The drive home is spent in utter silence—the suffocating type.
Rai erases me completely and focuses her entire attention on the world outside.
I clench my fist around the steering wheel to keep myself from grabbing her and knocking some sense into her. That will only escalate things for the worse, so I stop myself.
After all, it’s not like she’s mad for no reason. I may have played it down at the hospital so she didn’t pop a nerve, but even I know her anger is legitimate.
As soon as we arrive at the Russians’ compound, she barges outside. Katia and Ruslan greet her at the entrance, and she merely nods in their direction.
I walk beside her, keeping up with her angry strides. Anger is good sometimes. It means she cares enough to be angry. It’s the lack of reaction that grates on my nerves.
We’re only two steps inside when Anastasia jerks up from her position at the bottom of the stairs and quits clinking her nails against each other. Was she sitting there all along? She’s in her pajamas, her white-blonde hair is barely brushed, and the dark circles under her eyes hint at many sleepless nights.
We stop when she runs and clasps Rai in a hug. “Are you okay, Rayenka? I heard what happened and was so worried about you.”
My wife fakes a smile for her grandcousin’s sake, even though she’s been sulking around me. “I’m totally okay, Ana.”
“But Papa said the Albanians got you and took you and…” She trails off, sniffling.
“Anastasia Sokolov, don’t cry for something as trivial as this,” Rai scolds like a loving mother, and the analogy hits me with the image of her carrying her own son or daughter. My son or daughter.
My gaze trails to her stomach, and although it’s flat, the doctor said our child is there. Our. Mine and Rai’s.
Holy fuck. I never thought it would feel this…euphoric. Fascinating, really.
“It’s not trivial,” Anastasia argues. “You were in danger.”
“But I’m not anymore, you crybaby.”
“But you were in the past and you will be in the future.” Something flashes in Anastasia’s gaze, something I never thought a soft, sheltered thing like her would ever show.
Grudge. An angry grudge.
Is that interesting, or what?
Rai pulls her into an affectionate hug. “Don’t worry, Ana. I’ll always be around to protect you.”
“But for how long?” the younger woman murmurs, her gaze on nothing in particular.
“For as long as it takes.” Rai pulls back. “Okay?”
She nods, her gaze sliding toward me, then back to Rai. “I…I want to talk to you about something.”
“Can it wait until tomorrow?”
“Yes, of course.” She kisses her. “I’m so glad you’re safe.” Then, Anastasia smiles at me. “Thank you for bringing her back.”
“She’s my wife. I would do it any time.” I try to reach for Rai, but she steps away from my reach.
As soon as Anastasia disappears up the stairs, Rai’s smile vanishes.
I suppress my reaction as we head to Sergei’s office so we can give him a report of what happened.
“He will let you know the rest.” She makes a vague gesture in my direction without looking at me. “I’m tired, so I’ll retreat to my room.”
“Of course, of course.” Sergei’s brows furrow. “Take care of yourself and the baby.”
Her lips thin in a line at that. She didn’t have a problem lying about her pregnancy all this time, but now that it’s become true, she’s in the mood to kill me.
She tells Sergei good night and storms out of the office as if hell is on her shoulders.
I contemplate the best way to summarize the situation to him before I join her. There’s no way I’m letting her sleep in that state tonight. It takes me twenty minutes of answering Sergei’s questions before I’ve had enough.
“I don’t think we killed all the Albanians since that’s not their only hideout. Kirill and Adrian will give you a full report come morning.”
I’m about to excuse myself when Sergei cuts off my attempt to flee. “I’m going to need you to carry out a hit.”
“On who?”
“I’ll let you know soon.” He pauses. “Just be ready for it and keep it between the two of us.”
“Got it.” No idea who he’s trying to eliminate, but if he’s keeping it a secret, something is definitely up. I will look into it as soon as he gives me a name. Did they perhaps figure out the identity of the traitor who’s been stealing from them?
The wrinkles ease at his eyes. “And thank you.”
“For what?”
“For saving Rai from an atrocious fate.”
Why do he and Anastasia think I did it for them? I only did it for her, and myself by extension.
“There’s no need to thank me. She’s my wife.”
After saying my good nights, I retreat to our room. I stop at the threshold when I spot her sleeping form on the bed. She’s curled up in a ball, which is the last position I would expect Rai to sleep in.
The vulnerability of it doesn’t escape me. She has been through so much today, from the attack to the kidnapping, and she ended the day by finding out about her pregnancy.
Recalling what those fuckers did to her makes me want to go back in time and slice the throat of every last one of those bastards.
If Kirill didn’t catch that guard or if I were a little too late, she wouldn’t be sleeping in our bed like this. I could’ve lost her for fucking good.
A long breath heaves out of my lungs as I shake those thoughts away. It’s over. She’s here, and I’ll make sure nothing like that happens again, even if it means keeping her in my sight at all times.
She certainly won’t like that, though.
The covers slide down her body, revealing her nightgown that rides up her bare thighs. It’s a plain white one, not the red I was promised tonight, but, oh well—I didn’t expect her to wear it after the fiasco in the hospital.
Her hair is slightly damp, which means she took a quick shower.
I’m tempted to lie beside her like this, but I don’t want any of the blood marring my clothes and skin on her. She has the ability to make me feel like I do have filthy hands, and those hands keep on tarnishing her over and over again.
If I were sane enough, I would’ve stopped this vicious cycle of tainting her every step of the way, but I’m fucking insane when it comes to this woman.
I strip on my way to the bathroom and take a quick shower, letting the blood cascade down the drain.
When I return to the room, Rai is still curled on her side, but this time, a frown is etched deep between her brows. My chest tightens at what she must be dreaming about—the memories from today.
All I want to do is erase them and protect her, not only from those heinous memories, but also from the world.
Not bothering with clothes, I lift the covers and slip in behind her. My arm snakes under hers and I place my palm on her stomach and stroke it over the cloth, searching for what, I don’t know. It’s not like I can feel the life growing there this early.
I never thought about becoming a father before. I was like Rai and found the idea of a kid ridiculous. But ever since I saw this woman again, all I’ve wanted to do is put that life inside her.
It was a way to keep her with me, bind her to me so she’d never think of leaving me. Did I go overboard by switching out her pills? Probably. But I don’t seem to have a moral compass when it comes to this woman. Most of the time, I’m acting on pure instinct like a fucking animal.
“Mmmm,” Rai mumbles, the sound pained. Her brows furrow further and her breathing turns harsh. “No…mmmm…n-no…”
“Rai,” I softly call her name.
“M-mmm…no…”
“Rai.” I grab her face, and while my touch is gentle, my voice is anything but. “Wake up.”
“Mmmm…”
“Come on, baby. Open those beautiful eyes.”
“Nooo!” Her voice catches and a tear slides down her cheek and clings to her upper lip.
I shake her shoulder and she startles awake, her mouth agape and her bright eyes unfocused. Sweat covers her temples and her brows.
“It’s okay. I’m here.” I wipe the tears staining her cheeks.
Her chin trembles as she stares at me over her shoulder. “They…they were grabbing me…I didn’t…couldn’t…fight…”
“It’s over, Rai. It’s all over, okay?”
“They…they stripped Sasha in front of me and almost raped her and I…I couldn’t help her.”
So Rai finally figured out Kirill’s second in command is actually a woman. About time someone did.
“But you did help.” I plant a kiss on her forehead. “You did great. You were strong, Princess.”
Her breathing slowly calms as she tilts her head further to get a better look at me. The sadness in those electric blue eyes bug me, especially since she seems sad about something entirely different than her nightmare about the kidnapping.
She attempts to face the other side. “Stay away from me.”
“Not so fast.” I grab her chin and force her to face me. “You said all night long, remember?”
“What?”
“I will make you forget about those scum.”
Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t get a chance to protest as my lips devour hers. She stiffens but doesn’t attempt to push me away, her arms lying limp on either side of her.
Like me, she can’t ignore the synergy that blossoms out of nowhere whenever our bodies are close to one another.
Wrenching my lips away, I whisper against her, “Tell me you want me.”
“No.”
“Rai…please.”
She purses her lips before releasing them. “I’m not talking to you right now.”
“But I want to talk to you. I want to touch you and make you forget. But if you don’t want it, I can go to another room.”
“Don’t go,” she whispers, and before I can be relieved, she continues. “This is only because I feel weird due to the hormones. It means nothing. I don’t forgive you and I’m still not talking to you.”
A muscle works in my jaw, but I bottle up my reaction for the dozenth time tonight. We’ll see if this means nothing.
I trap her lower lip between my teeth as I pinch her nipple over the cloth. It hardens into a tight bud in no time, and Rai arches her back. Her pupils dilate and her arse grinds against my hard dick. I don’t know if it’s because of the hormones or what happened today, but the look of ecstasy on her face is like nothing I’ve seen before.
Still clutching her by the jaw, I slide my other hand down her body until I find the hem of her nightgown. I bunch it up to her waist and part her legs enough to push the crown of my dick inside.
“Fuck,” I groan against her mouth at the same time she gasps.
Bloody fucking hell. This is not normal, after all.
At first, I denied it because it didn’t make any sense, but now, it’s crystal clear. Being inside Rai is like finding home—which is bloody weird considering I’ve never had a home. And until her, I didn’t think I had the right to covet it.
Now, I want it—need it—with everything in me.
I let her legs trap me in as I slide in and out of her in a rhythm I’ve never tried before—slow, moderate and too fucking deep. I take my time rotating my hips, pulling out almost completely then thrusting back in. I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to hurt the baby, but soon after, the pace grabs and drags me under.
My body has never been in synergy with hers as it is now. Rai holds her breath, then gasps, then holds her breath again. She has never been good at controlling her air intake whenever she’s turned on.
I place two fingers in her mouth and open it, using the chance to glide them against her tongue. “Breathe, Princess. In. Out. That’s it.”
Her eyes never leave mine as she follows my lead.
I slide my fingers from her mouth and use them to part her arse cheeks. Rai gasps as I slowly push my middle finger inside. Her walls clench further around my dick as a moan rips from her throat.
Holy fuck. I want to own every inch of her here and now, but she’s too damn tight.
Still fucking her in the arse, I pick up my pace in her pussy, and she bucks off the bed, murmuring, “There…there…”
“Here?” I rasp against her ear as I pull out then pound back in, hitting her sweet spot.
She shudders and her legs tremble as she shatters all around me. Rai might act like she needs no one on the outside, but she always, without a doubt, comes undone around me.
And in a way, she has the same effect on me. I’ve never wanted to own anyone as much as I crave her. I never thought about complete belonging before she came along. She’s the only one who drives me crazy day in and day out.
I keep thrusting into her a few more times before my own orgasm sweeps me under. A groan spills from my lips as I empty myself inside her tight walls.
Rai slowly closes her eyes, lips pursing. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her close. My head rests in the crook of her neck and I nibble on the hickey I left there yesterday.
She remains still for a minute and her breathing eventually goes back to normal.
I think she’s fallen asleep, but then she whispers, “I’m going to abort the baby.”
