I’m in a catatonic state the entire way home; it’s a miracle I make it in one piece.
When I reach my front door, Hayden is sitting on the floor against it.
When he sees me, he jumps up. “Penelope.”
I don’t look at him, just step beside him and unlock my door. “Go away.”
“What happened?!” he asks in a panicked tone, putting a hand on mine.
“I got fired,” I tell him simply, pushing the front door open and stepping inside. When I turn to close it behind me, he pushes in after me.
“Hayden,” I whisper, barely hanging on. “Go home.”
“No,” he says, slamming my front door behind him. “We need to talk; we need to figure this out.”
I huff a humorless laugh, dropping my stuff on the floor. “There’s nothing to figure out. I got fired, you told me you don’t really love me, and now I need to pack up my apartment and leave town.”
He steps toward me and tries to grab my shoulders, but I step away before he can.
“P, what are you talking about? You know I didn’t mean that shit I said.”
I shake my head, feeling anger growing in the pit of my stomach. “No, actually, I don’t fucking know that, Hayden. I don’t know you.”
He shakes his head, opening his mouth and closing it before speaking again. “What are you even saying right now? You know me better than anyone ever has… Please, just let me fix this.”
I throw my phone across my apartment. “There’s nothing to fix!”
My blood boils, and we stare at each other for a minute before I start yelling again.
“You ruined my entire fucking life, Hayden! All because of a temper tantrum! I never want to fucking see you again!”
His expression drops as he searches my face. “You don’t mean that. This is just another fight.”
“I do mean it!” I shout, tears running down my face.
He walks toward me, and I back up until my back hits the wall and he gets the chance to grab me. “I love you, P. And I know you love me.” He kisses my cheek, my neck, my lips. “I love you so fucking much. I can’t let you go.”
“Hayden, stop it,” I sob, feeling torn down the middle. “Please, just leave.”
Running his hands down my sides, his mouth suctions on my throat, and I hate the lick of desire that runs through my core. I want to throw up. I want to scream. “Hayden, please.”
“I love you,” he says between open-mouthed kisses along my neck and chest, his hands sliding under my shirt to squeeze my breasts. “I love you, baby.”
I shake my head. “Stop it.”
Pressing a kiss to my lips, he smooths a hand down the front of my pants. “Let me fix it, let me make you feel good.”
“No,” I say on a breath, trying to pull away from him. “You can’t fix this with sex, Hayden.”
He slides two fingers through my center, over my clit, then plunges them inside me. I cry out, hating how my legs try to spread farther for him, even as tears run down my face.
“I love you,” he says against my lips.
“I hate you,” I cry, gyrating my hips against his hand.
He fucks me with his fingers, and I stop trying to push him away. “Is that why your pussy is so wet for me, because you hate me?”
When he curls his fingers, hitting my G-spot, I grab onto his hair mindlessly, needing something to pull on. He chuckles against my mouth, and it makes me see red.
“Fuck you,” I grit out.
Sliding his tongue against my lips, he pulls his hand out of my pants. “I love when you get angry, baby, it makes my dick so hard.”
He pulls my pants down before I can stop him, then he’s kicking my legs apart while he frees his cock from his pants.
“Hayden,” I say, pulling away from him. “No.”
“Yes, baby. Let me fix it.” Lifting me up, slips inside of me in one powerful thrust.
I cry, “I fucking hate you.”
He groans, rolling his hips against mine. “Show me how much you hate me, baby.”
Pleasure spreads over my skin like wildfire I can’t keep away, and I grab his hair to pull it painfully, moaning louder as he fucks me harder.
“C’mon, P. Get fucking angry, punish me for what I did.”
I flush red hot, my skin turning sticky with sweat, then I slap him across the face.
He groans, bucking into me. “Again. Harder.”
Tears still run down my face as I hit him again, this time in the chest, then I’m enraged and I can’t stop myself from doing it again and again and again. I hit every part of him I can reach – his chest, his shoulders, his arms, his face.
“I hate you,” I cry, feeling my orgasm burning in my core, ready to go off. “I hate you so fucking much.”
He moans in response, fucking me so roughly that my back bangs against the wall over and over. “That’s it, baby. Hurt me. You’re gonna make me come so hard.”
I yell when my orgasm explodes, digging my nails into his neck until I feel the skin split.
“Fuck!” he yells, slamming his mouth to mine. I feel him swell inside of me, then he’s coming with me, thrusting between my legs so hard and fast that I can’t help but scream.
When we’re both coming down from our bliss, he kisses me slowly, our chests heaving against each other. Pulling away, he kisses down my jaw to my neck. “I think that was the best sex we’ve ever had.”
I release my hold from his neck, brushing them down his arms. “A great way to say goodbye.”
He pulls back to look at me, and my chest aches. “Goodbye?”
I nod, my eyes filling with tears again as he places me on my feet. Bending down to pull my pants back up, I clear my throat. “I’ll never be able to forgive you.”
He shakes his head, taking a step back and tucking himself into his pants. “Baby…”
I feel my anger taking over again that he really thinks this will be so easily fixed and forgotten, and more tears fall.
“You can’t fix this, Hayden. You’ve ruined everything.”
His eyes fill with tears. “You don’t mean that.”
The pain in his voice almost has me reconsidering, but then I remember that I’m left with nothing. No one. He’s the only connection I’ve made in Luxington since I returned – besides Barbara – and I just don’t have the mental space to keep going through this with him.
“You need to leave,” I force myself to say, looking away. “And never come back.”
“P…” he chokes out, holding his hands out for me, but when I flinch away, he drops them. “You don’t mean it. This is what we do – we fight, we fuck, we fight some more, and at the end of the day, we love each other.”
I shake my head, still unable to look him in the eye. “Love isn’t enough anymore.”
When he doesn’t say anything in response, I turn to look at him finally, finding him crumbling to pieces in front of me. I swallow, trying to keep my composure when all I want to do is fall to the floor and cry.
“You fucking ruined everything.”
