Caleb had never been so frustrated in his entire fifteen years of life. Of all the ridiculous, aggravating, nonsensical things he had ever seen, watching this girl practically kill herself just to bring him what barely amounted to a snack for his wolf body was the worst. He had been ready to start actually howling, and that would definitely have gotten him the wrong sort of attention out here.
He should never have approached her. Not the first time he saw her, when her pale, terrified face struggled so hard to be brave. Not the second time when he’d watched from the trees while she sat waiting to feed him—feed him! Like he was a dog! Only to then see her shaking quietly as she cried for him when she thought he wasn’t coming. It had been nine years since he’d felt anything as miserable as he’d felt in that moment—the only moment worse in his life being the big one: the crash that killed his parents.
But she kept bringing him scraps of food, day after day. If he’d eaten them as a human, the way he’d been eating all his food out here, it would have actually done some good. But he couldn’t very well change in front of her to eat. And he didn’t need it, and she did! Winters were always lean. He might be bigger now and need more, but he was also a much better hunter. As his dad had always said, life was a series of tradeoffs.
And he’d traded his comfortable, completely independent, private existence lately for stealing food from a girl! Out of her hand! Bare hands without any fur to protect them that she kept using to do things so she could bring him scraps!
He wanted to howl again, but he couldn’t. Because he wasn’t in his wolf form anymore. Because no amount of growling or whining or anything seemed to work with her!
He’d been watching from the edge of the wood, making sure that guy in the truck didn’t get near her. She’d called him a bad man, and he didn’t like the look in her eyes when she’d said it. It reached something deep inside him—he might have even growled.
But she’d barely even come to see him for the past two weeks! He’d hunt while she was at school and then found himself dancing around the perimeter the rest of the day. Excited. Like a pup. Only to wait and wait and wait, worried something might have happened to her. Worried about the bad man. Worried to the point of howling so much he had to shift to his human form sometimes, just to control it.
And when she’d finally show up, she always looked ready to fall over. He just couldn’t take it anymore.
Never mind how much he’d liked licking her face…her fingers as she fed him. How much he’d enjoyed her hands buried deep in his fur or stroking him. Never mind how much he was never, ever, ever to shift in front of a human according to his parents. He’d honored that rule faithfully his entire life.
Until now.
“You are the most frustrating, stubborn girl!” He paced back and forth in front of her, his hands buried in his hair while he avoided looking at her horrified eyes. “A growl means no! No no no no no! No, do not bring me food! No, do not spend every single day torturing yourself for something I don’t even want!”
He had worked himself into a full rage now.
“Wolves aren’t dogs! We don’t want collars or little bowls with our names on them that you fill with food and water!”
He glared at her only to have the air sucked out of his lungs immediately.
She was fighting back tears, and he knew that expression far too well by now. He slid on his knees as he dashed to her and dropped down in one move, hesitating when her body stiffened in fear.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he breathed. “I just meant…I meant I didn’t want to take from you. I liked it. And I liked…” He clenched his fists. This wasn’t something he wanted to say out loud. It was too humiliating. “I liked you feeding me.”
Her eyes were twin pools of alarm. Confusion. Uncertainty. Hurt. But it looked like the horror might be slipping away a bit.
“I just…” He hesitated but slowly reached his hand out to brush her long bangs out of her eyes, pausing for a moment when she jumped a bit. Her beautiful, warm brown eyes were so huge in her face right now and so often hidden behind her hair. It was so nice to be able to see them fully at last—this was something he couldn’t do as a wolf. A sigh of contentment escaped him as he brushed them back and kept petting her. “I just didn’t want you hurting for me. I hate it.”
Her lips parted, and he blinked at the unfamiliar sensation in his gut. It was uncomfortable, and he shifted his weight, trying to make it go away. It didn’t help. He frowned, and her lashes fell as she turned her head aside. A whine scratched at his throat. Look back at me.
“What’s your name,” he whispered, his hand still stroking her hair.
Her lashes lifted to look at him briefly out of the corner of her eye before she dropped them again. He did whine then, and her eyes flew back to his. A smile spread across his face, and she swallowed.
“Nat.”
His smile turned into a frown. Her parents named her after a bug?
“Or Natty. Or Natalie. I don’t really care.”
His gut hurt again, but he knew this pain. He’d felt it a lot the last two weeks. Although…it felt a bit different in human form.
“Which one makes you happiest?” His eyes felt as soft as his voice as he looked down at her.
She shrugged.
“None of them. All of them.”
Hesitation stilled his tongue. He wished he could name her. A name that said something about her quiet strength. Her soft, beautiful eyes. The delicate line of her body that she couldn’t hide no matter how hard she seemed to try.
The deep, aching loneliness he’d seen in her. Recognized. Because he felt it, too.
“I like Nat,” he breathed, his stomach clenching again when she looked up at him with glistening eyes.
Because he did. He liked her very much.
“I’m Caleb.”
Caleb kept stroking her hair, so happy to be the one to pet her now. Maybe she’d let him feed her, too. His eyes searched the ground, following the scent of the fallen can. It didn’t look as if the food inside had gotten dirty, so he reached for it with his free hand. The Shift had cleaned him, and he grabbed some and held it out towards her mouth. Would she lick his fingers?
Her eyes widened even more, and she leaned her head back into the tree, her neck stiff. A whine escaped him, and he tried again, holding it closer to her lips. Soft whispers of air floated around them as the wind blew, but his body radiated heat, nestling them in a cocoon of warmth. Her lashes fell to the food in his hand before lifting again to stare at him as wide as ever, her brows drawing together.
“Eat,” he breathed. “You’re hungry.”
A small sound came from her throat that he couldn’t interpret, and his own brows pulled together and lifted. What had his mother told him to say?
“Please?” He didn’t care for the wobble he heard in his voice, and he was about to clear his throat when she made another sound—this one more like a groan—and parted her lips.
A smile lit his face, and he carefully slid the small bit between her lips. Their lashes both blinked rapidly as her mouth closed, her tongue grazing the tips of his fingers. The pain in his gut returned, more intense this time, and he withdrew his fingers slowly, watching her swallow.
“I can do it,” she squeaked.
Confusion furrowed his brow, preventing him from arguing, and he handed her the can to sit back and pull his knees up, crossing his arms over them while he watched her. The pain didn’t go away, but the intensity level seemed to fall after he put some distance between them.
She ate quickly and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand before pulling a bottle out of her coat pocket and guzzling it down. Her scent had changed slightly. He couldn’t quite figure out how, and he wanted to shift again to investigate.
When the water bottle was empty, her hands gripped it while her eyes looked everywhere except at him. Her cheeks were even redder than they’d been when she showed up, and he wondered if she was too cold now that he’d moved. His body generated a lot of heat when he wanted it to.
He sat back up to lean into her again only to jump a bit when she yelped and scrambled back away from the tree.
“What are you doing?” She sounded panicked, and he frowned.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you.”
That sound came from her throat again. A whimper?
“Come back. You’re cold, and I can keep you warm,” he said, starting to crawl towards her.
The sound she made then was much stronger, but it was her mad scramble away from him as she pushed herself to her feet that let him know what it meant. She really was afraid of him.
Sadness filled his eyes, and he stood to face her, but she yelped again when her eyes fell and covered her face. He frowned and looked down. It’s not like he’d only half shifted. That wasn’t even possible, his parents had said. Not for more than a second or two. He stared down at his body, lean and muscular, with a bit of dark hair on his broad chest and a soft dark line along his abdomen that disappeared into deep dark curls. The large appendage he used to urinate hung low on his thigh, and his legs continued, strong and lean to the ground, the hair increasing again as his gaze lowered. Nothing unusual.
He looked back up to see her still covering her eyes.
“Do I…look wrong?” His voice sounded far too timid, and he wished he hadn’t asked. But her eyes peeked over her hands in surprise.
“No…” Warm. Reassuring. He relaxed. “But…you’re naked,” she finished in a tiny voice.
A frown touched his lips again. He’d been naked since she met him. Although his parents had always had the rule that they wear clothes when in human form. It had been so long, he just hadn’t really thought about it.
He scratched his head.
“Do you want me to shift back?”
“No!”
Alarm rang out in her voice, and he hesitated. Was she afraid of his wolf form again?
“I don’t have clothes,” he said.
She was the one whining now, her hands back over her eyes. Then her body stiffened suddenly before she began unzipping her coat.
His feet flew to her faster than she could react, and he grabbed her wrists as she yelped once more.
“No way! It’s freezing out here, and you can’t control your temperature like I can. Just don’t look at me if it’s unpleasant.” He frowned down at her wide eyes, keeping her hands pressed against his chest even when she tried pulling them away. They were so cold.
“It’s not unpleasant,” she whispered with a feeble whimper.
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
She swallowed, her eyes locked on his now, and her lips parted as if to speak, but no sound came out.
His gut clenched again, frustrating him. Was he getting sick? He never got sick, but he never went around humans, either.
The scent grew stronger. Beautifully sweet and musky. His own eyes felt like closing now, and he wanted to lean closer and breathe her in. But she wasn’t comfortable with him right now. He needed to convince her again that he was safe.
“Please don’t be afraid of me,” he whispered.
A shudder went through her, but she didn’t turn away. And her hands were beginning to feel warm against his chest.
“I didn’t know it was possible for…what are you?” Her eyes were tentative on his.
“I’m a wolf,” he answered.
“So…wolves…can do…this?” Her eyes were wide again, and he laughed a bit.
“No. I guess I’m human, too. I don’t really know. My parents died before they explained very much to me—or maybe I just forgot.”
Her eyes had grown soft at his words.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and he blinked again, his heart beating harder.
“It was a long time ago. I was six.”
A deep line formed between her brow.
“Are you on your own?”
He nodded.
“Ever since then?”
“Yeah. They wanted to put me in foster care. Human foster care. So I ran away to the woods.”
The sound she made was full of pain. Pain for him. And her hands flattened against his chest, causing the pain in his gut to flare up once more. He ignored it this time. His heart was beating too quickly.
“I was in foster care,” she said. “Some families are fine. But yeah…if I could have run, I think I would have, too.”
The pain in his middle was overwhelming now. He didn’t think she realized she was stroking his chest, but he was afraid if he moved, she’d stop. So he stayed very still and let her pet him.
“Did your parents live around here?”
“No. We were a lot farther north in the hills. I just came down this season for food.”
She grew very still, and he forced himself not to whine when her hands stilled as well.
“So you’re leaving again?” she whispered.
His chest tightened at the thought. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. But once warmer weather set in, he wouldn’t be able to stay here safely. The woods weren’t thick enough here for him to hide.
A sound of frustration made its way up from deep in his throat. He didn’t want to go. Who would look out for her? And how could he take not having her pet him anymore?
“If…if you wanted to…I mean, it’s not much…really not. It’s really terrible. It’s…it’s…never mind.” Her voice disappeared to nothing, and he pressed her hands harder into his chest.
“Tell me.”
Her brows were pulled together and raised as she looked up at him, a shuddering breath escaping her before she spoke in a husky voice.
“Well…if you wanted…you could…stay with me.”
Stay with her. She meant…in her house. Trailer. Which he couldn’t do as a wolf.
He’d have to live as a human.
He stumbled back from her, dropping her hands at last and shaking his head as his heart pounded against his chest painfully.
No. No no no. He would never live as a human. Never.
The urge to shift was almost overwhelming, and he spun around, pacing back and forth as he tore his hands through his hair again.
What was she thinking? Didn’t she understand he was a wolf? He wasn’t domesticated! He was wild! Free! How could she think he could ever be pinned up inside that tiny prison? To have to walk around in those hideous things she wrapped herself in. To be trapped.
He would run. The food around here was too scarce anyhow—he should never have delayed this long. His body bristled, the change pulling at him, stinging his skin when he resisted. Why was he resisting? He was a wolf! The forest was his home! And it called to his blood.
The burning sensation in his gut flowered out of him as he shifted, the release from the agony a wave of pure pleasure that flowed through him as he flew across the ground, racing racing racing away from a face he didn’t dare look at again. The scent of pine filled his nostrils, and he breathed it in deeply as he fled, expelling the last remnants of the sweet scent of her.
His paws dug up the earth as he tore through the trees, the power of his body replacing every bit of the softness of his human form. He jerked his head with a fierce snort as he ran. Yes, every bit. There was no room for softness in a wolf. No room for being petted. For having small, fragile hands feeding him. He’d only felt sorry for her. Nothing more.
On and on he flew through the night, reveling in the crispness of the air, the wind whistling through his thick fur, the glow of the moon shining through the trees and tying him to her in an age old pull far stronger than his pull to her.
His head jerked yet again, his snort even more fierce. He did not have a pull to the girl! She was nothing—nothing!
His claws dug into the earth as he jerked to a halt, panting.
Nothing. Just what she believed. That she was nothing.
He looked behind him, an ache inside that had never been there before.
She would have gone back home by now. And the bad man would be back eventually.
A long whine welled up from deep in his throat, the sound carried away on the wind.
She would be alone. All alone. Taking care of her mother. Of herself. Even though she was so delicate. So small.
He took a step back in the direction he’d come from, and a snort overtook him as he shook his head, jumping back. He was a wolf!
But a wolf could protect her…
A whine left him again as he took another step back to her. And another. The sound grew and grew until he could no longer resist, and he leaned back and howled into the moon, the long, mournful tones filling the night sky.
When the last of the feeling disappeared, he lowered his head once more. And began running.
