Early that Saturday morning, I packed my family into the Escalade on our way to Barstow, California where my SEAL buddy Mike had his kennel. The drive was through the desert on route 15.
“We’re coming up on Victorville,” I said. “Anyone need to pee?”
“I’m fine, Dad,” Whitney said, busy on her tablet.
“Ashley?”
“No, Daddy,” she murmured sleepily.
Kelly was on the phone with Alana, her cousin back east who’d been kicking ass as a private investigator for their dad’s agency. The phone call gave us a respite from Ashley and Whitney singing a popular song from a Korean pop group. I loved my kids, but I’d heard that damned song more times than I cared to. The chorus had been hammered into my brain like a mantra—and not in a good way. I glanced over at my wife and she shot me a quick smile before giving her attention back to the phone.
We attended our first couple’s counseling session the day before. I still thought it was a waste of time. If we’d put our minds to it, we could’ve come up with a solution ourselves. I wasn’t down with putting the pause on sex as the counselor suggested while we worked through our issues. That was a problem before when we just used sex to scratch an itch. In my damned opinion, it was the not talking and just having sex without sharing a bed afterwards that caused the problems. Admittedly, staying with her grandparents put an automatic moratorium on our sexual activities, but thank fuck we managed to get it out of our systems a couple of days ago.
I passed the exit for Victorville and checked the clock on the dash. We were making good time and should be there in thirty minutes.
“I’ll see you and Charles tomorrow,” Kelly said. “I’m really fine. You all don’t need to be here. LAPD is on the case. Seriously, when you do get here, please don’t interfere and question the detectives … ohmigod, I’m not giving you their names. Just chill, okay?” Kelly paused for a while, just shaking her head. “All right, all right. See you tomorrow.”
After ending the call, she turned to the kids. “Your aunt Alana says hi.”
“I can’t wait to see her,” Whitney said. “I miss her.”
“She’s got business in Vegas, but maybe you all can hang out after,” Kelly said.
“Is she putting away the bad guys, Mama?” Ashley asked. “Maybe she can help Uncle Kelso.”
I chuckled. “Didn’t she get in trouble with one of the Harlem detectives?”
“That was because she showed them how sloppy they were and helped them solve the case. She didn’t get the credit, but she got paid. Alana doesn’t give a hoot about prestige. She just wants to get the job done.” Kelly paused. “Like you and your team.”
My hand reached over to take hers, and I gave the back of her fingers a quick kiss and shot her a quick glance. “Thanks, beautiful.”
She inhaled sharply, and her eyes glimmered with what suspiciously looked like tears. I returned my gaze to the road but observed from my peripheral vision that she had turned her head to look out the window while surreptitiously swiping her eyes at the same time giving my hand a squeeze. In the past two days, despite what happened between Whitney and Ash, my heart swelled with hope at how quickly we fell back into being a family. I loved it. There was still a lingering regret of missing Ashley’s first steps and every single first I would never experience again. I unloaded that in our counseling session. I didn’t resent Kelly for insisting on a separation, but I copped to frustration and anger when she put up that wall between us last Christmas. It blindsided the fuck out of me. I’d never been more miserable in my life.
“Are we there yet, Dad?” Whitney asked.
Ah, the perpetual question.
“About half hour,” I said.
“Mom, do you have beef jerky?”
Kelly looked into her tote bag of snacks and handed Whit the jerky. “Don’t eat too much. We’ll be having lunch before we meet your dad’s friend.”
“I’m excited,” Whitney said as she tore open the jerky. “Dogs can eat jerky, right?”
“Yes, but I’m not sure we should give him the human kind. Too much salt,” Kelly said. “Which reminds me, drink water after you eat that. How about you, Ash, are you hungry? Want some snacks from here … what’s wrong, sweetie?”
“Daddy is going to be mad at me,” Ashley whimpered.
I glanced at the rearview mirror upon hearing the misery in her voice. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”
“I need to pee.”
Kelly
“Can you hold it for a while longer?” Levi asked.
“I really, really need to go, Daddy.”
I felt for both Levi and Ashley. There wasn’t anything for miles and miles. Just the road and desert on both sides. The shoulder wasn’t an option either.
“Dad asked you earlier if you needed to pee,” Whitney told her sister.
“I really didn’t need to.”
“Maybe you should have worn a diaper.”
“Whit,” I admonished my older daughter. “Not helping.”
“She’s gonna pee in the car, Mom,” Whitney grumbled. “Then she’ll ruin this entire trip.”
Ashley started to cry.
“It’s just a car,” Levi cut in. “Whit, remember what we talked about? Ashley, baby, hold it for a minute longer, all right? I see an exit coming up.”
Levi told me about his conversation with Whit so I’d be aware of what was simmering between our girls. Even with that setback, I felt like we were becoming a team again. Neither of us expected an overnight miracle. Anxiety didn’t help either. My oldest was eager to see the puppy and her sister was the obstacle.
“The desert?” I saw where there was a crossroad ahead.
“No choice,” Levi said. “You’re going to have to tough it out, baby girl.” He glanced at the rearview mirror. “So, I’ll need you to stop crying.”
After trying several attempts to stop crying, Ashley gave one last ragged hiccup. “Okay.”
The exit Levi was talking about was a crossroads that led to nowhere. There was nothing on either side of it but sparse low-lying shrubbery. He went off the highway into an intersecting paved street before off-roading it into the desert, coming to a stop beside brush and rock.
“I’m not getting out,” Whitney declared.
“That’s fine.” Levi shot me a look, and I guess I knew what to do.
He got out of the SUV and opened the door to Ashley’s side, unbuckling her from the child seat and jogged off with her to the nearest shrub.
“Aren’t there rattlesnakes?” Whitney asked, watching her dad and sister move away from the safety of the vehicle.
“They’re around, but your sister is fine. That’s why your dad didn’t want us along, so he can keep an eye on her.” I peeked over at Whitney. “What you said to Ashley hurt her feelings.”
My daughter pursed her lips and lowered her eyes to the iPad. “I know. Dad explained to me how words could hurt and stick. I’ll apologize.”
“Good. This is an exciting day for both of you. You need to be patient with her. You’re the big sister, Whit. You know what that means, don’t you?”
“I look after Ashley when you and Dad can’t.”
“Yes. I know Ashley is at that age where she can irritate you.”
Whitney grumbled, “She can be annoying and stuff. But I love her and I want to be a good sister.”
I reached out and patted her hand. “Thank you.”
She looked past my shoulder. “Looks like she’s done.”
Levi had Ashley piggybacked over his brawny shoulders. She had her arms up in the air and was giggling. An indescribable emotion shot through me. It grew too big to contain in my chest. Was this it? Was this us being a family again? I wanted that desperately.
“Are you getting back with Dad?” Whitney asked.
It used to be, I’d shrug and give a non-committal answer. This time I turned in my seat and looked her in the eye. “We’re working on it.”
And I felt those words to the bottom of my heart.
Things went more smoothly from there. When we reached Barstow, we had lunch at a local family restaurant that served farm-to-table all-American food. They made everything in-house from their bread to the mayonnaise they put on their sandwiches. My daughters especially loved their house-made potato chips. Sated from lunch, we drove another ten minutes to his friend’s kennels.
A mile of unpaved road with pastureland on either side stretched before us. Levi said his friend bought the place to breed horses, but ended up going after his other passion of training protection dogs. The ranch house was massive. The barn had been transformed into kennels.
Our girls had their faces plastered to the windows.
“Look to your right,” Levi pointed to a man wearing a padded suit that made him look like a sumo wrestler. In front of him was a German Shepherd being restrained by his handler. “They’re doing bite exercises.”
“I see that on TV,” Whit exclaimed. “That’s so they can chase the bad guys when the cops can’t, right?”
“Yup.”
We had originally planned on an already-trained protection dog, but Levi and I thought it over and agreed that we couldn’t deny our kids the experience of raising a puppy.
The Escalade pulled up to a parking space in front of a ranch house.
A man in a ball cap stepped out. He was about five-ten and had a lean muscular frame, wearing a tee with the company logo imprinted on the front.
Levi exited the vehicle and extended his arm. Handshakes were exchanged and then slaps on the back. I slipped down from the vehicle and opened Whitney’s door while Levi went back to help Ashley out of the child seat.
The children pulsed with excitement.
Holding Whitney’s hand, we met Mike in front of the SUV.
“Beautiful kids.” Mike sank to his haunches and bopped Ashley lightly on the nose. “Ready to meet the new member of your family?” He glanced over at Whit and ruffled her hair.
There were bobbleheads and grins all around. Ashley’s gapped-tooth smile was adorable. Even Levi’s tough-looking friend was charmed. “Come on then.”
The men walked ahead while the girls and I followed more slowly. There was controlled chaos, barking, and shouting around us that made our daughters a bit tentative. We passed by the space Levi pointed out and saw a dog take down the guy in the puffy suit.
Ash and Whit’s hands tightened in mine. A sense of foreboding dropped in my stomach wondering if they should be witnessing that. Watching it on TV was different. It also reinforced our decision to start with a puppy rather than a fully trained protection dog.
“Is that what our dog will do to a bad guy, Mama?” Ashley asked, her face serious.
“Yes, honey.” I put my arm around her.
“That’s so cool,” Whitney said.
“That boy over there is going to a federal task force.” Mike glanced back at us and pointed to the dog in question. His eyes softened when he saw the girls plastered to me. “You’re getting a teddy bear compared to that one.”
“But he’s so cool!” Whitney enthused.
“Too much energy for all of us.” Levi winked at his daughter.
Ashley exhaled a big breath. “I don’t think I can keep up with that one. He’s fast.”
Mike led us into a corralled area where a gaggle of rambunctious puppies tripped over each other to greet us.
“Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.” Whitney let go of my hand and crossed in front of me, not sure where to look, while Ashley was more reserved. My youngest continued to cling to me, but the big smile on her face reassured me she was happy and excited.
Levi came to my side and grasped my hand, giving it a squeeze. Our gazes met and communicated the same thing. Seeing the sheer joy and wonder on our children’s faces were moments to treasure.
Our attention shifted to the kids and the puppies. Ashley finally let go of my hand and joined her sister.
Levi wrapped his arms around me, and I leaned into him. Whatever doubt I had about getting a puppy dissipated. Two hours later we were on our way back to Los Angeles.
Levi was on the phone with Bristow who’d been tracking our vehicle and following us at a distance. He waited for us in a Barstow coffee shop while we selected the addition to our family.
My husband wasn’t taking our security for granted, but at the same time he wanted us to do this important occasion on our own as a family.
I looked over to where my girls were taking turns petting the male puppy they called Scout. The nine-week-old shepherd was sleeping quietly now after the poor thing threw up twenty minutes into our drive home.
As we got closer to Los Angeles, I was thankful for our broken bed that sent us to stay with Nana and Gramps for a few days. They said it took a village to raise a child. Somehow, I had a feeling it applied to puppies too.
