“I want to bring Snuffles.”
Looking up from cramming more clothes into a suitcase than what two girls would need for a weekend stay with their dad, I stared at Ashley in her dark purple tutu. Mr. Snuffles was her gray two-foot long stuffed hippo.
“You don’t want to leave him at your dad’s by mistake, right?”
Her bottom lip stuck out. “But Daddy went to pick him up anyway and brought him over.”
My girls were experts in getting their own way with their dad. I wasn’t sure where they’d learned the art of cute manipulation, probably from my cousins on the Italian side of the family.
Whitney walked in and dropped her pajamas into the already-bursting suitcase. I blew imaginary hair from my forehead. “Do I need to remind both of you that this is only for a weekend?”
“Why can’t we stay longer with Daddy?” Whitney asked. I long suspected Levi was letting them get away with things. He and I had this co-parenting stuff down, but it took a while for us to get there, especially since Ash hadn’t been comfortable around her dad without me. But I was proud at how far Levi had come to earn our youngest daughter’s trust. He’d lowered his pride, sought counseling, worked on his anger, and accepted what happened was beyond his control.
“Because both of you have school on Monday. You two can run circles around your dad and trick him into playing hooky from school.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t hooky, we had tummy aches. For real.”
I lovingly pinched my lying daughter’s cheek. “It was also the season premiere of Hodgetown season five.”
I needed to have a chat with my … what do I call him? My cheeks heated, remembering our encounter last night. Surprisingly, Levi was the one who put the brakes on it. Sex couldn’t fix what was broken between us. Neither was love the problem.
The D-word hung between us, and in a way I understood why he didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t either and I was the one who wanted the separation. At the time, it was all about the kids. And now? Every time I thought about legally ending our marriage, my stomach churned in a sickening way. It was only in the last time we talked that I pressed for a serious discussion on how to move forward.
A vehicle pulled into our driveway. My girls perked up and rushed downstairs. I ran after them. The last time Whitney threw open the door without being sure who was on the other side, Levi took me aside and chewed my ass out. He was a stickler for security and overprotective as hell.
“Ashley! Whitney! Remember what I told you girls the last time?” I yelled after them.
My youngest fidgeted by the door, beside herself with excitement when the doorbell rang. I was happy Ashley had gotten closer to Levi.
As my hand tightened around the knob, I looked into the peephole to check if it was him. I tried to calm my heart rate, convincing myself that it was running after the children that caused it to accelerate, and not the anticipation of seeing him again after our explosive encounter the night before.
Opening the door, he darkened the entrance because there was so much of him.
When my brother Callum brought his SEAL buddies to New York during one of their downtimes, it was love at first sight.
Levi’s hair used to curl around his neck but he’d shortened it recently into a tapered crew-cut. His jaw sported a sexy perpetual three-day stubble. With a towering build, people moved out of his way. What they didn’t know was how his caramel-colored eyes melted at the sight of his girls.
However, at the moment, they were focused on me, and I resisted backing away when they flared. He stepped into me and planted a kiss on my mouth. “Hey, beautiful.”
When he pulled away, cockiness tilted the corner of his mouth. He knew I wouldn’t berate him in front of our daughters.
Before I could reply, he’d moved past me and gone down on his haunches, welcoming the tackle from Ashley and Whitney.
“Daddy. Daddy.”
While the two girls competed for their father’s attention, I headed for the stairs. “I’ll bring their suitcase down.”
“I’ll get it,” Levi called, getting up.
“I got it,” I told him. “Stay with them. They missed you.”
In three strides, he closed the distance between us, gripped my arm and turned me around to face him. “I missed their mother too.”
“Levi—”
His jaw clenched before gesturing for me to precede him. “After you.”
“You just want to look at my ass,” I retorted.
His eyes widened and then crinkled at the corners, his mouth splitting into a full-blown grin.
“Mama said the A-word,” Ashley told her sister.
I regretted my comeback as I ascended the steps. Besides not winning any mother-of-the year awards, it called attention to my backside which only reminded me that he’d snagged my panties the night before.
When we reached the top, I couldn’t look at him. I went straight to Ashley’s room and pointed at the suitcase. “Try and get that closed.”
“What are your plans after work today?” He asked casually, zipping the suitcase with ease and hauling it off the bed. I grabbed Mr. Snuffles.
I shrugged. “Same old, same old.” I had no plans to see Tom. He didn’t call after our failed date nor did he respond to my text this morning checking how he was. Not that I’d accept if he had suggested we see each other this weekend.
“You should have dinner with us,” he told me as if sensing the battle inside me. “I’m cooking the Levi special spaghetti with cream cheese.”
I laughed. “My hips expanded just hearing that.”
“So?”
My smile was apologetic. “I can’t.”
“Why not?” He stopped in the hallway and frowned at me. “Why not?”
“It’s your weekend with the girls.”
“What’s wrong with eating together as a family?”
Sometimes I wanted to whack my estranged husband over the head. He had no concept of being separated—and about to get a divorce. “Because we might give them the wrong idea.”
He lowered the suitcase and crossed his arms.
“I think the kids and I have the same idea. We’re waiting for their mom to catch up.”
“That’s not fair. We have things to discuss.”
“Exactly. So, when are we going to get a chance to do that?”
“Not when the girls are around.”
“So, when?”
“When? When?” My second “when” was almost shrill in disbelief. “You kept brushing me off before and now you want to talk?”
“Because I knew you were going to ask me for a divorce.”
I blew out a breath. He was not wrong. “I feel like we’re in limbo and I think something’s got to give.”
“Your answer was to go on a date with another man?”
“I thought we’d already talked about this last night.”
“About how my words sent you to the arms of another man?” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I already apologized for that. It won’t happen again.” He muttered something else, but I was too pissed to discern his words. “If that’s a way for you to get my attention and make me talk to you, then it worked.”
I glared at him. “You arrogant ass. Is it always about you? What about maybe I’m sick and tired of being lonely?”
“I’m not the one who wanted this separation.”
“But it was needed!” I stomped my foot.
He looked away. “I’ve fixed my shit with Ashley.” His gaze returned to mine. “The girls … they want us back together.”
My chin lifted. “That’s the thing, Levi. It’s time to work on me.”
“You mean us.”
I shook my head. “No. I mean me separate from you.”
Our girls made noises of impatience from downstairs.
“They’re waiting for you.”
His eyes narrowed. “We’re not done talking about this.”
Why did it take the threat of another man in my life for him to be willing to talk?
Fed up, I snapped, “Fine.”
“Tomorrow. What are you doing?”
I shrugged. “Laundry.”
His eyes darkened and the gold flecks in them disappeared. “Call you with the details.”
“But the girls …”
“We’ll figure something out. We can’t dance around this shit any longer.”
With that statement, he turned and returned down the stairs.
Both of us plastered smiles in front of the girls who seemed oblivious to the discord between us. Ashley grabbed Mr. Snuffles from me. I walked them to the Escalade.
“The girls heading out for the weekend?” A voice called from across the street.
It was Nana. She and Gramps lived a couple of streets down and made terrific babysitters when I had to work late or travel with the production crew and Levi couldn’t take them because of his own job.
The girls greeted Nana briefly, but were clearly excited to leave with their dad.
“Levi,” Nana said. “How’s work?”
“Keeping me busy.”
“Daddy promised to make his special spaghetti.” Ashley looked at me. “If Whitney and I don’t eat it all, we’ll bring you some, Mama.”
I smiled at my youngest. “Thanks, baby.”
“We need to leave. Traffic.” He stared at me. “Don’t work too hard, and the offer for dinner stands.” He nodded at my grandmother. “Branna.”
When they left, Nana turned to me. “You two seem to be fine after what happened last night.”
“He wants to talk about it.”
“I thought you said he gave you his blessing.”
“He did.”
Nana raised a brow.
“Okay, he said it was because he was pissed off. He said he didn’t expect me to go through with it.”
My grandmother snorted a laugh. “Men. They should know better than to issue a challenge like that.” She looked at me knowingly. “Especially to a McGrath.” Amusement glinted in her eyes. “Tom is a good guy, but I don’t think he’s for you.”
Annoyed, I looked at Nana. “Why do you say that? You like Tom. You and Gramps encouraged me to date him.”
“Seeing you with Levi, it’s clear you two have—”
“Please don’t say chemistry,” I groaned. “That’s what got us into trouble in the first place.”
Nana looked at me speculatively. “Do you want to come over for tea?”
I checked my watch. “I need to get ready.”
“All right, but I need to get out my piece.”
“I knew it,” I laughed, though not so much in humor since “come over for tea” meant a lecture.
“Don’t get smart with me, young lady.”
“Not that young anymore. I’m thirty-two.”
She tipped her chin to where Levi’s Escalade disappeared. “Your husband is trying, but I’m not seeing you trying hard enough.”
“That’s not fair, he—”
“He still loves you.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough.”
“Marriage isn’t easy. Having one foot out of a relationship isn’t commitment. And now look where that got you.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Why do you think I wanted to talk to him about a divorce? Maybe a clean break is what we need.” Again, my bravado at saying those words belied the sickening feeling in my gut. But I was tired of running in place. Something drastic needed to happen to force a change.
“I was against you marrying a sailor, if you remember.”
“I know, Nana.”
“But you couldn’t see past the stars in your eyes.”
“We’d been fine for four years. I really thought we would make it.” My voice broke with emotion.
Nana’s eyes etched with pain. The pain of losing my brother, Callum … his death had a rippling effect on the McGraths, Levi, and even Tom.
She cleared her throat. “As I was saying, your husband is trying. I understood the separation for working things out. But this has gone on long enough. My advice, and I say this with much love, either work on putting your marriage back together or let him go.”
Let him go?
Thinking it to myself already made me sick, but hearing it coming from someone else was like a shot to the heart.
He was willing to talk now.
It was time to decide whether to give our marriage a second chance.
Levi
It took the possibility of losing her to another man to face my fears of a divorce. It burned a hole in my chest from Europe all the way to the U.S. With my luck, she would be serving me those papers tomorrow instead of having a chat. In a place like Hollywood, anything was possible for a price. Kelly had friends in high places who could have a lawyer draft divorce papers overnight.
I was a pushy asshole, but seeing her with Tom lit a fire under my ass.
“Daddy, are you mad?”
Ashley, my ever-inquisitive angel, asked from the back.
“No. Why do you ask, sweetheart?” I forced a smile on my face.
“‘Coz, you’ve got those lines between your brows.”
“I’m thinking how to get around this traffic, sweetie.” This was partially true. The 101 was always a nightmare. The weekend was no different.
“I think Dad didn’t like Mom going out with Uncle Tom,” Whitney said.
My fingers tightened around the wheel. I did not like my kids calling him “uncle”. That indicated he was family. He needed to stay in the friend zone, preferably in the end zone. “Does he come over often?”
My two girls exchanged looks, but didn’t answer.
I realized my brows had drawn together again. “Did your mom tell you not to say anything to me?” Goddammit. I had sunk to my lowest … milking my daughters for information. “Don’t answer that.”
Whitney giggled behind me. “Which one don’t you want us to answer?”
I gritted my teeth and changed the subject. “How’s school?”
“School is boring,” Ashley piped in. “Miss Harrington told me to write ‘I will not put gum in Samantha’s hair ever again’ a bajillion times.”
Kelly texted me about that while I was on assignment in Europe. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t keep the amusement from my voice. “That was not nice, pumpkin.”
“She makes fun of Ashley,” Whitney defended her sister. “She says you and Mom hate each other. That’s why you don’t live together.”
Words stuck in my throat. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the first time our kids asked us about the living situation. In the beginning, I didn’t even have days where I could keep them. Kelly and I wanted to make sure Ashley was comfortable being around me without her mother. It took months. And then, so as not to disrupt their routine, we kept them in the same house while Kelly and I switched out places. That went on for a year. I’d since bought a house in Los Angeles as a way of proving I was here to stay and my nomadic days were over.
“Your mom and I are working things out,” I gave our agreed-upon standard response. I seemed to keep messing up. It wasn’t that Kelly was opposed to the nature of my job as a SEAL and later as a private military contractor. She was handling that part fine. It was when I was stateside and still not mentally present with anger issues. She’d repeatedly asked me to seek help and to go to couple’s counseling. I was too cocky, thinking she loved me enough to deal with my bullshit.
“Do you still love Mama?” Ashley asked.
Heat burned up my throat. “Yes, baby girl, I do.”
I never stopped loving Kelly. From the moment I laid eyes on Callum’s sassy sister, I was smitten. Her dark hair was the color of midnight, and her blue eyes flashed translucent when she was emotional. I called her “beautiful” from the beginning because I felt that to my core. I still remembered that time when I knew she was going to be my future.
As a product of foster homes, I was used to being unwanted and avoided invitations from my teammates to visit family because I was so used to being alone. But I was so damned glad Callum’s persistence got through my stubbornness. We were at her family’s Irish pub, Eamonn’s. Kelly had never been impressed by her brother’s SEAL buddies, so when one of my drunk teammates made fun of an equally drunk homeless man, she reamed his ass. Not only was she beautiful, but she stood up for the less fortunate. At that moment, I fell in love. After Callum’s death, I lost my way, but I have never stopped loving her.
I glanced in the rearview mirror at my girls.
They deserved more. My wife deserved more.
All I needed was to convince Kelly to give me a second chance.
