Three years later
Ringing the bell of Carson and Logan’s house in L.A., I balance the flowers I have for Logan in one hand and the present I have for Carson in the other. They leave next week for Carson’s first official game with the NFL, so the whole gang is getting together to have one final dinner before distance separates us.
I’m the last to arrive, of course, because being on time isn’t part of who I am.
When Logan opens the front door, she levels me with a look that screams sass. Her hair is curled, and she’s wearing a dress that hugs her body, but her feet are bare.
“You’re late.” She narrows her golden eyes at me.
I hold up the flowers in my hand. “Yeah, but I brought you sunflowers.”
She holds back a smile, stepping to the side and holding the door open. “Come in, everyone’s in the living room.”
I kiss her on the cheek as I pass her, and she takes the flowers from my hand. “Don’t leave me. Let Carson go by himself.”
She laughs, smacking me on the shoulder. “And let him take care of himself? He won’t last the season.”
I chuckle, and she closes the front door before she follows me through the house to the living room.
Levi and Carson are on the couch, both holding bottles of beer and laughing over whatever they’re talking about. When Logan and I walk in, they turn their heads to look at us.
“What’s up, man?” Carson says, and they both stand up to greet me. After I’ve clapped hands with both of my best friends, Logan clears her throat to get our attention.
“Can we eat?” she says, leaning against the doorframe.
We all follow her to the dining room, which she has littered with candles, and find our seats at the table. Logan goes around, setting plates in front of us and bringing me a glass of water before she sits down next to where Carson is at the head of the table.
“This is nice.” She sighs, taking a drink of her beer. “One last family dinner.”
“Not the last. You guys will be back in no time,” Levi says, smiling softly at each of us.
“And you guys will fly out for games and stuff, right?” Carson asks, cutting into his food. “I get tickets for each game for friends and family.”
“You know we’ll be there whenever we can be,” I say, meeting his eyes. Through everything, Carson has been the most supportive brother to me, and there’s nothing that would stop me from repaying the favor. This is my family, and it feels weird that half of us are going to be gone for most of the year now.
“How are things going working for your dad, Hayden?” Logan asks, eyes curious. “Is he being nice?”
I chuckle. “He stepped back, so he’s basically in retirement. I don’t know what’s going on with him. It’s like after everything that happened senior year, a little heart grew in his hollow chest. We rarely talk, though he’s putting a lot of trust in me. I guess I’m alright at investing other people’s money.”
“Well, you’ve been spending your dad’s money for so long, I guess you got good at it.” Carson laughs.
I roll my eyes, laughing. “Yeah, well.”
“So, no chance for him to fuck you up even more now that he’s stepped aside?” Logan pushes, forever the worrier.
I give her a look. “He moved back to Luxington, actually.”
“Wow,” she says. “So who’s running New York?”
“I am.” I take a sip of my water. “Remotely for now while I get the L.A. office up and running, then I’ll go back and forth.”
“Do you guys miss Luxington sometimes?” Levi asks, changing the subject. “Feels weird we haven’t been home in so long.”
Logan and Carson both shake their heads, but it’s Carson who speaks. “Nah, since our parents moved, there’s not really a reason to go back.”
I sit silently, hating the way my gut twists when I think about Luxington, the town that made me and broke me all at once. My friends have gone back to visit — they went and stayed on the beach for spring break last year — but I haven’t been back since I moved to California I see no reason to – there’s nothing left for me there.
Nightmares still wake me up most nights, and they’re always of the dark time in my life when I lived in Luxington.
After my first stay in rehab, I started seeing a therapist twice a week, as well as a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder paired with minor post-traumatic stress disorder from watching my mom die. It was hard to adjust to being labeled. I felt like I was walking around with a post-it note on my forehead that had all my secrets written on it. But therapy helped – that and meds – and eventually, I learned how to control the urges inside of me.
They say that not every case of bipolar is the same, and it was hard to understand that my doctors had to spend time picking apart my past to understand how to treat me, but after four years, I’m finally in a stable place that I’m proud of.
I’m also 100% sober.
Drugs and alcohol were doing nothing but triggering depression more, and I learned that there are safer crutches to lean on in times of need.
“Hayden?” Logan says, pulling me from my thoughts. “What about you? Do you miss NC?”
I look around the table at each of my friends. “Why would I miss it when the only good parts of my life there moved away with me?”
“Not what your Instagram search history says,” Levi mutters, putting his beer to his lips.
I shoot daggers at him. “Stop going through my phone.”
They all laugh, and Levi puts his bottle down. “I was using your phone to creep on that hot assistant of yours. I didn’t want to tip off the algorithm or HR or something.”
“Please, no fucking our employees, Levi,” I grumble. “I’m busy enough as it is. Don’t make me fire you.”
Levi waves me off and rolls his eyes. “Sure, boss.”
Carson laughs. “You two working and living together is a terrible idea.”
I smile like a shithead. “He works for me, we don’t work together.”
“God, you’re a piece of shit.” Levi laughs, making me laugh too.
Logan puts her elbows on the table and looks at me. “Back to the search history. You still thinking about her?”
“No,” I lie. “It’s been over four years – I was just curious.”
“Time means nothing,” she says softly. “You’re allowed to miss her.”
“Well,” I say, looking down at my plate. “I don’t.”
“Hayden…” Logan says, her golden eyes turning sad. “She was a huge part of your life, and she ghosted without a word… It’s okay to still love her.”
My phone rings then, saving me from having this conversation with my best friend again, and when I pull it from my pocket, it’s from a North Carolina area code.
I swipe the screen to answer it, then put the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
A feminine but professional voice answers me. “Hi, this is Dr. Michaela at Luxington General Hospital. I’m looking for Hayden Monroe.”
“This is he.”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Monroe, but your father has had a heart attack. I think it’s best you come right away,” the doctor says, her voice even like she has a lot of practice at making these calls. My stomach drops, and my teeth go cold like I’m going to have a panic attack.
“Um,” I say, looking at Logan, but speaking into the phone. “I mean, is he okay?”
“I think you should get here as soon as you can,” she says, and my stomach flips.
“Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can get a flight.”
I clear the lump in my throat as I hang up the phone, and when I look up, all three of my friends are staring at me.
“My dad had a heart attack.” I swallow, then take a breath. “I have to go to Luxington.”
