The familiar hustle of LAX is ten times worse during the holidays.
People are scurrying around, suitcases in tow. Children are running behind them, crying from being told to put their devices away with a warning that Santa will not deliver if they don’t behave.
Airport staff is extra rude, their patience wearing thin from the panicked passengers who have connecting flights canceled due to bad weather.
I sigh heavily with annoyance, pulling my phone out of my purse to send Will a text.
Me: People in airports are annoying. I’m this close to pulling the spoiled brat card and asking my Dad to buy a plane.
Will: Your dad wanted to buy a plane, but your mom said no. Something about the money going to better use like charities.
Me: That sounds like a fight they would have. I’ll text you later… if I get out of here alive.
Will: You better, gorgeous.
I smile at his text, but the smile quickly disappears when a woman’s suitcase knocks on my leg. Quickly, I turn around, rubbing where she knocked it to alleviate the pain, only to notice that she has sped off to the gate without an apology.
My jaw clenches, the urge to shout profanities, although she can’t hear me, becomes challenging to control. After traveling for almost the entire day, I want nothing more than to be isolated with zero people bothering me. A hot shower and proper meal wouldn’t hurt either.
What you want is to be in Will’s bed, naked.
I bow my head to gain some patience, reminding myself that it’s Christmas, and I’m supposed to be spending time with my family. It’s the season to be jolly, not fantasize about lying in a bed with my legs spread and a gorgeous man between them.
Grabbing the handle of my suitcase, I wheel it behind me and toward the exit where I’m supposed to meet Mom. I told her not to park in the parking lot nor bother trying to meet me at the gate, given the chaos.
Ten minutes later, the black Mercedes SUV pulls up to the curb, and Mom’s face lights up behind the windshield.
“Hey, Mom,” I greet, throwing my suitcase in the back while she jumps out of the car. Her arms wrap around me, the familiarity easing my momentary stress.
“I missed you, kid.”
“Missed you, too, Mom.”
We both get in the car, knowing that LAX’s traffic controllers are brutal if you linger around. Mom speeds through the traffic—peak hour, the usual pain in the ass in LA. As Mom converses, I take in the familiar sites—rows of palm trees, worn-out buildings, and bumper-to-bumper traffic—a far cry from the skyscrapers I’ve grown accustomed to in Manhattan and the leafy tree-lined streets in New Haven.
“Since we’re stuck in this jam, tell me how school is going?”
“Hard,” I respond with a yawn. “A lot of work. I mean, I knew it would be, but it’s different.”
“It’s still early days. You need to find your groove.”
“How did you find your groove?”
“Well, I had no life. So, studying was it. Rocky was relentless with parties. Nikki was a bit in between, but, of course, their world changed early on.”
It’s almost like I can never escape Will, even if I try. Or maybe, he was always there, but I’ve been oblivious. With only Mom here, I encourage the conversation involving Will, careful not to raise any suspicion.
“That must have been hard for them to welcome a child so early on. I can’t even imagine it.”
Mom purses her lips, letting out a small sigh. “It’s one of those moments in life where you lose all hope, but in the same breath, you’re blessed with unconditional love.”
It was an excellent way to put it. When I think of myself, Liesel, and my fellow classmates, we all seem too young to start a family. I can’t even imagine having that stress on my shoulders. And to think Aunt Nikki was only a year older than me when she had Will.
“But it worked out? Look at how amazing Will is.”
The moment I say it, my lips part with adoration. Shit. I follow with a small cough, then play aimlessly with my hair pretending to appear bored with the topic of Will.
“It worked out,” Mom agrees, knowingly. “But it wasn’t without its challenges. Nikki really struggled being a working mother and so young. It was a big decision to make, and one they almost decided not to go ahead with. In the end, what a beautiful son they made.”
I keep my smile fixed, not alluding to just how beautiful he really is, in and out of the bedroom.
“Tell me about you and your dating life. Anyone interesting?”
I absently fidget with my phone. “Uh, no. There’s no time. Plus, these college boys are all the same. Everyone is interested in sex, and the maturity is… let’s just say they lack exactly that.”
The more I hear myself speak, the more I come across as some snob. Just because I’m dating someone a lot older than me doesn’t make these men any less appealing. But the more I spent time with Will, the more juvenile college guys seem.
“God forbid your father ever hears this because if you could become a nun, he’d hand over every dollar of ours to make it so,” Mom jokes, her smile softening. “Just be open to life. Studying is important, but so is dating. It’s how you discover yourself.”
“You discover yourself through dating?”
“Yes.” Mom chuckles openly. “What you will or will not sacrifice. What you desire, how you enjoy spending your time… a lot can be said for dating.”
“So, did you date? I mean, I know parts of your story.”
“I tried,” she admits, followed by a sigh, “But no one compared to your father.”
“Ever?”
Mom hesitates, her lips pressing together in a slight grimace. It comes to mind what Ava told me about Uncle Julian. I wonder if Mom will take this opportunity to mention this, validating the so-called rumor.
“No one came close,” she simply replies.
We gain some momentum on the freeway, and I change the topic to my sisters. According to Mom, Ava is an even bigger headache now that she’s in her senior year. Addison wants to transfer to a boarding school, going through a Harry Potter phase, which my parents have said a big fat no to. Alexandra, being a sporty kid, is taking up most of their weekends with soccer games.
When we finally pull into the driveway, all the memories come flooding back, almost like I never left.
And it doesn’t take long to get settled into my old home life, though this time, it feels different and not at all like I assumed it would be. My sisters are relentless in wanting my attention. It’s somewhat of a good thing as it doesn’t give me time to dwell on Will.
My dad is busy with work, as usual. He flew to San Jose for the day, arriving home late when we finally caught up.
The day before Christmas, I decide I must go shopping given that I haven’t bought anyone presents. Ava, of course, insists she come despite my need to be alone. Going from a dorm room of just Liesel and me to a house full of family will take getting used to again. I have almost forgotten what it’s like to think about somebody else’s needs.
The first morning in my old bed, I woke up to the California sun seeping through my large bay window. My eyes, heavy and tired, feel like I haven’t slept at all. As I continue to lay here, I recall a vivid dream I had about Will. We were at some fancy party, and everyone was dressed in cocktail attire. I entered the room to find Will in the corner with a woman. She was beautiful, wearing a sequined red dress. As I tried to walk over to him, people stopped me. I’d reach out my arms, but the closer I got, the further away he moved. Then, my dad stands in front of me, arms crossed, and demands I go home, telling me that no kids are allowed at the party.
It was all I can remember, and the dream leaves me extremely unsettled. I close my eyes again, but this time when I sleep, my dream is more pleasant. I’m lying with Will in his bed, and he’s devouring my entire body. Just as I’m about to come, my eyes spring open to the sound of Ava shouting down the hallway to Addison.
The nerve of her.
Clenching my jaw, on the verge of yelling at her to shut the fuck up, I grab my phone and check the time, noting it’s already ten on the East Coast. My fingers type quickly, sending Will a text.
Me: I dreamed about you last night. It was… interesting.
The phone begins to buzz in my hands. I answer in a low voice so no one can hear me. Turning to my side, I tuck my hand underneath my face.
“You can’t just drop the word interesting and expect me to pretend like it’s nothing,” Will chastises, the sound of his smooth voice making me miss him more. “Was anyone naked?”
“Where are you?”
“In the office.”
I laugh softly. “Yes, there was nudity amongst other things.”
“Oh, do tell? I have a meeting in ten minutes but could probably get myself off in less than thirty seconds if you continue talking.”
“Lucky you,” I tell him with sarcasm. “Meanwhile, I’ll just continue to lie here desperate as fuck.”
“You paint such a vivid picture.”
“How’s work?”
“How’s work?” he repeats. “You can’t just go from telling me you had a dream about us fucking to how’s work? I pegged you for many things, but a cocktease isn’t one of them.”
“I’m regretting this call,” I mutter jokingly.
“No, you’re not. You miss me, just admit it.”
A smile plays on my lips. I hate that I miss him, wishing to be back on the East Coast. After my dad made it clear to Will that if I resisted coming home, it would be evident I had a male interest, I faked rather enthusiastically how much I wanted to spend Christmas in California.
“Maybe, I’ve somewhat grown fond of you.”
There’s a muffle in the background. “Listen, I have to go.”
“Of course, go work and bring in the money.”
“Hey,” he quips before I say goodbye. “Keep thinking the things you’re thinking, and if it helps at all, I miss you, too.”
My stomach begins to flutter, and with a heavy sigh, I say goodbye, sadness settling in at the thought of how far apart we are right now. I yearn to touch his face and feel his lips on mine. Everything about him just becomes so much more than my head allows it to be, all in the few simple words he said.
He misses me.
I drag myself out of bed, left with no choice when Ava bangs on my door to hurry up.
With the change in time zones and turbulent sleep, I find myself less energetic and patient. I shower, change, head down for breakfast only to argue with Addison for finishing the rest of the milk. Dad is in the kitchen, amused by this and not saying a word.
“You know, coffee works wonders, Amelia.”
He was right. After my coffee, I do mellow out.
“What are your plans for today?”
“Unfortunately, shopping with Ava,” I complain, pouring myself another coffee. “What about you?”
“Trying to close a deal before the end of the day. Once people are in holiday mode, it’s hard to get any work out of them.”
“Has it ever occurred to you to maybe go into holiday mode too?”
Dad smirks. “Nice joke, Amelia. Say that in front of your mother, and I’m cutting you off.”
My shoulders fall up and down, chuckling at the thought of Mom’s reaction had she heard. My laughter slows down as Dad’s phone buzzes on the countertop.
“Will,” he answers quickly, placing the call on speaker. “What did Duncan have to say for himself?
“The usual, Lex. I say we cut him and let Anderson do the job,” Will responds with an angered tone.
“If that’s what you think, let’s do it. I don’t want him slowing us down.”
“Agreed.”
“Will, I’m here with Amelia. She’s trying to convince me to take a break.”
I almost spit out my coffee. This is getting awkward. I should’ve walked out instead of standing here like an idiot. “Hello, Will. How are things?”
“Great, actually. And you? Staying out of trouble?”
“I try,” I answer as Dad smiles behind his mug. “Since Dad is here, that probably should’ve been a yes.”
“Go easy on her, Lex. Remember what it was like when you were nineteen?”
Dad squints with a stiff smile. “I’d rather forget.”
“Do you have plans to at least relax for the holidays?” I ask, pretending to act polite.
“Relax? What a foreign concept.” He laughs through the speaker. “Just Christmas Eve dinner tonight at my parents’ place. You know what my dad is like, he’s drunk on eggnog watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It’s his tradition.”
Dad laughs loudly, knowing all too well what Uncle Rocky is like.
“I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing exactly that. You may want to leave before he whips out the Santa costume and asks Nikki if she’s been naughty.”
Both Dad and I try to hold in our laughter, though find it impossible to do.
Will groans. “Thanks for allowing me to relive the trauma.”
“Merry Christmas, Will,” I say, with my dad continuing to watch me. “Try not to work too hard.”
“Can’t promise that. But Merry Christmas, Amelia.”
Dad ends the call and continues a conversation about Uncle Rocky, quick to compare him to the infamous Cousin Eddie from the National Lampoon movies. We chat a little while longer before he kisses me goodbye, leaving for work.
As soon as he’s gone, my phone lights up with a text.
Will: What I would give to bend you over for being naughty.
Me: I’ll write a list of all the bad things I’ve done.
Will: What’s number one?
Me: You.
Ava strolls in the kitchen, complaining about her hair. We get into an argument over it, my patience with her wearing thin until Mom calls us both out for being petty. After we both refuse to apologize, Mom suggests we leave to avoid the rush.
The mall is the busiest I’d ever seen it, packed with people everywhere you look. There are panicked shoppers darting around and purchasing whatever they can get their hands on. I don’t care for rude people, nor the lines at each checkout. The shop attendants are beyond over it, barely a customary smile on their tired faces.
Had I been proactive and organized, I could’ve avoided all of this by shopping online. But, of course, I have better things to focus on, which is all I can think about these days.
Exhaustion begins to creep in, my feet tired from all the walking. I get everyone a present except Ava. Given that she’s following me everywhere, it makes it hard to purchase something without her knowing.
“I’m just going to go off on my own for a while.”
“Why? We’re almost done,” Ava complains.
“Because I just want to be alone,” I snap.
“God, Amelia, you’re such a bitch,” Ava barks, slamming the hanger back on the rack. “Ever since you got here, you’ve been in such a mood.”
“Ava!” Mom scolds, letting out a sigh. “This isn’t the place to have such a discussion.”
With a pinched expression, I stare directly at Ava, lacking any warmth toward my opinionated sister. If there’s anyone testing me, Ava Edwards is at the top of the list.
“Who cares, Mom,” Ava argues back. “Honestly, Amelia. Just say you don’t want to be here… that you’d rather be at Yale with your friends.”
Beside Ava, Mom lowers her head, remaining unusually quiet.
“You’re dramatic, as usual,” I retort.
“Am I?” Ava questions, placing her hand on her hip. “Because it looks to me like you left some man behind, and you’d rather be in his bed than with your family.”
My eyes widen at her accusation. There’s no way she could possibly know about Will unless she read my text messages. Fuck.
“Have you been reading my messages?”
Ava folds her arms. “No, but paranoid much? It looks like I was right.”
“Think whatever you want,” I sputter, momentarily beyond words. “I’ll meet you at Starbucks in fifteen minutes.”
I don’t say another thing, abandoning them in the evening wear section, desperate to be on my own. I hate that Ava struck a nerve, and more importantly, sniffed the so-called trail I’ve been trying to hide. To make matters worse, I continue to lie to Mom and sense she also caught on to my behavior. Am I that obvious? The only one who seems to be treating me normally is Dad.
Trying to shop for my annoying sister proves even more difficult. I have no clue what to buy her, especially after our argument, so I end up settling for a new hair straightener since she complained about hers this morning.
By the time we get home, the air between us somewhat clears. We both help Mom with preparing our traditional Christmas dinner and some finishing touches on the house. During the holiday season, our house looks like a picture-perfect image from a magazine. Everything is purposely placed and aesthetically pleasing from the oversized freshly-cut tree inside the living room to the twinkling lights that flicker outside the house.
We all sit down for dinner, then follow by dressing in our matching PJs Mom insists we wear to continue the Edwards’ tradition. There are no complaints from us girls, just Dad, as usual.
After dinner, we settle in the den with the fire on, a cup of hot chocolate warming our hands while watching a Christmas movie. I can’t help but watch my parents, the way they smile in each other’s embrace to the silly jabs they taunt each other with. Even Dad is relaxed, often kissing Mom’s forehead.
It makes me feel all the more alone. Even if my relationship with Will is made public, I can’t seem to envision him here, beside me, without my dad’s resentment. I pull out my phone, wanting to text Will, but end up putting it away. No good will come of me saying anything right now, given the questions clouding my thoughts might lead to an argument. The last thing either one of us need on Christmas Eve.
On Christmas morning, I wake to the sounds of my younger sisters running through the hallway. Grabbing my phone off the nightstand, I see a text from Will.
Will: Merry Christmas, gorgeous.
I grin at his text, almost as if I can hear his voice say those very words. Before my departure, we decided to ditch the Christmas presents since neither one of us are interested in material items. But that isn’t without Will suggesting our present to each other should involve acts in the bedroom.
I had no idea sex could be so liberating, and how, with the right person, there are no limits. My fingers type profusely, knowing that I don’t have long before one of my sisters barges in and demands we open presents.
Me: Merry Christmas, handsome. I hope you behaved and Santa delivered.
Will: He will deliver, again, when you are back and naked in my bed.
Me: I was just thinking the same thing. Four more days, but who is counting?
Will: Me… I am counting.
“Millie, get up!” Alexandra shouts behind the door.
Letting out a groan, I drag my tired ass out of my room and down the stairs. No surprises that my parents went all out with presents scattered around the Christmas tree and stockings full to the brim. Opening presents takes a solid hour with lots of oohs and ahs and a ton of jumping up and down.
I thank my parents and sisters for all the gifts—clothes, jewelry, to name a few. After the younger girls abandon the living room with their presents, I help Dad clean up while Mom prepares breakfast.
“How does it feel to be back home?” Dad asks, picking up the wrapping paper and throwing it in the trash bag in his hand. “California is very different to the East Coast.”
“It’s warmer,” I say, touching an ornament on the tree. “It’s nice.”
“You’ve changed,” he adds, his eyes fixated on me. “You’ve matured in the few months you’ve been gone.”
“I guess college forces you to make better decisions. Plus, I’m nineteen now.”
“You’re a woman.”
“Dad, you’re not going to get sentimental on me, are you?”
“Hear me out.” He places the bag down, taking a seat on the armchair. “You worked incredibly hard to get into Yale. You’re choosing a challenging career, one that will challenge you for the rest of your life. And you’ve managed to make these decisions despite being raised in a wealthy family. I’m proud of you.”
I drop my chin to my chest, trying not to choke up at his admission. “Thanks, Dad. It means a lot to me that you would say this.”
“I was saying to Will the other day how proud I am of you. He agrees you’ve definitely got a strong head on your shoulders and are determined.”
“You talk about me to Will?” The second it comes out, I realize my tone is panicked. Scrambling to save myself, I continue, “I’m sure he has better things to discuss than some college kid.”
“You’re no longer a kid.” Dad smiles, though follows with a long-winded sigh. “You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman, one who will break some man’s heart one day.”
“Oh, so you admit that I’m not a nun?”
“Quite the comedian,” he notes with dark amusement. “If I could have my way—”
“I know, I know,” I drag, rolling my eyes. “If you could have your way, I’d be a spinster. A virgin spinster.”
“You know me well.”
I cross my arms, though, with the purpose of not looking awkward when I ask the question. “So, what does Will have to say about me? Lord knows he’s still traumatized by our childhood. I mean, you make someone scrape their leg once, and they’ll hold it against you for the rest of your life.”
“Surprisingly, he only speaks positively of you. Of course, he has his own things to worry about. We’re this close to finalizing London. If all goes well, he’ll be there in a few months.”
My stomach hardens the moment my heartbeat slows down to what feels like a complete stop. London. I have no idea how many miles away but crossing over an ocean indicates very far away. It shouldn’t come as a shock given the fact that it was raised at Thanksgiving. But I’ve deluded myself into thinking it will all change because we’re together. How stupid of me. According to my dad, I may be beautiful and intelligent, but I don’t have the power to stop a man from becoming the next billionaire.
“That sounds amazing for Will. I’m sure he’s excited to move to London.”
Dad hesitates, lost in thought. “Between you and me, I thought so too. But something has changed over the last month. He’s said a couple of things, which, if I read between the lines, indicates he wants to try to make it work from Manhattan, but it’s just not feasible. Not to mention costly. To make this work, he needs to be in London.”
“Maybe it’s just cold feet,” I suggest, though wondering if I’m the reason he’s hesitating. “He’s lived his whole life in the States. I’m assuming that moving to another country can be daunting.”
“That could be it, or he has someone here he doesn’t want to leave.”
I clear my throat. “C’mon, Dad. He’s a player. I highly doubt it.”
“You don’t know him to like to I do, sweetie. He’s changed.”
This is my chance to extract anything I can about Will’s so-called changed behavior. It isn’t exactly like I can ask Will these very questions. He’ll assume I’m clingy and desperate like most women out there.
“He looks the same to me. How do you think he’s changed?”
Dad ponders on my question, a little too long for my liking.
“His head isn’t clear as it was a few months ago. So much of him reminds me of my younger days, pre-marriage to your mother. I thought I was invincible, and no one could stop me. Then I saw her at a restaurant with another man. I knew then and there that nothing else mattered. Not a single cent of what I sacrificed to become this untouchable wealthy man,” he pauses momentarily, then continues, “And I see that exact same thing with Will.”
“Maybe it’s just a phase, Dad,” I tell him, desperate to make him think otherwise. “Maybe this woman he’s supposedly seeing is just a phase.”
“I think this one has crawled under his skin,” he admits, sure of his himself. “I warned him this would happen one day, and he joked and told me never.”
“Well, we all fall in love one day, right?”
Dad turns to face me with a knowing grin. “You’ve got time, Amelia, just focus on studying for now. All that love business will come when the time is right.”
I nod, unsure of what to say.
“Is everything okay?” Dad questions, tilting his head. “You look disappointed.”
“No, Dad.” I give him a lopsided grin, forcing myself to remain positive. “Everything you’ve said is true. I need to focus on studying. There’s always time for love later.”
Not long after, the rest of our family arrives for lunch. Andy and his family are the first to arrive. I don’t get to chat with him much since Dad wants to catch up with him, stealing all his attention.
My Uncle Noah and Kate arrive with my cousins, then shortly after, my parents’ friends. I consider Haden and Presley like family since they always attend all our family events. They have three sons, their oldest, Masen, being Ava’s age.
Then Mom’s bestie, Eric, arrives with his husband, Tristan. They don’t have children, just two dogs they take everywhere with them—Gloria and Diana. French Bulldogs with a diva-like attitude if you get near them.
“Where’s my little Gilmore Girl?” Eric calls, stretching his hands out to me.
I furrow my brows, unsure what that means. “What’s a Gilmore Girl?”
“Hello! Only the most angstier TV show of all time! Rory Gilmore, the Yale graduate.”
“Never heard of it,” Ava and I say in unison.
“Kids these days,” Eric complains before eyeing me up and down. “You’re getting laid by a man.”
My eyes widen at his assumption. “I… don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“My booty call radar is never off.”
“It’s true,” Aunt Adriana says, beside me. “It’s crazy how spot on he is. Like he’s a psychic of anything penis-related.”
“It’s one of my many talents,” Eric boasts, lifting his shoulders proudly.
“How about you leave my daughter alone?” Mom pushes on my shoulders, away from Eric. “Especially because Lex will hear you and chop your balls off.”
Eric places his hands on his hips. “Your husband, after twenty years, is yet to chop my balls off. I think they’re as safe as balls can get.”
Aunt Adriana shakes her head. “Okay, enough ball talk, please. I’m losing my appetite.”
“Oh, so you’re saying that Julian doesn’t like the occasional tea bagging?”
I let out an obnoxious laugh before choosing to leave this conversation. I love my aunt and uncle, but the last thing I need on my mind is their supposed sex life. Thank God Andy is nowhere around to have heard that.
The day is chaotic as it always is when everyone gets together. Yet, despite being surrounded by all my family, my talk with my dad weighs heavily on my mind.
The truth is—time is running out. According to my father, Will is destined for London.
And I’m destined for only one thing—heartbreak.
