Now we go back where it all started.
It turns out to be here.
My home in Birmingham.
The scent of pine and copper fills the air like a thick fog. The cold, punishing wind whistles in the distance and blows blonde strands in front of my face.
A shiver claws down my spine, causing my limbs to quiver. It’s not due to the wind or the cold.
No.
It’s the fact that I’m standing here with Aiden which hits me with a strange type of terror. The type that bleeds under your skin and forges wires around your bones.
I’m shivering like a leaf in the pounding rain.
This brings back a horrible feeling from a long time ago. I can taste the pungent taste on my tongue. Back then, I stood at the shore, my toes soaked by water as Eli dove into the lake and never surfaced.
One second he was within touching distance, the next he was gone.
Just like that. He was gone.
That sensation burns through me and grips me by the throat, its nails scratching and scraping the skin. That sensation tells me without words that the past will repeat itself. This time, I’ll lose Aiden just like I lost Eli.
“Why are we here?” I ask.
“You said you want to know the truth.” Aiden touches my elbow. “You can do that where it all happened.”
I’m tempted to shake my head, grab Aiden, and tell him to drive me to the nearest hotel.
A part of me wants to run as far away as possible from this place and my dark, fucked up memories.
But then again, what did running ever do for me aside from nightmares and unanswered question?
If I keep being a coward, a large chunk of my life will be missing. I’ll always stare back at my reflection with confusion. I’ll always keep wondering about what-ifs and whys.
Enough is enough.
I’m done running.
I’m done being a coward.
It’s time I unravel my past. The good and the bad.
Aiden stares down at me with a perfectly raised eyebrow. “You said you’re ready.”
“I am.” I peek at him through my eyelashes. “Is this what you want to do?”
“What I want to do is tie you to my bed and fuck you until you can no longer move. What I want to do is feast on your pussy instead of food and fill you with my cum.”
The explicit images assault my mind and core. I feign anger. “Aiden!”
“You asked.” He clutches my hand and interlaces our fingers together. “What I want can wait until you find out what you need.”
A smile tugs on my lips. He can be so dreamy sometimes — the keyword being sometimes. It’s rare as hell.
“Let’s take a detour.” He tugs me behind him as he tiptoes towards the back entrance.
“Why can’t we use the front entrance? This is my house after all,” I whisper, somehow sensing we need to keep quiet.
“Your father’s people will be at the door and immediately notify him of our arrival.”
That must be why he parked the car far away from the property’s gate.
“Why shouldn’t Dad know we’re here?”
He grins. “I’m kidnapping you, remember?”
“That’s not the only reason, is it?”
“We can’t be interrupted.” His gaze roams the back entrance before he pushes the ajar door open.
We slip through the storage room. No one is here. Agnus mentioned that since we don’t live in Birmingham for the moment, most of the staff was transferred to London.
However, there are a few security men and a housekeeper.
I pull on Aiden’s hand. He throws a glance over his shoulder in question.
“We shouldn’t go through the kitchen. The housekeeper and her husband will be there.” I tug him in the opposite direction. “Follow me, there’s a secret path.”
Aiden doesn’t protest as I guide him through a tight hallway leading straight to the eastern tower.
I don’t hesitate as I take the twists and turns. I’ve been here countless times before.
Due to the absence of windows, the only light coming through is from the tower’s opening. The walls are renovated, but they emanate the same darkness as before.
Wait.
I’ve taken this path from the storage room to the basement every day. I can imagine a little girl with pale skin and hair, walking through these tight, long halls alone at night, carrying a flashlight and struggling to drag a heavy bag.
“This is how I came to find you every night,” I whisper.
His lips twitch into a small smile. “I figured. Told you, Child Elsa was hardcore.”
“It used to be scary back then, all dark and silent,” I blurt. “I always sang to myself so I wouldn’t get captured by monsters.”
“Did it help?”
“No. The fact that I’d find you at the end of the tunnel is what kept me going.” I glance at him over my shoulder. “You kept me going.”
“You kept me going, too.” The smile still lifts his lips, but there’s no joy behind it. If anything, he appears a bit sad.
We arrive at an intersection. I take the right one without thoughts. After a few more minutes of walking, we stop in front of a metal door. It’s fingerprint protected.
The basement — or more specifically, the stairs that lead to the basement.
“This is it,” I murmur, fighting the trembling in my limbs.
“Whose fingerprint opens it?” Aiden asks.
“Mine, Dad’s, and Agnus.” I exhale. “Dad told me I can come here whenever I’m ready.”
“Who’s Agnus?”
“Dad’s right hand.”
“So that’s him.”
“You know him?” I ask.
“Jonathan mentioned him a time or two. Besides, you always talked about him back then.”
I raise a shaky finger and miss the screen. A red light blinks back at us.
Aiden cradles my hand in his and slowly places the pad on the fingerprint-recognising screen. It lights up in green.
Both of us take a deep breath as we start to step inside.
This is it.
We’re taking a trip into our past.
“Wait.” He holds up his hand. “Your phone.”
I blink. “Why?”
“Just give it to me.”
Frowning, I reach into my pocket and hand him my phone. Aiden brings out his own, powers off both devices and places them in front of the door.
“Why are you doing that?”
“No interruptions, remember?” He takes my hand in his again and we resume walking inside. An automatic light goes on in the stairs. This is new. There were no lights aside from my flashlight back then.
The metallic door clicks closed behind us.
I jump at the small sound, and Aiden strokes the back of my hand with his thumb.
To say I’m not scared would be a lie. I’m actually terrified.
Every step down the dark stony stairs is like those I took in my subconscious during my sessions with Dr Khan. What I find when I reach the bottom won’t be pretty.
Then Aiden’s touch registers, his warmth, his silent support. The fact he’s here with me fills me with a strange type of peace.
I can do this.
If I want to have a future with Aiden, I need to figure out the past first.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Kind of.” I breathe out. “Aren’t you scared?”
“I’m not scared, I’m cautious.”
“You should be. This place must bring back horrible memories.”
“No, I’m not cautious about this place or the memories associated with it. I’m cautious about how you’ll react after you learn the truth.”
If I was anxious before, then my state of mind is skyrocketing right now.
We arrive at the bottom of the stairs. I’m sucking air into my lungs as Aiden pushes the metallic door open.
Both of us freeze at the entrance.
The basement appears a lot smaller than in my memory. Back then, it was a large pitch, all dark and dirty and… horrid.
But that’s how people react to traumas. Everything is magnified, becoming bigger and scarier than it actually is.
The basement is in fact the size of a room, perhaps three to four metres length.
An automatic light shines on the dark grey walls and ground. There are no chains in the corner. Dad probably got rid of those. A lavatory takes their place.
Other than that, the entire basement is empty. Neither the walls nor the floor have been renovated; they look just how I remember them.
It’s clean now, though. There’s no smell of piss and vomit.
The air contains residual humidity and cigarettes. Who comes down here to smoke?
“Bring back anything?” Aiden’s questions pulls me back from my observations.
I shake my head and step inside. The door closes behind us.
Standing in the middle, I study my surroundings closely, trying to commit anything to memory.
This place is crowded with memories, but that’s not all they were for me. They were precious pieces of my childhood. I’ve been incomplete since I erased them.
Aiden releases my hand, and I feel the emptiness before I can see it. He strides to the corner with purpose and stops in front of the wall.
A shiver races down my spine and creeps into my soul.
Even though he’s facing away, I can almost see that small boy chained to the corner, hungry, thirsty, and bleeding.
God. I don’t think I can do this. I’m tempted to grab him and run away from here.
I want to protect him.
Actually, I wanted to protect him since that first time I laid eyes on him.
I walk towards him on unsteady legs and wrap my arms around his waist from behind.
His warmth seeps straight to my shrivelling heart. I rest my cheek on his tense back, the back full of welts and scars. The strong, strong back that never bowed down.
The onslaught of tears nearly take over. If I give in to it, and to those destructive emotions, I’ll be sobbing all the way to Sunday.
I won’t be that girl.
I’ll be the seven-year-old Elsa who brought Aiden food and made sure he was okay.
I’ll be strong.
“We can do this, Aiden. We owe ourselves that much.”
His hand wraps around mine. “I don’t care as long as you’re with me.”
We remain silent for a moment. He doesn’t move to turn around and I don’t attempt to release him.
“Tell me what happened that night,” I murmur.
“That night?”
“The night of the fire. The night I lost you.” I blow out a shaky breath. “I want to hear it from you.”
