Katie and I head to the hospital straight from the airport.
Once we’ve gone through security, gotten our name badges, and found our way to the oncology floor, I finally start to feel a hole burning in my gut, quickly filling with nerves and anxiety. I reach out to grab onto Katie’s arm as we wait for the elevator, needing the support of holding on to someone.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, looking at me. I don’t return her gaze, instead just nod my head and look at the ground. When the elevator doors slide open, I drop my hold on her and step on.
When the doors have closed us inside the elevator and we’ve pressed the button for the fourth floor, my throat swells with unshed tears.
“I don’t know if I want to see him,” I whisper, hating the way the words taste coming out.
“You’ll hate yourself if you don’t,” Katie responds, looking at me.
I sigh, nodding.
We don’t speak again for the rest of the ride up to our floor, and once the doors are sliding open again, I clear my throat to dislodge the unwelcome emotions.
We walk silently to the nurses’ station at the end of the hall and greet the young man sitting behind the counter.
“I’m here to see Stephen Leyton.”
“Pen?”
I spin at my mother’s voice, my face spreading into a massive smile.
She drops her arms at her sides, her bright eyes filling with tears.
“Mom!” I breathe, heading down the hall to her. I wrap my arms around her when I reach her, feeling her small frame shaking. She smells like she always has, like vanilla and roses and that specific laundry detergent she’s used since I was a kid, and I breathe in deep to savor the familiar scent. “I missed you so much.”
“Sweet girl,” she whispers. “I’ve missed you so much too.”
I pull back to look at her, finding her face wet with tears. “How is he?”
Her dark hair is twisted into the flawless bun atop her head, and her makeup is light. It’s her classic look. Her lips twitch before she speaks, either to smile or frown. “Some days are better than others. Today is a good day.”
I breathe out through my nose in relief.
Katie comes up behind me, her hand wrapping over my shoulder in comfort. She smiles at my mother. “Hi, Mrs. Leyton.”
My mom smiles bright at my best friend. “Hi, honey. It’s so good to see you.”
They hug each other tight, and when they’ve released, I catch my mom’s eye. “Can we see him?”
“Of course, Pen, he’ll be so happy to see you.”
We follow my mom down the hallway, and every step feels like a challenge, like I’m heading toward something that feels wrong. When we get to the end of the hall, she points to a bottle of hand sanitizer on the wall, and Katie and I both use it to disinfect. When we’re clean, she pushes the door to my dad’s room open and leads the way in. The lights are dimmed low, but the curtains are open for the big window across the room, letting the sun shine through.
My father is in bed, a smile kicking up his lips, even with wires hanging from his arms and machines surrounding him. He sits up a little straighter when I’m halfway to him. “I knew I smelled something funny.”
I laugh, stepping closer and sitting down on the edge of his bed. “Hilarious.”
He laughs with me, reaching a frail hand out. I wrap my arms around him, letting my weight rest on him as we hug. He squeezes me, but there isn’t much strength behind it. When I pull back, I study his face. He’s pale, but there’s still mischief and happiness behind his blue eyes, which makes me feel warm from head to toe. I was worried I would walk in and see a shell of the man I once knew, a lifeless corpse knocking on death’s door, but he’s still him.
Dad was diagnosed with lymphoma earlier in the year, and it’s been a tough ride for him. Chemo and radiation have stolen his hair and weight, and he’s highly susceptible to germs, so he’s been confined to the hospital for a while. I’m not completely understanding of the situation. Since both of my parents are doctors, they used lengthy words and technical explanations when speaking about it. I’m sure that was on purpose so they don’t have to say the words “he’s going to die” to me. I understand things aren’t looking good, though.
“I missed you, doll,” my dad whispers, making my eyes fill with tears.
“I missed you, Dad. So much.” I clear my throat to stop myself from crying. “Are they taking care of you here?”
“They do their best,” he answers, tipping his head to the side and narrowing his eyes playfully. “I have to play the doctor card sometimes.”
I laugh. “Of course you do.”
“You should hear him, Pen.” My mother laughs from behind me. “He bothers them for every little thing, even going as far as trying to help the doctors teach the interns.”
I shake my head at my father as I laugh, and he shrugs.
Katie steps up behind me, laying a hand on my father’s in greeting. He looks at her and then looks at me, pretending to whisper behind his hand. “They’ll let anyone in here, won’t they?”
I chuckle, looking at my best friend in time for her to give my father a teasing smack. “Good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor alongside your hair, old man.”
Katie sticks her tongue out, and he booms with laughter.
Their banter puts me at ease, and I’m so fucking thankful in this moment that I brought Katie with me.
Dad pulls my attention, pinching my chin with his fingers. “Did your mother get you set up with the apartment downtown? You got the keys and everything?”
“Yes,” I sigh, pinning him with my gaze. “For the millionth time, you didn’t have to buy me a place. I was fully ready to lease for a while until I could buy myself something.”
“Okay?” he says, giving me that look he’s always given me when I don’t know how to process being handed something. “And now you don’t have to. I’m your father and I wanted to get you set up since you moved back here for me. Don’t argue with me, Pen.”
Mom laughs from the sofa by the window. “Here we go.”
I laugh, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Dad. Katie and I are going to spend the next couple days decorating the new place before she has to go back to Washington.”
He lifts a hand toward Katie and points his finger, “Put that degree to good use, Katie. Use the American Express for whatever you need.”
“I have money saved, Dad.” I say, and his face turns stern. I laugh before he has the chance to argue with me, raising my hands up. “Okay, okay. We’ll use the Amex.”
“He’s become a lot bossier, hasn’t he?” Mom teases, lifting a brow at my dad.
He grins, lifting a brow right back. “Because you’re supposed to give the sick man whatever he wants.”
I chuckle, standing up. “On that note, we’re going to head to my new place. Anything I can get for the bossy man before I go?”
Smiling up at me, he grabs my hand. “I’d love it if you snuck me in some ice cream at some point. We can sit and eat the whole carton together like we used to when you were younger.”
I smile, the memory washing through me. Nodding, I lean down and kiss his cheek. “You got it.”
“Did you get everything sorted with a job down here, doll?” he asks, gripping my fingers between his cold ones. “Don’t be mad at me for calling Headmistress Rothchild. I just want the best for you.”
I shake my head at him. “I had already secured the job at Luxington High before you spoke to her. I start next week.”
“Well,” my mother says playfully, “looks like our brilliant daughter doesn’t need your help after all, Dr. Leyton.”
He looks at her, smirking. “You know I love when you call me that.”
“Jesus,” I groan, a scowl pulling my features even as I laugh at their flirting. I step backwards toward Katie. “We’re outta here. Goodbye, family.”
My parents laugh, my father calling out to me. “I love you, doll.”
I shake my head with a smile, heading out into the hallway, yelling back at him, “I love you too.”
Katie and I exchange hugs with my mother at the elevator, then we’re heading down to the ground floor again.
“You okay?” Katie asks while we’re secured in the silence of the elevator.
I nod. “He looks good, and it makes me feel better that he’s still cracking jokes.”
She slides her fingers between mine. “Definitely a good sign, Pen.”
“Everything will be okay,” I breathe, saying the words more to myself than to my friend, simply because I want to believe them so badly.
The elevator opens once we’re back on the ground floor, and we head to the parking garage where we left the rental car. It’s deep into the afternoon in Raleigh, and we have another hour drive to Luxington to my new apartment. So once we’re buckled in, I blast the stereo and roll all the windows down, desperate for the smell of the ocean to consume me.
I light a cigarette, ignoring the no smoking signs on the dash of the rental, and tuck my hair behind my ears as I pull onto the highway and head south.
I’m home.
“I forgot your parents were boujee as fuck.” Katie chuckles as I unlock the solid, shiny black door to my new apartment.
We arrived at the freestanding apartment building about five minutes ago, parked next to the spot with my name on it in the garage, and lugged our suitcases up to the fourth floor. When my dad said apartment, I assumed it would be an apartment complex – something normal – instead, I’m in a building that outshines the rest of the block. It’s solid concrete, painted white to stand stark against the blue sky, windows covering two sides. The accents are all white too, except the window frames, which are silver. It’s fancy. It probably cost my parents an arm and a leg.
I laugh under my breath as I push the front door open, dragging my suitcase behind me. The movers unloaded my furniture from Washington yesterday, so I’m greeted by familiarity. The floors inside are dark wood, and my shoes are noisy against them as I cross into the living room. I leave my suitcase leaning against my black leather sofa and toss my purse down next to it so I can keep exploring.
Katie trails past me, her suitcase discarded along the way as well, and goes to the long black curtains on the far wall. She pulls the cord at the side, exposing a set of glass doors that stretch across the entire wall that leads out to the balcony.
“Damn,” I say, walking over to them and flipping the lock on the door before I slide it open.
The breeze flows in once the door is open all the way, the smell of saltwater and fresh air wrapping around us. I step out onto the balcony to look out to the ocean. You can’t see much of the beach from here, only little strips between the buildings that cover the view. The shore is maybe a ten-minute walk from my apartment, and I can’t wait to spend every night with sand between my toes.
The sun is setting, turning the sky to different shades of orange as the moon kisses the sky and the day says goodnight. Katie rests against the railing next to me and we spend a few minutes in comfortable silence just listening to the sounds of the ocean and savoring the freshness of the air. My stomach rumbling through the quiet pulls our attention, and we both laugh.
“Let’s change and go get something to eat.” I chuckle, turning to head back inside.
“I need a shower. I still feel the plane all over me,” Katie says, following me inside and closing the door behind her. “Find a restaurant while I do.”
“Okay.” I drop down on the couch while she heads for the bathroom. “But pick out something mildly slutty to wear, we’re going to Amethyst after dinner.”
I spent lots of nights at the one and only club in downtown Luxington – Amethyst – growing up, thanks to my fake ID. Not that they ever checked it; they saw cleavage and pulled the velvet rope to the side. Amethyst is owned by some skeevy guy who rots away behind the bar, but they play good music, and the drinks are strong. Plus, beggars can’t be choosers. Living in a small town, you take what you can get. Me and my friends weren’t going to drive into Raleigh to get shitfaced, especially when we lived at the beach and could spend nights sobering up to the sound of the ocean.
“Fine!” Katie calls behind her. “But you can’t ditch me for a hookup!”
I laugh, picking up my phone to occupy myself while she showers. “Deal!”
