I FREEZE.
I hate to say it but I freeze.
Stop moving, stop breathing, stop thinking, drowning in the honeyed gaze, so brutally honest and overwhelming, that pins me in place.
Three words have rendered me incapable of doing anything but stare, wide-eyed. Three words hang in the air like bombs waiting to go off. Dangerous, all-consuming bombs with no failsafe, waiting to wreck me.
And then he says my name quietly and those bombs go off, the weight of those words hitting me full force, smacking me out of my stupor.
I sit up so fast my forehead narrowly avoids colliding with Nick’s chin. Pure panic bubbles up in my chest as I scramble up and away from him. The freezing metal railing of the balcony grounds me, lets me think clearly in a way that Nick’s presence doesn’t. I am completely positive that if you compared my face right now to a picture of a deer in headlights, they’d be impossible to tell apart.
“You what?” I finally manage to squeak out after what feels like a lifetime. Maybe I heard him wrong. Maybe he was talking about the stars. Or Brazil. Or, fuck I don’t know, my hair, I know he loves my hair.
Except when Nick repeats it, he’s looking right at me, peering into my freaking soul. “I love you,” he says calmly, slowly, the way you’d talk to a skittish feral cat.
I keep gaping at him, head tilted and brow furrowed, a wave of confusion washing away the panic and causing me to blurt out, “Why?
Nick arches a dark brow, a hint of amusement dancing within his gaze. “Why the fuck wouldn’t I?”
Off the top of my head, I can think of a thousand reasons. Number one of that list; men who claim to love me tend to die. Or lie and become awful, unhinged versions of themselves. Add in the fact that I’m selfish and traumatized and a little emotionally unstable and so not good enough for him…. I can’t comprehend it.
“Amelia,” Nick reaches for me, and it’s the plea in his utterance of my name that has me letting him guide me to stand between his legs. “I love you. And every reason you’re conjuring up for why you think I don’t only makes me love you more.” His complete sincerity knocks me back a step but Nick doesn’t let me go far, hands locked around my thighs holding me in place.
I force myself to look at him. Force myself to gaze into those golden eyes that shine with so much fucking love it makes me weak at the knees. A look I’ve seen a hundred times but could never quite place.
And now I can.
And it makes my heart flutter and my pulse pound and every part of me fucking ache with happiness but I can’t even enjoy it because intrusive thoughts hit me like a freight train, knocking me from my high before it even hits.
I hate it but I can’t stop thinking about the other guys who’ve told me they love me. One died literally right in front of my eyes, my first love ripped from me in a second. And then the other was Dylan. Both ruined me wholly. Both left me with automatic negative associations with the emotion. Both made me terrified to hear it from anyone again, let alone to feel it or say.
Neither had as much of a hold on me as Nick does. If someone goes wrong with him, if this love ruins me… God, I don’t think I could take that. No, I know I couldn’t take that, and since ruin is nothing short of inevitable in my life…
A hand settling on my cheek guides my panicked eyes back to his serene ones. “Relax,” he murmurs, the pad of his thumb stroking my cheekbone. “It doesn’t have to change anything. You don’t need to say it back. I just wanted to tell you.”
Every swipe of his thumb erases some worry, helps me to relax into his touch, and painfully slowly, my thoughts begin to rationalize.
He is so fucking perfect.
So patient with me always. Kind but firm. Sweet yet so fucking nasty at the same time. Loving. He listens to me. He knows me. He loves me.
I don’t deserve him, I really don’t. I don’t deserve to love him, but fuck I do.
I’m scared.
I am so fucking tired of being scared.
Which is why I interlock my fingers with the ones caressing my cheek, feeling Nick’s breath hitch as I press my other hand to his chest, seeing that look in his eyes intensify as my lips part and I bite the fucking bullet. “I love you.”
It’s his turn to freeze, his turn to look unsure. Surprise flickers across his face, like the possibility of me saying it back never even crossed his mind. I think he would’ve been less surprised if I leapt off the balcony and fled.
It makes me sad that he doesn’t think I love him. It makes me annoyed at myself that I haven’t done enough to prove I do, ashamed because all he’s ever done is prove himself and I have the nerve to doubt him.
I inch closer, brushing my lips against his palm as he tilts his head to look up at me. “I love you, Nicolas.”
In a moment that I don’t think I’ll ever forget as long as I live, Nick breaks out in the most breathtaking smile I’ve ever seen. “Thank fucking God.”
He holds out his arms and I dive-bomb into his lap, wrapping my limbs around him and showering his face with a flurry of kisses, murmuring those three words again and again. We’re both laughing, both smiling like fools and I sit back to get the full scope of that dazzling beam, dimples and all.
“Say it again?” He requests softly, and my heart squeezes in my chest at the pure vulnerability on his face.
I trace the contours of his face, wiping away his worry like he did for me, whispering against the corner of his mouth. “I love you.”
He looks so fucking happy that it makes me happy because I’m the one making him smile like that. I’m the reason his eyes are lit up like two golden stars. He loves me, he fucking loves me, and I love him.
We’re both in a state of euphoria and it incites an air of determination in me.
Rain, hail, or shine, the second we get home, I’m telling Cass. Fuck, I’m telling everyone.
Because I will do anything to keep that smile on his face.
Valentine’s Day has never been my favorite holiday.
Today, however, is perfect.
Absolutely perfect because I wake up in the strong, muscly arms of the man I love, the man who loves me.
“Feliz Dia dos Namorados, meu amor.” A husky whisper tickles my neck, soft lips caressing the sensitive skin beneath my ear. I let out a happy sigh and snuggle further into his embrace.
Meu amor.
He always calls me that but it feels different now. More powerful. Makes my whole body buzz and come to life. I turn in his arms and bury my face in his chest, kissing the taut tattooed skin, murmuring ‘I love you’ for what must be the millionth time yet it’s still not enough.
A rough hand tilts my chin upwards and his lips descend on my mouth, whispering the same words back to me with a smile.
I am so fucking happy it hurts.
His hands travel to my back, slipping under my t-shirt to trail up and down my bare skin lightly. I shiver at the contact, my back arching on its own accord. A giggle slips from me when he coasts further down to palm my ass hungrily, rolling my hips into his so I can feel how much he loves me.
Unfortunately, I can hear people stirring in the house and I’m not sure our luck will hold up two days in a row. Extremely reluctantly, I sit up and bat Nick away. “I need to go back to my room.”
He groans loudly and paws my ass again, grumbling his protests in my ear. It takes some pleading, a couple dirty promises and many proclamations of love before he lets me out of his grasp and I scamper from the room, checking both ways before I sneak across the hall.
The door swings open before I even touch the handle, revealing a very hungover Ben. “You look great,” I praise sarcastically, earning a middle finger and a muttered ‘shut the fuck up.’
“What was that?” I cup my hand to my ear, arching a brow. “You don’t want breakfast this morning?”
Instantly, his demeanor changes. Out come the puppy dog eyes, a sheepish smile playing across his lips. “I said ‘good morning, beautiful, tiny woman who I love very much?’”
Another door creaks open down the hall and Cass’ head peeks out. “You’re making breakfast?”
Amazing, really, how he can hear Ben and I whispering about breakfast through a closed door but was oblivious to his best friend fucking the life out of me last night next door. Selective hearing at its finest.
With a resigned sigh, I nod. “Give me twenty minutes.” Ben smacks a kiss on my cheek as he bounds down the hall, suddenly a lot more lively than he was a moment ago.
I get ready as quickly as I can, changing my clothes and giving my teeth a quick brush before tackling my hair. I stroll out of the bathroom, hands mid-working my hair into a ponytail but they drop to my side when I’m met with the sight of Nick perched on my bed, a proud smirk on his face. On the nightstand next to him sits a ridiculously beautiful bouquet of flowers in a crystal vase surely nabbed from Jackson’s kitchen.
“For me?” I gasp, inspecting them with a soft smile. Girassóis para o meu raio de sol is scrawled on the note attached to a bunch of sunflowers, attached by a scrap of yellow lace, and while I have no idea what I means, I still freaking melt.
“No, for Ben,” is Nick’s cheeky response. Standing, he grabs my waist and yanks me to him. “I got you a real present,” he adds, “but it’s not something you want your brother to see.”
Interesting.
“You didn’t need to get me anything.” Linking my hands behind his neck, I pull his face down to mine. “But thank you. I love you.”
“Eu te amo.”
“Eu te amo,” I repeat, and I’m rewarded with that smile and a chaste kiss that quickly turns rough, relentless. A gasp parts my lips and his tongue slips into my mouth, a deep groan rumbling in his chest. I pull away hesitantly, chest heaving as I catch my breath. “The boys are waiting for me downstairs.”
His eyes glimmer dangerously as his hands find my ass again. “We’ll be quick.”
Yeah, right.
Loving, taunting touches caress my body, easily working me into a wriggling frenzy. Heat pools between my legs, my breath gets caught in my throat, a groan rips from his. Clothes are ripped off and thrown across the room until we’re both stark naked. His hard cock presses eagerly against my belly, talented fingers alternating between tugging at my peaked nipples and swiping between my legs.
I cling to him as he picks me up and pushes me against the wall, the wood cool against my hot skin. One powerful thrust and he’s inside of me, the rough way he’s pounding into me contrasted by the gentle way he kisses me, my moans and mewls disappearing into his mouth.
When he hits that spot that makes me want to scream, I bite down on his lip and his hands grip me hard enough to leave marks. Teeth scraping my nipples send me over the edge, my entire body shaking uncontrollably as I come around him. My orgasm triggers his, a growl-like noise escaping him as he thrusts a final time. Aftershocks wrack my body, triggered by the feeling of him twitching inside me, filling me up, coating my thighs, so fucking dirty and primal.
I slump against him as he walks us to the shower, setting me on my feet as the hot spray rains down on us. I lean my weight on the shower wall as he cleans me up, worshipping my body as he kisses every inch. Fondling my breasts, swishing his tongue across my belly, stroking between my thighs until I’m quivering and moaning again, all while whispering those three words.
He’s rock-hard again by the time he’s finished. I reach between us to stroke him, thumb swiping at his tip, his head dropping to my shoulder as I tug, hard. In the blink of an eye, I’m wrapped around his waist again. His fist tangles in my hair to tug my head back to stare up at him.
This time, when he slips inside of me, it’s not fucking. It’s not even sex. It’s pure love.
And damn if it isn’t the best high I’ve ever reached.
“Will you tell us where we’re going now?”
“Nope,” all four boys answer firmly at once. Watching as Jackson kisses the pout from Luna’s lips and zips up her jacket. I have to look away from the easy public display of affection as jealousy bubbles in my chest.
One more day, and then it’s all out in the open.
The boys herd us out of the house, shooing us down the steps and towards the small town by the lake. Their excitement is odd, kind of infectious, and we’re more than a little curious and skeptical about what they have planned— I think it makes us all a little nervous that our group Valentine’s festivities have been left in the hands of the boys.
They walk in front of us, obscuring our view of whatever they’re leading us towards. As though practiced, they part in synchronicity. “Ta-da,” Ben sings, wiggling his fingers at the… outdoor ice rink?
Yeah. It’s a freaking ice rink. Sparkling in the sunlight, mostly empty except for a few lingering couples skating around.
I have to admit; I’m impressed. We were expecting a bar or a trap or something silly and boyish, not a genuinely sweet gesture. And—aw—it makes it even better, seeing how damn proud the boys look of themselves.
Luna is the first to take off, squealing excitedly as she links arms with Jackson and he guides her to the shack renting skates. The other couple wander towards a nearby stall selling hot drinks, calling over their shoulders that they’ll meet us on the ice.
“Come on, Tiny Dancer.” Cass slings a heavy arm around my shoulders. “You’ll be a natural.”
I guess his logic makes sense—ice skating is like dancing on ice, right?
Following in Kate and Luna’s footsteps, we grab skates in our size and lace up before trudging awkwardly toward the rink. Cass steps onto the ice first, holding a hand out to steady me as I follow. I cling to him as he leads me around, essentially dragging me behind him. He’s good at it, obviously because he’s annoyingly good at everything. After a few warm-up laps, he carefully extracts his hand from mine, a proud smile lighting up his face when I manage to stay upright. “See! Natural!”
Laughing shakily, I shuffle forward a few painfully ungraceful steps. Natural, my ass.
I almost get knocked on said-ass when Luna whips by me, gliding around elegantly, easily mistaken for a professional—she’s honed her skills over years spent at The Rink At Rockefeller Center—and Ben is hot on her trail because, like my brother, he’s good at everything.
Kate and Syd cheer us on from the sidelines, cradling disposable coffee cups in their gloved hands, hooting loudly and clapping their encouragement. Their gazes shift to something behind me and suddenly they burst out laughing.
Frowning, I follow their line of sight. A grin stretches my lips when I see Jackson and Nick huddled close to the railing, clutching each other for dear life.
“Hey, Lu!” I call and skate towards her. Blonde hair flies around her face as her head whips around to look at me, ice spraying everywhere as she skids to a halt. I jerk my head in the boys’ direction and she starts cackling loudly. “We’ve been replaced.”
Luna slips her arm through mine and we skate towards them together, whistling loudly as we pass. They scowl and let go of each other immediately, almost falling on their faces as they stagger and stumble wildly like large, clunky newborn deers.
In the end, Cass was right; I do get the hang of it quickly. I even manage to skate backwards, under Luna’s guidance. A yelp escapes me as I skate right into a hard body. Warm hands settle on my hips to steady me, sending sparks shooting up my sides. Tilting my head back, I find Nick smirking down at me. “Careful, querida,” he warns, voice throaty and gruff. “Wouldn’t want to bruise that perfect fucking ass of yours. That’s my job.”
And then he skates away without another word, wobbling his way over to Kate and Sydney, leaving me hot and bothered and squirming on my skates. Bastard.
Our last day in Big Bear is a slow one.
We spend the morning lazily packing up and cleaning any remaining mess. Now, we’re all lounging around in the living room, a pile of suitcases by the door, waiting for Princess Nick to fluff his hair or whatever the hell is taking him so long.
The third time Ben shouts at him to hurry up, Nick finally appears, tutting at Ben as he chucks his bag onto the pile. “Patience, kid.” Ben opens his mouth to argue but Nick cuts him off with an annoyed huff, patting his jeans pockets frantically. Pulling out the contents—his wallet and a half-empty pack of gum—he groans. “Shit. Forgot my phone.”
Everyone echoes his groan as he tosses his wallet on the coffee table and sprints back upstairs.
“Oh crap.” Beside me, Cass rises with a whine, eyeing Nick’s discarded wallet. “I owe him money for booze.” Snatching it up, he pulls cash out of his pocket with one hand, flipping open the sleek leather with the other.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see something flutter to the floor. I watch Cass bend down to pick it up. I notice him frown as he squints at what looks like a small white square of paper, and when he freezes, nostrils flaring, I sit up a little straighter.
Cheers erupt around the room as Nick slopes back in the room, waving his phone triumphantly and rolling his eyes. When Cass doesn’t react, something in my stomach sinks.
“Fucking finally,” Ben groans, standing up and dramatically checking the time. “Took your sweet time, princess.”
Nick flashes him a toothy grin. “Can’t rush perfection.”
“Nick?” Cass’ voice is as shaky as the hands holding whatever he’s gripping tightly.
“Yeah, man?” Nick sidles up to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. When he sees notices the object of Cass’ attention, he pales. Apologetic eyes flicker to mine as he steps back, wincing when my brother turns to face him.
“Why the fuck is there a photo of my sister in your wallet?”
