“Are you sure you want to join me?” I ask for the tenth time, part of me hoping he’ll change his mind. We’re meant to stay at Abuela’s house today, but I’m nervous about bringing him home with me. I’ve been putting it off for months, but I’m running out of excuses now. If I stay away any longer, I’ll just hurt Abuela.
It’s hard enough to put on an act in front of my mother, but now that he knows about my father, I’m even more worried. On top of that, Luca has been acting odd lately, and I don’t know what to make of it. He’s been kinder, but also quieter and much more distant. I was certain he’d have questions about my father, but he hasn’t said a thing about it, and I don’t understand why.
“I can just go by myself. We wouldn’t be in breach of the rules. I’d just be away for one night.”
I’m not necessarily ashamed of my past, but I’m scared to show him a part of me that’s in direct contrast to the picture I painted for him. In just one aspect of my life, I want to be confident and well-respected. When I’m with Luca, at work, I get to be the version of myself I always wanted to be. I’m scared that he wouldn’t look at me the same anymore if he got to know the real me.
With each month of marriage that passes by, I become more insecure and scared. The woman he thought he married and the one I am deep inside aren’t the same, and I’m terrified he’ll abandon me when he finally realizes it. At the same time, a small part of me hopes that even if he does find out, he’ll want me the same. It’s a jarring feeling, to so desperately want something I swore to myself I’d never desire.
Luca leads me to the car silently. “I know your mother is still worried about you,” he says eventually, his voice soft. “She’s only barely started speaking to you again. What would she think if you show up without me?”
He’s right, of course. Yet I can’t help but wonder what would be worse, going home without him or him witnessing what my family is truly like. It’s one thing to hear degrading comments about my dad, but it’s even worse now that he knows who my father is.
I’m so lost in thought that I barely even realize it when we pull up in front of the house. It isn’t until Luca opens the car door on my side that I snap out of it. He offers me his hand, and I carefully place mine in his, my gaze pausing on my wedding ring.
Three diamonds. One for each year we spend together. I’m increasingly growing concerned about the impact this marriage will have on me. When this is all over, will I walk away without any damage, or will he leave his mark on me?
“Val,” Mom says when we walk in, her expression stony. She doesn’t look happy to see us, but she doesn’t look as annoyed as I expected either. “Luca.” Her voice wavers when she says his name. It’s clear that it’s hard for her to see him as something other than my boss.
“Go on. Put your stuff away. I’ll make some tea. Abuela is sleeping, so be quiet.”
I nod and lead Luca up the stairs, nerves thrumming down my spine. “Valentina,” he says. “Stop being so nervous. You’ve been at my grandmother’s house countless times. This is no different.”
I glance back at him and shake my head. No. It’s not the same at all. He grew up in pure luxury, surrounded by siblings who adore him. My life is the polar opposite of his in every way, and somehow, I’m scared he’ll realize how incompatible we are. I shouldn’t care, because I know none of this is real, but I do care.
Luca chuckles when we walk into my old bedroom, fascination lighting up his expression. He looks at all the yellow post-it notes on my walls and traces over them with the tips of fingers, a wicked smile on his lips. “So your love for these started young, huh?”
I move to stand next to him and stare at the motivational quotes littering my walls. All my life, I was convinced that I could escape my circumstances if I just kept hoping, so that’s exactly what I did. Despite the odds, I kept fighting and hoping for a better life. All of these little notes were an attempt to keep myself going when I was ready to give up.
“What is this?” he asks, pointing toward a picture of a large tree surrounded by a lake that perfectly mirrors the sky. It’s the only photo I’ve got on my wall, and it sticks out amongst my countless sticky notes.
I smile as I stare at it. “I’m not even sure where that is, you know?” I admit. “I saw it online one day, and it just inspired me endlessly. You probably think it’s silly, but I feel like I’m kind of like that tree. Looking at it makes me feel like I, too, can thrive in unfavorable circumstances, and that even if I’m all alone, I can be strong. It grew surrounded by water, no other trees around it, yet it’s a sight to behold, unwavering and unapologetic. Surrounded by the elements, I’m sure it bends at times, but it never breaks. Someday I want to find it. I have a feeling that the day I do will be one I’ll never forget.”
I look away from the image to find Luca staring at me, his gaze filled with something that makes my heart flutter. “And this?” he asks, pointing toward one of my sticky notes. “Aut viam inveniam aut faciam,” he murmurs. “What does that mean? You’ve written it on several notes, and you’ve got it stuck to your desk at the office, too.”
I raise my brows, surprised he noticed that. “It roughly translates to I’ll either find a way or create one. It’s my favorite quote, and it’s the one that kept me going throughout the years.”
He leans against the only empty wall in my room and pulls me closer, his touch gentle as he brushes my hair out of my face. “And did you? Did you find a way?”
I look into his eyes, my heart pounding loudly. Sometimes he looks at me a certain way, and it makes everything fade away, until all I can see is him. “I’m not sure yet,” I whisper.
Luca cups my face, his touch tender. “What is it going to take for you to be sure?” he asks, and all of a sudden, I’m no longer sure what we’re talking about. He’s been acting this way recently, his gaze turns pensive, as though he misses me when I’m right next to him.
Luca leans in slowly, his lips brushing over mine once, twice, before he captures them fully. He groans as he pulls me closer and turns us around, until he’s got me pressed against the wall, his hand wrapped in my hair. I could lose myself in his kisses, in this thing between us. He makes me want to do the one thing I told myself I never would again.
His hands dip lower, and he lifts me into his arms. My legs instinctively wrap around his hips, and just feeling how hard he is for me sends a rush of desire through me. There’s something so empowering about knowing that he always wants me this badly.
“Valentina,” he groans against my lips, his mouth trailing down to my neck. His touch is desperate, and I revel in it. I’ve missed him more than I care to admit. The last couple of days have been odd, the distance between us seemingly insurmountable, but it all disappears when he touches me this way.
I arch my back, needing more. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” I whisper. “What if my mother comes up to find us?”
He chuckles as his teeth graze over my neck. “Then I guess we’d better be quick.”
Luca’s palm slides down my stomach and into the skirt I’m wearing, until he’s got his thumb pressed against my lace underwear. He groans when he realizes that I’m wet, and his forehead drops to mine. “This is one of the things I love most about you,” he whispers. “The way your pussy is always ready for me.”
My cheeks flush when he roughly pushes my underwear aside. “I need you, baby. Right fucking now.”
I nod and unbutton his jeans frantically, my thoughts clouded by desire. The way he looks at me when my hands wrap around his cock will never get old. He looks like he’s at my mercy, like his entire world revolves around me.
Luca’s eyes are on mine as I guide him into me, and the pure desire he shows me only heightens my own need. “Such a good pussy,” he groans as he thrusts into me fully.
I moan, and he shakes his head, his hand wrapping over my lips to silence me. “No, baby,” he whispers. “Quiet.” He fucks me like that, pushed up against my bedroom wall, one hand over my mouth and the other underneath me, holding me up.
“More,” I beg, and he uncovers my mouth, both of his hands moving to my hips instead. He holds my hips tightly and turns us around, so he’s leaning against the wall. Rather than thrusting into me, he moves me up and down his cock, his movements rough. He handles me with such ease that it’s like I don’t weigh a thing.
“Like this?” he asks, holding me at a slight angle.
I gasp and suppress a moan. “L-Luca,” I whisper. He knows exactly what he’s doing to me when he takes me at that angle, and the way he smirks tells me he’s loving every second of watching me unravel. “I can’t,” I groan. “It’s too much.” It feels too deep, and the way he’s moving inside me is driving me insane. With every thrust, he’s pushing up against me the way I like it, and he knows it.
“You can,” he promises me. “You can take it, baby.”
He tightens his grip on me and bites down on his lip as he increases the pace. I can’t handle it when he looks at me that way. “I’m… I can’t…”
“Then come for me, wife. Treat me to my favorite sight, Valentina.” He turns us around and pushes me against the wall harshly, his cock slamming all the way into me right as my muscles contract around him. His hand wraps around my lips, drowning out my moans as he takes me over the edge.
“Fuck,” he groans, his forehead dropping to mine, his breathing ragged. “I’ll never get enough of you. I’ll still want you this way when we’re gray and old.”
My eyes widen, and he chuckles as he replaces his hand with his lips, kissing me slowly. “I can’t get enough of you either,” I admit, my heart racing. Could he… could he really be thinking of a future with me outside of our contract? I haven’t even allowed myself to consider it.
“Val?” The sound of my mother’s voice near my door has me pushing against Luca roughly, my eyes wide with panic. He lowers me to the floor instantly and my hands run down my body in a rush, making sure everything is covered and neat. Luca’s movements are equally quick, and it only takes him a second to pull up his jeans and take several steps away from me, an innocent expression on his face by the time my mother walks in.
She frowns and glances between us, her brows raised. I’m standing further away from Luca than is natural, and I have no doubt my cheeks are crimson. There’s no doubt that we look suspicious, and all of a sudden, I feel like a naughty teenager.
“Come downstairs,” she says, her voice clipped. “Abuela is awake now. She wants to see you.”
I nod, and she walks out, clearly displeased with us. “You don’t think she realized, right?” I ask, thoroughly embarrassed. I needed this moment with him, but it couldn’t have come at a worse time.
Luca laughs and shakes his head, his eyes twinkling. He walks toward me with a look in his eyes that has my heart racing all over again, and I take a step back.
“Oh, she knows,” he says, his arm wrapping around my waist. “But we’re married, baby. It’s fine. Let’s go greet your grandma before I truly get thrown out of this house.” He kisses me, his touch lingering for a moment before he pulls back, his forehead pressed against mine. I want us to be like this all the time. I’m not sure what caused the recent distance between us, but I’ll do anything to erase it.
