A piercing scream has me ripping out of bed like a bat out of hell. Amanda.
God, please let her be okay. I run toward her, my feet not carrying me fast enough. That sound. I’ve heard it before on the night we were all taken.
Fear courses through me as I reach the hallway, only for it to be thwarted on the spot by the vision that lies before me.
Anaya is holding Amanda to her chest, gently rocking back and forth while she quietly sings her a lullaby.
“Sleep, my heart’s darling, in slumber repose. Let the fair lid o’er those blue eyes now close…”
My heart pounds hard in my chest, the sound threatening to drown out the heavenly song. Breathtaking. This woman holding my little girl, giving her comfort, has stolen the air right from my very lungs.
I turn to leave, not wanting to break this tender moment, but I’m halted by a small voice.
“Papito.” Amanda’s one word is shaky, and the reality that I did that to her cuts me to the core.
Fuck. My poor child. This is my fault. “I’m here, pumpkin.”
Taking two steps at a time, I bridge the distance between us, only to realize the bed seems miniscule with Anaya here. There’s a pause where our eyes clash, a myriad of unspoken emotions flying back and forth, none of which I dare say out loud. Finally settling on the tamest, I attempt a smile and open my mouth. “Thank you.”
Those words feel so inadequate when there is so much to say.
Thank you for being here, for comforting my child. Thank you for being the light in the dark, the joy in this never-ending cave of sorrow.
Anaya clears her throat, the tension heavy in the room, and I wonder if she could hear what I was thinking.
“There’s no reason to thank me.” She places a kiss atop Amanda’s head and goes to move her off her lap, but my daughter clings to her like a spider monkey. I don’t blame her one bit. I would too if I were in her shoes.
“Sweetie, your dad is here now. He can stay with you, maybe even read you another story.” Her tone is gentle, with only a hint of indecision shining through. She isn’t sure if she should stay, but I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. Like a bone deep truth, I know this is where she belongs.
I’m about to tell her to stay, but my daughter cuts me off and does it for me. “Why can’t you both stay? He can read and you can scratch my head.” She looks up between us, her glistening eyes big and wide, and I know there’s no denying her.
Anaya must feel the same because she laughs, making no move to go. Instead, she lays Amanda back down and lays sideways behind her, her hand going up to the crown of my girl’s head, her fingers gently scratching away just as she’d been requested to.
I’m standing there, gawking at the two when Anaya speaks up. “Well, Daddy. Are you just going to stand there or are you going to read us a story?”
Lord Jesus. I bite my tongue and fight a groan. I may be the kids’ father, but my body wants to be her Daddy.
My dick jumps in my pants, oblivious to the fact that I’m going straight to hell. There’s no reason this woman calling me daddy should stir the kind of emotions it does. It’s beyond wrong. It’s obscene. But here I am, my cock at the ready, knowing I’d love nothing more than to spank her ass red and spoil her rotten.
Closing my eyes, I try to mentally will my dick down. I know she meant nothing by it, but my body couldn’t give two fucks. It still liked what it heard.
Needing to hide the growing bulge in my pants, I make myself useful and walk toward Amanda’s bookshelf, pulling out the enormous book of Brothers Grimm. Thankfully, I’m relatively back to normal when I lower myself onto the bed, taking the opposite of Anaya, and I’m able to get through the entire story without another incident.
But as soon as Amanda’s eyes have closed and the horrid little tale of Rumpelstiltskin is through, I pounce, needing an answer to a question that’s been plaguing me since I walked in. “How long has this been happening?”
Anaya lifts herself on her forearm, her clear blue eyes blinking up at me in the dim light. “The nightmares? Oh, for as long as I’ve been here. We’ve had plenty of sleepless nights. This is sort of the routine. She either makes it into my room or I come barreling in when I hear her crying out and upset.”
My heart cracks, pain pouring out of it like a burst dam. God. Will I ever rectify the hurt I’ve caused?
With a stone lodged in my throat, I give this angel my gratitude. “Thank you, again. Your being here for her means a lot to my daughter.”
It means a lot to me too, but I don’t dare say it.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Just my job,” she whispers, her eyes unable to meet mine.
I know she’s lying. This is much more than just a job to her. I can see it as clear as day, even here in the cloak of darkness.
Moments pass where I’m simply taking her in, memorizing the curves of her beautiful face, when she finally decides to rise. “I should probably get going. She’ll be good for the night, but I’m right down the hall in case she isn’t.”
I press a kiss to Amanda’s forehead and rise with her, following her small but curvaceous frame to the door. I wish I were a better man. That I could keep my eyes from that tight ass, but I can’t, and in that moment, I know her getting up was for the best.
There’s no telling what I would have done had we lingered any longer. Just as I think that, images dance before me, teasing me with what could never be—me pulling the nanny to her feet before yanking her into the en suite, ripping her clothes off and fucking her hard against the wall. Shit. I have to stop. Sleep pants aren’t the most forgiving, and if she were to turn around, she’d see as clear as day that I’m hard and aching.
As if I’d conjured it, Anaya suddenly stops, the action causing us to collide, bringing her luscious backside onto my lap. Fuuuck. My dick is nestled perfectly between her ass. It would take no effort to lift her nightgown and plunge into her warmth.
Our heavy breathing fills the space, but neither of us is willing to acknowledge the contact because doing so would break the spell.
We’re stuck in this moment, clearly aware of the situation but refusing to change it. For fuck’s sake, I’m at full mast with my cock twitching against her softness, yet she isn’t moving an inch.
Inwardly groaning, I remind myself of all the reasons this is wrong. She’s young, married, and the nanny. Not to mention I’m a fucking widower.
“Goodnight.” Anaya’s voice is shaky as she steps out of our bubble, making the right call and breaking a moment that spelled disaster.
What I’d give for things to be different, to take this woman in my arms and carry her back to my bed. But they’re not, and we can’t. That’s not how real life works. The monster doesn’t get a happily ever after.
“Goodnight,” I whisper behind her, the one word coming out thick and heavy with the desire that surrounds us. There’s no doubt she feels it too. Not with how she licked her lips just now.
It doesn’t matter. As I turn and walk back toward my room, I know that’s a line I could never cross. She’s amazing with the children, helping soothe whatever pain I’ve caused. The least I could do is keep it in my pants and not assault the nanny. I need to make sure she stays right here, where she belongs.
Anaya
Two weeks. Two weeks of bedtime stories, picnics by the creek, and horseback rides. All filled with stolen glances and accidental caresses, each one driving me mad.
I’m a married woman and Austin is a widower, making the thoughts that fill my head so very wrong. He’s completely off-limits, so why does my body react to his the way it does? Like a magnet being pulled every time he’s in the room, I can’t help but gravitate toward the cranky Crown who drives me crazy.
And he isn’t even nice to me. Quite the opposite. It’s like he finds it necessary to be extra cold and distant with me, but it’s the way he’s with his kids that melts me every time.
It may be my childhood issues, but there’s something about a man who isn’t afraid to show his kids love and support that I find so damn appealing.
Like now, we’re out in the field flying kites with the kids. Amanda just had a meltdown because she couldn’t get hers to stay up in the air, and Austin instead of belittling her feelings, he’s down at her level talking her through her frustration all while reeling the kite back in and teaching her about never giving up.
“You’ll see, pumpkin. When you actually get it up in the air it will feel all that more exciting. We enjoy things more when we’ve worked hard for them.” Just then, Austin’s eyes fall to mine and my treacherous heart wishes it was me he was trying to earn.
Gah. Get it together, Anaya. You’re still married.
My stomach lurches, knowing I have to deal with Ray at some point—sooner rather than later.
It’s either that or risk his showing up here at the ranch. I’m playing with fire, pushing the limits, knowing it’s just a matter of time.
Ray isn’t one to let things fester and even if it’s just to officially end things between us, he’ll be rearing his evil head soon.
I’m looking down at the gold band around my finger, twisting it to the point where the skin underneath is turning pink, when a deep masculine voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Where is he?”
I’m blinking, looking into the dark green pools of his eyes. “What?”
“Your husband. Where is he?”
“I—I don’t know.”
Austin’s eyes narrow into thin slits, trying to assess what my words even mean. What wife doesn’t know where her husband is? Surely that’s not a normal response.
The last words I expected to hear tumble out of his mouth. “He’s a fucking idiot.”
My mouth drops open in surprise, but before I can ask him to elaborate, he’s turning away and walking toward Alex. Do I dare follow him and demand an explanation?
I know it should offend a typical wife, but it’s no secret I wholeheartedly agree with his assessment of Ray, though I doubt his reason for feeling that way is the same as mine.
I’m about to go pry the answer out of him when I hear a vehicle approaching. Turning to the horizon, I see Jack and Matt in the Polaris.
“Kids, let’s pick up our supplies.” I’d made us kite making kits, the materials of which are strewn about the field, but if Jack’s face is any indication, I think today’s outdoor activities are about to come to an end.
I’m just adding the last ball of string to the basket when Jack’s booming voice has a ball of lead forming in my stomach.
“It’s time. We’re heading to Mexico!”
I’m frozen in place as the kids start their protest, Amanda’s wailing the loudest of all. “You can’t go, papito! You just can’t!”
Austin picks her up, pressing her tiny head to his chest while glaring at his brother.
“Jack, maybe try a little more tact next time,” Matt mumbles loud enough for me to hear.
“Why do you have to go too, Dad?” Alex’s eyes are welling up with tears as his tiny hands clench into tight fists.
“I have to. It’s my fault Pen is where she is, and it’s my responsibility to get her back.” Austin crouches down to Alex while still holding Amanda in his arms. “Actions have consequences, something you’re already learning. This is just like that. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t own up to my mistakes and try to rectify them?”
Slayed. My heart is slayed right then and there. This brooding man, despite the shit he’s been through, he still holds tight to his honor, fighting for those he loves and not being too proud to admit whatever faults he thinks are his.
I don’t know why he thinks the tragedy that fell upon his family is his fault, but whatever it is, it couldn’t be that bad… could it?
“We’re leaving in an hour.” Jack cuts into Austin’s moment with the kids and I want to knee him in the balls for it. Can’t he see this is hard for the children?
With another scathing glare, Austin rises and walks toward our vehicle. “Don’t push me, Jack. I know you’re eager to see Penelope, but don’t fucking push me.”
I feel my brows practically hit my hairline at this statement. Am I missing something here?
Matt catches my facial expression and shakes his head. “Don’t ask.”
Well, that makes me want to know even more. I make a mental note to grill Mom about this. She’s got to know what’s going on.
I’m loading the basket into the side-by-side when Austin’s hand presses against my lower back, his body leaning in as his lips hover over the shell of my ear. “We need a moment before I leave.”
My body is rigid, frozen as a statue, but somehow I manage to give him a small nod.
He accepts my response and moves his hand into mine, pulling me a good distance away from the others.
My chest is a flutter and my head is filled with all sorts of incoherent thoughts, none of which offers an answer as to what he could possibly want from me.
Once we’re out of earshot, he turns me toward him, my back toward the children. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t this.
“I don’t know if I’ll make it back.”
“What?” My lips part and a strangled noise comes from somewhere deep in my throat.
“I’ve set up a trust account for you and the children. I want you to stay on with them and Jack if I don’t return. There’s enough to pay you through Amanda turning eighteen.”
I’m blinking, shocked at what’s coming out of this man’s mouth. “But you barely know me?”
It’s the only sentence I can manage because what I really want to say can’t ever come out. Stay. Don’t leave the kids. Don’t leave me.
“I know Mary, I know my brother, and I know my kids. They all adore you. Tell me you’ll be there for them if I can’t… please.”
I’m choked up, my eyes leaking and face heating. This is an immense honor, this man trusting me with what he loves most. Unable to form words, I simply nod while letting out a shaky breath.
Before I know what’s happening, Austin’s hands are on my face, pulling me toward him as his lips land on my forehead.
I’m stunned into silence as his mouth hovers, issuing the softest of kisses before he whispers, ‘thank you.’
And just as quickly as it all happened, the moment is gone. Austin walks past me, leaving me in the wake of all this emotion.
It’s all too much. His trust in me, the kiss, his leaving. I’m on the verge of unravelling when I remember where I am. In a field with the others waiting for me to return.
Not wanting to hold back the rescue mission, I pull myself together, vowing to put my big girl pants on and handle this like the bad bitch I know I need to be.
Even though at this moment, I feel anything but.
