and bother her for hours on end.
The girl didn’t move though. She fidgeted with her hands for a bit before she spoke again.
‘Why are you so weird?’
Noelle’s hand froze mid-drawing.
Why are you so weird?
Why indeed. How many times had she heard the exact thing, and not only from her classmates?
Gritting her teeth, she continued to ignore her. Nothing good would come out from her answering the question.
But just as Noelle started moving the pencil again, it was taken from her hand.
‘Why?’ Susie repeated, blinking curiously at her.
‘Define weird,’ Noelle mumbled, snatching the pencil back.
Why couldn’t they just leave her alone? The clock on the wall was moving with unprecedented slowness, and Noelle still had at least a couple hours until she could go home.
‘You’re being weird again,’ Susie continued and Noelle rolled her eyes.
‘Leave her alone, Susie. Told you she’s a witch,’ another said, causing everyone to erupt in giggles.
‘Yes, go away, Susie. Before I put a spell on you,’ Noelle muttered drily, lifting her head enough to meet the girl’s eyes. Letting her mouth tip in a menacing smile she used her pencil as a wand and waved it towards Susie. Susie’s eyes widened in shock before she gave a cry of alarm, running from her side and joining the other girls.
More murmurs resounded as she undoubtedly confirmed Noelle was indeed a witch. And they wondered why she didn’t like talking to people.
It had all started when she was on her first day of school.
Since Noelle had always preferred to dress in dark colored clothes, she’d stuck out from the beginning. But it had been her demeanor that had separated from the rest.
Simply put, she had no filter.
If she liked something, she said so. If she didn’t, she mentioned why. It didn’t matter if the recipient was another kid or an adult. She always spoke her mind as if it was the most normal thing. Her mother had tried to curb her habit since she’d been a baby, but Noelle hadn’t changed regardless of the punishments doled out. For her, speaking out was equal to breathing—it was simply who she was.
She might have been perceived as precocious and somewhat of a troublemaker before she’d started school, but Noelle had never seen herself as anything but normal. She couldn’t understand why she was always berated for speaking the truth, or for making honest observations.
But just because she’d thought herself normal didn’t mean she fit everyone else’s standard of normality—a fact which she’d learned the moment she started school.
In a matter of days, everyone had taken a dislike to her, and the insults had started pouring. And since kids at that age could be truly vicious, their words had been even more so.
Noelle might have entertained the idea of making friends at first if she hadn’t been so totally and utterly ostracized by everyone in her grade.
They laughed at her clothes. They mocked her manner of speech. They didn’t hold back from criticizing any part of her. It was even worse when they directed those insults towards her talent at playing the piano.
It was a universally acknowledged fact that the moment Noelle’s fingers touched the piano keys, silence descended upon a room until there was nothing left but pure, divine musicality.
Soon, though, the praise had turned into sourness as she’d been accused of witchcraft; that she’d made a deal with the devil for her ability to play the piano. A ludicrous thing to originate from an elementary-grade kid, but the idea had been first put forward by one of her first teachers who’d praised her talent as otherworldly and implied some less than orthodox forces might be at play. The kids who’d eavesdropped had taken the rumor further, until Noelle’s name was the equivalent of witch, or little devil.
An outsider could very well see that the root of the issue had been a combination of her slightly odd demeanor and the jealousy of the others at her musical talent.
But for a young child, the entire experience had been jarring. Made even more so by her mother’s response.
When Noelle had gone home crying about the bullying at school, her mother had told her to suck it up and face it like a big girl. But when she’d detailed the horrible names people were calling her, instead of taking her side, her mother had told her she must have done something to deserve being called that.
Noelle had been stunned by her mother’s reaction and the fact that Elena had emphatically told her she would not get involved in any of the school matters.
In one last attempt at fitting in, Noelle had worn the ugly pink dress her mother had bought her. Yet that had been even more of a disaster.
She’d barely been able to hold her head high. Everyone had laughed in her face. Including the teachers. Why, Miss Lawson herself had asked Noelle if she’d decided to join the living.
A few hours was all she’d been able to survive, and ultimately she’d just doused herself in black paint to stop people from staring and commenting about her pink dress.
Since then, she’d had a phobia of the color. Every time she wore it, she thought she was the butt of all jokes.
But that had been the last straw, and Noelle’s last attempt at being normal. And armed with her mother’s not so great advice, she’d decided to take matters into her own hands.
She might be blunt and she might make people uncomfortable, but why should she change for them? Why should she compromise who she was for people who didn’t like her anyway and only sought the next thing they could criticize and laugh about?
As she’d honed on that mentality, she’d stopped minding what others thought about her or her odd manner. Instead, she acted as she saw fit and she spoke as she thought necessary. She didn’t sugar-coat things, and she certainly didn’t mind anyone’s tender sensibilities.
She was already a witch in everyone’s mind.
Elena might complain about Noelle that she was a loner. But it had never been truly of her own making. It had been a by-product of society and the fact that people abhorred those who were different. Instead of fostering those qualities that made Noelle different, people crucified her for them.
So why would Noelle try to get along with people who only sought to change her; who hated who she was at her core?
No one listened to her anyway.
From the beginning, her thoughts had been received as incorrect, her opinions as worthless, and her entire personality as wrong.
Besides her talent at the piano, which more often than not was attributed to outside influences, there wasn’t anything right about her.
And it wasn’t just at school that she was met with that criticism.
It could be said that it was even worse at home.
Her mother was never satisfied with her, and she never missed a chance to tell her that she wasn’t the daughter she would have wished for.
Elena had wanted a ladylike daughter. She’d gotten a rude hoyden who didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.
But if she’d gotten used to her mother’s everlasting disappointment, it didn’t help that everyone else in the house echoed her opinions. Especially the staff, who’d taken to referring to Noelle as the spoiled, impetuous child, sometimes going out of their way to snub her the way her mother usually did. If the mistress of the house did it, why couldn’t everyone else do it too?
After all, Noelle was odd, and deserving of all the scorn.
Her father was sick and bed-ridden, but on the few instances Noelle could meet with him, he didn’t shy away from telling her how disappointed he was and that he would have rather had another son than a useless daughter.
Her brothers weren’t any better. Cisco, the oldest, barely bothered with her, more often than not absent for business reasons. Amo and Thadeo, twelve and fourteen years older than her, thought it funny to ridicule her clothes and her incidents at school. They didn’t realize that their good humor was just another jab to Noelle’s already battered front.
The insults stung. Especially at home, they created a hostile environment that had Noelle suffocating under the weight of her failures. Though she kept her true self tight to her chest, protecting it as best as she could, she was still human, with human feelings. And every little reproach eroded at the little armor she’d surrounded herself with.
Yet it was all that rejection that had made Noelle grow wiser far beyond her years. She’d seen the world not through idealistic, rose-colored glasses, but rather through the prism of grim experience. And she’d learned that it simply wasn’t worth it. Why should she try when her effort would never be appreciated?
Her eyes lingered for a moment on the girls laughing—most probably at her expense—and she felt a flicker of longing.
Everyone assumed she hated people. And she did. But she didn’t hate them inherently. She hated them because they’d made her hate them.
There were too many times when her strong front cracked, little tendrils of longing slithering out and reaching for the world. Yet the world never reached back. Burned, she could only rein herself in. Time and time again.
It’s not worth it.
She whispered the words to herself, seeking to convince herself she didn’t want it, that she didn’t need it.
But deep down, the sad fact was that she did want it.
Noelle wanted someone she could talk to. Someone who accepted her as she was without trying to change her.
She wanted to be…liked. For herself and for everything that she was.
Why was it so hard?
Why did everyone dislike her so much?
As she realized the direction of her thoughts, she shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the developing pain in her chest. She was fine as she was. She didn’t need anyone. She hadn’t needed anyone until then, she wasn’t going to need anyone from there on.
But it would be nice to have someone.
There was that voice in her head that whispered and beckoned—placing all her deepest desires in front of her before snatching them away.
But she couldn’t give in. She’d already been let down one too many times in her short life.
Hope only brought disappointment. And Noelle didn’t want to fall prey to it again.
Sometimes she wished she could shut down her feelings—that side of herself deep down that still fostered a certain kind of hope.
Blinking, she brought herself back to the present and to the realization that the girls had moved, coming to her side.
‘What do you want?’ Noelle frowned, asking the question in the same emotionless tone she always used—the one that signaled she wanted to be left alone.
‘Alyssa told us what you did at the recital,’ one of the girls said. Noelle struggled to remember her name, but she was sure she’d never interacted with her.
‘And what did I do?’
‘Don’t play dumb,’ she burst out just as she pushed Noelle, her palm connecting with her shoulder. Noelle reeled back, and catching the girl’s wrist, she flung it from her person.
‘She was supposed to be the star. She already has a concert lined up, didn’t you hear?’ The girl smirked.
‘So? Good for her. Now please leave,’ Noelle added in a quiet voice, returning her attention to her notebook and ignoring the girls.
They should soon get the memo and leave her alone.
Except they didn’t.
One moment she was trying to doodle in peace, the next she found herself falling to the floor, her chair snatched from under her as echoes of laughter surrounded her.
‘Come on, put a spell on me, too. I want to see you try.’
‘Me too.’
‘Let’s see what the little witch can do.’
The voices continued to resound, one layered on top of the other until Noelle felt the pressure in her ears build.
Staring up ahead, she did her best to calm herself down. But when she felt a liquid pour down her face—one that she belatedly recognized as ink—she couldn’t ignore it any more.
‘She’s already messy, what’s more?’
‘She’s a smurf now,’ another girl laughed, pointing at her and at the ink traveling down her forehead, staining her cheek and the front of her shirt.
Slowly, Noelle brought her gaze up.
She didn’t blink as she stood up, not even bothering to wipe the ink from her skin. She simply regarded the girls blankly.
They were still laughing, but upon seeing her serious expression and the way she was reacting antithetical to what she was supposed to, they finally realized something was wrong.
‘Run.’
One softly uttered word.
‘Run,’ Noelle repeated, this time a little louder.
Everyone blinked in surprise that gave way to fear before finally settling on terror.
With both hands, she grabbed onto the hair of two girls, pulling them towards her before she pushed them to the ground.
They fell like two lifeless dolls, their moans of pain the only ones permeating the air.
The boys were laughing by the side, enjoying the show but not involving themselves.
Good. Noelle didn’t have the energy to deal with them, either. And she was sure they would get more vicious than the girls too.
With a determined look on her face she marched forward. Why should she let herself be treated like this?
If her parents weren’t going to help her, then she would take matters into her own hands like her mother had told her to.
In no way would she allow herself to be trampled by some spoiled little girls who thought the world owed them something.
Noelle had first experience of it.
Even with a wealthy family, social status, and arguably a prodigious musical talent.
‘The world owes you nothing,’ she spat out as she reached the other girl.
The girl blinked in fear, her palms up as she tried to keep the distance between herself and Noelle.
‘Did you hear me? The world owes you nothing. It owes Alyssa nothing.’
She reached a third girl, she drew her hand, gaining momentum before she punched her in the face.
A shrill sound erupted in the classroom.
The door immediately opened, the teacher who’d been supervising them bursting inside and witnessing the chaos and the girl whose nose was currently bleeding buckets.
‘Who did this?’ The teacher gasped in horror.
All fingers were pointed at Noelle.
Faced with the situation, she could only release a harsh breath. She already knew what was going to happen. After all, it always stood to reason she was the guilty party.
As she was taken to the principal’s office, she wasn’t even allowed to wash the ink off her face. And upon arriving there, she was instructed to wait in a corner after which everyone ignored her.
Noelle was already anticipating the scandal, both with the principal and with her mother. She wondered what else could she be punished with. She was already not allowed to watch TV, or do anything except stare at the walls of her room. Maybe now Elena would take away her piano access, since that was the only thing Noelle was allowed to do. But she was sure her mother wouldn’t go that far.
Not when the piano was the only thing that saved Noelle from being an utter failure. At least with that Elena could boast to her friends that she had a special daughter.
As she realized that short of forbidding her to play the piano there was nothing anyone could do to her, Noelle relaxed a little.
She wasn’t sorry for what she’d done, and given the chance, she’d do it again.
She might not have anyone else standing up for her, but she would do it herself.
It was almost an hour later that Noelle was finally called to the principal’s office, but it wasn’t to be berated or further punished. In fact, she was entirely surprised when she realized that her oldest brother, Cisco, and his bodyguard Yu were waiting for her inside.
‘If that will be all, Mr. Grange, I’ll take Noelle home.’
‘Have a good day, Mr. DeVille,’ the principal said stoically, not even bothering to take a look at Noelle.
Cisco, nor Yu said anything to her until they exited the school and reached the parking lot.
‘Here,’ Yu was the first to speak, opening a compartment in the car and removing a little bag with toiletries. Taking some wet napkins, he slowly started wiping the ink off her face and hands.
Cisco, on the other hand, was on the sidelines, his eyes narrowed as he watched the two.
‘How are you feeling, Noelle?’ He asked, debating whether to take her to the hospital or not.
‘I’m fine,’ she nodded, a small smile pulling at her lips.
‘I don’t think she’s injured,’ Yu confirmed. ‘The other girls, though,’ he smiled, winking at Noelle.
A blush enveloped her cheeks and Cisco couldn’t help the twitch of his lips.
Yu’s natural charm was deadly to just about everyone. And Noelle seems to have become his latest victim.
‘You punched that girl, didn’t you?’ Cisco added, amused.
‘I’m not sorry,’ Noelle suddenly said, straightening her spine and looking him straight in the eye—a brave thing to do.
Almost everyone avoided looking him in the eye. He supposed it was a by-product of his unyielding demeanor and his rather unusual eyes. There was only one person who’d always unflinchingly met his gaze—the one currently lazily resting against the car door, watching him with a languid smile.
‘Good,’ he nodded at Noelle, sending Yu a tacit signal with his eyes. Immediately, he nodded, sliding into the driver’s seat and turning on the engine.
After so many years together, he rarely needed to verbalize anything for Yu.
‘You shouldn’t feel sorry for putting a bully in its place,’ Cisco clarified.
‘Am I in trouble then?’
‘No. On the contrary. We’re going on a little trip.’
Noelle blinked in confusion.
‘What about mamma? She’s mad, isn’t she?’
‘She doesn’t know yet,’ Cisco added. ‘And by the time we get back home I wager she’ll have cooled down a little.’
Noelle pursed her lips, seemingly mulling over Cisco’s offer.
It struck Cisco that his sister did not behave like a nine-year-old—not that he knew how most behaved. But because she was so atypical than any child he’d ever met, he was unsure how to proceed.
Her speech, manner and intelligence all spoke of someone far more advanced than her years. But it was her eyes that struck him the most—the eyes of someone in pain but unable to speak out.
Not for the first time, he had to give it to Yu for orienting him towards the issue.
Though they were exceedingly similar in nature and intellect, Yu was more emotionally inclined than he. While Cisco excelled at intricate planning and horizon scanning, Yu was the perfect counterpart to bring him more in touch with the emotional side of human nature—which he could sometimes lose sight of.
That wasn’t to say Cisco was emotionless, as exemplified by the anger he felt at the mistreatment of his sister. He was just rather…unfeeling.
‘Why are you doing this?’ Noelle asked, tilting her head to study him with her shrewd gaze.
‘Because we’re a lot more similar than you think.’
She blinked.
‘And because I think you need someone to talk to, don’t you?’ He asked in a soft voice, earning himself an even softer smile from Yu as he arranged his rearview.
‘Ok,’ Noelle added softly. ‘For now.’
Cisco chuckled at her last words, inviting her into the car as he took his seat next to Yu.
The drive took close to two hours before they finally reached their destination. On the way there, they only stopped once to get something to eat and drink, and Cisco switched places with Yu to drive the car. Noelle thought it slightly odd, and it didn’t escape her notice that the exchange was made as soon as they were out of the city. But then she’d always found Cisco’s relationship with Yu a strange one.
If there was someone Elena disapproved of more than her, it was Yu. Nevertheless, Cisco had always shot their mother down when she’d commented about Yu, going against the family’s wishes and making him his right-hand man. They were always together, and sometimes Noelle thought they acted like one person rather than two.
But she couldn’t complain.
She liked Yu.
He was nice to her, always with a treat up his sleeve to give to her. He might not speak much, but there was a certain warmth that emanated from him that drew Noelle in.
Whereas Yu was warm and affable, her brother was the opposite—which is why she was so confused by their dynamic.
She was even more confused that it had been Cisco who’d come to school. As far as she knew, he never involved himself in her matters, rarely even acknowledging her presence.
The fact that he’d been present at her school recital had been a surprise. But for him to come get her from school? That was unprecedented.
As the car drew to a stop, Noelle stepped onto the damp grass, her eyes taking in the small lodge and the vegetation around.
‘We’re in a forest,’ she frowned.
‘So we are,’ Cisco chuckled, coming to her side. ‘This is my secret spot—our hidden spot,’ he corrected himself as Yu came around with the bag of food. ‘No one knows the exact location, so I use this place when I want to get away from civilization,’ he told her.
Noelle nodded as she carefully observed the area. The lodge was the only construction around, the entire area green and seemingly untouched by man.
At her brother’s signal, she followed him as they entered the house. Immediately, Noelle was struck by the size of it. From the outside it looked like a typical hunting lodge, small and compact. But from the inside she noted it was quite spacious and split into two levels.
Everything was made from wood, and the rustic atmosphere gave her a sense of comfort that she’d been missing in the city. The lack of noise was the first thing that registered. No longer were the car engines and horns filling the background. Instead, there was a dull thrum that lulled her into a sense of security.
A weary sigh escaped her, almost as if she’d been holding her breath her entire life and only now managed to find some reprieve from the stress of the world.
That small sigh didn’t go unnoticed by either Yu or Cisco, with the former smiling approvingly while the latter shook his head in amusement.
‘I reckon you approve of the away from civilization part,’ Cisco added.
Noelle’s cheeks went red as she realized how obvious she’d been.
‘Yes,’ she answered, still peering around. ‘It’s quiet,’ she observed. ‘I like quiet.’
‘That we have in common,’ her brother said, beckoning her to him. ‘Let’s get you something to eat and we’ll do a fun little activity before we go back home.’
‘Do we have to?’ Cisco frowned at her question.
‘Return home, that is,’ Noelle clarified in a small voice.
Both Cisco and Yu shared a hidden look before Cisco sighed.
‘Yes we do. But I’m hoping this afternoon will help you,’ he said cryptically.
Noelle was about to ask him what he meant when her stomach announced loudly that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and she flushed from head to toe in embarrassment.
She’d completely forgotten about it, since she’d been faced with issue after issue. She might have gotten hungry at some point, but she’d overlooked it at the time.
Yu smiled, and unpacking the food they’d bought, he laid everything out on the table, including some already cooked dishes.
Both Noelle and Cisco took a seat at the table while Yu served the food, placing a plate in front of Noelle, then one in front of Cisco, his hand brushing against her brother’s in the slightest manner, yet one that didn’t leave either unaffected.
Noelle noted that they shrugged it off with practiced ease before Yu took a seat at the table as well, helping himself to some food too.
‘Thank you,’ Noelle murmured, giving him a small smile.
‘You’re welcome,’ Yu smiled brightly, patting her hair.
‘Dig in, you’ll need the energy,’ Cisco mentioned.
Not for the first time, Noelle had to wonder what the purpose of the trip was. She wondered if he was going to punish her in any way, but going by the way he’d behaved so far she didn’t think he was upset with her.
But he should be, shouldn’t he?
She’d been bad. She’d beaten those girls and had been rude to a teacher. It didn’t matter that they had deserved what Noelle had dished to them. She’d been the bad guy for so long, she’d forgotten what it was like for someone to take her side because they thought she was entitled to her behavior—that she’d been provoked, not that she’d acted out of spite.
Because she was so odd, people liked to believe the worst of her. Certainly her mother did. She didn’t want to think about her father, since she knew he would always side with Elena and the version of events she fed him.
Noelle ate slowly, savoring the food but also afraid that the cozy atmosphere would suddenly come to an end and her punishment would begin. She was used to be on the receiving end of all accusations, to be seen as the guilty party even when she’d done nothing, that she didn’t think someone would accept her version.
She was wary—with good reason. But she was also enjoying the company too much and she didn’t want to say anything that might destroy the ambiance. As such, she kept quiet, merely smiling and nodding along.
She’d become so inured to being on her own that she hadn’t realized just how pleasant it was to interact with people—someone who didn’t blame, sneer, or laugh at her.
So this is what it’s like to have friends…
But then harsh reality dawned on her. Yu and Cisco weren’t her friends. They were authority figures whose sole purpose was to curb her odd behavior. Maybe they weren’t using her mother’s methods, but she doubted the goal wasn’t the same.
As she brought a piece of bread to her lips, she chewed slowly as she observed the easy camaraderie between Yu and Cisco.
They were laughing at something Yu had said, and Noelle marveled at the way her brother’s entire face lit up. He wasn’t like the Cisco she’d come to know—not the cold, indifferent, scary man. No, this was someone else entirely. And she didn’t know what to make of it.
‘You think they’re going to try to come again after what happened last time?’ Yu asked with a sly smile.
‘I want to see them try. In fact, I wish they did come again because I haven’t had that much fun in years.’
‘You need the exercise, old man,’ Yu laughed, elbowing Cisco in his side.
Noelle blinked, taken aback by the fact that her brother was allowing it. In fact, he barely noticed it as if it was something that happened on a regular basis.
‘You’re one to speak. You’re just two years younger,’ Cisco lifted a brow.
‘But I get more exercise than you,’ Yu chuckled. ‘I’d wager even Noelle does,’ he continued, somehow involving her into the conversation.
Her ears perked up, but she had a hard time catching up. What exercise was Yu talking about?
‘With the way she punched that girl…’ Cisco whistled.
‘She deserved it,’ Noelle suddenly spoke out, placing her hands firmly on the table and looking her brother in the eye.
Yu and Cisco stopped laughing when they noted her serious expression.
‘No one was implying she didn’t deserve it, Noelle,’ Yu was the first to speak, his hand covering hers in a warm, almost motherly gesture.
She bit her lip apprehensively. Better get it out in the open now than let herself enjoy an illusion and then watch it shutter.
‘Did you bring me here to punish me?’ She asked the question clearly, her tone even.
‘What?’ Cisco frowned. ‘Of course not,’ he replied, his eyes searching Yu’s.
‘We wanted you to take a break from the city. Maybe get a new perspective,’ Yu said carefully.
‘A new perspective?’ Noelle frowned, failing to understand what was happening.
A silent signal passed between Cisco and Yu as he got up to remove the dishes from the table.
‘Why don’t we go for a walk,’ Cisco suggested, getting up and extending his hand to Noelle.
Her gaze lingered on it apprehensively before she decided to put her trust in him—temporarily, of course.
Following him, Noelle was surprised to see him stop by the front wall that housed a collection of hunting rifles. She was even more baffled when he picked a big one, quickly checking the barrel before grabbing another, smaller one.
‘Here,’ he said, handing her the smaller one.
Noelle could only accept the heavy object, confusion swirling in her mind.
Just what did her brother have in mind?
Saying a few words to Yu, he motioned Noelle to come with him. They exited the lodge, and Cisco led the way down a beaten path. All around, the forest was quiet, the fresh air helping ease her fears despite heading into the unknown.
‘Why didn’t Yu come with us?’ She found her voice a while later as they went deeper into the forest.
‘Because I wanted us to have a chat—just the two of us,’ Cisco answered.
‘You’re not going to kill me, are you?’ Seeing the weapons, she had to ask.
She’d seen action movies and knew how deadly guns were.
‘Do you want me to kill you?’ He turned, a smile probing at his lips.
‘No,’ she mumbled.
‘What was that? I didn’t hear you.’
‘I don’t want to die,’ she repeated, louder.
‘Good. Then that’s exactly what I’m going to teach you. How not to die.’
Noelle frowned.
Her brother didn’t make much sense. But then again, she’d never spent much time in his presence to get acquainted with him. He was still a…stranger. Despite their blood ties, he was nothing more than a stranger.
They reached a small clearing, and Noelle heard the sound of water—a river.
Despite the lingering doubts about her brother’s intentions, she couldn’t help the way nature made her feel—so free and capable of anything she put her mind to. She’d never experienced such a feeling before—as if the world was truly her oyster. Due to the stifling way in which she’d lived so far, she’d never even known this side of the world existed.
Noelle had ever had only one joy in life—playing the piano. The rest of her life was spent caught in between her circumstances, a cat and mouse game she played with the expectations placed on her and the ones she always failed to live up to.
From the moment she woke up until her head hit the pillow at night, her life was a constant stress of never being enough, of always being wrong. She stepped around people as one would step around a minefield—wondering when the next bomb would go off.
It was no life for a nine-year-old. It was no life for anyone. But to Noelle, it was all she’d ever known.
Noise. In her head. In her surroundings. In people’s opinions of her and their everlasting disappointment. She’d only ever known noise.
Yet now she was faced with something completely different.
Quiet. She saw the world as it should be—as it should have been. And she longed for it. More than she should have ever had.
And that was how hope was born…Unfortunately.
‘Here, let’s sit by the river,’ Cisco motioned to a small patch of grass just by the river.
Noelle nodded, following him and emulating his movements. She carefully removed her shoes as she did and dipped her toes in the cold but fresh water when he did.
She couldn’t help the sigh of pleasure that escaped her as she tipped her head up, letting the sun rays streaming through the rich foliage brush against her cheeks in small, warm tendrils.
Yet her enjoyment of it was short-lived as she turned her attention to Cisco, needing to know why he’d gone through so much trouble for her—what was his goal?
‘Why did you take me here? Why this?’ she asked as she raised the small rifle in her arms. ‘Why…’
Why are you being nice to me?
‘I was once in the same situation as you,’ Cisco started, a smile on his face. ‘Not as violent,’ he stifled a chuckle as he noted her frown. ‘But I was just like you growing up.’
‘You didn’t go to school,’ Noelle mentioned. She knew all her brothers had been homeschooled.
‘Not initially. I did go for a period. But because things didn’t work out, our parents decided to pull me out of school and continue my studies at home,’ Cisco said. ‘You’re the odd one out in your class now. I was the odd one out then.’
Noelle listened attentively as her brother detailed his own difficult years growing up and the fact that he’d been relegated as the freak more than once for being different from the rest of his classmates.
‘Why are you telling me this?’ Noelle asked in a small voice.
‘Because I want you to realize there’s nothing wrong with you,’ Cisco told her in a serious tone. ‘Regardless of what people think, and regardless of what our mother says, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.’
He spoke with such conviction that Noelle couldn’t help but be touched by his words—especially since no one had ever said something like that to her.
‘Then why…’ she swallowed hard. ‘Why do people hate me so much?’
There was a world of vulnerability in her tone, and Cisco recognized that slowly, she was letting him in—placing her precious trust in him.
‘People hate what they do not understand,’ he pursed his lips. ‘They hate what doesn’t line up with their idea of the world.’
‘But doesn’t that just mean I’m…wrong?’
‘There is no right or wrong, Noelle,’ her brother turned to her, his mismatched eyes emphasized by the angle of the sunlight. ‘Just like there is no good or bad. There is only our perception of it.’
‘I don’t understand,’ she frowned, wetting her lips.
Cisco regarded her for a moment, thinking it was ludicrous to discuss something like that with a nine-year-old. But he saw something else in his sister as she regarded him with confusion. He saw something he recognized too well in himself.
He saw the thirst.
She may not understand, but she wanted to.
‘Everyone has an acquired compass of what good and bad is. Through experience, we feed more information to that compass, and in turn, it helps us make decisions. But every human being is defined by different experiences, and different reactions to said experiences. As such, the compass becomes a highly personal thing. No two people are going to have the same compass,’ he paused, looking at her to see if she followed.
She gave a brisk nod, urging him to continue.
‘Because of that, what is good to one person can be bad to another. And what is bad to someone, can be good to someone else. The same goes for what people consider abnormal, or odd. It all comes down to their experiences and how they relate themselves to that.’
‘I think I get it now…’ she spoke carefully.
‘Do you?’ Cisco smiled, pride shining in his eyes.
Noelle nodded.
‘You’re saying that not everyone will think that I’m odd, right? That at some point, I’ll find people who won’t think I’m weird.’
‘That’s exactly what I’m saying. You shouldn’t let those people drag you down just because they’re too ignorant to see what’s in front of them. You will find someone who appreciates you for who you are. So don’t change, Noelle. Don’t change for anyone in the world.’
She blinked at him, a ball of warmth unfurling in her chest.
‘Ok,’ she smiled shyly. ‘I won’t,’ she whispered, lowering her eyes to the ground.
She paused for a moment before she whipped her head up.
‘Then why did you bring me here?’ She suddenly asked, frowning.
‘Because,’ he laughed. ‘Despite the fact that I don’t want you to change who you are, I think we need to regulate your outbursts a little.’
Noelle pouted.
‘It’s not change,’ Cisco cleared his throat. ‘Merely adjusting. Even though they deserved it, you can’t go around beating up your classmates. It will get you in trouble, and at the end of the day, is it worth it?’
She shook her head.
‘I know the people at your school aren’t nice, and I’ll try to make mother understand it too. But if you continue like this, you’re just confirming their biases.’
‘Biases?’
‘You’re just feeding their compass more,’ he rephrased it, ‘making it so they will continually judge you negatively.’
‘But what can I do if they pick on me? I can’t just…do nothing,’ she shrugged, almost defeated.
‘I’m not saying you shouldn’t do anything. You should definitely do something. But do it in a way that can’t be traced back to you,’ Cisco winked. ‘A strategic, less violent manner.’
Noelle’s eyes widened, her lips trembling with amusement.
‘I see,’ she giggled.
‘The key, Noelle, is to find a balance.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘A balance between your true self and your social persona. Keep your true self here,’ he pointed to her chest. ‘And show the world what they want to see.’
‘But isn’t that still changing yourself?’
Cisco couldn’t help but smile at her perceptive question. Yes, his sister was too damn similar to him.
‘The world will always seek to change you, Noelle. It will erode at your self and force you to conform to its norms. And unwittingly, you will do it. Because who wants to live against the world?’
‘I do,’ she quipped confidently.
‘I know you do,’ he smiled. ‘Now. But give it a few years and you’ll change your mind. Unless…’
‘Unless?’ She asked, her tone full of hope and curiosity.
‘Here’s my advice. Tried and tested,’ he added lightly. ‘Know yourself well and find someone who loves you for who you are—someone with whom you can be your truest self. Then, it won’t matter what face you show to the world,’ he smiled wistfully. ‘It won’t matter what the world thinks of you. Because you will know the truth. And those who matter the most will know the truth.’
Noelle was quiet for a moment, mulling over his words.
No one had spoken to her like that before. No one had ever told her it was alright to be different—that it might even be a good thing. Everyone had tried to change her and make her conform to some silly norms.
Yet the more she thought about it, the more she saw the veracity of his words. More than anything, she realized she’d done the complete opposite.
The more the world had condemned her for her behavior, the more she’d striven to stand out, thinking she could force people to accept who she was.
She’d always been so in tune with her identity that she’d taken it personally whenever someone pointed out how odd she was. As such, instead of trying to adapt, she’d stubbornly held out.
Maybe that had been her mistake. She’d seen the world in black or white. For her, it had been either conforming, or rebelling. And she’d chosen the latter.
She hadn’t realized that there was a middle path. That she could still be herself, but put on an act for the world.
Now that Cisco had explained it to her, she could understand it a little more. Yet she had no idea where to start. Particularly since her outbursts were already second nature to her.
‘And this is where we’re going to start,’ Cisco started, as if he could read her mind.
Taking his rifle, he did a short introduction of the weapon, showing her everything she needed to know about how to operate it on a technical level. Once he was convinced she understood not only how it worked, but also the responsibility of wielding such a powerful weapon, he invited her to follow him.
Deeper still in the woods, they came to another clearing that had a few targets set among the trees.
Noelle looked up at Cisco, awaiting his instructions.
‘Shooting a gun isn’t just about violence. It’s also about tempering violence,’ he said as he moved into position. ‘It’s about learning to wait—to stalk the prey. Despite the gun’s immediate results, this is a long game,’ he told her, holding on to the rifle and aiming at the target.
Noelle stepped back, watching him closely as he assumed his stance, his eyes towards the target.
‘Instead of reacting impulsively, you need to weigh your actions and plan for the future. Plan for the moment in which…’
The wind howled through the trees, moving the target as it swept through the clearing.
And that’s when Cisco fired his shot.
‘Why don’t you go check the target?’
Nodding, Noelle ran towards it, her eyes widening as she saw he’d hit the center.
‘You hit the center,’ she whispered as she returned. ‘But how? It was moving…’
‘Because I was prepared for that. I calculated the odds of the wind interfering with the target and I knew to aim more to the right.’
Noelle’s mouth hung open in awe.
‘There are three principles you need to know. Three principles you can apply to anything in life, not just shooting,’ he said, and Noelle looked at him in admiration. Never before had she been so amazed by someone.
‘The three Ps. Practice, patience and…’ he trailed off, the corners of his lips curling up.
‘And?’
‘Presence. You have to be present in the moment to be fully focused.’
‘Practice, patience and presence,’ Noelle repeated thoughtfully. ‘Can I try?’
‘Of course. Let’s get you set up.’
For the next few hours, Cisco taught her how to shoot a rifle. It would take Noelle some time to fully understand the core of the lesson, but she was more at peace with herself than she’d ever been.
More than anything, she could feel a glimmer of hope taking shape inside of her.
It was dark by the time they returned to the lodge.
Yu had already made dinner, and upon seeing Noelle so flushed with exertion and glowing with happiness, he inquired how everything had gone.
‘Awesome,’ she jumped up and down. ‘Cisco taught me how to shoot, and I loved it,’ she declared loudly.
The disparity between the quiet little girl who’d walked out of the lodge and the one who returned was astounding. Noelle displayed more excitement than anyone had ever seen of her.
Famished from all the effort, Noelle sat down at the table, eating with gusto as she recounted everything they had been up to.
Yu, having prior knowledge of Cisco’s plan, merely turned to him, giving him a soft smile. Reaching for his hand under the table, Yu mouthed well done.
Cisco merely smiled, squeezing Yu’s hand.
That day at the hunting lodge was the first to come in Noelle’s journey of self-discovery.
But Cisco had yet to teach her the most important lesson.
Sometimes, it didn’t matter who, or what you were.
Life still found ways to fuck you over.
