I squint at the patient log in front of me, but all of the letters blur together. This is the fifth time I’ve read through it, and I still have no idea what it actually says. I can’t concentrate. My mind is somewhere else.
I keep imagining Daisy, hunched up in the snow, terrified as she feels her body starting to shut down. Resigning herself to dying out there, completely alone, frozen in the cold.
My bedroom door opens, and Cole strides right in, not bothering to knock. He raises an eyebrow at me, sitting at my desk in the dark. “Hiding?”
“Giving them some alone time,” I say, keeping my eyes on the page. “I don’t think Eli feels like sharing right now.”
Cole snorts. “Liar.”
I don’t say anything. He comes to stand behind me. “What?” He asks brusquely. “She’s alive. What do you have to be upset about?”
I lick my lips. “How did you find her?”
“I would’ve given her ten more minutes.”
I close my eyes. “I almost killed her.”
He doesn’t deny it. Instead, he draws himself up. “She needs you.”
I look up at him. His jaw is clenched. “What?”
“She needs you,” he repeats firmly. “She needs you to hold her and tell her you still care about her.”
I shake my head. “She doesn’t want me—”
His eyes are serious. “Yes, she does. And you’d know that, if you weren’t hiding in here like a scared rabbit.”
“I—”
“Pull yourself the fuck together. You’re better than this. You made a mistake. Apologise. It’s that simple.”
Before I can respond, he turns on his heel and leaves again, his heavy footsteps disappearing down the corridor.
I look down at my hands. They’re trembling. I ball them into fists.
I’ve done a lot of hard things in my life. I’ve held patients’ hands as they passed away. I’ve told people their loved ones have died. I once performed an emergency tracheotomy on the floor of a restaurant, cutting a hole in the throat of a woman who was choking to death.
I’ve never been more fucking scared than I am right now.
When I step into the lounge, Daisy is sitting squashed between Cole and Eli, cuddled up between them. Eli is playing with the ends of her hair, and Cole—
Cole has their clasped hands laying on his knee. I don’t remember the last time I saw him hold hands with a woman. This might literally be the first time.
I stay back for a few seconds, just watching her. She looks so peaceful between my friends. The firelight flickers over her skin, licking her with a soft gold glow. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
And I almost killed her.
The thought makes me flinch, and she looks up. Her eyes widen. She slips off the sofa. “Riven,” she starts. “I am so sorr—”
“Stop.” I cross the room and pull her into my arms. She burrows into my chest, shaking slightly. I run a hand through her long hair, fucking hating myself. “I’m sorry,” I tell her, closing my eyes and breathing in her sweet peaches-and-cream scent. “I should’ve just asked you what was happening, instead of blowing up like that. It wasn’t fair on you. I should have let you defend yourself.”
She shakes her head. “It was a normal reaction,” she mumbles into my sweater. “I’d be fucking pissed if I found out a guy I’d been sleeping with lied to me about who he was. It was a shitty thing to do.” She pulls back. There are big tears shining in her eyes. “I wouldn’t have done it if I thought I had a choice. But if I’d told you my real name, you would’ve looked me up. To check out my Facebook, or look at my paintings online, or check I wasn’t a murderer, or whatever. And I was trending in the local news, so I couldn’t tell you where I lived, or the name of my school, either. If you’d done an internet search, you’d’ve found the video.”
“I wouldn’t have thought of you any differently,” I say gently.
She frowns. “It’s not just about you. It’s about me. Don’t you get it? So many men I’ve never met have seen me naked. They’ve jerked off to me. They’ve left comments, calling me a dirty slut and a little whore.” She shudders. “Every time someone watches that video, I feel completely violated. You think I’d feel safe staying in a house with three giant, strange men, knowing that sooner or later, they’ll probably see me getting fucked from behind?”
“You could’ve told us not to watch the video,” Eli says quietly. “We wouldn’t.”
“I didn’t know you! How was I supposed to believe anything you said?” She crosses her arms. “I don’t trust anyone who says they won’t watch it. How do I know they won’t just get curious? I would do anything to stop people seeing me like that. Anything. I feel dirty every time I think about it.”
My chest aches. She wipes her cheeks off with the sides of her hands. “I meant what I said in the letter, though. I need to thank you guys. You didn’t just save my life, you gave it back to me. These last few months, ever since Sam first threatened me, I’ve been so sad, and anxious, and scared all the time. I avoided people in the street. I was terrified of men recognising me. I felt so guilty. I was turning into a completely different person, and I didn’t even realise it. I’m not a shy, scared person. I love sex. I love my body. I love being adventurous. Being up here, in a place where no one knew me… I got to be myself again. Thank you for that. Thank you. Even if you want to get rid of me, you’ve helped me a lot.”
Eli chokes. Cole straightens, his gaze sharpening. All three of them turn to look at me.
Christ.
I cup her cheek. “Baby. We don’t want to get rid of you.”
Her lips part. “You don’t? But—I lied to you all.”
“Not to manipulate us, or trick us. You were just trying to keep yourself safe,” Cole says, standing up. He puts his hands on Daisy’s shoulders. “Look at me,” he demands, and she tilts her head back, meeting his gaze. “You always do the thing that keeps you safe,” he says gruffly. “Always. No exceptions. We will deal with the consequences after. You never jeopardise your safety just to make someone else happy.”
She just looks up at him.
“You were right to lie to us,” he continues. “We were strangers, and you were trapped here with us. You’re right; as long as that video is up, you are more at risk to violence.”
I remember the man yelling at her in the street, and my fists tighten.
“I would much rather find out that you lied to me, than find out you put yourself in danger. You did the right thing,” Cole emphasises. “So stop apologising.”
“Thank you,” she whispers. He squeezes her shoulders and steps back again. Her lips press together. She looks down at her hands. “I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this, though. Hiding my identity to stay safe. Giving a fake name. None of this is my fault; it’s not fair I have to do all this.”
“You won’t have to,” I say. “Sharing intimate pictures of someone without their consent is illegal. If you took it to court, you could get the video removed, and probably hit your ex with some jail time.” I try not to sound too excited about that.
She shakes her head. “He’s got money. I’d never be able to afford a good enough lawyer to go up against him. All he has to do is say that I put the video up myself. I don’t have any proof that’s not true.”
“My parents have been trying to bribe me to visit them over summer. They’ll do this for me. They know some of the best lawyers in England. They will find you a lawyer, and they will sponsor your case.” God knows they deserve to, after what they did to Eli.
I expect her to look relieved, but she wilts. “I don’t know if I can,” she says quietly.
I blink. “You don’t want to?”
“Oh, I want to. But—I don’t know if you understand what I’ll have to do. I’ll need to go through the video with the police. And then I’ll have to stand in a courtroom, with Sam, while grown men argue over my head about whether or not I’m a liar. It’s… how can you do that?”
Eli pulls her into him, pressing his lips to her temple. “It’s the worst feeling in the world,” he tells me.
I swear. Why the Hell does this have to be so bloody humiliating for her? She’s done absolutely nothing wrong, and she’ll have to go through so much pain, just to get justice.
“Well,” I say after a moment. “Of course, we won’t make you do anything. But it’s probably the only way to get the video taken down.”
She sniffles, wiping her face. “No. No. You’re right. I have to do it. I won’t be happy until I do.” She somehow manages to look fierce, even with wet eyes and a pink nose. “I can do it. I’ll probably need a lot of hugs. But I can do it.”
“We’ll be with you every step of the way,” Eli promises. “Providing hugs.” Cole nods. I reach across and squeeze her thigh. She smiles weakly.
“Thanks,” she whispers. “Thank you.”
The rest of the day passes lazily. We all huddle together in the lounge, only getting up occasionally to get food. After such an awful fucking day, we all want to be together. Eli, Cole, and I sprawl on the sofa, and Daisy’s bundled up in blankets and passed around between us. There’s never a point where someone isn’t holding her or touching her. She seems to enjoy it, nestling into all our arms. She obviously wants the comfort, and God knows the rest of us need it.
As the clock ticks into evening, we’re all drinking mugs of hot chocolate, curled up together. Eli is telling some dumb story about one of his skiing students. I’m half-listening, watching Cole with Daisy.
He has her settled in his lap. Every minute or so, he presses a little kiss to her temple or cheek.
I haven’t seen him be this tender with somebody since Rickard was born. It’s so strange to see this side to him again, after all these years. Like meeting an old friend.
As I watch, his phone buzzes. He pulls it out, checks the screen, then stands. “I need to do something,” he mutters. I open my arms, and Daisy climbs into them, snuggling into my neck. Cole gets dressed up in his winter clothes, grabs a shovel, and heads outside. This is pretty normal behaviour for Cole, so no one really questions it.
A few minutes pass, and then our conversation is interrupted by a scraping sound over our heads.
Daisy frowns at the ceiling. “Is he clearing snow off the roof? Right now?”
Eli and I both shrug. “He has odd priorities,” Eli explains. “Hey, I have a question.”
She settles closer in the curve of my arm. “Shoot.”
“Do you want us to start calling you Jenny?”
She shudders delicately. “God. I don’t even like hearing you say it. No. I think I like being Daisy better. It’s still technically my name, and since I’ve been using it…” she shrugs. “I don’t know. My life has been a lot better. I’ve stopped teaching and started painting. I finally drove up here to Sweden. I’ve started a new relationship. It feels like a fresh start. I look back at who I was before, and I barely even recognise her.”
“Daisy it is,” I promise, kissing the tip of her ear. She smiles, catching my hand and entwining our fingers.
The clanging stops, and Cole comes back inside, shaking snow off his boots.
“The storm has cleared,” he tells Daisy.
She blinks. “Um. Yeah. I know. It was kind of an important part of my day.”
“The skies are clear,” he emphasises.
She nods slowly. “Good?”
He holds out his hand to her. “Come see.”
Reluctantly, I let her slide off me and follow him outside.
Eli stretches next to me, letting his head loll onto my shoulder. “I can’t believe how cute he is with her. I never thought…”
“I know.” After losing Rickard, I thought he’d locked that soft side of him away. But maybe all he needed was her. Our missing puzzle piece.
My thoughts are interrupted by a gasp from outside. “Riven! Eli! Come look!”
Bemused, we both grab our coats and go to join them. As soon as we step outside, it’s clear what has her so excited. The Northern Lights are out.
Even after living up here most of my life, they still take my breath away. They hang right over our heads, a glowing green curtain of light, like a rippling piece of silk. As we watch, the cold biting at our faces, they twist and shift, spreading over the dark sky.
Daisy makes a little noise, and I turn to look at her. She’s crying, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her face is shimmering green and blue under the wash of coloured light. I put my hand on her back, rubbing circles through her coat, and she lays her head on my chest. “It’s so beautiful,” she whispers.
We stand there for five, ten minutes, as the lights burst and flame over us. She cries quietly the whole time, and we huddle around her to keep her warm. Eventually, though, she starts shivering too hard for us to ignore. I check her face. Her lips are turning blue.
“You need to get back inside.”
“But—”
Cole puts a hand on her shoulder, turning her back towards the house. “I cleared the snow off the skylight in Riven’s bedroom. You can see them there.”
“Oh!” Wiping off her face, she practically runs back inside the house.
We all glance at each other, and none of us can hold back our smiles.
