I hovered beside the bed, unable to move. The white sheets were gone, sheets covered in my blood. Remo had taken them, and I knew why.
I closed my eyes for a moment. He would send them to my family. They would find out what had happened. What would they think?
Would they hate me? Banish me?
This wasn’t rape. I could not defend my actions. There was no force, no torture, no violence. Samuel had risked his life for me. Men had died because of me, and I had betrayed them all.
I turned away from the bed, unable to bear its presence, and headed toward the window. I climbed on the windowsill, wincing at the sharp twinge between my legs. A painful reminder I didn’t need. Every moment of what I’d done was burned into my memory, blazing fiercely when I closed my eyes.
I slept with Remo Falcone.
Capo of the Camorra.
My enemy.
Not Danilo. Not my fiancé. My eyes found my engagement ring discarded on the nightstand. I hadn’t worn it today, and now I could never wear it again without feeling like a fraud. I swallowed. He would see the sheets as well. I had given away what had been promised to him for five years. What was worse was I had wanted to give it away.
I could still feel Remo’s body on mine, the way he moved in me.
It was … wondrous. Freeing. Intoxicating.
Sin.
Betrayal.
My ruin.
What I did couldn’t be undone. A kiss could be denied. A touch could be concealed. This? This had left scars. There was tangible proof, and Remo would flaunt it in my family’s faces.
You have to own up to your actions, Angel.
I knew I needed to, but I wasn’t sure if I could.
REMO
The next morning I found Serafina perched in her usual spot on the windowsill. The sheets weren’t rumpled. She must have slept leaning against the window or not at all.
“You sent out the sheets,” Serafina said quietly, not looking my way. Of course, she knew. She was not only beautiful, she was stunningly intelligent. A lethal combination.
“I did. Express delivery. They should arrive at your family’s home tomorrow morning or maybe even tonight.”
She didn’t turn, didn’t react. Only looked out of the window. Her hair was brushed over her other shoulder, her slender neck bared to my view. My teeth marks marred her unblemished skin. Her shoulders gave a small twitch. Then she stiffened her spine. “What did you tell them? I assume you sent them a note with your gift.” There was the slightest waver in her tone, a chink in her cool voice.
I stalked closer. “What would you have wanted the note to say?”
She peered over her shoulder at me, a beautifully hateful expression perfectly frozen on her face.
“Who knew hatred could be this beautiful?” I said as my fingertips slid over the soft bumps of her spine through her thin satin robe.
She jumped up, whirled around, and slapped my hand away. “Don’t touch me.”
I pressed her into the wall, one hand curled around her wrists as I shoved them into the wall above her head. “Yesterday you let me touch you, let me eat your pussy, let me fuck you. You gave me yourself, willingly, desperately, wantonly.”
The last word broke through her mask. “You would have forced me eventually.”
My eyes locked on hers, my grip on her wrists tightening. “I thought you were brave, Angel. I thought you wouldn’t choose the easy way, but now I see you can’t even stand down the truth of what you did.”
She didn’t look away.
“Now tell me again, why did you give yourself to me yesterday? And be brave. Was it because you feared I’d take your gift without asking or because you wanted to be the one who decided to whom you wanted to gift it to?”
She swallowed hard. “I wanted to gift it to Danilo. It was his privilege.”
“Did you really? Or did you feel obligated to gift it to him because someone promised that gift to him without your consent.”
“Don’t you dare talk about consent.”
I moved closer. “Why did you give it to me?”
Her eyes flashed and tears sprang into her eyes. “Because I wanted to!” She snapped her lips shut and finally looked away. A tear slid down her perfect cheek, and she took a shuddering breath. “They won’t forgive me for it. They will hate me fiercely, but never as much as I hate myself, never enough.”
I leaned down and grazed my nose over her pulse point, my hand cupping her face.
“Do it,” she whispered, begged, and I drew back, looking into the blue pools of despair.
“Do what?” I nuzzled the soft spot behind her ear.
“Hurt me.”
My mouth brushed her chin and higher over her lips.
“Hurt me.” She said it harsher this time. I gripped her waist and turned her around, pressing her into the wall, her wrists still above her head, my body caging her. I was already painfully hard. The hand that wasn’t holding her wrists moved under her satin robe, and I found her bare beneath. I exhaled against her neck then bit down lightly, causing her to shudder. My fingers moved to her flat belly then lower to the trimmed curls until I dipped between her folds. “Hurt me, Remo!”
“I will, Angel. Patience is a virtue. Don’t you remember?” My fingers slid deeper.
She wasn’t wet like she’d been yesterday, just barely aroused, mostly broken and desperate to exchange one form of pain for another. I unbuckled my belt and took out my cock before easing it between her beautiful firm ass cheeks. Her breath caught but I dipped lower to her pussy. She was tense as a fist against my tip, sore, braced for the pain.
I didn’t push in. Instead my fingers started playing with her pussy, light, teasing, coaxing touches. Nothing like what she wanted.
“Why can’t you just hurt me?” she whispered, tilting her face sideways and upward.
Yes, why? My hands always gave pain readily.
I held her in place, arms raised above her head, her front pressed to the wall, my cock wedged between her thighs, and watched her cry. I claimed her mouth for a kiss, tasting her tears as my fingers stroked between her pussy lips. Soon I could feel her surrender. My fingers slipped through her wetness, and her pussy loosened against my tip. Using my foot I shifted her legs further apart then looked into her teary blue eyes as I eased into her. She winced and I kissed her mouth again, slow and languid, until I was sheathed in her up to my balls, my cock buried deep inside her.
“Now your patience will be rewarded, Angel.”
She smiled joylessly against my mouth, and I pulled all the way out of her then slammed back in. She gasped, her body coiling tight, trapped between my chest and the wall. Her pussy clenched mercilessly around me. I stroked her clit as I drove into her again. My body longed to go even harder, and so did she, but I held back not wanting to do any lasting damage.
Fuck.
What the fuck was Serafina doing to me?
Her eyes held mine as if she could find salvation there, but we were both damned, and I was dragging her closer to damnation every day.
My balls slapped against her with every thrust, and I was losing control, not just of my fucking dick but also of everything else. Serafina was still tight and her moans hesitant, pain stronger than pleasure. Claiming her mouth for a kiss, I abandoned control and came with a violent shudder.
She shivered in my hold as my cock twitched inside her. I pressed my forehead to hers, staying inside for a few moments. Her warm breath fanned over my lips, and finally I pulled out of her. Her whimper made me kiss her shoulder blade. Then I lifted her into my arms.
I carried her over to her bed and laid her down then pressed up to her back, and she let me. She was quiet. I ran my fingertips over her smooth arm. Her sweet scent mingled with mine and the muskiness of sex. The perfect mixture.
“And do you feel better? Did the pain help?” I murmured against her shoulder blade as I kissed it again. I wasn’t sure why I felt the urge to kiss her like that, but I simply could not stop.
“No,” she said quietly.
“I could have told you that.”
“You know all about pain and its effects, don’t you?”
“I don’t think one person can ever know everything about pain. Everyone feels pain differently, reacts differently. It’s a curious thing.”
Serafina’s body loosened further in my embrace. “I think I prefer pain. It doesn’t make me feel as guilty as pleasure does.”
I buried my nose in her hair. “You have no reason to feel guilty.”
She didn’t say anything and eventually her breathing evened out. I lifted my head carefully and found her asleep. Her pale lashes fluttered, her face peaceful. I’d never understood the appeal of watching someone sleep, had always found it dull, lacking. I had been so fucking wrong.
I kept stroking her arm then kissed her skin again. Fuck. How was I going to give her back?
I rested my head back on the pillow. I wasn’t tired despite the long night I’d had, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up with Serafina in my arms.
Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to relax. I had fallen into a light slumber when Serafina stirred, jerking me awake. She stiffened in my hold.
“It’s strange when your nightmares are less horrendous than reality,” she whispered.
“I’ve lived it, Angel. It makes you stronger.”
“I wished you had taken me on the first day, back in that basement on that dirty mattress like the whore that I am.”
The words ripped from her throat as if every syllable was pure agony.
I tensed, turning her around to me, feeling so fucking angry. For an instant, Serafina shrank back from the force of my fury, but then she met my gaze. She lay unmoving on her side, eyes full of anguish.
“You aren’t a whore. Is your fucking virginity all that matters to your family?”
“It’s not just that I’m not a virgin anymore,” she whispered. “It’s to whom I lost it to. They won’t understand. They won’t forgive. They will hate me for what I’ve done.”
“Shouldn’t they be relieved that you didn’t suffer through pain and humiliation? You succumbed to pleasure. So what? All of them have sinned worse than that, even your brother, particularly your fiancé. What right do they have to judge you?”
She blinked slowly. Then she surprised me by leaning forward and kissing me. A soft kiss. A soft nothing that felt like fucking everything. My brows drew together, trying to gauge her mood.
“I’m lost, Remo.”
I cradled her head and kissed her again before I rasped, “My note said that I ripped your innocence from you, that you fought me like a spitfire and that I enjoyed every second of breaking you.”
She held her breath, searching my eyes. “You made it sound like you raped me.” She swallowed. “Why did you lie? Was it because it would hurt my family worse?”
I smiled darkly. “I fear your family would have been more crushed if they knew you gave yourself to me freely.”
“They’d hate me.”
“Now you can decide what you tell them when I return you to them.”
“You will?” she asked quietly.
I drew back and sat up then turned my back to her. “You were never meant to be a captive forever.”
Her fingertips traced my tattoo. “Now that you got what you wanted from me, you’ll ask for Scuderi.” There was a strange note to her voice, but I didn’t turn around to see her face because then she would have seen mine as well.
“Do you think they’ll still want me now that I’m ruined?”
Serafina was many things, but ruined wasn’t one of them, and anyone who declared her as such was a fucking fool. “Your family loves you. They will do anything to save you, even now. Especially now.”
I rose to my feet and left without another look at her.
It was nearing midnight when my phone rang. I turned away from the screen where Savio and Adamo were playing a racing game. Nino and Kiara had already retired to their room to fuck. Without looking at the screen, I knew who it was. I picked up.
“Dante?”
My brothers slanted me curious looks. “I got your message,” Dante gritted out. I could practically feel his fury. It wasn’t as exhilarating as I’d expected.
“I know you don’t follow the Famiglia’s bloody sheets tradition, but I thought it was a nice touch.”
Adamo grimaced and his car crashed into the wall. Savio had stopped playing altogether.
There was silence on the other end. “There are rules in our world. We don’t attack children and women.”
“Funny that you say that. When your soldiers attacked my territory, they fired at my thirteen-year-old brother. You broke those fucking rules first, so stop the bullshit.”
Adamo’s eyes widened, and he glanced down at his tattoo.
“You know as well as I do that I didn’t give the order to kill your brother, and he’s alive and well.”
“If he weren’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, Dante. I would have killed every fucking person you care about, and we both know there are so many to choose from.”
“You have people you don’t want to lose either, Remo. Don’t forget that.”
Savio and Adamo watched me, and it took considerable effort to keep my fury at bay. “I thought the sheets might have made you see reason, but I see that you want Serafina to suffer a bit more.”
I hung up. After a couple of heartbeats, my phone rang again, but I ignored it.
“I take it Dante isn’t willing to cooperate yet,” Savio said with a grin.
Adamo shook his head, pushed to his feet, and stormed upstairs.
Savio rolled his eyes. “For a few days he’s been almost tolerable. I suppose that’s over now.”
I stood, switched the phone to silent mode, and shoved it into my pocket. “I’ll have a word with him.”
“Good luck,” Savio muttered.
I didn’t bother knocking before I stepped into Adamo’s room. My eyes scanned the floor, which was littered with dirty clothes and pizza boxes. I walked toward the window and flung it open to get rid of the horrid stench.
“Why don’t you clean your room?”
Adamo hunched over in front of the computer at his desk. “It’s my room and I don’t mind. I didn’t invite you to come in.”
I walked up to him and tapped against his tattoo. “You’d do well to show me respect.”
“As my older brother or my Capo?” Adamo muttered, jutting his chin out.
“Both.”
“For what you did to Serafina, you don’t deserve my respect.”
“What did I do?”
He frowned. “You forced her?”
I brought our faces closer. “Did I?”
“You didn’t?”
“Are we going to keep exchanging questions? Because it’s getting annoying.”
“But you slept with her,” Adamo said in confusion.
“I did,” I said. “But she wanted it.”
“Why?”
I laughed. “Ask her.”
“Do you think she’s in love with you?”
My muscles tautened. “Of course not. ” Love was a delirious game for fools, and Serafina was many things but not a fool.
“I like her.” Adamo regarded me almost hopefully. I wondered when our world would rid him of the last shreds of his innocence.
“Adamo,” I said sharply. “I kidnapped her so she could serve the purpose of getting revenge on the Outfit. She won’t stay so don’t get attached.” He shrugged. Sighing, I touched his head then left.
Oh, Serafina.
I headed toward my wing, but instead of continuing to my room, I stopped in front of Serafina’s door. I knew Dante would agree to give me Scuderi any day now. I unlocked the door and entered. Serafina was curled up on her side, reading a book. She put it down when I closed the door and walked toward her.
She frowned. “Just because I slept with you once—”
“Twice,” I corrected.
“Just because I’ve slept with you twice doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with you whenever you feel like it.”
I sank down beside her. “Is that so?” I trailed my fingertips over her exposed arm. Goose bumps rose on her skin.
“I’m too sore. I think last time was too much,” she admitted, her cheeks turning pink.
My fingers halted on her collarbone. “Do you need to see a doctor?”
“It’s not that bad.” She narrowed her eyes a tad. “Are you concerned for me?”
Ignoring her question, I said, “I didn’t come for sex anyway.”
“What did you come for, then?”
If only I knew. I removed my gun and knife holster and dropped it to the floor beside the bed before I stretched out next to her and propped my head up on my hand.
“Don’t tell me you’ve come to cuddle,” she said.
My mouth twitched. “I’ve never cuddled with a woman.”
“You did today.”
I considered that. I’d held her in bed after sex, had watched her sleep in my arms. “I was only there to make sure you didn’t drown in self-pity.”
“Sure,” she muttered. “You said you never cuddled with a woman. Do you make a habit of cuddling with men, then?”
I chuckled and slid my hand into her hair. She leaned into the touch ever so slightly. I wasn’t sure she noticed. “I don’t anymore.” At the questioning lift of her eyebrow, I continued. “I used to cuddle with Adamo and Savio when they were really small.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Sorry. I can’t see it. Considering how exhausting small kids can be, I’m surprised you didn’t end up killing them.”
My fingers twitched but I restrained my anger. “They are my brothers, my flesh and blood. I’d die before I ever hurt them.” I fell silent.
Serafina was quiet too. “I don’t understand you, Remo Falcone.”
“You aren’t supposed to.”
“I’m perceptive. Before you know it, you’ll reveal more to me than you want.”
I feared she was right. A chess piece. A means to an end. That was all Serafina could ever be. Nothing more.
My smile turned cruel. “Serafina, I know losing your virginity to me makes you think we share a special bond. But two fucks don’t make you anything special to me. I’ve fucked so many women. One pussy is like any other. I took something from you, and now you want to justify it with fucking emotional bullshit.”
She stiffened but then gave me a cunning smile of her own. Her fingers curled over my neck, and she pressed her forehead against mine like I had done before. “You took something from me, true, but you’re not the only one doing the taking. Maybe you don’t see it yet, but with every bit you take from me, you’re giving me a bit of yourself in return, Remo, and you will never get it back.”
I harshly claimed her mouth and rolled on top of her, pressing her into the mattress with my weight. “Don’t,” I snarled into her ear. “Don’t think you know me, Angel. You know nothing. You think you’ve seen my darkness, but the things you haven’t seen are so pitch black no fucking light on this earth can penetrate them.”
“Who’s not brave now?” she whispered.
I shook with anger. I wanted to fuck my rage out of my system. Wanted to hurt. Wanted to break something. I moved down her body and shoved her nightgown up then ripped her thong down her legs.
“I told you I’m sore,” she said softly.
Fuck, why did she have to sound so vulnerable in that moment? What the fuck was she doing to me? I pushed her legs apart. She didn’t stop me despite the tension in her limbs. Taking a deep breath, I lowered myself to my stomach, resting between her thighs.
Her body softened immediately when she realized I wasn’t going to hurt her. I jerked her toward my mouth, and she winced. I softened my lips against her folds, and soon she was writhing and moaning, her legs falling open, trusting, and fuck, it was better than any rage fucking had ever been. I took my time, enjoying the way she allowed herself to surrender to pleasure. My fingertips traced the soft flesh of her inner thigh, the relaxed muscles there. No sign of tension or fear.
She came with a beautiful cry, her body arching up, giving me a prime view of her gorgeous nipples. I trailed kisses up her body until I reached her lips. “You’re all about giving and taking. I gave you my mouth. How about you giving me yours now?”
“You can have my hand, no more,” she said firmly.
“I want to come down your throat, not in your hand.”
She held my gaze. “You can have my hand or nothing.”
“The last time a woman gave me a hand job, I was fourteen. After that I came in a mouth, pussy, or ass.”
“I’m not like them, Remo.”
No, she wasn’t. Serafina was everything. Cunning and strong. Loyal and fierce. She could have been Capo if women were allowed that place in our world.
I rolled on to my back and crossed my arms behind my head. Serafina sat up. She tried to mask her inexperience, but her nerves shone through when she fumbled with my belt. I didn’t help her. My cock was already painfully hard when she pulled it out of my briefs. Her touch was too soft as she stroked me, but I enjoyed watching her. Soon she found the right pressure and tempo, and I reached down between her legs and drew small figure eights along her clit and folds. When Serafina began shaking with the force of her orgasm, and her hand tightened around my dick, my own release overwhelmed me, and I came like a fucking teenager all over my stomach.
I used her thong to clean my stomach despite her frown. Then I pulled her down against me. She was stiff but eventually she put her head down on my shoulder.
“That wasn’t so bad,” I drawled. “But if you want to bring me to my knees, you’ll have to use your mouth.”
She huffed. “I’ll figure out another way to bring you to your knees, Remo.”
If anyone could, then it would be her.
