Kyle isn’t there when I wake up in the morning.
In fact, he hasn’t been there since I said those words. He pulled out of me, and although he didn’t leave the bed, he didn’t hold me either.
He was there in body, but not in soul. For the first time since we got married, he slept with enough distance between us that I shivered in the cold.
And in a way, it felt like he disappeared again.
I should’ve seen that coming when I said I’d get an abortion, but predicting something is entirely different from actually witnessing him withdraw from me. I guess a stupid part of me hoped he’d rectify his mistake by letting me have the final decision and actually respecting it.
Instead, he didn’t talk to me, didn’t fight, and didn’t even make one of his distasteful passive-aggressive remarks. He just left as he usually does.
I try to ignore the soreness between my legs as I get ready for my day. I shouldn’t have let him fuck me last night.
I really, really shouldn’t have.
But hearing his soothing voice and feeling his warmth at my back loosened me up. It’s the fucking hormones; I can feel them stealing my good judgment away and scattering it into the air.
That’s why I said what I did right after we finished. I couldn’t just allow him to take everything from me without a fight. He wronged me. He put a baby in me without my permission, so fuck him and fuck the way he withdrew from me.
Ruslan and Katia wait for me in front of my room, expressions concerned.
“Did you even get any sleep?” I ask.
Ruslan gives a sharp nod. “Yes, miss.”
“No, you didn’t. Look at those bloodshot eyes.”
“They will eventually go away.” Katia lowers her head. “We…we would’ve never been able to live with ourselves if something happened to you.”
“If we were there, you wouldn’t have had to go through that, miss,” Ruslan agrees.
“Hey, you two, I was the one who told you to make sure Asher and Gareth were safe. Okay?”
“But—”
“No buts, Katia. It already happened, and we don’t dwell on what’s happened, so we’ll just focus on the future.” I pat both of their shoulders. “I feel so much safer knowing you two have my back.”
“Always,” both of them say, and I smile as the three of us descend the stairs.
Peter, Kyle’s lonesome guard who’s usually lounging around the house, is stuffing his face with a muffin. He’s the most useless guard I’ve ever seen, and it’s not only because of his bleached hair and brow piercings. It’s that he truly lacks skills more than any guard I know, which makes me wonder why on earth Igor would recruit him. He talks back to Kyle all the time, which usually gets him smacked upside the head, and Kyle doesn’t take him on dangerous missions either, so he’s usually eating and being lazy.
Since he’s here, Kyle could be around, too. My breathing shortens at the prospect of seeing him, and therefore talking to him. Considering everything that happened last night, it won’t be pretty.
But I stand by my decision.
“Katia, clear my schedule for the afternoon.”
“Done, miss.”
“Will you need the car?” Ruslan asks.
“Yes.” If I’m going to get an abortion, I might as well rip off the Band-Aid sooner rather than later.
I step inside the dining room for the usual morning meeting while inhaling deep. Who knows how the hell it will go with Kyle sitting right beside me…?
My train of thought scatters when I don’t find him at the table. Everyone is here except for him and Adrian.
“Rai,” Sergei urges when I remain rooted in place. “Come, sit. We were about to discuss the funds V Corp has been funneling into the brigades.”
I force myself to stride to the seat and flop down beside Damien.
He nudges me and lowers his voice so I’m the only one who can hear. “Better today?”
“Yes,” I reply meekly.
“The baby too?”
“Yeah.” Apparently.
“Pity. I thought you’d leave the bastard Kyle if there weren’t a baby.”
“I can still leave him even when a baby is involved.”
“That’s my Rayenka. I vote for leaving him.”
“Why are you so hell-bent on it?”
“You’re matchmaking me with some Japanese girl who probably doesn’t drink vodka. If I’m going to be miserable, I need to recruit you to my club.” His brows rise. “How about an affair?”
“Maybe if you’re the last man alive, Damien.”
“I can make it happen,” he murmurs with complete seriousness, as if he really is contemplating the best way to do that.
I shake my head, opting to not give him crazy ideas. More importantly, I’m in no frame of mind to focus on mundane conversations. My mood went from bad to horrible the moment I walked inside and didn’t find Kyle. Where the hell is he? And is he really going to let me abort without talking about it?
The asshole’s lack of reaction pisses me off more than if he had one.
Ruslan, who’s standing behind me, leans over to whisper in my ear, “Aleksander keeps staring at you, miss. You want me to put him in his place?”
“No,” I murmur and smile up at Sasha, who discreetly smiles back.
Kirill, on the other hand, glares at me as he readjusts his glasses. That manic look in his eyes can’t be good news. The bastard really doesn’t deserve Sasha by his side.
I wonder if he knows she’s a woman. What am I saying? Of course he doesn’t. If he did, he would shoot her dead. Since deceit is his modus operandi, Kirill takes offense at anyone lying or deceiving him. Besides, a woman passing as a man is a direct insult to the Pakhan himself.
Which is one more reason why I should bring her to my side.
It’s a world ruled by men to the point that even female guards aren’t allowed. Dedushka made an exception for Katia because I put my foot down for her. Everyone except Ruslan still looks down on her, despite her top-notch skills. They do it behind my back, of course, because I would rip them a new one if they badmouthed her in my presence.
During the meeting, we talk about the financing and that, due to the circumstances, I agree to release a higher percentage of V Corp’s net profit. But I dig my heels in until Sergei agrees that we’ll have a deadline for when the brigades will repay the money, something Kirill and especially Mikhail don’t like. Kirill disagrees because he hates to be told what to do by me—or anyone, basically, but Mikhail is in a dire situation. I’ve seen his brigade’s numbers, and they’re more than shit.
After the meeting, I linger in the dining room after I find a text from my twin sister.
Reina: I can’t believe you met Gareth and Asher, but not me. It’s been months since I last saw you, Rai. Should I apply for next year?
I can almost hear the sarcasm and hurt in her tone.
My chest feels stuffed as I stare at her tiny picture at the top of the chat. It’s one of her holding Gareth and laughing while Asher kisses her cheek.
It’s so spontaneous and full of life, like everything about Reina. I miss her so much, now more than ever. I wish I could meet her even for a while and just…talk. I want to tell her about everything like we used to confide in each other when we were little.
“Leave us. I need a word with Rai.” Kirill’s voice pulls me out of my reverie and I quickly hide my phone.
I realize he’s speaking to Ruslan and Sasha since we’re the only four left here.
Ruslan doesn’t move until I nod at him. Sasha hesitates, staring between me and Kirill, her lips parting in clear worry.
“Boss—”
“What part of fucking leave do you not understand?” He cuts her off without sparing her a glance.
She jerks upright as if his command is a whip, then gives a sharp nod. Before moving, she chances one last unsure glance at me then slips out, closing the door behind her.
Kirill and I sit across from each other. I want to break his glasses and jam them in his eyes for the way he yelled at Sasha, but I remain calm since he’s the type of freak who gets off on strong emotions.
“I didn’t realize we were close enough to sit for tea after breakfast, Kirill.” I take a sip of my coffee while continuing to stare at him over the rim of my cup. I feel like I always need to watch the cunning fox to somehow grasp him.
“We’re not. Fortunately.”
“Fortunately. So to what do I owe this honorable meeting?”
“I’ve been wondering.”
“About?”
“When are you going to tell Sergei and the others about what you saw?”
“What I saw?”
“In the club. You remember now, don’t you?”
I never forgot, idiot.
“Oh, you mean your sexual preferences? I told you, I don’t want to use that against you unless you force my hand.”
“I’m forcing your hand, then. Tell them.”
“Why would you want me to tell them?” It doesn’t make any sense for him to dig his own grave.
“Don’t you want to destroy me? You have your chance, so fucking seize it.”
“No.” I was serious when I told Sasha I would rather never threaten him with that part of his life. Being gay is like being a woman in this world—though I suspect he’s bisexual. Point is, they’re an oppressed minority within any crime organization. Despite all his accomplishments for the Bratva, if this gets out, Kirill and his family would completely lose favor for something that shouldn’t be treated any differently than normal.
“I said. Do. It.”
“No, Kirill. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“If you don’t, I’ll kill your sister.”
I freeze, but keep my expression neutral. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Reina Ellis. Though, she’s Reina Carson now, yes?”
I choke on the coffee, splatters covering the table. “How…”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about her with you holding something over my head? You hid her well, but I have my ways.”
“Kirill,” I warn.
“She’s been married to her childhood sweetheart for seven years now, right? He’s a lawyer and works for his father’s firm. They also have a beautiful little boy who was named after your father. Should I start with the child first? Would that give you a good enough incentive?”
I spring to my feet, pulling my gun from my bag, and point it at his head. “I’ll spill your brains here and now.”
“Kill me and an unfortunate gas accident will blow up their house. And since it’s the weekend, they’re all home today. Can you picture the headlines talking about the tragic event?”
My hand shakes as the reality of what will happen to Reina slams into me. Kirill wouldn’t hesitate to do it. He has a fucking talent for disguising every murder as an accident.
My worst nightmare is a reality. Everything I did to protect Reina from my life is biting me in the ass. Out of all people, it had to be Kirill.
“What the hell do you want?” I bite out.
“I’ll pretend I know nothing about Reina’s existence if you tell the brotherhood about me.”
“Why don’t you come out yourself?”
“That’s none of your fucking business. Just do as you’re told.” He stands up and buttons his jacket, uncaring about the gun that’s still pointed at him. “You have a day before the bomb goes off.”
As soon as he leaves, my hand with the gun falls to my side. The only thought in my head is that of the sister who’s the spitting image of me.
Reina.
I need to save Reina.
