A DAY GOES BY. I don’t get much sleep, but I get up in the morning all the same.
I wash up, get dressed, and eat breakfast, fighting not to blow the shit happening between Vee and me out of proportion.
She just needs time. I can give her that. I don’t know how long I’ll cope without seeing, touching, or kissing her, but I can give her time because that’s what she needs right now.
Cody and Colt steer clear, either acting considerate and giving me space or scared I’ll lash out if they say one wrong word. The first person who starts a conversation is Mia. She joins me at the breakfast bar while I’m on my third cup of coffee.
“Cody told me what happened. What’s your plan?”
She places her small hand on my shoulder, the gesture designed to soothe or reassure me. Too bad it does the exact opposite. The weight of her tiny palm and the concern in her eyes remind me of what Vivienne said.
I grip my cup with both hands, shepherding the Molotov cocktail of emotions Mia’s question reels to the surface. I’ve been wrestling myself all morning, forcing my ass to stay planted on this stool, or else I’d storm out, drive over to Abby’s, and fucking beg Vivienne to talk to me.
The option is valid. I’ve not ruled it out, but as much as I want to see her, I know that…
“She needs a few days to work through some things.” Knowing this and letting her take those few days away from me are two different things, though. “Her mind’s not a standard one. It gets so overwhelmed sometimes she can’t pull a single rational thought out of the chaos. I’m sure you’ve noticed she talks to herself. She just needs time to settle.”
Mia nods, squishing my shoulder a little tighter. “Rose told me she’s got ADHD. Do you know why she needs time? Did she tell you what’s wrong?”
“She tried lying,” I scoff, recalling the shit she spewed about the guy she met at a bar.
He’s not real. He doesn’t exist, but the need to skin him alive wreaking havoc inside me is very fucking real.
“Her dad doesn’t like our family, and…” I groan, hiding my face in my hands. “I kept asking Vee to tell him about us. It fucking sucks being a secret, but if I knew her dad would find a way to make her question whether she loves me, I would’ve kept my mouth shut.”
She squeezes my shoulder once more like she wants to show she listened, then, without a word, she lets go, crossing the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.
“No advice?” I ask, the ground falling away beneath my feet. Mia always knows how to comfort people, but right now, she’s at a loss for words. “What would you have done if your dad didn’t approve of Nico?”
I’m surprised Jimmy had zero issues with his daughter dating my brother. There’s a whole list of things the guy could’ve found wrong with their relationship, starting with the ten-year age gap and ending with the fact that Nico and Jimmy were friends long before Nico met Mia.
She pauses with her hand on the fridge handle, silent while she thinks. “I don’t think my answer will help you.”
“Try me.”
“I’d pack my bags and move here,” she admits, a tiny smile playing across her lips. “It’s my life, Conor. As much as I love my dad, I’d never let him dictate what I can or can’t do.”
Yeah, she’s right. Her answer doesn’t help me one bit. If anything, it makes me feel worse. It proves I’m not as important to Vee as she is to me.
Despite what Vivienne says and the progress she’s made since we met, there are still moments I think she’ll dump my ass because of how different she claims we are.
Loud thudding on the staircase is our only warning before Nico enters the kitchen. He goes straight for her, stamping a kiss on her head even though she’s only been gone five fucking minutes. It’s already ten in the morning, so they must’ve started the day with sex, but he can’t walk in a room and not kiss Mia to save his fucking life.
“You good?” he asks me, adjusting his gray t-shirt as he sits opposite me at the breakfast bar. “How are you holding up?”
My temper flares more.
“So I guess everyone knows Vee tried to leave me…” I blink my eyes closed, massaging my temples. “Did Cody and Colt hold a Hayes-wide conference to brag?”
It’s not fair. I know it’s not, but the turmoil of my emotions means fair doesn’t fucking matter.
“They’re worried about you,” Nico clips. “We all are. Cody and Colt don’t know what the fuck it feels like to find the right girl, but I do. So do Theo, Logan, and Shawn, so we’re your best bet if you need help. Though I have to tell you… I’m fucking proud of how you’re handling this.”
My eyes snap to him, unsure whether I heard right. Nico’s not the guy to voice such opinions. He’s more the show-don’t-tell type, more prone to showing us he’s proud than driving the actual words out.
“Proud,” I echo, shaking my head. “What are you proud of? Vivienne’s going through shit, and I just fucking left her to it.”
“Everyone needs time to think, Conor. Considering she told you she cheated, I’ll go out on a whim and say she really does need space.”
“She didn’t cheat.”
A hint of a smile that hardly lives up to the name curves his lips. “Glad to hear you’re so certain.”
“She made that up to push me away.”
“Which means whatever she’s going through isn’t easy. She was desperate enough to hurt you so you’d give her space, Conor. You did the right thing stepping back.”
“Would you sit on your ass and wait if this was you and Mia?”
His jaw clamps tight. Any support he had in his eyes flashes away. I struck the right nerve.
No way in hell Nico would just sit and wait for Mia to work through her shit. None of my brothers would. Maybe Shawn, though I imagine Jack’s the one running around like a headless chicken, trying to apologize whenever they argue. Shawn’s too stubborn.
Theo, Logan, Nico… they wouldn’t hang about. Theo would get us all together and numb himself with eight or ten drinks. He’d whine and vent all night, but come morning, he’d glue himself to Thalia until she’d have no choice but to work shit out with him.
Logan hardly lets Cassidy get away from him as it is, always close, no fucking space or distance. It only works so well because Cassidy’s the same. She loves the small codependent ecosystem they’ve built. If they ever argue—and that’s a big if since Logan never mentioned a single argument—it can’t be serious. I can imagine, though, if he was in my shoes, he’d be circling Vee’s apartment, looking for a window or balcony to climb through.
And Nico… Nico would come with metaphorical guns blazing. He’d break the fucking door down if Mia was one iota sad or uncomfortable. He’s not exactly rational when it comes to her.
Maybe their behavior isn’t healthy. Maybe that’s not the way to go about issues, but it makes me feel weak to just sit here waiting for a fucking miracle.
“I wouldn’t,” he admits. “And that’s probably why it’d take me longer to work shit out with Mia than it’ll take you with Vivienne. There’s nothing wrong with space, Conor, and with her mind working different than mine or yours, giving her space to think and align her thoughts is the best thing you can do right now.” He slides a cup of fresh coffee across the breakfast counter. “She loves you. She’ll come back.”
“You know about the ADHD too, huh?”
He nods, tightening his fists. “Was it a secret, or are you just trying to start a fucking fight? You need to let some steam off? Go downstairs and work out.”
Better that than pissing off Nico. I’m in good shape, but one right hook, and I’d be unconscious.
***
Three hours later, my muscles burn, my head spins, and my t-shirt’s drenched in sweat. I’m exhausted, my system ready to crash, but my mind won’t stop.
I might be too wrung out to drag my feet up the porcelain stairs, but my mind is in high-alert mode. Millions of thoughts fight for attention, urging me to hop in my car and drive over to Abby’s.
Instead, I grab a quick shower, then fall on the bed, earphones in my ears and Nirvana as loud as the setting allows. I don’t know how long I’m there, staring into the distance, before Cody pops his head in, a frown marking his forehead.
“What?” I snap, losing the earphones. “What do you want, Cody?”
“We’re leaving in fifteen minutes. I know you’d rather stay in bed feeling sorry for yourself all day, but you’re coming with us.”
“Where are we going?”
He huffs an exasperated puff of air down his nose. “Grandma’s birthday party ring a bell?”
Fuck. I completely forgot.
My stomach twists into a double knot because I was supposed to bring Vee with me today. Get her to meet my parents, grandparents, Shawn, Jack…
Guess that’s not fucking happening anymore.
“Can’t you just tell them I’m sick?”
“You’re not sick, Conor. And we both know Mom will be here in under an hour with chicken soup if you don’t show.” He opens the door further, leaning against the frame. “You know… If there’s beef between Vee’s dad and ours, he probably knows about it, right? You could ask him a few questions, find out what happened. Maybe if you know, you’ll know how to fix it?”
Now that’s an idea I can’t turn down.
It’s good to have brothers. They annoy the shit out of me on a regular basis, but when the situation demands it, they step up.
With a deep groan, I drag my legs over the edge of the bed and stand. “You’re not completely useless after all.”
He whacks my shoulder as I pass him. “Remember that. I expect the same support, bro. I have a feeling I’ll be in your shoes sooner rather than later.”
“What?” I halt halfway down the corridor. “What do you mean? You met someone? Who?”
Colt exits his bedroom at this exact moment. “I heard that, and I sign my name under every one of Conor’s questions, Cody.”
“I’ve not met anyone, relax. It’s just that seeing you with Vee makes me realize we won’t all be past twenty-five by the time we get snatched up like the others. I thought we had more time, but…” He smacks his hand on my head, messing up my hair. Not that it’s styled in a particular way, but it still grinds my gears. “Look at you. Twenty-one and ready to pop down on one knee.”
“And you think you’re gonna have the same thing soon?”
“I don’t know when, but I’m not stupid enough to think I’m some kind of exception to the rule and I’ll live out my years as a bachelor.” He looks over his shoulder at Colt. “But I think you’re gonna go down first. You have a thing for Anastasia, don’t you? It’s not just sex.”
His eyebrows draw a deep eleven in the middle of his forehead. “It is just sex. She’s good.”
“Good enough to keep your attention for two months.”
He ups his tempo, passing Cody on the stairs before he turns with an incredulous look. “I know you two prefer a different girl every weekend, but I like knowing I’m the only guy fucking her. I don’t want to change them like socks, especially when it works. That doesn’t mean I’m after a relationship. And definitely not with Anastasia. She’s annoying, to put it mildly, but God, that girl sucks dick like a vacuum.”
“So classy,” Mia’s voice calls as we walk into the living room. She’s on the couch, phone in hand, purse beside her. “One day, you’ll regret talking about women like this.”
“Oh, please,” Cody huffs, strolling over to her. “Don’t act so innocent. You think we don’t know what girls talk about? You think we don’t know how women talk about us? Why saying a girl sucks dick like a champ is a bad thing, but saying a guy eats pussy like he’s starving is a good thing?”
“Because you make it sound so derogatory. When women say it, it’s meant as a compliment. When you say it, it’s bragging.”
Cody leans over, kissing her head. “You’re cute. It’s the age of equality, Bug. We’re not bragging, and we’re not derogatory. It’s a compliment, Mia. It sure is meant as one, but women take compliments differently than men. Eating pussy and sucking dick is on par, but you’d rather be told you’re pretty than that your mouth turns a guy incoherent.”
“He’s right,” Colt adds, leaning against the doorframe. “There’s more honesty in you suck dick like a pro than you look beautiful. We tell every girl we’re into that she’s beautiful, Bug.”
She thins her lips, the look on her face betraying she knows it makes sense, and she’s in the wrong. She takes a deep breath before rising to her full five-foot-nothing. No dress today. Instead, she’s in jeans and a baggy navy sweater. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s trying to hide a pregnancy belly.
But I do know better.
Mia won’t be getting pregnant for at least another two years. Nico’s adamant about letting her party until she finishes college.
The night Logan told us he got Cassidy pregnant with baby number two, I thought Nico would drag Mia upstairs and put a baby in her there and then. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so jealous, but he reined it in, and for now, he’s happy being an uncle.
“We’ve veered off topic,” I say, looking back at Colt.
“No, we haven’t,” he insists. “There is no topic.”
With that, he grabs the keys to Nico’s G Wagon and heads for the garage.
I think Cody’s got this all wrong. I’ve seen Colt with plenty of girls over the years, and he doesn’t act any different with Anastasia than with the rest of them. I’m sure he’ll change completely when he finds the right one.
***
Another day goes by. Probably the longest day of my fucking life.
And then another one. Even longer.
And one more.
How can four days feel like a whole goddamn month?
Maybe because I’m not sleeping, eating, or leaving my room. Or maybe because I still have no answers.
I asked Dad about Vivienne’s father. If I’m to believe him, he has no idea who the guy is. Never heard of Derek before.
That’s not much help to me.
I’m losing my goddamn mind more with every passing hour. Vivienne hasn’t texted or called. I haven’t seen her, and now I’m questioning this entire thing.
I was fine at first. Convinced giving her time to think was my best bet, but the longer she’s not coming back, the more I regret leaving her with Abby. I tried calling Rose, but her phone’s off, and I’m too chicken to try Vee.
I’ve not left my room in twenty-four hours. My phone’s charging at all times, so I don’t risk running out of battery and missing a call or text message.
Maybe it would be easier if college was in session to distract me, but I’m stuck at home with nothing but my thoughts keeping me company.
Sure, my brothers are downstairs, ready to lend a listening ear or drink a few beers with me. I would if not for the pitiful looks I can’t fucking stand anymore. They’re worried. I know they are.
Even Nico.
He knocked on my door this morning for the first time since we moved in, asking me to come down for breakfast. I said no. Ten minutes later, there was another knock. Mia this time, armed with eggs on toast and a steaming cup of coffee.
I drank the coffee, but the eggs waft pungently from my nightstand, untouched and unmoved on their bed of toast. Normally I’d take the plate downstairs, but I don’t want to budge.
And so I sit in the same spot, checking the screen of my phone every thirty seconds, wondering what the fuck I’ll do if Vee doesn’t show up by the end of the week. I don’t think I’ll survive any longer than that.
