Monday morning feels like it could be a fresh start, but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because normalcy resumes after a weekend that felt a month long – coffee, shower, dress, makeup, drive to work, listen to Barbara complain about having to be here, get a lesson ready, welcome our first class of students.
I haven’t heard from Hayden this morning, but it isn’t particularly odd. He has breakfast with his friends some mornings, so I don’t worry.
But like every disaster that starts as a normal day, my chest feels heavy and there’s something twisting in my gut that just won’t go away, like something just doesn’t feel right.
I throw myself into my first classes, hoping it’s just the weight of the weekend still looming over me, the vivid images of Hayden hugging the toilet bowl, crying on the floor, and swaying his way down the sidewalk in New York on a constant repeat in my head.
I excuse myself to the bathroom when the bells rings to signal the end of second period, using the small frame of time we have between classes to splash some water on my face and reset my mind. Hustling back to my classroom before the bell rings again, I find a familiar pep in my step because this is the class period that I get to see Hayden. Maybe looking at his beautiful face will make me feel a little better.
He hasn’t shown up to class when I get back to the room, but there are still a few minutes until he’s late. Instead of starting to worry, I sit down at my desk and start prepping for the class period. We’re giving a test today after Barbara finishes her lecture, so I get all the papers in order to occupy my mind.
I smell him before I see him – that scent that has stuck to my sheets and made a home on my skin. Except there’s something stronger trying to overtake it. Alcohol and smoke.
When I look up, I find Hayden stumbling into class, his arm thrown over his friend Levi, who’s laughing as he guides him to his seat. I swallow the lump in my throat and try to decide what to do. Panic grips my insides, choking me and making me start to sweat.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I can do. It’s not like I can go over to him and make any sort of move to protect him; I have to just sit here and watch this happen like I don’t even know him. Moisture licks at the back of my eyes as I watch him fall into his seat, his body like jelly moving in slow motion.
Levi pats him on the shoulder, saying something to him that’s too quiet for me to hear, and Hayden waves him off.
When he looks up at me, I want to crack – fall to pieces and say fuck it all, just run over and wrap myself around him.
His eyes are more bloodshot than I’ve ever seen them, and dark circles shadow under his eyes, making him look ill. He’s pale, more pale than usual, and when he smiles at me, my stomach flips. Eyes fluttering, his face spreads into a smile that tells me he’s more than just drunk – he’s absolutely shitfaced.
Looking away from him and focusing on the black screen of my computer, I say a tiny prayer in my mind that he can get through this class period without Barbara noticing he’s fucked up.
The bell finally rings overhead, making me jump, and Barbara heads for the whiteboard before it’s finished.
“Good morning,” she says, writing some words on the board that don’t register in my busy mind. “Today, we’ll talk about different governments around the world, and compare them to our own. We’ll open a discussion, then Miss Leyton has a test for you.”
She keeps talking, but the blood rushes in my ears so loud that I can’t hear her words – it’s all just noises. I blink, and more people are talking, students asking her questions and discussing whatever it is she’s talking about.
When I hear his name, I snap to and look across the room at him.
“Mr. Monroe, care to comment? You’ve been rather quiet,” Barbara says, and I swallow over my dry throat.
“Nah,” Hayden says, grinning from ear to ear as his body sways from side to side.
“Nah is not an appropriate response, Mr. Monroe. Tell me something about a foreign government that you know,” Barbara presses, capping the marker in her hand.
Oh, God, please – get him through this, make this moment end.
Hayden puts his hands together on top of his desk, and when he speaks, his voice slurs. “How the fuck would I know anything about some other country’s government?”
“Watch your language in my classroom,” Barbara snaps. “If you aren’t going to participate in class, maybe you should spend the period in the headmistress’s office?”
Hayden laughs, his head rolling back.
“Maybe I’ll just leave.” His words mush together, becoming one long word that’s hard to understand. He swings his legs to the side and tries to stand up, but he stumbles from his own weight and can’t get out of the desk. “I don’t need this fucking place. I don’t need any of you.”
Barbara crosses her arms over her chest. “Mr. Monroe, are you intoxicated in my classroom?”
He laughs, trying to lift himself up again, and when he gets a good footing, he rises.
Putting a finger over his lips, he shushes between his teeth. “Don’t say that. Penelope will get mad at me if she finds out.”
My stomach turns to steel and falls to my ass, but I don’t dare look over my shoulder at Barbara. Maybe if I don’t react, she’ll think he’s talking about someone else named Penelope.
“I think it’s best if you see the headmistress now,” Barbara says, stepping toward Hayden.
He waves a hand in the air. “Yeah, yeah, calm down, you old cunt. I’m going.”
I flinch, and Barbara slams her hand down on the table in front of her. “Mr. Monroe!”
“What?!” he snaps back, looking across the room at her. “What do you fucking want from me?!”
Levi stands up and puts a hand on Hayden’s shoulder. “Man, c’mon, let’s go.”
Hayden spins around the best he can while he wobbles on his feet, pushing Levi’s chest with both hands. “Don’t fucking touch me, Levi.”
I stand from pure instinct alone, every part of me wanting to stretch across the room and help him. “Hayden.”
He turns slowly, looking up at me from under his heavy eyelids. “What?”
I swallow, twisting my hands together in a panic. “Let me walk you to the office.”
He laughs, and the sound of it sends a chill down my spine. “Fuck you, P. Fuck you.” Swallowing roughly, he runs a hand down his face before he looks at me again.
“You know, you’ve been trying to fix me since the moment we met, but guess what?” He waves a hand over himself. “You can’t fucking fix me, I’ll always be the fuck up. No matter how many pretty pictures you want to paint, it’ll never be anything different. This is who I am, and you can’t make it better. You should have walked away a long time ago. How many times do I need to treat you like shit before you realize I don’t actually love you?”
Time stands still and the blood rushes in my head. It isn’t until Barbara puts a hand on my shoulder, making me jump, that I finally take a breath. “Penelope, leave.”
I shake my head, my eyes filling with moisture.
“Go,” Barbara whispers. “We have a classroom full of students, you need to go.”
“Hayden,” I say, finding his eyes across the room, desperate to see regret in them, but he just laughs.
I sit in the teachers’ lounge with tears running down my face for a half hour before anyone comes looking for me. I’m surprised to see Barbara walk through the door and close it softly behind her. I thought my first visit would be from Headmistress Rothchild.
Barbara moves across the space silently, pulls out a chair at the table I’m sitting at, then sits down, crossing her legs. I watch her, and she sighs.
“Penelope…” she starts, then she presses her lips together in thought.
“I met him before school started,” I blurt, going on defense, and she shakes her head at me. “He’s eighteen,” I add, swallowing over the lump in my throat as I brush the tears from my face.
Silence washes over us again, and my body turns ice cold. After a moment, Barbara reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “None of that matters, Penelope.”
More tears flow from my eyes, and I nod. “I know.”
She sighs again. “I believed in you; I think that’s the hardest part for me to wrap my mind around. I really thought this was a good fit for you.”
“It is,” I croak, tears sliding down my face and off my jaw. “I made a mistake.”
She shakes her head again. “Oh, honey. Someone who’s right for this job would have cut it off on the first day.”
I wipe the back of my hand across my face, my next words slipping past my lips in a whisper. “I love him.”
She squeezes my hand, then we sit in silence, and she listens to me cry while stroking her thumb over my hand.
Who would have guessed that Barbara Justice would end up being my closest friend in Luxington? After shutting out everyone in my life as I became consumed in my relationship with Hayden, it’s strange but comforting that I just finally spoke about this with someone.
After ten minutes, Barbara stands and holds a hand out for me. “It’s time to see the headmistress, Penelope. Do you want me to come with you?”
I shake my head, and she drops her hand. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll walk you there,” she says, smiling softly, and I meet her gaze. She looks so disappointed, but there’s something else behind her eyes – like she genuinely cares for me and how this all turns out. She feels like a mother figure now, like she stepped out of one pair of shoes and into another when I needed it most. Since I haven’t been able to tell my parents about Hayden, I’m glad Barbara is here.
She walks by my side on the way to the office, and when we reach the headmistress’s door, we hear a man yelling from the other side.
“You will not be expelling my son. I will get him the help he needs, then he will return, or you can kiss my donations goodbye!”
I look at Barbara, and she rolls her eyes as she whispers to me. “James Monroe.”
His voice booms out again. “My son will not be punished for the behavior of a predatory teacher! You should have done a better job protecting him. He may never have started using drugs and alcohol if it weren’t for this woman!”
A chill runs through me, and my stomach turns sour.
Barbara sighs before leading me to the bench just outside the headmistress’s door.
“You don’t have to sit here with me. Go back to class, Barbara,” I say, patting her on the hand.
She nods. “I did leave the students there by themselves.”
I chuckle. “Go. Give them the test.”
“Come and see me after your meeting, okay?”
“I will.”
She gives me a hopeful smile as she stands up, and I watch her walk away until I can’t see her anymore. Exhaling heavily, I rub my hands over my face to wipe away any leftover tears. I straighten my outfit afterwards, then sit up with my shoulders back to maintain the façade of composure I’m going to need to get through this meeting.
The door for the headmistress’s office opens, and James Monroe’s voice becomes clearer. “I’m glad we could come to an agreement, Headmistress. Hayden will be back in a few months. Please watch out for my check in the mail after I’ve returned to New York.”
I look over at the door, and Hayden comes out first. My mouth waters wearily, like I’m going to be sick, and he runs toward me. “P, I’m so sorry—”
“Hayden.” His father’s voice cuts through the room as he steps out of the office. “Enough. Go.”
Hayden shrinks like a dying flower, backing away from me slowly. He shakes his head, and his eyes fill with tears. “I’m so sorry. I love you. I’ll fix this.”
Waves of heat rush down the back of my neck as I grow angry at his words. How dare he tell me he loves me after everything he just did.
Headmistress Rothchild steps into view then. “Miss Leyton, my office, please.”
I look at Hayden one last time, memorizing the way his face looks, so filled with grief and pain, then I stand up and walk into her office with my tail tucked between my legs.
Headmistress Rothchild closes the door behind me, then walks around the desk. As I’m sitting down in one of the vacant chairs, she heaves a sigh and drops into her seat. “You’ve made quite a mess, haven’t you?”
I nod minutely, keeping my mouth shut in fear I’ll spill the contents of my stomach on the floor.
She places her hands on the top of her desk. “I’m going to lay this out in plain language for you, because after meeting with James Monroe, my head has started to throb.”
I keep my gaze on her, and she continues.
“Mr. Monroe would like to keep this… incident as small as possible. There will be no legal action taken against you or the school, and Hayden will be allowed to return to finish out his senior year with us.” She sighs again, rolling her lips. “I will do my best to keep the chatter amongst students to a minimum; however, since Hayden made a scene in a classroom filled with people… this may be difficult.”
“Okay,” I say as nerves rush through my body, making my limbs tremble.
“You will be given a severance package and terminated immediately.”
My eyes fill with tears, and I try my best to blink them back. I knew this was coming, but it hurts even more than I thought it would to hear.
The headmistress sighs once more and sits forward in her chair. “Can I give you a piece of advice, Penelope?”
“Okay,” I repeat, brushing a tear from my cheek.
“Get out of Luxington,” she says, her eyes searing into mine. “Nothing good can come from being involved with the Monroe family, dear, and you will never work again as long as James Monroe has his hand in this town like a puppet.”
I swallow roughly. “I appreciate the advice.”
She stands, clearing her throat. “I would like for you to stay here until the students go for their lunch break, then I will escort you to your classroom to gather your belongings.”
