CHRISTIAN
She was dreaming. I could tell by the way her lips curved and the soft noises she made in her sleep.
I wondered what she was dreaming about and whether said dream included me.
If not, that was unacceptable.
I pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder and wrapped a possessive arm around her waist.
Whether in heaven or hell, in dreams or real life, Stella was mine.
And I didn’t fucking share.
She stirred and let out a small, adorable yawn before her eyes fluttered open and met mine.
“Good morning.”
A smile touched my lips at her shy tone.
“Morning, Butterfly. Sweet dreams?”
“Mmhmm.” She stretched and snuggled closer to me.
“What were you dreaming about?”
“I don’t really remember. Something involving a boat? I keep meaning to start a dream journal, but I always forget.”
I chose not to ask what a dream journal was.
“Were you alone in the dream?” I asked casually.
“Hmm, now that you mention it, there was someone in the boat with me,” she said. “Dark hair, tanned skin, a bit older than me but really good-looking…”
A smug grin crept over my lips.
Stella snapped her fingers. “I remember now. It was Ricardo!”
She let out a squeal of laughter when I rolled her over and pinned her arms above her head.
“You think that’s funny,” I growled, but a smile threatened to slip free at the sparkle in her eyes.
“I was only telling the truth,” she teased. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous of a dream. I didn’t think you’d be one of those guys who gets clingy after sex.”
“I told you, Stella. I’m jealous of everything when it comes to you.” Something dark and possessive moved through my chest. “And it wasn’t just fucking sex.”
Sex was a transaction, something people did to pass the time and find physical release. Anyone could have sex. But no one could rip me apart and put me back together the way she could.
“I was joking, Grumpypants.” Stella lifted her head and pressed a light kiss on my mouth. “I don’t remember the dream, but if I did remember, I’m sure it featured you.”
“You’re only saying that to make me feel better,” I grumbled.
Her lips twitched. “Is it working?”
“No.” But my shoulders relaxed and I released her wrists as her laugh wound its way through my chest.
I thought Stella would’ve lost her mystery by now. We’d lived together for two months; I should’ve already gotten bored and moved on.
But the more I got to know her, the more she embedded herself into my being.
She was a study in contrasts, the most fascinating puzzle I’d ever come across—strength and vulnerability, calm and chaos, innocence and debauchery. The woman whose gentle smile soothed the savage beast inside me was the same one who unleashed it with her cries and pleas for more. For me to take her and mark her as mine.
Stella Alonso had consumed my world in a way that made it impossible to go back. There was only before her and after her.
We lay there for a while and soaked in the comfortable silence before she spoke again.
“I wish we could stay longer.” Her wistful sigh tugged at my heart. “I don’t want to go back to the city yet. I haven’t even explored the island. It’s just been Delamonte stuff the entire time.”
“So let’s stay.”
I made the decision without thinking. It seemed my default setting was giving Stella anything she wanted.
I hoped no one ever discovered this weakness. It would be catastrophic for me and for her.
Her eyes widened with delight before she shook her head. “We can’t. You have work, and you’ve already been gone for three days.”
I had more than work. I had a fucking mess that required immediate handling.
The cold, rational part of me insisted I return to D.C. today as originally planned. Staying in Hawaii was the worst decision I could make, and I hadn’t built an empire by making bad decisions.
But it was Stella’s first time in Hawaii, and despite her protest, I could see the glimmer of hope in her eyes.
She really wanted to stay, and I would rather lose an empire than see her sad at my hands.
Whispers of the secrets I’d kept and the lies I’d told crept up before I smashed them.
“It’s the weekend,” I said. “We’ll leave Monday. Two extra days won’t hurt.”
Hopefully.
Her face lit up. “Okay. I mean, if you insist.”
My mouth curled into an indulgent smile as she rambled on about all the things she wanted to do.
Last night, our kiss on the beach…
I’d come to terms with my choice. I wouldn’t hold myself back from what I wanted anymore.
And no matter how much I’d tried to deny it in the past, this was what I’ve wanted since I first saw her. Stella in my arms, happy and safe and mine.
But as perfect as everything was with us now, I knew that if she ever found out the truth, she would hate me.
Which was why she could never find out.
STELLA
Since we only had two days to explore Kauai, Christian and I packed as much into our itinerary as possible.
Hiking, sunset sails, helicopter tours, visits to local museums and secluded beaches…we did it all.
We woke up at sunrise and returned to our hotel past dinnertime, where we spent hours exploring each other as thoroughly as we did the island.
Whether it was slow and soft or rough and hard, sex with Christian was as much an emotional release as it was a physical one.
However, on our last day, we stuck with something more low-key since Christian had a board meeting and we had to fly out early in the morning.
I didn’t know the low-key thing was since he’d planned it as a surprise, but I was intrigued. He’d taken control of our itinerary since he’d been to Kauai before, and he’d yet to steer me wrong.
“Is this the surprise?” I eyed the Harley parked next to us as Christian fitted a helmet on me. “I never would’ve pegged you for a motorcycle kind of guy. It’s kind of sexy.”
More than sexy. In a simple white T-shirt and jeans, he was devastating. It was more than the clothes, though.
Two days of sun and relaxation had stripped away his carefully cultivated mask to reveal the playful, charming man underneath, and I wanted to hold on to him for as long as I could.
“Kind of?” He notched a dark brow as he straddled the motorbike. The engine roared to life and sent a thrill through my blood.
“I can’t make a final determination until I see what your actual driving skills are like,” I said solemnly. “So yes, for now, it’s kind of.”
“You’re talking about driving skills?” His brow rose higher. “Butterfly, you almost rear ended our guide yesterday.”
I knew he wouldn’t let that go. “It wasn’t my fault,” I huffed. “He came out of nowhere!”
Christian pressed his lips together, and it took me a second to realize he was suppressing laughter.
“It’s not funny.” My cheeks flamed. Maybe I wasn’t the best driver in the world, but I’d tried. “I felt bad about you driving us everywhere, so I offered…stop laughing.”
“I would never laugh at you,” he said with a grin. “I will also never get in a car with you behind the wheel again.”
“I take back what I said.” I climbed onto the back of the bike and wrapped my arms around his waist with a disgruntled frown. “You’re not sexy at all.”
“It’s okay.” His shoulders shook with laughter as we pulled away from our hotel. “I’m sure I can change your mind.”
“I doubt it,” I muttered, but the wind swallowed my words as we sped down the island’s tree-lined roads.
It took us twenty minutes to reach our destination. It was a secluded beach on the North Shore, and even though it was almost sunset, it was empty save for the gorgeous picnic set up on the sand.
Pillows, cushions, and blankets surrounded a low table draped in a silky white cloth. Tiny candles flickered next to a bottle of wine and a sumptuous dinner spread.
I sucked in a sharp breath. “How did you…”
“I had the hotel set something up.” Christian’s mouth curved. “Don’t worry. They’ll break everything down after we finish eating. Not a speck of litter will be left behind.”
“It’s beautiful.”
A strange lump formed in my throat.
It was finally sinking in that this was our last night on the island. So much had happened since we’d arrived, and I’d tricked myself into thinking the fantasy could last forever.
Hawaii was a dream, but it wasn’t something we could bring back with us.
What would happen when we returned to D.C.? Would we return to the status quo?
It was easy to act like a couple when it was just us in paradise, but we weren’t a couple. We’d never had that conversation, and sex didn’t necessarily mean anything in today’s day and age.
Some people had sex with the same person for months and still didn’t consider the relationship exclusive.
Christian and I settled at the table. Dinner was objectively delicious, but I barely tasted it because I was too busy imagining what would happen once we got off the plane tomorrow.
Finally, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
I hated breaking the spell, but if we didn’t have the conversation, the uncertainty would eat me alive all night.
Are we dating? Is this a friends with benefits thing? Do you want to continue whatever “this” is in D.C.?
I ran through all the ways I could bring up the topic, but I was too terrified of his answer to use any of my initial options.
Instead, I took the coward’s way out.
“Thank you for the past few days. They were just what I needed.” I dug my toes into the cool sand and kept my eyes on the table. “We make a pretty good fake couple, don’t we?”
The words burned like acid on their way out.
“Fake couple with benefits,” I added, hoping to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere.
I snuck a peek at Christian. His face looked like it was carved from granite, but his eyes burned dark and intimidating.
“Fake couple?” His silken voice wrapped ice around my throat.
A shiver rasped over my skin, but I forged on. “That was our agreement. A few kisses and sex don’t change anything.”
I wasn’t naive enough to think that just because he slept with me, he wanted anything more than a good time. We’d given into something between us, but that didn’t mean I had any commitment from him.
I’d seen too many people get their hearts broken because of such an assumption, and I refused to be one of them.
“They don’t, do they?” Lower. More dangerous. “Then what, exactly, do those few kisses and sex mean to you?”
Something told me I shouldn’t answer, but I did anyway. Self-preservation had never been my strong suit when it came to Christian.
“A fantasy. None of this is real.” I gestured at the beach. “It’s never been real. Hawaii is a dream, but it’s ending tomorrow, and I want to set the right expectations before we return to D.C. You said it yourself.” The lump in my throat grew. “You don’t believe in love.”
Despite my aversion to relationships, I was a romantic at heart.
When I found the right person, I wanted to get swept up in that grand, all-consuming love. The type of love that’d compelled Alex to move to another country for Ava, that gave Bridget and Rhys the courage to go against a country, and that transformed years of animosity between Josh and Jules into something beautiful.
That type of love existed. I’d witnessed it with my own eyes.
But it wasn’t something Christian believed in, and while I knew he wanted me, he didn’t want me enough to change such a deep-rooted belief.
Men like Christian Harper didn’t change for anyone.
“Love has nothing to do with this.” His hard reply proved my point.
The bitter taste of disappointment welled on my tongue. “Exactly.”
“You were the one who told me not to fall in love with you, Stella. Do you remember that?” Those dark eyes pierced mine.
“Yes, and I meant it.” I resisted the urge to twist my necklace around my finger like I always did when I was nervous. It was my tell, and I bet Christian had already picked up on it. “I still do.”
Because if Christian ever fell in love with me, I didn’t trust myself not to fall in love with him in return.
And I had a feeling love with him wouldn’t be sweet or easy. It would be catastrophic.
“Things have gotten too complicated with me moving in, the stalker situation, and this trip,” I said when Christian remained silent. “The original rules of our arrangement are getting blurred. Maybe we need to see other people so we don’t—”
I didn’t get a chance to finish before his mouth covered mine and he kissed me with a soft, desperate viciousness that I felt from my head to my toes.
“Tell me…” He curled a hand around the nape of my neck. “Does this feel fake to you?”
No. That was the problem. It felt too real, as did the possibility that he could break my heart.
“I want to make a few things clear.” Christian’s lips brushed mine with each word. “Touch another man, he dies. Let another man touch you, he dies. Tell me I can’t touch you…” His grip tightened on the back of my neck as his voice dropped. “And I will fucking die.”
An ache grabbed hold of my heart and twisted. “Christian…”
“Love is nothing but a word.” The intensity of his words stole the remaining breath from my lungs. “This isn’t about words. It’s about us. Do you think I would disrupt my schedule and fly to Hawaii in the middle of a work week for anyone else?”
“It’s a nice destination,” I said weakly.
“I thought it was obvious, but in case it isn’t, you’re mine, Stella.” His touch branded my skin with hot possessiveness. “I don’t want to see other women, and I sure as fuck don’t want you seeing other men.” Ice frosted the word men. “You belong with me. Exclusively. There is not a world or lifetime where that’s not true.”
Emotion stung the backs of my eyes, but I managed to smile through the tightness in my chest.
“Christian Harper, are you asking me out?”
“Yes.” Simple, unequivocal. Real.
It seemed almost comical that someone like him would do something as mundane as ask a girl out, but that didn’t stop my stomach from fluttering or my mind from playing through the past two months.
On paper, our relationship had been fake, but there was nothing fake about the way he’d taken care of me, supported me, and believed in me. Nor was there anything fake about the way I felt when I was with him, like I could be me and he’d want me anyway, flaws and all.
“So…” Christian’s mouth grazed mine. “What do you say, Butterfly? Want to give this dating thing a real shot?”
I shouldn’t. There were so many ways this could go wrong, but wasn’t that true of every risk people took?
No risk, no reward.
For once, I turned off the over-analytical part of my brain and went with what my heart told me to do.
“Yes.” Simple. Unequivocal. Real.
I felt his smile against my lips before he kissed me again. Softer this time, more tender.
Tender wasn’t a word I’d thought I would ever associate with Christian, but he constantly took me by surprise.
I melted into him and let his taste, touch, and the last few hours of our dream sweep me away to a place where my worries didn’t exist.
I was used to being alone. Even when I was surrounded by people, a part of me isolated itself until I felt like I was watching a movie of my life instead of living it.
I had never belonged to someone, nor had someone ever belonged to me. The idea was equal parts thrilling and terrifying.
But what was even more terrifying was the realization that I didn’t mind belonging with Christian.
Not even a little bit.
